Am I alive because of plot armor?

If so, thank G.o.d I'm the f.u.c.king protagonist of this G.o.d d.a.m.n story.

A familiar metallic smell filled my nose as it brought my thoughts to a halt. Crimson dripped on my hands. I looked up once more to see an unfamiliar man and woman turn and face me.

"Are you alright Master?"

Master?

Before contemplating that my mind crashed along with the melting of my eyes. Excuse me, but since when did I have such two hotties accompany me?

A beautiful woman with large, golden eyes and long, silky chestnut hair stood on the left. Her thin form wrapped in a tight black dress as her tan skin made any beach girl jealous. On the right was a tall man dressed only in loose cargo pants as the muscles on his back screamed, "fit". He turned to reveal a chiseled face carved by the G.o.ds. His long dark lashes framed his green eyes. His ebony skin s.h.i.+ning.

I chuckled.

"Woah, woah. Time out for a second. Who the h.e.l.l are you two?"

The two figures smiled as they bowed.

"Serafina and Armon at your service master."

I pulled on my ears. I must've not heard s.h.i.+t right. It must be some sort of coincidence that a snake and a panther share the same names as these two. I looked around. The snake and panther in question were nowhere to be seen. I started laughing to myself.

Oh.

My.

f.u.c.king.

G.o.d.

This.

Must.

All.

Be.

Some.

Sort.

Of.

Sick.

Joke.

By the G.o.ds.

A familiar chuckle filled the air as I was reminded of my situation. Let's worry about our mental state after I've gotten my a.s.s out of this situation. I stood up and looked at my two acquaintances. I then raised my thumb.

"Lord above, I don't understand the s.h.i.+t with the two of you shape-s.h.i.+fting but your human forms are quite upgraded!"

My eyes rested on Serafina's ultimate weapon then looked at my chest. I'm not necessarily flat but this girl makes any other women weep with shame at the state of her femininity. And the man named Armon next to me would make any body-builder cry over the years they've spent to achieve a result that paled in front of his. I smiled at them.

Why have I always been a two in the midst of tens?

"How cute. I apologize lizard and cat, but how many times have I told you that you aren't allowed to interfere?"

I looked over at a smirking Maldonius. His scythe shone as he ran his fingers along the edge. His fingers bled yet he continued to smile. Once he noticed my gaze he brought his fingers to his mouth and licked his blood. Instead of blus.h.i.+ng I doubled over and held back my bile. Maldonius's eyes squinted as he said.

"For G.o.d's sake human, don't look at me like I'm some sort of waste byproduct. I am a great dragon who has lived longer than the earth you reside."

I smirked as Serafina and Armon did not hold back their looks of disgust. Maldonius's poker face of bravado broke down as he yelled out.

"STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!"

I chuckled.

"Oh, you poor thousand-year-old dragon. You must be so scared of being alone that you even brought an insignificant human like myself with you. Oh, how much I pity you."

Maldonius fell to the ground and shook his head.

"NO! DON'T PITY ME!"

I burst into laughter. A realization quickly came to my mind. G.o.d d.a.m.n it. I'm so used to teasing others that I forgot that this f.u.c.king dragon has my life and the life of my crew members in his hands. f.u.c.k me.

I then fell to the ground and rested my forehead on the gra.s.s.

"Please forgive me, oh honorable dragon lord. I have sinned, do not burn me to a crisp."

Maldonius then raised my face and squished my cheeks together so I resembled a puffer fish.

"Are you picking a fight with me? I'm not barbaric enough to burn you to a crisp. As a great dragon lord, I would do something more refined."

I blinked.

"What is your definition of more refined, thousand-year-old dragon."

I held my head as Maldonius smacked it.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT b.i.t.c.h!"

I whimpered as Maldonius sighed.

"I wouldn't burn you to a crisp dear. Instead I would go to your world and burn it all down-Hey, don't look at me with those judging eyes again b.i.t.c.h! You too lizard and cat!"

Serafina, Armon, and I stared at the dragon in shock and with pity. If all old people looked as hot as this f.u.c.ker, then scientists studying age rejuvenation would be having a run for their money by now. I stretched as Maldonius sighed.

"Anyways. Jokes aside my dear. You have failed at solving the riddle successfully so you must face a punishment. You have chosen my right hand which entails a punishment that concerns your physical state. My left hand would have concerned your mental state. If you are to fail more riddles, then the outcome will always change with the state of punishment in my hand. Your punishment for now must be chosen by you."

I rocked back and forth as I took a whole minute to process all the information entering my mind at once. How the f.u.c.k am I supposed to choose my punishment. I frowned.

"Hey b.a.s.t.a.r.d, why the f.u.c.k did you raise your scythe and dress like some sort of Grim Reaper, when I'm going to choose my punishment in the end?"

Maldonius's eyes shone as he chuckled and looked at his claw-like nails.

"Well to get in to the mood my dear."

A second later I watched Maldonius cough on the ground as Serafina and Armon breathed heavily. Shoe marks marred Maldonius's clothes. He coughed and smirked as his cheeks reddened.

"Step on me more!"

I spit on the ma.s.s called Maldonius.

Several pixels covered his body as we want to keep this story acceptable for our audience. Please forgive us for this portrayal of a s.a.d.i.s.tic-m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tic situation. The author is currently into reading BL novels which should not be mentioned. Please excuse her attempt at being comical.

"You m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tic little b.i.t.c.h. There must be some sort of requirements or criteria for my punishment."

Maldonius raise what seemed to resemble a finger as he said.

"Yes, yes my dear. It must be a punishment which would cause you a hindrance or a sacrifice of some kind."

Serafina and Armon looked at me with pleading eyes as Serafina said.

"Please master, let me offer my being as a sacrifice. It would be an honor."

Armon pushed Serafina as he said.

"No master, please choose me!"

I took a couple of steps back. I take back what I took earlier. Despite being in the midst of tens, their minds were all deep in sewage. Am I the only normal person in this group of m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.ts?

I sighed then smacked the back of both Serafina and Armons' heads.

"You f.u.c.king idiots. I am never going to offer you up as sacrifices. And stop calling me master. I do not own you. Call me Mila, as I will address you based on your names as well."

Armon and Serafina sniffled as they ran to me and jumped into my arms. the three of us fell to the ground. I felt my soul slowly leave my body. Lord above, I never knew that the day would come where I would be nursing a beautiful snake, and a handsome panther.

Maldonius cleared his throat as he said.

"Despite enjoying this time with you my dear, I am quite busy so could you f.u.c.king choose your punishment already?"

I pushed Serafina and Armon off of me as I struggled to breathe. I closed my eyes as I thought. The weird f.u.c.ker in front of me would not be satisfied with a simple scratch or breaking of a limb.

In what way could I turn this punishment into something that would benefit me?

I chuckled as a lightbulb lit itself in my mind. Maldonius looked at me confused as I smirked and said.

"I've decided. Take away my sense of touch."

Maldonius's eyes widened to the point that I thought they would fall out.

"Your sense of touch? Why would you do such a terrible thing? You could have just asked me to scratch you or something."

I wanted to punch the f.u.c.ker in front of me so bad but I calmed down. I smiled. What this dragon didn't know was that if my sense of touch was taken away to an extent then I wouldn't feel pain. This would ensure that in the future riddles if I fail to correctly guess them then the physical punishments which he entails would have no effect on me. This would be a win-win for me. Unless he puts some f.u.c.king riddle a.s.sociated with feeling objects in the dark.

I looked over at Maldonius only to feel my heart fall to my feet. HIs smirk and confident smile scared me for some reason. I felt my heart beat quicken.

Have I made another mistake?

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Thank you so much for reading my luvs! I'm sorry for the delays, I will update better, as your little author has gotten out of a lot of s.h.i.+t recently. Stay safe and be careful my luvs!

Btw- I appreciate all of the support on this story, I love you all!