What wrecked the Roman power? One says vice, Another indolence, another dice.

Emascle says polygamy. "Not so,"

Says Impycu--"'twas luxury and show."

The parson, lifting up a brow of bra.s.s, Swears superst.i.tion gave the _coup de grace_, Great Allison, the statesman-chap affirms 'Twas lack of coins (croaks Medico: "'T was worms") And John P. Jones the swift suggestion collars, Averring the no coins were silver dollars.

Thus, through the ages, each presuming quack Turns the poor corpse upon its rotten back, Holds a new "autopsy" and finds that death Resulted partly from the want of breath, But chiefly from some visitation sad That points his argument or serves his fad.

They're all in error--never human mind The cause of the disaster has divined.

What slew the Roman power? Well, provided You'll keep the secret, I will tell you. I did.

THE HERMIT.

To a hunter from the city, Overtaken by the night, Spake, in tones of tender pity For himself, an aged wight:

"I have found the world a fountain Of deceit and Life a sham.

I have taken to the mountain And a Holy Hermit am.

"Sternly bent on Contemplation, Far apart from human kind---- In the hill my habitation, In the Infinite my mind.

"Ten long years I've lived a dumb thing, Growing bald and bent with dole.

Vainly seeking for a Something To engage my gloomy soul.

"Gentle Pilgrim, while my roots you Eat, and quaff my simple drink, Please suggest whatever suits you As a Theme for me to Think."

Then the hunter answered gravely: "From distraction free, and strife, You could ponder very bravely On the Vanity of Life."

"O, thou wise and learned Teacher, You have solved the Problem well-- You have saved a grateful creature From the agonies of h.e.l.l.

"Take another root, another Cup of water: eat and drink.

Now I have a Subject, brother, Tell me What, and How, to think."

TO A CRITIC OF TENNYSON.

Affronting fool, subdue your transient light; When Wisdom's dull dares Folly to be bright: If Genius stumble in the path to fame, 'Tis decency in dunces to go lame.

THE YEARLY LIE.

A merry Christmas? Prudent, as I live!-- You wish me something that you need not give.

Merry or sad, what does it signify?

To you 't is equal if I laugh, or die.

Your hollow greeting, like a parrot's jest, Finds all its meaning in the ear addressed.

Why "merry" Christmas? Faith, I'd rather frown Than grin and caper like a tickled clown.

When fools are merry the judicious weep; The wise are happy only when asleep.

A present? Pray you give it to disarm A man more powerful to do you harm.

'T was not your motive? Well, I cannot let You pay for favors that you'll never get.

Perish the savage custom of the gift, Founded in terror and maintained in thrift!

What men of honor need to aid their weal They purchase, or, occasion serving, steal.

Go celebrate the day with turkeys, pies, Sermons and psalms, and, for the children, lies.

Let Santa Claus descend again the flue; If Baby doubt it, swear that it is true.

"A lie well stuck to is as good as truth,"

And G.o.d's too old to legislate for youth.

Hail Christmas! On my knees and fowl I fall: For greater grace and better gravy call.

_Vive l'Humbug!_--that's to say, G.o.d bless us all!

COOPERATION.

No more the swindler singly seeks his prey; To hunt in couples is the modern way-- A rascal, from the public to purloin, An honest man to hide away the coin.

AN APOLOGUE.

A traveler observed one day A loaded fruit-tree by the way.

And reining in his horse exclaimed: "The man is greatly to be blamed Who, careless of good morals, leaves Temptation in the way of thieves.

Now lest some villain pa.s.s this way And by this fruit be led astray To bag it, I will kindly pack It snugly in my saddle-sack."

He did so; then that Salt o' the Earth Rode on, rejoicing in his worth.

DIAGNOSIS.