Blake's legs bounced nervously beneath Sally's kitchen table. The house was thick with the scent of bouquets, which covered the top of every inch of counter s.p.a.ce in the kitchen.

Sally set a cup of coffee in front of Blake and sat down across from him. She clasped her hands around her cup and looked into the dark liquid. "Thanks for coming over," she said.

"Sure, whatever you need. I'm happy to help, but I think before you tell me whatever it is you need to tell me, I need to talk to you about Rusty." He'd wrestled with how to tell Sally about Rusty's excursion all night and finally decided that the truth was the only appropriate path and that not telling her could only lead to a tangled web later.

Sally lifted her eyes. "I'm sure that whatever it is, I already know." She looked back down into the steaming coffee.

"Sally, when I took Rusty to basketball practice the other night, he...well, he didn't really go to practice. I know I should have said something, but with all that you're going through-"

"I know," she said in a flat tone.

"You know?"

She looked up with tear-filled eyes. "That's part of what I wanted to talk to you about. Surely you knew about our problems-mine and Dave's?"

s.h.i.t. The last thing Blake felt prepared to handle was their marital issues. "I don't get it. As far as I knew, you and Dave were the happiest couple around. He was always carrying on about your family movie nights, Rusty's basketball practice. h.e.l.l, getting him to spend any time away from you was like climbing Mount Everest."

A tear slipped down Sally's cheek. She shook her head. "Family movie night? We did that once, like date night. Dave was anything but happy, Blake." She looked down again. "Wow. I really thought you knew."

"No," he said thoughtfully. "Why are you telling me all of this?"

"I'm telling you for Rusty. I know he quit basketball; the coach called me two months ago." She swallowed hard. "But that's also about the time that I realized Dave was really having an affair." She wiped a tear. "Before that, I just thought, I don't know, that something was going on, but I didn't really know what."

"I just can't believe that, Sally. I mean, Dave gave me a hard time for slee-dating so many women all the time." Did he? Or did he only egg me on? Blake couldn't be sure anymore. "He adored you and Rusty. He said he went to every basketball practice." Blake ran his hand through his hair and let out a long sigh. "I just don't understand this. I feel like I'm being Punk'd or something."

"I wish you were. Dave was really good at covering his tracks. For the first few weeks, he claimed to be leaving work late, going skiing with you at night."

"Me? He and I hadn't gone skiing for ages before...the accident." Blake took a sip of his coffee and lowered his face to his hands, trying to figure out what was going on. Could he have been that blind to Dave's charades? He lifted his head, anger bubbling into pain in his gut. Danica's words came rushing back to him. This isn't about you. It's about Sally and Rusty. He remembered Kaylie's advice of empathy. "I'm sorry that you two were having trouble," he said with compa.s.sion. "I still don't understand why you're telling me all of this now. I mean, Dave's gone. There's nothing I can do."

She leaned her elbows on the table and then crossed her arms over her chest. Blake watched her open her mouth, then close it again, struggling to find the right words. He had an urge to hold her in his arms and tell her everything would be all right, but how could he do that when everything was not all right?

"This is embarra.s.sing. The whole awful situation is just...humiliating. I never told my family about it. I didn't know how. I was afraid about what it said about me as a wife." Tears streamed freely down her cheeks. "Rusty is falling apart at the seams, and I just don't know what to do."

Blake was still reeling, trying to get his arms around Dave having an affair. "Does Rusty know?" That would explain his comments.

"I don't think so. At least, he's never said as much. But being a teenager is hard, and he's acting out in so many ways. When he came home the other night, the night you drove him to his supposed practice, that was the first time he seemed normal in forever. He's so angry all the time, and whatever went on between you two, well, it seemed to help."

"But I caught him. I'm not a parent, and I am really confused by all of this." Blake ran though his memories of his night with Rusty. He had been so gruff with Blake, so who-gives-a-s.h.i.t, that what she said made no sense to him.

"I should have warned you about his practice." She made air quotes when she said the word practice. "But I was in no shape to deal with anything, and he needed the outlet. He doesn't know that I know he's off the team, and I just couldn't sit here with his cursing and stomping around." Anger lifted her voice. "It was selfish of me, and I'm sorry. I just needed a break." With that, her entire body seemed to collapse. She covered her face with her hands, and her shoulders shook with sobs. She looked like a small child trying to hide from big-world problems. And this one was ma.s.sive.

"Hey, hey," Blake said softly. "I didn't mind. I'm happy to take Rusty to his...friends, or whatever you need. You weren't being selfish. Really, it's fine." He really needed to talk to Danica. She would know what to do.

"It's just..." Her voice hitched. "Rusty needs a man in his life, not a man who's with me, not a replacement for his father, just someone who gets it, you know? Dave didn't have time for him, and it's unfair to ask it of you, but I'm afraid to ask this of anyone else. Just forget it. I should never have said anything."

Blake was so shocked by the entire situation that he didn't know what else to say.

"She was there, you know, the woman he had an affair with. I saw her in the back of the funeral home."

Blake thought of the woman in the church and began putting two and two together.

"I wanted to yell at her for showing up, but I saw her sitting there alone, crying, and all I could think was how Dave had screwed her over, too." She wiped her eyes.

"Sally," Blake began, but then realized he had no idea what to say. Dave was his friend and business partner, even if he was s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g around. What did friends and business partners say in these circ.u.mstances?

"Listen, it is what it is, right? I get it, and believe it or not, I still love the man. And the woman, well, how can I really blame her? Maybe she didn't know he was married, or maybe she did. I don't know. She fell in love with him, I'm sure, for all the same reasons I did. It just sucks."

"I feel like such a fool. I should have known, seen something."

"No, you shouldn't have. He was too good at covering up. But none of that really matters anymore. Right now, he's gone and Rusty is left without a man to turn to."

"Have you thought about a therapist? I mean, I'm not really qualified to step in; you know what I mean?"

"You're a man," Sally said lightly. "You've been a teenage boy, and besides, he won't go to a therapist. I've been playing that angle for the last two months."

"Sally, there's stuff about me that you probably don't know." Blake stood and paced, while Sally remained seated, wiping her eyes, gathering her wits about her like she was redefining a shield.

She sat up straighter, tucked one leg under the other, and cleared her throat.

"Dave probably didn't let you in on much of my life, but I'm a...serial dater, I guess you'd say."

"You're a player; anyone who knows you, knows that," she said like she was stating yesterday's news.

"Yeah, okay, you could put it that way." He hesitated. "Everyone knows that? Really?"

"Blake, it's not like you hide it in any way. I've known you for a few years now and you've never said the same woman's name twice, so yeah, it's pretty obvious. But it doesn't really matter. I mean, I'm not looking for someone to teach Rusty about dating and women, just to be there for him to vent to." She sighed. "Like I said, never mind. It's really not something I should have expected you or anyone else to do."

Blake thought about Rusty. Would he do more harm than good spending time with the kid? Could he turn his back on Dave's son? What would Dave want him to do? G.o.dd.a.m.nit, Dave. He took a long, hard look at Sally and realized the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her in any way. Sally was broken, the woman in the church was broken, and Dave had done the damage. Blake turned his back to Sally, realizing that what he did with women probably caused similar pain. He'd heard it too many times to count-Why didn't you call me back? You make me feel like a piece of meat. You used me.

He turned back to Sally. "If you can overlook what I've done in my life and the things I haven't done-like the right thing. Ever. Then yes, I will help you in whatever way you need with Rusty, and I'll do my best not to have him turn out like me."

Chapter Twenty.

Danica had stewed all night over Blake's refusal to give Kaylie her night of pleasure. On one hand, she was proud of him for denying himself the exquisite gratification that she was sure her sister was capable of providing. She knew how difficult it must have been for him to not follow through. She'd seen stronger men than him unable to restrain themselves with her sister. On the other hand, he'd been back in a bar again, obviously flirting with disaster. Danica pushed away thoughts of Blake and Kaylie.

"How did you make out at the funeral?" Danica asked Blake, who sat across from her in a dark T-shirt and jeans. They'd had only a few short sessions together, and Danica knew it could take years to change behaviors. Every client had setbacks, and she expected that of them. So why was she monitoring Blake like he was different? Concentrate, Danica.

"I wanted to thank you for helping me through that. I did fine, I guess. I mean, I made it through. I sat in a middle row, as you suggested. So much has happened since then that I feel like it was ages ago. In fact, I feel like every time I come here wanting to talk about one thing, I get sidetracked with other issues that seem to be rising up in my life way too frequently."

I'd like to see something rise. Jesus Christ, Danica, focus!

Instead, Danica thought about Kaylie flying through her door Sat.u.r.day night. She knew she'd been right not to tell Kaylie about Blake being her client, but what she wasn't sure of was if she should have him as a client at all. Their lives seemed to be a bit too intertwined lately. What if Kaylie had slept with him? If she had, would Danica have had to uphold some sort of unwritten sisterly pact of full disclosure? Would she have had to let Blake know she was Kaylie's sister? Danica was not up to answering any of those hypothetical questions. She'd been so conflicted that she'd woken up at three o'clock in the morning with a killer stomachache, and even now, several hours later, she sat across from Blake with her stomach fluttering in ways she wasn't sure could be qualified as typical therapist woes. Maybe she needed to rethink this relationship.

Trying to regroup, she locked her eyes on his and said, "That happens to a lot of people, I think. But we can talk about anything you want." Stay focused. "Sometimes it helps to list the things that we need to address. Then we can prioritize and work our way through them."

"Okay." Blake leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

Danica caught a whiff of his musky cologne and sat back in an effort to remain professional.

"Should I write them down, or..."

"No, just tell me and I'll note them." A good distraction.

"Okay, well, there's my bar hopping, Dave's affair, and Rusty." He sat back and looked at Danica.

Did she see something other than worry in his eyes, or was it her imagination? Could she be transferring her l.u.s.tful feelings onto him? She really needed to get a grip. She noted each issue. "Okay, anything else?" Danica wondered if the heat she felt in her cheeks was visible or just in her mind. She looked down at the notebook again.

Blake smiled. "Isn't that enough?"

She smiled at his joke. "It is, yes. Okay, so which of these do you want to tackle first?"

He looked at her thoughtfully, his eyes traveling over her hair to her face. She felt him staring at her mole. Stop. Please stop. He lifted his eyes, then said, "I just realized what's different about you lately. You're not dressed all professional. Wait, that didn't come out right."

She had no control over the smile that spread across her lips. He noticed. What are you, fourteen? Get a grip. "Oh, this?" She tried to play it off casually, swatting at her scarf and blouse. "My sister picked it out for me. I'm doing a little soul searching of my own lately."

"Well, I mean no disrespect, but you look great in anything you wear. The blue scarf is really great. It sets off your eyes."

Danica looked down, as uncomfortable as she was excited by his remark. She knew better than to let this go too far. She reined in her smile and gave him a stoic nod. If she was going to remain his therapist, then she had to draw a line somewhere.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say anything inappropriate," Blake added.

"I understand. Let's focus on your list, shall we?" She searched his eyes for whatever had been there before and was met with disappointment. She'd metaphorically slapped his wrist, and as a therapist, she was in no position to apologize. d.a.m.n.

"I guess the first thing I want to talk about is what to do about Rusty, then Dave, then, well, you know." He looked away.

"Okay, Rusty. Last time we spoke, you'd taken him to practice and he'd ditched it, and if my memory serves me correctly, he said some pretty harsh things about his father." Danica loved when she was on top of her game, and shifting the focus to Rusty allowed her to fall back into line. This, she could handle.

"Yes, well, the story thickens. Sally asked me if I'd take Rusty out sometimes, just so he has someone to talk to. She actually suggested every week. I think she needs the break."

"How do you feel about that? Will you feel like a glorified babysitter, or is there more to this?" Danica watched him settle comfortably in the chair, looking less like a confused, frightened tiger.

"No. I think she really wants him to have a guy to talk to. There's more to it, though, and I just feel funny talking about it all." He clenched his fingers around his thighs.

Danica cleared her throat, trying not to notice that the frightened tiger was back-the criminally handsome, frightened tiger. "Only you can decide what you want to share with me." Why did everything she say end up sounding a lot like she was flirting?

He stood and paced, a habit Danica was getting used to. She only hoped this time it didn't end in him blowing up.

"Sally told me some things about Dave that I'm really having trouble with. I know we talked about my wondering if I was a good enough friend, but my inadequacies..." He turned to face Danica and lifted his eyebrows. "Your word, not mine." He smiled. "My inadequacies of friendship are worse than I thought. Dave was having an affair, and I had no idea."

"Ah, I see. And Sally knew this?" That poor woman.

"Yes, she knew, and she knew about Rusty not having practice. I didn't ask for details-I don't want to know, really-but I think I should have known Dave was lying to me, don't you?"

"I didn't know him, but my thought is, not necessarily. You knew what he wanted you to know, or you saw what he wanted you to see."

"That sounds like a cop-out. You're letting me off easy." Blake wasn't joking.

"No, I'm being real. Think about it, Blake. When you pick up a woman, do you let her see everything about your life, or only pieces of it?" How much would you have let Kaylie see?

"Pfft. That's hardly the same thing. We were friends, and most of the women I've...Well, the women weren't friends; they were just hookups." He leaned back again and crossed his arms.

"It doesn't matter. In any interaction-even ours, now, here-we show only what we want to show. Everyone does it. If Dave was fooling around, for whatever reason, he kept that hidden from you, and probably all the prying in the world wouldn't have changed that."

Blake leaned forward again. "If you could have seen how hurt Sally was...It was awful. I'm sure she wonders every day if it was her fault, or what he did with that other woman-the woman who I actually saw at the funeral home." He shook his head.

"I'm sure she's devastated. Trust is everything in a relationship." She waited until he looked up and then reiterated. "In any relationship."

"So, maybe Dave didn't trust me?"

"Or maybe he did, and he knew you might tell him something he didn't want to hear."

"Whatever the reason, it made me realize that I don't want to be that person. I'm not married, and who knows if I ever will get married, but I don't want to be the person doing the hurting. On any level." His eyes softened and he said, "I'm really glad I'm here, because a few weeks ago I would have probably slit my wrists before allowing myself to feel that way. I don't really want to be that guy anymore. I want to be someone who people are proud of."

"That's a great goal to have, Blake, and I'm confident that whatever you see as your inad-as your faults-you can overcome them and turn things around."

"Sally didn't even tell her family. She was too ashamed. I think on some level, Dave must have been ashamed of himself, too. Otherwise, I'm sure he would have said something to me. And not only that, but Sally doesn't really have strong animosity toward the other woman. She almost understands it." He shook his head. "I just don't get it."

"What goes on in a marriage will never be understood outside of the walls around that union. You can't guess the whys or hows of someone else's relationship, or what they're feeling. Some women might feel as though they'd lost their husband, and nothing else matters, while others might blame the mistress."

Blake's forehead wrinkled. "But she should hate that woman. She should hate Dave and maybe even hate me for who I am. I don't know. It just seems weird."

"That's not for you to decide. You can feel bad for Sally and Rusty-or not. You can make a choice to help them through their hard time, or not. But whatever your decision, recognize that you may never understand why Dave did what he did or why Sally feels what she feels." She set the notebook down. She softened her tone. "We can only control who we are, Blake. You are doing all the appropriate things. You are working on yourself, so that you-and no one else matters here but you-can take pride in the person you are." Danica thought about how true that statement was. How many people had she counseled who had expected others to make them happy or complete? That had to come from within, and Danica had found that after her clients found a sense of pride in themselves, the happiness had an easier path to follow. Her thoughts turned to Mich.e.l.le, which led her to think of Nancy. What was she doing to find a sense of pride in her life? How much must it have hurt to be turned away by Mich.e.l.le? Danica wondered if she should be having the same conversation with Nancy so she didn't spiral back down into the bottle.

"Intellectually, I get that, and I want to help Rusty. I have no idea what I'll do with him, though."

"What does Sally want you to do?"

"Just be there for him, take him out sometimes." Blake glanced at the clock. "We're almost out of time, and I really want to talk about the last thing today, too."

Danica was relieved. She wanted to hear what he had to say about the bar, and she still wasn't sure if she'd mention that Kaylie was her sister. "Are you okay with the whole Rusty thing? We didn't really define what you should do with him."

"Yeah, it helped. I do want to help him, and I'll find something to do with him. How hard can it be?"

"Okay, then let's move on." Danica's pulse sped up as she thought about Kaylie and Blake together.

"The other night, I went to Bar None." He searched her eyes, and Danica did her best to keep them nonjudgmental. "Kaylie was there."