ON MY WAY HOME, I made quick stops at the library and the grocery store. I pulled into my driveway minutes before Anastasia's bus was due to arrive.

My new railings were fully installed. "What?" I said out loud.

I put my car into park and climbed out. The white paint could use some touching up in a few places, but other than that, they looked amazing.

Not only did I have crisp white wooden railings leading up to my front door, but my whole house suddenly looked adorable. It actually looked like a house I would have bought even if I wasn't looking for the cheapest one I could find.

I couldn't stop looking at it. This was a house that would hold a perfect little family: perfect mother, perfect father, 2.5 perfect little children. They'd spend Sat.u.r.days raking the yard and power washing the siding, and when they were finished with the weekend ch.o.r.es, they'd go out for pizza and a movie on Sat.u.r.day night.

Or they'd leave the well-adjusted, never-been-traumatized perfect little children with a babysitter who was on the honor roll at school, and fluent in at least two languages. Instead of plugging them into the TV so she could sneak her boyfriend into the house, the babysitter would play games with them all evening. Old-fashioned board games like Chutes and Ladders, Scrabble, Monopoly.

I unloaded everything from my car, happy for a chance to check out the railings again with each trip past. I knew Seth was responsible, but I was kind of half imagining that Billy had been the one to put them up. He would have noticed them propped up against my house when he picked me up for our bike ride, and then somehow managed to sneak over while I was out to put them up to surprise me.

Life with Billy would be like that: both of us solidly and predictably there for each other, but also always on the lookout for ways to surprise and delight.

I put the groceries away, then went back out to sit on my front steps and admire the railings some more.

"Hey, girlfriend," Cynthia yelled from about three feet away.

I jumped. "Geez," I said. "I didn't even see you."

"I know. I could have knocked you over with a fender."

"I bet," I said. I nodded in the direction of the railings. "So, how do you think they look?"

Cynthia gave me a thumbs-up with the hand not corralling her bangs.

The bus rolled down the street and stopped in front of my house. "Hey," Cynthia said. "You don't want to go away for a spa weekend, do you? I mean, I'm all for family bondage and everything, but the kids are wearing me out."

"Sure," I said. "Any time you have a client looking to get rid of a gift certificate, let me know."

The bus driver opened the door, and I waited for a glimpse of Anastasia. Cynthia's youngest, Parker, stepped off first. He ran over and threw his backpack at Cynthia, then took off in the direction of their house.

"Parker," she yelled. "Get back here right now!"

Parker kept running.

Cynthia bent down and picked up the backpack. "Don't be surprised if you find yourself looking for another backpack to throw, young man," she yelled.

She turned to me. "I almost picked you up some vertigo blinds my client was getting rid of this morning, but I think we should only go for high-end hand-me-downs."

"Vertical," I said. I mean, how could Cynthia build her business if no one corrected her when she misspoke?

"Vertigo," Cynthia said, "is what they give me. And, just for future reverence, if you absolutely have to wear that shirt with those pants, stay home."

22.

LOY KRATHONG IS TRADITIONALLY CELEBRATED IN THAILAND on the full moon night of the twelfth lunar month, which usually falls in November. Even though it was May, Anastasia and I decided to make it our dinner theme anyway, since it would go with the Thai food Seth was bringing.

I loved the beauty and simplicity of Loy Krathong. Loy, sometimes spelled Loi, means "to float," and krathongs are the lotus-shaped receptacles that hold lighted candles and incense as they drift on the water. During the festival, people all over Thailand gather beside ca.n.a.ls and rivers, light their candles, and add coins to their krathongs. Then they silently make a wish, place their krathongs in the water, and let them go.

It had been Anastasia's idea to fill the farm sink sitting in the middle of our kitchen floor with water. She made a krathong by gluing some packing peanuts to a piece of Styrofoam and then painting her creation until it looked loosely like a purple lotus. She placed some floating candles, shaped like little sunflowers, around the krathong, and then pulled a dandelion flower apart and sprinkled its narrow yellow petals over everything.

The water turned purple almost immediately. It was probably going to be a nightmare to clean up, but I had to admit it looked sweet in a messy kind of way. I also thought it was an added bonus that Cynthia's sink had finally come in handy for something other than tripping over.

"Make a wish, Mom," Anastasia said. She handed me a penny from the penny dish in our kitchen junk drawer.

I closed my eyes. I wished for Anastasia to sail smoothly through the rest of her life. I wished for Seth to never disappoint her. I wished to somehow find a way to connect my life to Billy's. I wished for a plumber to install the kitchen sink.

It was probably more than a penny's worth of wishes.

"So, what did you wish for?" I asked when I opened my eyes.

"I can't tell you," Anastasia said. "Or it won't come true."

She moved into the living room to sit on the back of the couch and look out the window while she waited for Seth. I hadn't been able to talk her out of wearing her fanciest dress. It was pink and linenlike, sleeveless with a wide white collar and a white satin bow. We'd bought it when Anastasia played a princess in her cla.s.s play last year.

It was getting snug around the armpits, and I'd barely managed to zip up the long zipper in the back, so I guess it didn't really matter if she got Thai food on it. And she really did look like a princess. I'd put her hair into a high ponytail and tied three long pink ribbons around the elastic. They fluttered when she moved her head, adding to the regal effect.

Seth wasn't due to arrive for another ten minutes, but it still broke my heart to see Anastasia watching and waiting for him. I couldn't help imagining the day he just wouldn't show.

She'd be sitting and sitting, checking the big old clock on the living room wall again and again. Then she'd start making excuses for him-maybe he'd lost track of time, maybe he was stuck in traffic, maybe he couldn't find his car keys.

Anastasia would begin to worry that Seth had been in an accident. And then, as the minutes ticked into hours, she'd get really worried. Finally, she'd insist I call the police and the hospital, and the whole time I'd be thinking: I just knew he'd let her down. I knew it.

"He's here!" Anastasia yelled. She jumped off the couch and practically flew out the front door.

I slid my feet into an old pair of flip-flops and followed at a more dignified pace.

By the time I got outside, Seth had already scooped Anastasia up into a big hug. He put her down on the ground, and she twirled around in her party dress. He put two fingers in his mouth and whistled a long woo-hoo.

Anastasia curtsied the way she'd curtsied in the play. "It's a little bit small because we bought it in third grade. I had to have it, because I got picked to be a princess."

"I can see why," Seth said. "You look exactly like a princess. Did you ever see Star Wars?"

"Only like a hundred times," Anastasia said. "But I'll watch it again if you want. I've seen the original trilogy and The Clone Wars. It's not as good, but at least it's animated."

Seth leaned into his car and pulled out a large take-out bag. He reached back in and handed Anastasia a shiny purple gift bag.

He finally noticed me. "Hey," he said. He was wearing jeans and another b.u.t.ton-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, this one with soft taupe pinstripes, so subtle they almost weren't there.

"Hey," I said. "Thanks for putting up the railings."

"The least I could do," he said.

"True," I said.

We looked at each other.

He grinned. "So, tell me what you really think, Jill."

Anastasia managed to wait until we got inside the house to open her present.

"OhmiG.o.d," she screamed. "It's my very own Purple People Reacher Phone! My wish came true already!"

"You didn't," I said.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Anastasia yelled. She was jumping all over the kitchen floor. In another minute, she'd trip and fall over the kitchen sink, and we'd all end up in the emergency room for st.i.tches.

"You're welcome," Seth said. He nodded at everything floating in the sink on the floor. "Did you do all that by yourself, Asia?"

"Yes!" Anastasia yelled. She was still jumping, and her ears had already turned red. "It's for Loy Krathong, and my wish came true already!"

I started putting plates on the table, so we could at least eat the Thai food before it got cold. Instead of offering to help, Seth sat down and started trying to clip the phone onto the sparkly purple lanyard that came with it.

"If you make a wish with someone on Loy Krathong," Seth said, "it means the person will be in your life forever."

Anastasia opened the penny drawer again. "Come on, Dad, let's make a wish."

I slammed a cabinet door shut. Seth and Anastasia both looked over.

"I meant you, too, Mom," Anastasia said. She held another penny out to me on her open palm.

"Thanks, honey," I said. I turned to Seth. "Don't you think you might have checked in with me first?"

"Why?" Anastasia said. "Why would we check in with you?"

I ignored her and waited for Seth to answer.

"I thought it would be a nice surprise," Seth said. "I know you need the phone for work, so it seemed like it would help out. I added Asia to my family plan-"

"Your family plan," I repeated.

"He's allowed to do that," Anastasia said.

"That way we'll have unlimited minutes together," Seth said. "And I got a great promotional deal on the phone. Plus, it's got a built-in GPS, which is an important safety feature for kids. I mean, we'll always know right where she is."

"Yeah," Anastasia said. "What's GPS again?"

I couldn't seem to stop myself. "Right," I said. "We haven't seen you in seven years, and now you want to know where she is."

I stomped off to the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror and tried to decide whether I wanted to spit or cry. A phone call to ask if the gift was appropriate would have been nice. A check to help out with the monthly bills would have been even nicer. It's easy to look like Santa Claus when you don't have to buy the groceries.

IT WAS THE SMELL OF THAI FOOD that brought me back to the kitchen. Anastasia and Seth had finished setting the table. They'd transferred the food from the take-out containers into bowls, something I had to admit Anastasia and I didn't always bother to do.

They'd also lit the little floating candles in the sink while I was gone and probably made a wish together, too. I made a silent little wish of my own that I could find a way to get through dinner without ruining it for all of us.

I sat at the table and took a sip of the wine Seth had already poured. It was a nice chardonnay, dry and oaky, the way I liked it.

Anastasia and Seth sat down, and Seth held up his gla.s.s. He smiled at me, and I did my best not to look away. "May you have warm words on a cold evening," he said, "a full moon on a dark night, and a smooth road all the way to your door."

Anastasia held up her milk. "And may you always have a Purple People Reacher Phone within easy reach!"

Seth touched his gla.s.s to hers. They both reached their gla.s.ses out to me.

I touched my gla.s.s to Anastasia's. "May your heart be light and happy," I said. "May your smile be big and wide. And may your pockets always have a coin or two inside."

Anastasia's face broke into a smile that was both big and wide. "Good job, Mom," she said.

"Thanks," I said. When I touched my winegla.s.s to Seth's, it made a musical little clink.

Seth put his gla.s.s down and pa.s.sed me the shrimp pad thai. "Your mother and I used to have toast contests," he said. "Mostly Irish, but any ethnicity would do in a pinch."

Anastasia reached for the chicken satay. "Tell me the story of how you met," she said.

I could feel Seth looking at me. I took a bite of pad thai, then a sip of wine.

"We met in Hiratsuka City, near Tokyo," Seth said. "We'd both gone there for Tanabata."

I concentrated on my pad thai.

Anastasia nibbled a bit of chicken off the skewer. "What's that?"

Seth put his gla.s.s on the table. "Tanabata means 'star festival.' It's a j.a.panese festival that takes place every year on July seventh. It's based on a Chinese folk legend about two stars, Vega and Alistair-"

"Altair," I said.

"Thanks," Seth said. "Anyway, Altair and Vega were lovers. All year long they were separated from each other by the Milky Way, but once a year, on the seventh night of the seventh month, and only if it didn't rain, they could meet."

"Cool," Anastasia said. "What if it rained?"

"Then they'd have to wait for the next year," I said.

"There are Tanabata celebrations all over j.a.pan," Seth said. "Sendai has one of the most famous ones, but that's way up in the north, so I went to Hiratsuka City, because it was closer, and so did your mom. The streets were all lit up and packed with people. And everywhere you looked, there were all these great big bamboo sculptures."

"People write their wishes on long strips of colored paper and hang them from the bamboo to make them come true," I said.

"That's how we found each other," Seth said. "I wanted to write a wish, but I didn't have a pen, so I turned around to borrow one from the prettiest girl there."

"What did the pen look like?" Anastasia asked.

"I don't remember," Seth and I both said at the exact same time.