She returned to school on Monday, ready to defend Haity if need be, or at least honor her memory. To her surprise, a number of classmates came over and told her they were sorry. When she opened her desk, she was surprised to find a notebook. It was larger than any she had ever seen, with a cover made of cardboard. There was a note inside.

EMILY,.

OUR CLASS MADE THIS NOTEBOOK FOR YOU. YOUR NATURAL TALENT IN THE ART OF IMAGINATION IS A GIFT, AND IF YOU TAKE CARE OF IT AS YOU DID YOUR FRIEND, IT WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU. USE THIS TO CREATE WHATEVER YOU WANT. ALTHOUGH I HAVE A FEELING THAT USING IT AS A JOURNAL WOULD BE SOMETHING YOU WILL CHERISH ONE DAY. EVERYONE SAW HOW CLOSE YOU AND HAITY WERE. WE'RE ALL VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.

SINCERELY,.

MISS TUCKER AND THE CLASS.

At recess, she sat with her notebook against the building, feeling as if the world would never be good again. She opened it and wrote on the first line I'm too sad to write.

That night she carried it to bed with her and wrote another sentence next to the first: I want to remember everything we shared. But I can't, not yet.

Her favorite spot during recess, once she had a quick swing, became a grassy area next to the building. There, she worked on her studies. It was more convenient this way instead of having to take her assignments home where it would interfere with her chores. Other times, she just sat and watched everyone else. Sally brought her a piece of birthday cake one day. After that, they talked, shared a ride on the swings, or played tetherball. Although Emily didn't expect anyone could take Haity's place.

CHAPTER FIVE.

A few weeks later, Emily was sitting against the building when Daniel, a boy three grades ahead of her, ran over from the basketball court. She had been aware of him lately, his slow smile, and easy manners, the way his hair fell over his right eye, and how he flung it back off his face. Although that wasn't the only thing that caught her attention: he'd grown a several inches within the last six months, which made him an inch or two taller than her. She was no longer the tallest kid in school.

He smiled down at her, and she watched a golden wave slide across his right cheek. She hadn't noticed until then how green his eyes were.

"Excuse me," he said, "but us guys..." He motioned toward the court. "Well, we're looking for another player. If you're interested."

From what she'd seen, he excelled in sports, always the one to calm the others whenever there was trouble.

She glanced over at the other boys who looked on hesitantly, smiling, joking to themselves. "Yes," she said looking back up at Daniel, "I think I am."

After that, she became one of them, on the court anyway; and whenever the boys needed an extra person on one team or another, they asked her to join. Usually it was Daniel who did the asking.

He began to sit with her from time to time. And then one day he walked her partway home from school.

They had just stopped at his turnoff when he leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. It made her stomach feel funny, like the time she caught Steven and Carol lying in front of the fireplace, kissing. She placed a hand over the spot, watching Daniel disappear up the road. Her cheek burned all the way home, and even more so as she lingered on the steps and then tiptoed into the kitchen.

Steven turned from where he was filling a thermos bottle with Kool-Aid. His eyebrows lifted curiously as if he could see right through her. She zipped past him, blurting something about how she was about to bring out the Kool-Aid, if he'd only waited. She smiled on her way upstairs to change, realizing the little episode he had with Carol made even more sense now that she had something to compare it to.

In her room, she went to the mirror, leaned forward until her lips touched the cold glass. Closing her eyes, she tried to recreate the scene she'd seen from the kitchen door. Though it was Daniel's warm lips she thought of as she curled up in bed.

The next day, she couldn't wait to see him. But he wouldn't even look at her. She was heartbroken and confused. If she asked him what was wrong and he turned away, that would even be worse. So, she put on an act, as if the swings and tetherball, and riding the merry-go-round were exactly where she wanted to be, when all she really wanted was to be close to him.

Eventually, she tired of the act, and went back to the spot against the building where she did her schoolwork.

Then one day, just like that, he came over and sat next to her.

"How've you been?" he asked, as if nothing had come between them.

Basketball was her game again, not only because she loved playing, but because of Daniel. He always made sure she was on his team. And although his personality was more subdued than most of the others, he cheered her on, giving her one of his slow, sweet smiles whenever she made a difficult shot.

On the last day of school, they were heading back inside after recess when he walked up beside her. "Makin' it over to play basketball this summer?"

"Well... I could." She didn't know how she would manage, but she had to find a way.

"My father sold the farm, so, any day's good for me. How 'bout you?"

"I'll try to make it, uhm... a week from this Friday."

That was the moment Daniel became her boyfriend.

Emily still felt the loss of Haity. But it had been close to a year since she died, and more often than not, it was the beautiful, funny moments she remembered. Her life at home hadn't changed, and although she didn't wallow in self-pity over the load she carried, going to school was a welcome release. At thirteen, things had never looked so good; not only would she be an eighth-grader the following school year and have extra privileges, but she would have a boy in the eleventh grade who was interested in her.

It wasn't even a week after school closed for the summer when Grandfather gave her an unexpected surprise. "Don't get all excited about going back to school, because you're not going."

"What?"

"You heard me. The load of cattle will be here in a day or two, and we're increasing the size of our crop. You know that."

"But you can't do this, remember? I have to go to school."

"Well, you did, but you don't no more. I already talked to the school board. Now, I don't wanna hear another word about it."

"You talked to them, and they said it was okay? What'd you say, anyway?"

He came at her and she backed against the wall, both of them glaring at each other. All at once, she wasn't so fearless anymore and she was grateful when someone came up the steps. Grandfather heard it too and backed off as Steven walked in.

She slipped around the old man and went to fix lunch, wishing she had the nerve to tell him how she felt, how mean, and unfair and ungrateful he was. If only he would sit and hash things out with her for once. That would never happen though, because he would just resent her for saying the truth.

Now that she wouldn't be going back to school in the fall, it seemed she wanted it more than ever. She missed math and science, anything to do with space, or the study of flowers and birds. She missed English, the reading, the essays and the recitations and all that was to come, even the homework. She missed taking the swings up as high as they would go, she missed playing basketball. But mostly she missed Daniel.

She thought of him every day, reliving the kiss a hundred times or more. She thought of him as she sat up in the sycamore tree watching the sun set over the ridge, thought of him as the colors changed against the dark shadows of the land from yellow to orange and then red. It was near as beautiful as he was. She thought of him as she pressed herself against the window above her bed to watch the moon. She thought of him sitting in their spot up next to the schoolhouse, not saying a lot, because he didn't talk much, just sat there with that woodsy, orange, and vanilla kind of scent he always left behind. Her blood stirred when she thought about the real kiss, the one on her lips that was bound to happen one day.

Not being able to return to school in the fall was hard to bear, but she was determined nothing would keep her from seeing Daniel. She waited for an opportunity to slip away and see him. But Grandfather was right, and they were busier than ever. She had little time for pining. Yet...

"What's gotten into you, young lady?" Grandfather said when he caught her looking out the window. "The damn stew's burnin'."

She rushed over and pulled the pot off the stove. "Sorry. Thought I heard something."

No one understood why she sulked around as if she were dying one minute and then stood dreamy-eyed the next. The fact was that nothing got her out of the rut faster than thinking about Daniel.

Besides her morning chores in the barn, the housework, and gardening, when the men were too busy to come home to eat, she took meals out to the field. On the days Steven went to town, she helped unload bales of hay, or went out and worked the fields. When extra help came in, she cooked and cleaned from sunrise until sunset.

CHAPTER SIX.

Without warning, there was a break in the madness. Emily was so excited when she heard the news she nearly tripped while carrying a container of hot gravy. Grandfather, Steven, and Timothy were driving to Watseka tomorrow afternoon.

She tossed and turned most of the night, but that didn't stop her from leaping out of bed before dawn to make breakfast, and then hurry with her chores. After lunch, cleanup, and a start on that night's dinner, she waited for them to leave. Then she headed wistfully up the road toward the schoolhouse. The warm breeze and whiffs of daffodils reminded her of when she had romped through the fields with Haity on the way for a swim. Even though her memory still came with grief; now, if the mood was right, a smile crossed her face when she thought of Haity.

Thankfully, Aunt Francine wasn't outside. Emily circled around in the ditch, then back up to the road a few yards beyond her aunt's driveway. Another half a mile and she was standing at Daniel's turnoff. Not sure where he lived, she squinted, looking for any sign of him. Just to think he was so near made her heart flutter.

She touched her cheek, remembering the kiss that had taken place on this very spot where she stood. The thought burned her face red, straight down to the middle of her chest, where it sat like a warm fire. She couldn't wait to see him fling his golden locks off his face again, couldn't wait to see his smile.

As she moved up the road, she thought of that smile and the twinkle in his green eyes so rich in color they reminded her of shimmering leaves off the afternoon sun. Nothing was more beautiful or important than him right now, and she loved the way thoughts of him consumed her.

When she reached the schoolhouse, she walked around the building and stopped to look up at the basketball hoop. The tetherball hung dirty, slightly blowing with the wind. She went over, picked it up and swung, winding it around the pole with one good punch. It felt good to be here again. If only she could go back to school in the fall, she would make better of it.

She went to the swings, and pumped herself up so high her spirits soared right through to the roots of her hair. Up there, it was easy to keep an eye out for him. When she saw someone come up the road, she held her breath until she knew it was Daniel by that slow steady saunter. Her heart thumped as he approached.

"Hi, Emily."

"Hi, Daniel," she said, sliding from the swing. "Came to play basketball. You wanna?" He nodded toward the court.

Daniel had always been reserved, shy in a way, and yet confident. She felt safe with him, felt a beautiful excitement brewing between them as they walked.

He looked over and smiled. "Glad you made it."

"Me too. Can't stay long though."

They made up games for two, losing a point for each basket missed, and gaining two for a backward shot over the head. She couldn't stop looking at him, couldn't stop the longing that was messing with her insides. When it was time to go, she didn't want to leave, not ever.

"Well, I'd better get home." Those words didn't come easy. Yet, if she were late, it may be over for them.

They headed up the road, slower than they probably should have, slowing even more as they approached his turnoff.

They were close enough to kiss, almost toe to toe, with the warm sun off her back and his green eyes glistening in the rays. Her pulse raced, and that familiar flush burned her cheeks. She knew this was the moment for that kiss she had been waiting for. His eyes drifted down to her lips and then back up to her eyes. Then he looked away, the moment gone in a split second, killed by a flicker of embarrassment.

He flipped the ball from under his arm, twirling it around on the tips of his fingers until it flew off into the ditch. He jumped in after it. As he climbed back up, he gave her one of those smiles that would stay with her long after he was gone. "When can I see you again?"

"Next Friday... about three." She said this already knowing it probably wouldn't happen, not with the way things were going back home.

Still, she counted the days, each one with more hope than the day before.

Whether she was gardening, canning, washing clothes, or cooking, thoughts of Daniel made life easier. These days her morning routine was to feed the animals, bring eggs in from the barn, fix breakfast, then clean up and go back out to milk the cows. Not much got her down except the thought of something stopping her from seeing the one person she needed to see the most.

Even the men's quarrels didn't upset her like they used to, now that she had someone in her life again-not even Tuesday morning's doozy of a row. It started the minute Timothy wandered into the kitchen.

"That damn tractor's ticking like an old washing machine, Pa," he grumbled on the way to the table.

Grandfather had already settled in and was loading his plate with scrambled eggs.

Emily hurried over with a pot of coffee, making sure to fill his cup first.

His shoulders slumped for a moment, he sighed, shaking his head, and then set the serving spoon down and picked up his fork.

Steven took a swig of coffee, glanced out the window, and then went to join the others. "Dropped the oil pan last night. Looks like the bearings are out."

Timothy had pulled out a chair and was sitting, tying his shoes laces. "Damn you, Timothy, you shudda told me."

"Didn't know till last night, ya ninny." He sat back as Emily placed sticks of bacon on his plate.

Timothy yanked his pants over his shoes and sat up, glaring at Steven. "Told you it was goin' out. Now whata I do?"

"Oh, crap. Take the John Deere then. There's plenty else I can do."

Emily couldn't help hearing the taunts and lashings, but her mind was elsewhere through most of it. Although, that didn't keep her from giving a big sigh when they left for work.

Just the thought of seeing Daniel lifted her spirits. She could be out slopping the pigs and find herself humming, or whistling a tune as long as she was thinking about him. Those daydreams were what kept her going, and they would continue until she was with him again.

When the kitchen was clean, she headed out to the barn and sat to milk a cow. It wasn't long before she closed her eyes, quivering at the thought of Daniel's arms folding around her, his eyes filled with passion, her lips rising to meet his.

"Emily! Look what you're doing." Steven stood over her with a bale of hay set on a shoulder.

She straightened, lowering her gaze to a puddle of milk that filled the lap of her skirt. Shaking it out, she pointed the cow teat back to the pail, watching Steven wandered off. She could just imagine what he thought, catching her with her head raised up and her lips out like a baby bird, begging for a meal.

He dropped the bail next to one of the stalls and looked back with a glint in his eyes and a grin that made her think he might have more of an imagination than she reckoned. She smiled and turned back to the cow.

Her concerted effort to be carefree didn't always come without struggle, but it felt real and kept her in a decent mood most of the time. Although, when Thursday rolled around, she knew her prediction had been right. They were so busy, no matter how she tried to rearrange a way to see Daniel on Friday, it would be impossible. With four or five extra people to cook meals for, three times day, there was barely a minute for herself. It was then as she saw the days stretch out until they seemed to disappear into the horizon, that even her daydreams couldn't keep the blues away.

On the fourteenth day of not seeing him, she hurried up the road with her stomach in knots, certain he had given up on her for sure this time. As she passed his turnoff, she stopped, looking long and hard, hoping to get a glimpse of him. But there was nothing but dirt and gravel, and a few tumbleweeds drifting across the road.

She reached the schoolhouse and headed for the swings. Halfway there, she thought she heard something and stopped to listen. Off to the back of the building came the steady thump, thump, thump of a basketball.

She rushed around the building.

He grinned and stuck the ball under his arm, flicking his hair back. "Decided to finally make it, huh?"

"Meant to come sooner. I tried." She ached with the memory of missing him, and wanted to fling herself into his arms.

He pulled the ball from under his arm and put a shot through the hoop.

She grabbed the rebound, and they began to play their usual games. But things had changed. Every time he brushed against her, she felt a mixture of frustration and excitement. She wished that whatever was stirring inside her would stop. Yet, at the same time, she was weak from wanting him near. Finally, she became so overwhelmed with those crazy emotions she caught the ball and walked off.

"Hey, where you going?"

She bolted across the grass. "Last one to the swing is a dead rat!"