Missus: "Shoo! Shoo! Tom, carn't you see that fowl?"

Selector: "Now I think 'Caesar's Column' is more likely--.

Just look at--"

Missus: "Shoo! Shoo!"

Selector: "Just look at the French Revolution."

Corny: "Now, Henry George--"

Tom: "Marther! I seen a old-man kangaroo up on--"

Missus: "Shut up! Eat your dinner an' hold your tongue.

Carn't you see someone's speakin'?"

Selector: "Just look at the French--"

Missus (to the fowls): "Shoo! Shoo!" (turning suddenly and unexpectedly on Jacky): "Take your fingers out of the sugar!-Blarst yer! that I should say such a thing."

Neighbour: "But 'Lookin' Back'ards'--"

Missus: "There you go, Tom! Didn't I say you'd spill that tea? Go away from the table!"

Selector: "I think 'Caesar's Column' is the only natural-"

Missus: "Shoo! Shoo!" She loses patience, gets up and fetches a young rooster with the flat of the broom, sending him flying into the yard; he falls with his head towards the door and starts in again.

Later on the conversation is about Deeming.

Selector: "There's no doubt the man's mad--"

Missus: "Deeming! That Windsor wretch! Why, if I was in the law I'd have him boiled alive! Don't tell me he didn't know what he was doing! Why, I'd have him--"

Corny: "But, Missus, you--"

Missus (to the fowls): "Shoo! Shoo!"

That There Dog O'Mine.

MACQUARIE the shearer had met with an accident. To tell the truth, he had been in a drunken row at a wayside shanty, from which he had escaped with three fractured ribs, a cracked head, and various minor abrasions. His dog, Tally, had been a sober but savage partic.i.p.ator in the drunken row, and had escaped with a broken leg. Macquarie afterwards shouldered his swag and staggered and struggled along the track ten miles to the Union-Town Hospital. Lord knows how he did it. He didn't exactly know himself. Tally limped behind all the way, on three legs.

The doctors examined the man's injuries and were surprised at his endurance. Even doctors are surprised sometimes-though they don't always show it. Of course they would take him in, but they objected to Tally. Dogs were not allowed on the premises.

"You will have to turn that dog out," they said to the shearer, as he sat on the edge of a bed.

Macquarie said nothing.

"We cannot allow dogs about the place, my man," said the doctor in a louder tone, thinking the man was deaf.

"Tie him up in the yard then."

"No. He must go out. Dogs are not permitted on the grounds."

Macquarie rose slowly to his feet, shut his agony behind his set teeth, painfully b.u.t.toned his shirt over his hairy chest, took up his waistcoat, and staggered to the corner where the swag lay.

"What are you going to do?" they asked.

"You ain't going to let my dog stop?"

"No. It's against the rules. There are no dogs allowed on the premises."

He stooped and lifted his swag, but the pain was too great, and he leaned back against the wall.

"Come, come now! man alive!" exclaimed the doctor, impatiently. "You must be mad. You know you are not in a fit state to go out. Let the wardsman help you to undress."

"No!" said Macquarie. "No. If you won't take my dog in you don't take me. He's got a broken leg and wants fixing up just-just as much as-as I do. If I'm good enough to come in, he's good enough-and-and better."

He paused awhile, breathing painfully, and then went on.

"That-that there old dog of mine has follered me faithful and true, these twelve long hard and hungry years. He's about-about the only thing that ever cared whether I lived or fell and rotted on the cursed track."

He rested again; then he continued: "That-that there dog was pupped on the track," he said with a sad sort of smile. "I carried him for months in a billy can and afterwards on my swag when he knocked up...And the old s.l.u.t-his mother-she'd foller along quite contented-and sniff the billy now and again-just to see if he was all right...She follered me for G.o.d knows how many years. She follered me till she was blind-and for a year after. She follered me till she could crawl along through the dust no longer, and-and then I killed her, because I couldn't leave her behind alive!"

He rested again.

"And this here old dog," he continued, touching Tally's upturned nose with his knotted fingers, "this here old dog has follered me for-for ten years; through floods and droughts, through fair times and-and hard-mostly hard; and kept me from going mad when I had no mate nor money on the lonely track; and watched over me for weeks when I was drunk-drugged and poisoned at the cursed shanties; and saved my life more'n once, and got kicks, and curses, very often for thanks; and forgave me for it all; and-and fought for me. He was the only living thing that stood up for me against that crawling push of curs when they set onter me at the shanty back yonder-and he left his mark on some of 'em too; and-and so did I."

He took another spell.

Then he drew in his breath, shut his teeth hard, shouldered his swag, stepped into the doorway, and faced round again.

The dog limped out of the corner and looked up anxiously.

"That there dog," said Macquarie to the Hospital staff in general, "is a better dog than I'm a man-or you too, it seems-and a better Christian. He's been a better mate to me than I ever was to any man-or any man to me. He's watched over me; kep' me from getting robbed many a time; fought for me; saved my life and took drunken kicks and curses for thanks-and forgave me. He's been a true, straight, honest, and faithful mate to me-and I ain't going to desert him now. I ain't going to kick him out in the road with a broken leg. I-Oh, my G.o.d! my back!"

He groaned and lurched forward, but they caught him, slipped off the swag, and laid him on a bed.

Half an hour later the shearer was comfortably fixed up. "Where's my dog?" he asked, when he came to himself.

"Oh, the dog's all right," said the nurse, rather impatiently. "Don't bother. The doctor's setting his leg out in the yard."

Going Blind.

I MET him in the Full-and-Plenty Dining Rooms. It was a cheap place in the city, with good beds upstairs let at one shilling per night-"Board and residence for respectable single men, fifteen shillings per week." I was a respectable single man then. I boarded and resided there. I boarded at a greasy little table in the greasy little corner under the fluffy little staircase in the hot and greasy little dining-room or restaurant downstairs. They called it dining-rooms, but it was only one room, and there wasn't half enough room in it to work your elbows when the seven little tables and forty-nine chairs were occupied. There was not room for an ordinary-sized steward to pa.s.s up and down between the tables; but our waiter was not an ordinary-sized man-he was a living skeleton in miniature. We handed the soup, and the "roast beef one", and "roast lamb one", "corn beef and cabbage one", "veal and stuffing one", and the "veal and pickled pork" one-or two, or three, as the case might be-and the tea and coffee, and the various kinds of puddings-we handed them over each other, and dodged the drops as well as we could. The very hot and very greasy little kitchen was adjacent, and it contained the bathroom and other conveniences, behind screens of whitewashed boards.

I resided upstairs in a room where there were five beds and one wash-stand; one candle-stick, with a very short bit of soft yellow candle in it; the back of a hairbrush, with about a dozen bristles in it; and half a comb-the big-tooth end-with nine and a half teeth at irregular distances apart.

He was a typical bushman, not one of those tall, straight, wiry, brown men of the West, but from the old Selection Districts, where many drovers came from, and of the old bush school; one of those slight active little fellows whom we used to see in cabbage-tree hats, Crimean shirts, strapped trousers, and elastic-side boots-"larstins", they called them. They could dance well; sing indifferently, and mostly through their noses, the old bush songs; play the concertina horribly; and ride like-like-well, they could ride.

He seemed as if he had forgotten to grow old and die out with this old colonial school to which he belonged. They had careless and forgetful ways about them. His name was Jack Gunther, he said, and he'd come to Sydney to try to get something done to his eyes. He had a portmanteau, a carpet bag, some things in a three-bushel bag, and a tin box. I sat beside him on his bed, and struck up an acquaintance, and he told me all about it. First he asked me would I mind shifting round to the other side, as he was rather deaf in that ear. He'd been kicked on the side of the head by a horse, he said, and had been a little dull o' hearing on that side ever since.

He was as good as blind. "I can see the people near me," he said, "but I can't make out their faces. I can just make out the pavement and the houses close at hand, and all the rest is a sort of white blur." He looked up: "That ceiling is a kind of white, ain't it? And this," tapping the wall and putting his nose close to it, "is a sort of green, ain't it?" The ceiling might have been whiter. The prevalent tints of the wall-paper had originally been blue and red, but it was mostly green enough now-a damp, rotten green; but I was ready to swear that the ceiling was snow and that the walls were as green as gra.s.s if it would have made him feel more comfortable. His sight began to get bad about six years before, he said; he didn't take much notice of it at first, and then he saw a quack, who made his eyes worse. He had already the manner of the blind-the touch in every finger, and even the gentleness in his speech. He had a boy down with him-a "sorter cousin of his"-and the boy saw him round. "I'll have to be sending that youngster back," he said. "I think I'll send him home next week. He'll be picking up and learning too much down here."

I happened to know the district he came from, and we would sit by the hour and talk about the country, and chaps by the name of this and chaps by the name of that-drovers, mostly, whom we had met or had heard of. He asked me if I'd ever heard of a chap by the name of Joe Scott-a big sandy-complexioned chap, who might be droving; he was his brother, or, at least, his halfbrother, but he hadn't heard of him for years; he'd last heard of him at Blackall, in Queensland; he might have gone overland to Western Australia with Tyson's cattle to the new country.

We talked about grubbing and fencing and digging and droving and shearing-all about the bush-and it all came back to me as we talked. "I can see it all now," he said once, in an abstracted tone, seeming to fix his helpless eyes on the wall opposite. But he didn't see the dirty blind wall, nor the dingy window, nor the skimpy little bed, nor the greasy wash-stand; he saw the dark blue ridges in the sunlight, the gra.s.sy sidings and flats, the creek with clumps of she-oak here and there, the course of the willow-fringed river below, the distant peaks and ranges fading away into a lighter azure, the granite ridge in the middle distance, and the rocky rises, the stringy-bark and the apple-tree flats, the scrubs, and the sunlit plains-and all. I could see it, too-plainer than ever I did.

He had done a bit of fencing in his time, and we got talking about timber. He didn't believe in having fencing-posts with big b.u.t.ts; he reckoned it was a mistake. "You see," he said, "the top of the b.u.t.t catches the rain water and makes the post rot quicker. I'd back posts without any b.u.t.t at all to last as long or longer than posts with 'em-that's if the fence is well put up and well rammed." He had supplied fencing stuff, and fenced by contract, and-well, you can get more posts without b.u.t.ts out of a tree than posts with them. He also objected to charring the b.u.t.ts. He said it only made more work, and wasted time-the b.u.t.ts lasted longer without being charred.

I asked him if he'd ever got stringy-bark palings or shingles out of mountain ash, and he smiled a smile that did my heart good to see, and said he had. He had also got them out of various other kinds of trees.

We talked about soil and gra.s.s, and gold-digging, and many other things which came back to one like a revelation as we yarned.

He had been to the hospital several times. "The doctors don't say they can cure me," he said; "they say they might be able to improve my sight and hearing, but it would take a long time-anyway, the treatment would improve my general health. They know what's the matter with my eyes," and he explained it as well as he could. "I wish I'd seen a good doctor when my eyes first began to get weak; but young chaps are always careless over things. It's harder to get cured of anything when you're done growing."

He was always hopeful and cheerful. "If the worst comes to the worst," he said, "there's things I can do where I come from. I might do a bit o' wool-sorting, for instance. I'm a pretty fair expert. Or else when they're weeding out I could help. I'd just have to sit down and they'd bring the sheep to me, and I'd feel the wool and tell them what it was-being blind improves the feeling, you know."

He had a packet of portraits, but he couldn't make them out very well now. They were sort of blurred to him, but I described them and he told me who they were. "That's a girl o' mine," he said, with reference to one-a jolly, good-looking bush girl. "I got a letter from her yesterday. I managed to scribble something, but I'll get you, if you don't mind, to write, something more I want to put in on another piece of paper, and address an envelope for me."

Darkness fell quickly upon him now-or, rather, the "sort of white blur" increased and closed in. But his hearing was better, he said, and he was glad of that and still cheerful. I thought it natural that his hearing should improve as he went blind.

One day he said that he did not think he would bother going to the hospital any more. He reckoned he'd get back to where he was known. He'd stayed down too long already, and the "stuff" wouldn't stand it. He was expecting a letter that didn't come. I was away for a couple of days, and when I came back he had been shifted out of the room and had a bed in an angle of the landing on top of the staircase, with the people brushing against him and stumbling over his things all day on their way up and down. I felt indignant, thinking that-the house being full-the boss had taken advantage of the bushman's helplessness and good nature to put him there. But he said that he was quite comfortable. "I can get a whiff of air here," he said.

Going in next day I thought for a moment that I had dropped suddenly back into the past and into a bush dance, for there was a concertina going upstairs. He was sitting on the bed, with his legs crossed, and a new cheap concertina on his knee, and his eyes turned to the patch of ceiling as if it were a piece of music and he could read it. "I'm trying to knock a few tunes into my head," he said, with a brave smile, "in case the worst comes to the worst." He tried to be cheerful, but seemed worried and anxious. The letter hadn't come. I thought of the many blind musicians in Sydney, and I thought of the bushman's chance, standing at a corner sw.a.n.king a cheap concertina, and I felt very sorry for him.

I went out with a vague idea of seeing someone about the matter, and getting something done for the bushman-of bringing a little influence to his a.s.sistance; but I suddenly remembered that my clothes were worn out, my hat in a shocking state, my boots burst, and that I owed for a week's board and lodging, and was likely to be thrown out at any moment myself; and so I was not in a position to go where there was influence.

When I went back to the restaurant there was a long, gaunt, sandy-complexioned bushman sitting by Jack's side. Jack introduced him as his brother, who had returned unexpectedly to his native district, and had followed him to Sydney. The brother was rather short with me at first, and seemed to regard the restaurant people-all of us, in fact-in the light of spielers, who wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of Jack's blindness if he left him a moment; and he looked ready to knock down the first man who stumbled against Jack, or over his luggage-but that soon wore off. Jack was going to stay with Joe at the Coffee Palace for a few weeks, and then go back up country, he told me. He was excited and happy. His brother's manner towards him was as if Jack had just lost his wife, or boy, or someone very dear to him. He would not allow him to do anything for himself, nor try to-not even lace up his boots. He seemed to think that he was thoroughly helpless, and when I saw him pack up Jack's things, and help him at the table, and fix his tie and collar with his great brown hands, which trembled all the time with grief and gentleness, and make Jack sit down on the bed whilst he got a cab and carried the traps down to it, and take him downstairs as if he were made of thin gla.s.s, and settle with the landlord-then I knew that Jack was all right.

We had a drink together-Joe, Jack, the cabman, and I. Joe was very careful to hand Jack the gla.s.s, and Jack made a joke about it for Joe's benefit. He swore he could see a gla.s.s yet, and Joe laughed, but looked extra troubled the next moment.

I felt their grips on my hand for five minutes after we parted.

Arvie Aspinall's Alarm Clock.

IN ONE of these years a paragraph appeared in a daily paper to the effect that a constable had discovered a little boy asleep on the steps of Grinder Bros.' factory at four o'clock one rainy morning. He awakened him, and demanded an explanation.

The little fellow explained that he worked there, and was frightened of being late; he started work at six, and was apparently greatly astonished to hear that it was only four. The constable examined a small parcel which the frightened child had in his hand. It contained a clean ap.r.o.n and three slices of bread and treacle.

The child further explained that he woke up and thought it was late, and didn't like to wake mother and ask her the time "because she'd been washin'". He didn't look at the clock, because they "didn't have one". He volunteered no explanation as to how he expected mother to know the time, but, perhaps, like many other mites of his kind, he had unbounded faith in the infinitude of a mother's wisdom. His name was Arvie Aspinall, please, sir, and he lived in Jones's Alley. Father was dead.

Afew days later the same paper took great pleasure in stating, in reference to that "Touching Incident" noticed in a recent issue, that a benevolent society lady had started a subscription among her friends with the object of purchasing an alarm clock for the little boy found asleep at Grinder Bros.' workshop door.

Later on, it was mentioned, in connection with the touching incident, that the alarm clock had been bought and delivered to the boy's mother, who appeared to be quite overcome with grat.i.tude. It was learned, also, from another source, that the last a.s.sertion was greatly exaggerated.

The touching incident was worn out in another paragraph, which left no doubt that the benevolent society lady was none other than a charming and accomplished daughter of the House of Grinder.

It was late in the last day of the Easter holidays, during which Arvie Aspinall had lain in bed with a bad cold. He was still what he called "croopy". It was about nine o'clock, and the business of Jones's Alley was in full swing.

"That's better, mother, I'm far better," said Arvie, "the sugar and vinegar cuts the phlegm, and the both'rin' cough gits out." It got out to such an extent for the next few minutes that he could not speak. When he recovered his breath, he said: "Better or worse, I'll have ter go to work to-morrow. Gimme the clock, mother."

"I tell you you shall not go! It will be your death."

"It's no use talking, mother; we can't starve-and-sposin' somebody got my place! Gimme the clock, mother."

"I'll send one of the children round to say you're ill. They'll surely let you off for a day or two."

" 'Taint no use; they won't wait; I know them-what does Grinder Bros. care if I'm ill? Never mind, mother, I'll rise above 'em all yet. Give me the clock, mother."

She gave him the clock, and he proceeded to wind it up and set the alarm.

"There's somethin' wrong with the gong," he muttered, "it's gone wrong two nights now, but I'll chance it. I'll set the alarm at five, that'll give me time to dress and git there early. I wish I hadn't to walk so far."

He paused to read some words engraved round the dial: Early to bed and early to rise Makes a man healthy and wealthy and wise.

He had read the verse often before, and was much taken with the swing and rhyme of it. He had repeated it to himself, over and over again, without reference to the sense or philosophy of it. He had never dreamed of doubting anything in print, and this was engraved. But now a new light seemed to dawn upon him. He studied the sentence awhile, and then read it aloud for the second time. He turned it over in his mind again in silence.

"Mother!" he said suddenly, "I think it lies." She placed the clock on the shelf, tucked him into his little bed on the sofa, and blew out the light.

Arvie seemed to sleep, but she lay awake thinking of her troubles. Of her husband carried home dead from his work one morning; of her eldest son who only came to loaf on her when he was out of gaol; of the second son, who had feathered his nest in another city, and had no use for her any longer; of the next-poor delicate little Arvie-struggling manfully to help, and wearing his young life out at Grinder Bros. when he should be at school; of the five helpless younger children asleep in the next room: of her hard life-scrubbing floors from half-past five till eight, and then starting her day's work-washing!-of having to rear her children in the atmosphere of brothels, because she could not afford to move and pay a higher rent; and of the rent.

Arvie commenced to mutter in his sleep.

"Can't you get to sleep, Arvie?" she asked. "Is your throat sore? Can I get anything for you?"

"I'd like to sleep," he muttered, dreamily, "but it won't seem more'n a moment before-before--"

"Before what, Arvie?" she asked, quickly, fearing that he was becoming delirious.