"You really think my mum or yours would go for that?"

I spy the pink rose he gave me when we said our see you laters. I pressed it in my music after we left Paris. I had to hide it from the customs guys just in case they decided it was a fruit or vegetable. It's lying on a bookshelf next to my choir binder. "I'll buy a cot, bring a sleeping bag. I could even sleep in my car." Desperate? Of course. "It's true for me. I gotta be, gotta be about you."

"No." The gruff in his voice turns coaxing. "My dad's got all this vacation time saved up." His voice gives out. He clears his throat. "I have to do this with them."

"Okay." Fine. I pick up the rose-hold it up to my nose and inhale. It still smells sweet but holds a touch of decay. "How many days do we have until you go?"

"We leave in the morning."

I wave the dried rose like it's a magic wand and chant, "No way."

"I'm sorry."

Rats. I set the rose carefully on my nightstand. "I'm getting in my car right now."

"Please, Beth. Don't. If you show up here at 3:30 in the morning, my mum will go ballistic."

"That's stupid. I'll be quiet." I grab the shirt. To heck with my face and hair.

"She's an incredibly light sleeper."

"Then I'll get to meet her." I head out of my room. "Isn't she curious about me?"

"She doesn't know about you."

That freezes me halfway down the stairs. "Why not?"

"I just got home."

"Stop lying to me, Derek. It's her, isn't it? Your old girlfriend. You're not going anywhere." It's not about me. It's about her. I hate myself. And I hate him.

"Please, Beth. Don't be like this."

I sink onto the step and lower my voice to a whisper. "If I could see you again, I wouldn't be such an idiot."

"Try to understand. This is major for my mum. This fall isn't going to be easy."

"What's happening to you this fall? Just tell me the truth."

"The truth?"

"From your heart-spill it. I can take it. I'm used to guys disappointing me."

"From my heart?"

"Straight." I close my eyes, clench my teeth tight, hold my breath.

"I fell in love in Switzerland with this beautiful girl whose every move makes me crazy. I want to be with her twenty-four/seven. Right now. Today. Tomorrow and every tomorrow after that. My mum planned this trip all year as a special surprise. You want me to break her heart?"

"What about my heart?"

"It's in good hands-trust me."

"That's not what you said this afternoon. When will I see you again?"

"I'll get to your place as soon as we get back."

"You'll call me a lot?"

"There's no phone or Internet in the cabin-but I'll use the cell whenever I can get a signal."

I stand up and hang on to the handrail. "It's going to be a long five weeks."

"Even longer for me."

I turn around and tiptoe back to my bedroom. "Did you really mean that-what you said?"

"I promise-I'll call." He starts coughing again. Definitely that cold. I should let him go.

But I don't. "No. That you fell in love in Switzerland?"

He doesn't even hesitate. "I thought that was a given."

"You are so frustrating-delicious-but frustrating." I'm absolutely dying for him all over again.

"What about you?" He stops, struggles a minute. "Did you fall in love?" His voice catches.

My eyes go to his rose on my nightstand. "I'm not sure I even know what love is, but I've got my hands full of something beautiful." My voice quivers. "I don't ever want to let it go." I lie down on my bed, curl around my pillow, wishing it was him.

He slowly says, "Mind if I take that as a yes?"

I'm melting again. "Not at all."

"Hang on, Beth. We'll get it together this fall. I'm working on a plan for you."

I roll onto my back. "For me?"

"For us."

"Us? I like the way that sounds coming out of your mouth." I reach out and touch his rose.

"Us. Us. Us. Us. Us."

"I'll miss you like crazy." My voices cracks, and I have to sniff.

"I love you, Beth. Say it back to me-it's easy."

And now-our love is so true, singing that to him makes me cry. "Oh, gosh, I do love you. I really do."

I curl up in a ball, staring at his rose, trying to hold on to the intensity of the way he makes me feel. I should be angry, suspicious, hurt, but I'm mushy and devoted. I totally adore him. I don't entirely believe him about the cottage, but he said he loves me, twice, no, three times. He even got me to say it.

No guy has ever told me he loved me.

Certainly not my father.

Scott, though. He said it this afternoon. What was it? I've loved you forever. That made me want to cry, too. Do I love Scott? How can I when I feel like this about Derek?

c.r.a.p. Scott. I kissed him today. And then ripped his heart out. Poor Scottie. I don't think I can ever face him again. I'll have to transfer schools or something.

Derek was so cool about it.

I close my eyes. I can't sleep. There's too much spinning in my brain.

Derek hasn't even told his parents about you. Saying he loves you came too easy, too fast, too smooth. You' ll never see him again. He will evaporate. How can a boy that perfect exist? He's some kind of spirit or ghost. Or he is a haunted artist with a bad drug habit like those crazy poets my English teacher is mad about.

I hear Sarah joking about Derek back in our hotel room at the Mermaid. Phantom? No way. That guy was twisted. Derek's not-c.r.a.p, how do I know he isn't? He said he wanted to be with me, but he's avoided me ever since.

I fall asleep and dream I'm Christine and Derek is the Phantom. I'm in white voile and lace and look like that beautiful girl with Scott in the prom picture.

Derek holds out his hand. I take it and beg him- Take me to your dungeon.

Bind me in your chains.

Keep me

With you forever.

Alone there's only terror.

He pulls me along dark corridors, singing in dusky romantic tones.

Trust me in the darkness

Give me time-you' ll see

I'm not

Your mad enchanter,

An elusive encounter.

I move into his embrace. His lips are on my face, and I sing back to him.

Hold me closer,

And I' ll keep my eyes closed.

We can hide forever from the sun.