"I recall a man who wanted another chance with his father." Her eyes challenged him. "Why don't we concentrate on that first, then maybe we can deal with this other stuff . . . when and if we have the footing to handle it."

Unable to resist, Gil stepped closer and pulled her into his arms, welcoming her sturdy, yet slight body next to his. She rested her head against his chest as he stared out at the Pacific. The timed surge of the swells as they foamed against the beach whispered in his ears like the distant wind on stems of tallgrass. At that moment, he felt in his heart that he'd do nearly anything for this woman, even if it meant coming to terms with his past and admitting his faults. He just prayed his confession wouldn't destroy their prospects for a future.

"Do you mean you might still give us a chance?" he asked.

Mattie looked up at him with a gleam in her eyes. "All I know is I've been in this state for two days, and already I'm itching to get home. Any chance you'd fly with me tomorrow?"

After a moment's consideration, Gil nodded. A four-hour flight would give him time to build the courage to tell her about his past. And if Mattie took the news about Jenna badly, which he guessed she would, they'd be forced to work it out, talk it out, right there in the passenger seats, thousands of miles in the air.

Where Mattie couldn't run - and neither could he.

"I think that could be arranged, on one condition."

"What's that?"

"There's a shack up the road that serves some of the best crab dinners. Go there with me? Their clam chowder will make your mouth water."

"More so than your chili?" Her voice lilted in amusement.

He scrunched his forehead. "You can't compare beef to chowder. Kansans know their steaks, but if you want seafood, this is the place to be."

MATTIE TURNED THE TAP TO FILL HER HOTEL BATHTUB WITH bubbling water, then adjusted the belt on the white terrycloth robe and considered her day with Gil. Never in her life had she seen such a magnificent home. A part of her felt guilty at having curbed Gil's excitement with her persistent doubts.

But she couldn't help it. The place was too . . . extravagant. She much preferred his father's house with its sandstone walls and centuries-old decor. A home like the Lightning M was more than plenty - more than she could hope for.

Mattie watched as the glistening water gushed into the tub. To her dismay, she realized that in her entire time with Gil, neither of them had mentioned love - not once.

Did she love him?

There were moments in his arms when she wouldn't hesitate to think that she did. At times, Gil could be the gentlest, most caring and compassionate man she knew. Those tender moments, however, were offset by tense arguments and the ever-present knowledge that they were too much alike in their bullheadedness and too different when it came to deciding their future.

If she truly loved Gil, wouldn't she be willing to follow him anywhere? It shouldn't matter where they lived, as long as they were together, whether it be the West Coast or the Midwest. If she loved him . . .

Mattie clipped her hair into a coil on top of her head. By the same token, if Gil loved her, he ought to be willing to sacrifice his dreams and put her desires above his own. In so doing, he would surely come to realize their aspirations were not so different.

They both wanted a ranch, and Gil could raise his horses in the Flint Hills as easily as he could in California. As a bonus, in Kansas he'd have more acreage and be able to work on his relationship with his dad . . . if if he loved her. he loved her.

THIRTY-SEVEN.

"DID YOU ENJOY SAN FRANCISCO?" GIL ASKED AFTER THEY'D SETTLED into their first-class seats on a nonstop flight to Kansas City the next day.

Mattie played with the air controls above her head. "It was . . . interesting."

"Meaning you liked it, but you don't care to return?" He tried not to sound offended, but it aggravated him that the city made little impression on her. Their trip to the coast hadn't changed her feelings either, and this discouraged him even more.

"Don't put words in my mouth." Mattie pulled a container of ibuprofen from her purse, then asked the flight attendant for a bottle of water.

"But I'm right, am I not?"

She closed her eyes and pressed her hand to her forehead. "I'm not up to a battle of wits this morning, Gil. But yes, if you must know, I'm glad to be going home where there aren't so many people."

"You get used to it after a while. But you're right, the population of Diamond Falls wouldn't fill the vacancies at the hotel." He grinned, but Mattie covered her eyes with her hand, apparently not up for jokes this morning.

After the stewardess brought a bottle of water, Mattie downed the caplets. When the airplane readied for takeoff, the seat belt light blinked on, and the captain's voice came over the loudspeakers. Mattie clutched the armrest, her body as rigid as a goalpost.

"I take it you don't like to fly?"

Mattie peered at him from the corner of her eye, her head unmoving. "This is the second time I've been on a plane." With that, her face turned a ghastly shade of green, and she covered her mouth.

Gil reached for the little white bag stuffed inside the pocket of the seat in front of him, but by the time he snapped it open, it was too late. She had leaned over her knees and vomited on the floor.

A putrid smell seeped up to his nose, and he dug in his coat for a handkerchief.

"I'm so sorry." Mattie rose from her bent-over position, her forehead beaded with sweat.

Wanting to ease her embarrassment and discomfort, Gil dabbed at her mouth with the white cotton. "Do you feel better now?"

She nodded, and as soon as the plane stabilized, he had them moved to a new location. After a trip to the bathroom, Mattie rested against the seat and closed her eyes. Gil prayed this wasn't an omen of how the rest of their trip would play out.

Halfway through their flight, Mattie woke in his arms, her face revived of its color.

"I'm sorry about before," she said. "It must have been something I ate."

"Don't worry about it. You almost missed my shoes." Her look of distress caused him to laugh. "I'm teasing," he said as an attendant came by to offer Mattie an iced drink and a bag of snack mix.

"Are you brave enough to let me eat?"

Gil checked her color. She looked much better. "You be the judge."

Mattie nodded and tore open the sack. "But give me that barf bag, just in case."

"I'm glad your sense of humor has returned, because there's something I want to talk to you about." Her nap had given him time to consider how to explain the situation between him and Jenna. He wanted to come clean so nothing was hidden between them, and knew he needed to get it over with before he lost his nerve.

"It has to do with why I left Diamond Falls all those years ago," he said, his words somber. "And part of why I've struggled to come back."

Mattie's expression now matched his, and she set her snack aside. "Because of Frank's death, right?"

"Partly, but there were many factors. You already know that Dad and I don't get along. There are reasons for that, other than us both being stubborn." He forced a grin and swallowed the fear crawling up his belly to his throat. "I've told you he got along better with Frank. I was jealous of that, and jealousy can make you do some pretty stupid things."

"We all do foolish things when we're young. Mistakes can be forgiven. God gives us the power to forgive." Mattie squeezed his hand, and her smile willed him to go on.

"I've sought God's forgiveness, but I've never admitted my sins to Dad. Different times I've tried, but I've always fallen short."

The truth was he'd never had the guts. Gil knew from his Bible studies that God could forgive his sins, but accepting this as his own and in his heart was another thing entirely. And if there was even the slightest chance that his heavenly Father wouldn't forgive him, how on earth would his dad, who wasn't a believer?

Once again, doubts stirred within - made Gil question the power of God's grace. His torso flushed with heat, and sweat soaked his shirt. Gil closed his eyes to will back a semblance of control.

Please, Father, help me tell Mattie the truth. Help me not to hurt her. Help her understand.

"Believe me, I want things to be right between us," Gil continued, "for Dad and me to stop bickering. But there are so many things I want to tell you. I need you to understand, Mattie . . . It was a long time ago . . ." He pulled his hand from hers and wiped his palms on his jeans.

"If you'll trust me, I'll help you get through this." Mattie rested her hand on his neck and combed her fingers through his hair. The soothing action, combined with the earnest look in her eyes, made him believe it might be possible. "We can do this together."

Oh, how he cared for this woman. No one else had ever been able to comfort him this way, not even his mama. "You say that now . . . but there are things you don't know. Things that involve your sister, Jenna."

Mattie drew back at his words, and doubt inched its way into his heart.

"With her dating Frank, you probably shared many secrets, things I know nothing about." Mattie smiled tentatively. "After all, when she was seventeen, I was only eight."

Oh, Mattie, but if you only knew the secrets we share. Father, do I have to risk losing her?

"She's coming back, you know." Mattie played with the hairs on his neck.

Gil's muscles tightened as his heart began to race. "Jenna's coming home?"

Mattie nodded, but her expression seemed void of emotion. "A cousin of ours is getting married. Jenna's flying in for the wedding. Our whole family will be there." Her voice edged with tension, and Gil wondered what was coming next.

"I hate to ask, but . . ."

At this point, Gil welcomed any diversion. "Ask away."

Mattie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "At the risk of having my family swarm around you, I wondered if you might accompany me to the wedding."

To the wedding, where Mattie's entire family would be . . . including Jenna?

A shiver spliced through Gil as he considered her request. He suddenly doubted the wisdom in telling Mattie the truth about his relationship with Jenna. The entire situation had disaster written all over it. "Sure. I can do that." He swallowed the dread that lodged in his throat. "When is it?"

"This weekend. I thought I might have Jenna over for supper one night to catch up."

He'd hoped never to see her again, and now Jenna was coming to his father's ranch? Gil could think of nothing worse. "It's been a long time," he said instead.

"What secret were you going to tell me about her? I'm sure it was juicy. Jenna always had a knack for getting into trouble."

Gil stared at Mattie, now the one feeling sick to his stomach. "She'd probably kill me if I told you," he hedged.

Mattie tossed him a mischievous smile. "Then I'll have to get her to tell me, won't I?"

Lord, what am I going to do now? Feeling miserable and his stomach roiling from tension, Gil closed his eyes and pretended to sleep for the rest of the flight. Feeling miserable and his stomach roiling from tension, Gil closed his eyes and pretended to sleep for the rest of the flight.

THIRTY-EIGHT.

GIL AND MATTIE CLIMBED INTO HIS LARAMIE AT THE AIRPORT AND headed back to Diamond Falls. As the miles ticked closer to his father's ranch, Gil saw a puff of gray in the distance. A yellowish haze hung in the sky, and a thick musty smell blew into the cab's enclosure through the vents. He lowered his truck window to locate the smoke's origin.

The Lightning M.

Gil gunned the gas pedal, spinning the tires on the loose gravel. A mile down the road, he tore onto his father's pasture, and the big, heavy truck jolted in and out of the hidden ruts. Rather than ease off the pedal, he darted around the gullies and rocks to get in front of the blazing head fires.

"Be careful, Gil." Mattie braced herself against the dash.

Despite her warning, he didn't slow down. "Jake ought to have more sense than to work this fire on his own." He jockeyed through the glowing obstacle course and veered left to dodge an outcropping of jagged rocks. Thirty yards ahead, Jake's four-wheeler shot in and out of the fire, his kerosene-filled pipe dragging along behind him.

Gil swore under his breath. "What's he thinking?"

Then another vehicle emerged from the smoke. Gil accelerated to catch up, and as he neared, he recognized the figure driving the dented black Ford.

Dad?

He slammed on the brake and jammed the gearshift into neutral. "You drive," he shouted to Mattie, then jumped out of the truck.

As Gil approached the other vehicle, his temper raged as hot as the burning pasture. "What are you doing here?"

"What's it look like?" His dad stared back with a scowl.

"Scoot over and let me drive." Gil grabbed the door handle and waited for his dad to shuffle to the passenger side. The truck moved at an idle, and he climbed in without difficulty. Now safely behind the steering wheel, he glowered at his father. "Have you lost your mind? Why didn't you wait for my help?"

His dad held a box of matches and pitched the small burning stick out the passenger window. "How was I to know when you were coming back?"

"You knew I planned to return this week." He checked the rear window to assess the fire's path. "Did you contact the fire department?"

"Jake and I took care of everything. Got a water tank in the back for emergencies."

Gil noted the two-hundred-gallon sprayer in the truck bed, and his anger lessened. "Still, you have no business being out here. Two old men trying to do the work of four. How many acres are you burning?"

"One pasture at a time." His dad rubbed his shoulder, then tossed another match out the window. "Was on my way to start another backfire when you came tearing up from behind. Near scared me to death."

"Think how I felt when I saw you here." Gil scratched his chin, knowing better than to argue with the man. He studied his dad from across the seat and noticed the pallor of his skin, probably from jostling around in the truck. "You feelin' all right?"

"Don't worry about me. I've been burning pastures longer than you've been alive." His words came out choppy.

Trusting his instincts, Gil pressed on the horn to draw Mattie's attention and motioned her to follow him deeper into the pasture, away from the burning flames.

"What are you doing?" His father frowned.

"Getting you out of here. Then I'm going to help Jake manage this fire."