She scrubbed her face, looking into her own eyes. She saw him there. Lev. How had he gotten inside of her? For the first time in a long while she was terrified. Not of her kitchen being messed up or that someone else shared her house, but that she was coming to need him. She was meticulous about brushing her teeth, a torture for her as the sensation repelled her, but she also had a thing about teeth and wanted them as immaculate as possible. Each time she brushed her teeth, she remembered her mother brushing and counting, helping her to focus on the numbers and not the sensation. She still counted and that helped to pull her mind away from the terror of falling for Lev-Levi-Hammond.

That wasn't even his real name, not that it mattered to her, but he was shedding his old skin and donning a new one. He could be in her life for a short time and shed her just as fast. Heart pounding, she brushed her hair the one hundred strokes she did every night, counting each one carefully before placing the brush in the exact spot she always put it in.

She stepped out of her clothes, her skin sensitive, her breasts aching. Breathing deep to push down the building need, she dragged on a tank and the matching boy shorts, a concession to her femininity. She did like beautiful underwear. She sat on top of the covers, her weighted blanket in reach. She allowed Lev to sleep beneath the covers, acutely aware that he rarely slept with clothes on. She'd become accustomed to giving him a massage at night, telling herself it would help him relax and sleep, but it was really becoming an excuse to trace every muscle in his body until she knew him fairly intimately.

Not tonight. She resolutely pulled out a book and opened it, focusing the light on her bedside table onto the pages. She didn't look up when Lev came in, but she couldn't help but see him-his energy filled the entire room. In spite of her resolutions, her body stirred to life. He moved like a creature of the jungle. Fluid and strong, he was every inch a man, every inch a predator. He could shed his name but he couldn't change what was beneath the skin, and it showed in the way he walked.

His muscles rippled with strength. His thighs were strong columns and his hips narrow. His shoulders were broad, his chest deep, and he was well-endowed, a fact she couldn't avoid either. His symmetry appealed to her. She knew the flow of his muscles beneath his skin. She knew the heat he could generate. The silk of his hair, already growing out and a little shaggy, the long lashes and piercing sea blue eyes all combined to set her pulse racing and her blood stirring.

He slipped beneath the covers after turning off the overhead light so that there was only her lamp shining on the pages of her book. Rikki remained very still, head pressed against the headrest of the bed while Lev shifted position beneath the covers, turning onto his side and laying his head squarely in her lap. For a moment she couldn't breathe. She tried to pretend that she could read but it was impossible, and she knew he knew it.

"Turn off the light, Rikki," he said softly.

She hesitated a moment, still afraid to move, but there was no point in trying to read when his arm settled around her thighs and his head nuzzled into a better position, his breath warm on her bare thighs. The blankets were between their bodies, but the way he held her was the most intimate thing she'd ever felt in her life. She reached out and touched the lamp, plunging the room into darkness. She could hear her own heart pounding in her ears.

Even the sound of the rain didn't bring her peace. She counted silently, not wanting to move, but afraid she might have to from sheer terror at such closeness. Lev was breathing evenly, but she wasn't altogether certain he was any more relaxed than she was. She waited in the darkness, but he made no sound and no movement. She realized he was holding himself even more still than she was, awaiting-even expecting-her rejection.

She let her breath out and dropped her hand onto his head, stroking gently over his thick hair. "Are you all right, Lev?" she asked, her voice soft and more tender than she wanted it to be.

His arm tightened around her thighs. "Sometimes, my childhood is just too close."

They'd spoken of it earlier, when she'd asked him questions he didn't want to answer. "I didn't mean to bring up bad memories," she apologized.

"I've never told another human being about my life."

She knew the feeling of being exposed and vulnerable, turned inside out. She'd had that happen in grief counseling with the women she regarded as her sisters. The outcome of exposing oneself could be, and often was, disastrous. For Lev, she had the feeling it could end in violence or death.

"I'm not asking that of you, Lev," she said. "You don't have to pay that kind of price to be with me. I don't need it"

"Yes, you do. You have to know what I am."

Her heart contracted and then began to pound at an alarming rate. He was giving himself to her. She wasn't ready. She didn't know if she could make a commitment. She was happy with her life, at peace with herself. She liked her life. He would change that dramatically.

"Lev." She wanted to stop him. He didn't have to strip himself naked for her to feel safe with him, and that's what he was most afraid of. "Your past doesn't frighten me."

His fingers began slow, seductive circles on her thigh, right over the tattooed raindrops, tracing each one, committing them to memory. "It should, Rikki. Men like me-we're not supposed to lie in bed with a woman or have a place we call home. We eliminate threats, and anyone knowing us is a threat"

"You've had plenty of chances to kill me, if that's what you're implying, Lev. I'm still alive, so I don't think your threat is very real." She continued stroking his hair, silently trying to send him a message that she accepted him without explanation. Whatever demons were riding him so hard didn't need to be exposed or acknowledged, not unless he needed to tell her.

He sighed. "My entire life has been about survival and survival instincts. I'm not certain you have any. You should never just bring a stranger into your home, Rikki. Especially a man who has so much to hide."

She found herself smiling. He was desperately trying to talk her into throwing him out, yet at the same time, his fingers were moving in those arousing circles and the way his arm was wrapped around her thighs was distinctly possessive. Maybe it was all in her imagination, but she wasn't moving, mostly because he was more afraid of their connection than she was. She'd come to bed so afraid of giving him too much of herself, yet here he was, feeling exactly the same. And maybe that was love. Being so vulnerable and allowing someone else in so far they could hurt you, but they could also give you everything.

"I told you, Lev, I know all about you that I need to know."

He lifted his head slightly, just enough to bite her leg in frustration, the smallest of nips. It felt more erotic than a reprimand. She laughed. "If you want me to throw you out, Lev, it isn't going to happen."

He rolled over enough to look up at her face. "You have to do it, lyubimaya, because evidently I'm not man enough to do it myself."

She would have laughed at the drama of his words, but there was too much pain on his face, when he rarely, if ever, displayed emotion. She smoothed the lines there as if she could wipe away the past for him-pursing her lips as if to kiss it away.

"You shared something beautiful with me tonight, Rikki. I want that sharing. I even need it. But I've got nothing so beautiful to give you in return. I've been thinking a lot about that, about what I'd bring to you-and I don't have much of anything useful to give you."

"That's for me to decide," she challenged. "If you need to talk about your childhood, you're safe with me. If you need to break into a million pieces, I'm right here, Lev. I'll find them all, I'm good at details, and I'll put you back together. You're safe here."

The rain beat down and as usual she had the window open wide, needing the soothing sounds and scents. If a few stray drops hit her face or body, she was fine with it. She always made certain there was nothing too important near the open window during a storm. She sat in silence just listening. Usually the rain called to her and carried her away, but now she was too focused on Lev. His ragged breathing. The seduction of his fingers. The need in him.

In his own quiet way, Lev was as desperate to be saved as she had been before Blythe and the others reached out to her. Whatever revelation he was thinking of giving her, it was something he protected fiercely. A piece of himself-the last piece. And he was handing it into her keeping. She recognized the enormity of what he was doing. She remained silent, just waiting, unsure of what he was going to say, but knowing it would change her life forever if he said it, because she would never turn her back on him, never walk away, no matter how difficult it was. If he gave her such a gift, made himself that vulnerable, she would treasure and protect him with every breath in her body.

Lev continued to stroke his fingers along the satin length of her thigh. It was a gift to do something so simple, to lie in bed with a woman, touching her skin, inhaling her scent while the rain poured down on the roof. He wanted her more than anything in his life. He wanted this woman, this life with her, yet he felt guilty knowing she didn't see the killer in him. That wasn't fair. He was a violent man, a cold one, his emotions were buried deep, allowing him an expertise few could achieve. He'd watched the suffering of others, his need to go to their aid suppressed in order to focus on accomplishing his goal.

He was risking everything, yet he could never live with himself if she didn't go into this knowing what kind of man he was. He wanted one person to know him. To see him. And if she took him as he was, broken, tainted, twisted even, he would never give her up. She had to see into him. It was the only real gift he could give her. He would love her fiercely, protect her with everything in him, but she had to see and accept who and what he really was.

"When I was a boy, we lived in a tiny apartment. It was cold most of the time. Not like this, but really cold. I remember ice on the inside of the door."

Her fingers stilled in his hair, curled and held on as if she realized the story he was telling her was going to be ugly and horrific but told in a matter-of-fact voice, because he could never face it other than looking at it as if from a great distance and from behind a transparent wall, where emotions had no place.

"There were seven of us, all boys. We were very close in age and we slept together in the same bed, except for the baby. It was how we stayed warm, I think. I can barely remember the faces of my parents, but my memories of them are good. They were good to us. My father was a man who had amazing gifts and he passed them on to all of us. Gifts that allowed us to do things most people can't do."

"We have a family in this town that has extraordinary gifts," Rikki conceded. "Remember, I mentioned them to you."

"That doesn't surprise me," he murmured, turning back to nuzzle her thigh. He rested his head on her lap again. "Sea Haven has a powerful energy. I can feel it every time I walk outside. It's stronger the closer to the ocean we get. Power attracts power, just as elements attract elements. I wouldn't be surprised if several people living in or around Sea Haven have some degree of psychic power."

"I suppose you're right. All of us felt the pull of this place, and I've never been happier," Rikki admitted.

"We didn't live anywhere near powerful energy, but my father had undeniable gifts and at the time, there was turmoil in the government, conspiracies and many individuals fighting for their own agendas. My father backed the wrong party and they came one night as a huge force, very frightening."

"I huddled there with my brothers, so scared. The soldiers burst into our apartment." He could feel her thighs tremble beneath his head, but her hand was anchored firmly in his hair, as if holding him to her, and her arm went around his shoulders. She was very empathetic, and although he was viewing his childhood from a distance, she was feeling what he should have been.

"They executed my father first and then my mother. I was separated from my brothers, and each of us was taken and sent to training facilities. With our particular genetics, they believed we could better serve our government if we were indoctrinated at a young age and held no loyalty to one another or to a family. Later, of course, I realized, as I'm sure my other brothers did, that they feared us, just as they feared our father. Unfortunately, we were so young that their indoctrination and isolation techniques worked."

She began stroking small caresses through his hair. "What did they do to you?"

"They kept me from my brothers and put me in a facility where they trained and educated me. I speak multiple languages and had to perfect each accent. I learned weapons, hand-to-hand combat and sexual technique. I had to learn absolute control and discipline. Fun was defeating one's enemy, and everyone there was an enemy. We were trained to work alone. We were trained to endure torture and not break. My forte was the ability to shed one identity for another. I can blend in anywhere, become anyone, and it has served me and my government well. Since they took me from my parents, I don't recall one time when I was not in training. Duty and discipline were my childhood."

There was no pity in his voice or in his mind. He accepted his life, and he accepted that he couldn't change what had happened to him.

"It must have been a frightening childhood."

"It shaped who I am, what I am. I killed for them, Rikki. Hundreds, maybe thousands in my lifetime. I lived in the shadows and hunted for them. I don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. It just was. I still have no idea why I was on that yacht, but I have images in my head of events leading to my boarding the yacht. I think the man I was after was involved in human trafficking. There were women ..." He shrugged. "I had to make difficult decisions that affected other lives."

Lev fell into silence-touching her mind, he showed her images of women being brutally tortured, of violent death, sudden and horrific, of the cold-blooded kills that stained his soul and over time had chipped most of it away. He waited for the full implications of what he'd told and shown her to sink in. Rikki might not believe him. There were many children taken for political reasons and raised to be assets for the government or the secret police, or even to be special assassins. He and his brothers were feared for their gifts, yet they were also seven of the most useful tools his country had. They were also the most dangerous.

"Have you ever seen your brothers?" Rikki asked, her voice soft, almost a caress.

He closed his eyes and savored the touch of her fingers on his scalp. He should have known she would focus on the loss of his family instead of the assassinations. "I've seen three of them. Our paths crossed on jobs." He didn't-couldn't-elaborate. They had all worried that if it was known that they had spoken, one of them would be chosen as an example to all of them and would be eliminated. They wouldn't risk further contact unless it was an emergency.

Rikki was silent for a long time, turning his revelations over and over in her mind. He had never had a chance at life. He was so alone and lost, just as she had been. He was afraid to reach for something better. She knew how difficult it was to let go of the familiar. No matter how bad it was, one knew the rules in their own world.

She stroked his hair and leaned her head back against the headboard, allowing the rain to soothe her when her heart ached for him. "I think you're better off here, Lev. Stay here awhile and just let yourself live. There aren't any strings. I'm not asking anything of you. Just find who you want to be, who you really are underneath it all. Whoever that person is, will be welcome here."

The burning behind his eyes hurt. He just lay there, holding her, afraid if he moved, he'd shatter, just break into a million pieces. He also knew it wouldn't matter to her if he did-she wouldn't view him as less than a man. She would simply accept him.

He took a breath and allowed himself to feel very real love for another human being. He told her the stark truth. The emotion was strong, swamping him, invading every part of his mind, his heart and his body. He shook with it. He let it consume him, filling up every empty space. Several heartbeats went by before he could speak.

"I want to spend my life with you, Rikki, not just a few moments, not a few nights. If you take me on, we'll work together, no matter what comes up, and we'll find a way to make it all work."

Her heart jumped. He felt it, but he didn't look up.

"I don't want to go back to living in the shadows, lyubimaya. If we do this, it has to be all the way, because I don't know how to be any other way than what they trained me to be. Here, with you, I'm different. If I leave you, I'm back in a black void. Maybe I belong there," he nuzzled her thigh with his chin, "but I've had a taste of something else. You're magic to me, Rikki. I don't know why, but I know without you, I don't have a chance of living a normal life."

She made a strangled sound in her throat. "Lev. By any stretch of the imagination, I'm not the norm. Maybe you're not seeing me as I am. I can't even let you use my bathroom. You've somehow managed to get into the bed, but I still wince when you're in the kitchen and I can't watch you cook. Is that the kind of life you envisioned for yourself?"

"My life is killing, Rikki. I stalk my target, immerse myself in their life, kill them and disappear without a trace. There's nothing left of me because I'm not real."

"You're real."

He rolled onto his back to look up at her face. "I'm not real to anyone else. I'm a ghost to most people, a weapon the government lets loose on the world when they need it. When they get to the point where I'm too scary for them to handle, a contract will be issued and then it will be a matter of time before someone just like me shows up to eliminate me."

"But you've been loyal and you've carried out whatever task they've asked of you, no matter how abhorrent to you, right?" Rikki protested. "Why would anyone you've served want you dead?"

"I have too much information running around in my head and I'm dangerous. They would presume that eventually, if I'm not working for them, I'll work against them."

She frowned and he couldn't help himself, he reached up and traced her soft lips.

"Then it's a good thing that everyone thinks you're dead, Lev."

He sighed. "That man on the platform that day. You called him Ralph. He saw me."

"Not your face. I said you were visiting. And why would he remember?"

"You honestly don't know, do you?" He was a bit shocked at her naivete. "He was trying to flirt with you and you didn't give him the time of day."

"That's just silly. He's friendly to all the divers. And you had a concussion and were imagining things."

"It's my job to catch every little nuance, Rikki. It's the difference between life and death. Believe me, the man was flirting. He finds you intriguing. And it's probably the first time he's ever seen you with a man."

Now her frown reached her eyebrows and he had to trace them as well because he just couldn't resist. "He noticed me, all right. And when they come looking-and they will-he'll mention that you were out on the sea that day and I was with you. That will lead some very bad people straight to you." He wasn't certain if he was warning her, asking permission to kill Ralph or needing to see her reaction to knowing Ralph had been interested.

"You might be just a little paranoid, Lev. Why in the world would he talk to perfect strangers about seeing either of us?"

"Because my government will send their best cleaner and he knows how to get information."

She suddenly smiled. "Well, I guess we'd better have a plan for when that happens."

He stared up at her face for a long time, wondering how he'd found her. The water was so cold, so dark, his lungs burned and his ears had nearly imploded, and his body and head had been battered against rocks, tumbling until there was only death waiting. He'd seen death. It hadn't been any better for him than life. And then Rikki. He touched her with reverence.

"You know that I intend to make love to you."

She went very still, just as he'd known she would. "You haven't tried."

He wasn't certain what that meant, whether she was disappointed or just stating the truth. He figured it was probably the latter. She was very accepting of reality. "It has to be right with you, Rikki. You're different. You're real, not a job. You matter. I've never been with a woman who mattered to me."

"I can't imagine you not getting any woman you wanted, Lev."

He smiled, his heart suddenly lighter as he kissed her thigh right on one of those shimmering raindrops. He was very fond of her boy shorts. The ones she was wearing had little pink stripes wrapping around her as if she were a gift to be opened. "Thank you, but I never wanted a woman for myself. There've been women. Too many. Assignments. I used them to get what I wanted. This isn't ever going to be about using you. This is going to be about making love to you."

He stroked his fingers over her satin thigh, over the drops. Were they tears? How could she be so soft when she spent so much time in the water? There was always a faint fragrance just out of his reach, subtle, yet so Rikki.

"I've got to warn you, Lev"-her voice trembled, and for the first time when he looked at her, she looked away from him-"I'm not very good at lovemaking. It's not like I have a lot of experience, and when someone touches me, sometimes it hurts."

He propped himself up on one elbow and slid her down so that she sprawled out beneath him. "Well, we'll have to go slow and see what you like and what you don't like, won't we?"

13.

THE butterflies were out in force, taking flight in the pit of Rikki's stomach. She stared up at Lev's face. So dominant. So beautifully masculine. Why him? Why did Lev send every single nerve ending in her body into high alert? Why did she wait for the brush of his fingers on her skin when she could barely tolerate other people's touch? The center of her left palm pulsed and she closed her fingers over the tingling warmth.

His eyes were amazing. A deep-sea blue she was immediately lost in. If she had a thought of self-preservation, it was gone the moment she looked into his eyes. There was desire smoldering there, a scorching intensity that burned right through her. His eyes couldn't lie, he actually wanted her that much and how could she ever resist?

Rikki touched his face tentatively. His hand was on her bare stomach, his fingers spread wide to take in as much territory as possible. She was acutely aware of the skin-to-skin contact; he seemed to burn a brand right through the surface and deep into her body. She'd never felt like this with anyone. His touch was as real and as vivid as the world of the sea, or the rain.

She became aware of the music in the rain changing-not through her, but through him, as if he conducted now. Dreamy, sensual, an exotic, erotic beat that kept time with the movements of his fingers. Each stroke sent little tremors through her body. She was mesmerized by him, by the sight and feel of him, by the way he looked at her-as if she were the only woman in the world. It was there in his head, that conviction that there could be no other for him. It was a fairly heady aphrodisiac when she'd spent so much of her time alone-when no one had ever really seen who she was and wanted her anyway.

Everything he said, she felt the truth of. The connection between them was so strong, she doubted if he could lie effectively to her. For some unknown reason, and she was grateful for that reason, Lev had settled on her as the one. She'd never really been anyone's one.

Daniel had loved her in his way. She was a good companion to him, a diver who understood their world. She demanded little from him. He cared for her and he liked sex with her, but he'd never thought to take his time to try to please her. She had such a difficult time with touch that Daniel had believed in getting things over with as fast as possible, not in trying to find a solution.

Had she used Daniel? She frowned, turning the question over and over in her mind. They'd been a convenience for one another, but she'd felt affection for him-loved him. She hadn't had the same level of physical attraction for him that she had for Lev, but he'd been a good man and she'd loved him for the way he treated her-never as an outcast. As his equal. As a partner. She'd never had that before and there would always be a special place in her heart for him.

Lev lowered his head and brushed kisses up her leg, tasting each raindrop. "Keep your thoughts with this man, lyubimaya moya." He brushed a kiss across her tummy.

"You sound just a little jealous," she observed.

His warm mouth continued to move over her stomach and his teeth gave a little nip of reprimand. The sting jolted through her body, straight to her center, sending a flood of heat spreading through her body. His tongue swirled over her skin, a velvet rasp of pleasure.

Rikki could barely breathe, her lungs burning while her heart hammered out of control. She took a deep breath and her breasts brushed against his bare chest. Instantly her nipples peaked, and her breasts felt swollen and achy, so sensitive that when he looked up at her, tiny sparks of electricity ran from her nipples straight to her womb. She touched her tongue to her lips, trembling with the unfamiliar sensations.

How could he make her body come alive this way? One look. One touch. She reached up to touch his heavily muscled chest. The pads of her fingers absorbed the texture and feel of him, that exquisite heat flowing from him to her. Her eyes searched his, seeking reassurance. She was so nervous. Before, having sex had been a bodily function; now it was a necessity-she knew instinctively that once she experienced it, she would always crave it.

Lev could see how nervous she was, there was a touch of fear in those mysterious eyes, yet there was hunger too-and trust. He dropped his head to swirl his tongue around her belly button. "We won't do anything you're not comfortable with, Rikki, and if anything hurts or doesn't feel good, you tell me."