"What do you mean 'and then what?'"

"Whose room did you go to?"

"Mine for chrissake. And he went to his. What do you think I am, dammit? A wh.o.r.e?"

"We were hardly speaking to each other that week, if I remember correctly."

"So? You think I run out and get laid by a stranger every time we have a fight?"

"No, but apparently you have dinner with one."

"G.o.dd.a.m.n you!" She grabbed her coat again and stared at him. Now she was blazing. f.u.c.k him. She'd tell him the whole story, and if he didn't like it he could take his whole G.o.dd.a.m.n life and shove it. "Yeah, so I had dinner with him. And I had drinks with him after that. And I had lunch with him two days later. And if Tygue hadn't run away that day, I'd probably have had dinner with him that night. But that's all I b.l.o.o.d.y did. No, as a matter of fact, come to think of it, I kissed him. Whoopee. I'm twenty-nine years old and I kissed him. But that's all I did, you sonofab.i.t.c.h, and I don't need you to play watchdog. I can keep myself out of other men's beds all by myself. And as a matter of fact, smarta.s.s, I spent days being grateful that Tygue had run away. Because I was just unhappy enough at that point, and insecure enough about us, that maybe I would have gone to bed with him. But I didn't. And I was so glad I hadn't. Because I didn't want to. Because I love you, you stupid sonofab.i.t.c.h, not anyone else."

She was screaming and trembling and the sobs were starting to shake her voice, but she stood up, waving the letter and advancing on him. Nick was feeling greatly subdued by his effect on her. He had never seen her get like that. Never. She looked as though she were going to have a stroke and fall dead at his feet. And he suddenly felt foolish for making such a stink of it. He knew she was telling the truth, he'd just been upset when he came home and found the letter. He knew she was faithful to him, though he was upset by the kiss. But he could live with a kiss, and he was glad, too, that she hadn't done more. But it was too late to be glad. She stood over him waving the letter. "And you know what you can do with this? You can take it to Philip Wells and cram it down his throat. And then you can both go to Vanessi's and eat the f.u.c.king zabaglione for all I care. But get the h.e.l.l out of my life!" And then, sobbing, she reeled around, threw the letter on the floor, grabbed her bag and coat, and walked out. She stopped in the doorway for a moment, afraid she was going to faint again and he looked at her. Something was terribly wrong with her.

"Are you all right?"

"Mind your own G.o.dd.a.m.n business." And with that she slammed out of the house. Tygue was visiting a friend, so she knew she didn't have to be there, and now she didn't want to be there with Nick. f.u.c.king Philip Wells. She hated them both. And then, she suddenly realized she'd left her car downtown. She set off toward the Bay, on foot, crying like a child. Why had Philip done this to her? And why had Nick read the letter? And why had she kissed him that day in New York? She sat down on a secluded garden wall a few blocks away, and stayed there for a while with her face in her hands, sobbing, and wis.h.i.+ng she were dead.

At home, Nick was still sitting in the living room, staring at the letter she had thrown on the floor, wis.h.i.+ng he'd handled things differently. He had never seen her that emotional. And then she had stopped in the doorway, looking absolutely green. He had to get her to a doctor. Maybe it was her nerves. The phone broke into his thoughts, and he scooped the letter up on the way. He crumpled it and threw it into the wastebasket next to the phone.

"Mrs. Harper? No, I'm sorry, she's out. Is she what? What do you mean is she all right? She what? ... Oh my G.o.d.... No, no, it's all right. I'll take care of it." He sat very still for a moment, and called Felicia. He was lucky to catch her, it was almost six. But she agreed to come over right away. She could hear in his voice that something was wrong.

"Where's Tygue?" She looked around as she came in. The house seemed unusually quiet and dark.

"Spending the night at a friend's. It's not Tygue, Licia. It's Kate. I think something terrible is wrong with her." He sat down in the living room again, and held his head in both hands. Felicia sat down across from him and looked at him for a minute.

"You don't look so hot either. What happened?"

"I made an a.s.s of myself." He walked to the waste-basket and scooped up the letter and handed it to her. "I found that when I came home, in an unmarked envelope. I thought it was for me."

"Oops." She looked up at him with a wry smile, and he wasn't smiling.

"I confronted her with it when she got home, like a total a.s.s. And she told me the whole story. It's nothing. But what totally wiped me out is what happened to her. Jesus, Licia, I've never seen her do that. She just fell apart. She screamed and shook and she looked like she was going to pa.s.s out. She's been looking horrendous lately, and she won't see a doctor. She's working too hard, she's not sleeping enough, she's tired all the time, she cries when she thinks I don't know it. I think she's sick. Or something. I don't know what the h.e.l.l it is." And then he looked over at Felicia with the clincher. "Customer Relations at Saks just called. She pa.s.sed out in the elevator there this afternoon. I'm worried sick."

"I take it she's not home now?" Felicia looked worried too.

He shook his head. "No. She blazed out of here ... over this ..." He waved the letter and then crumpled it again.

Felicia hated to ask. But Kate was not really one for intrigues. Even though the little minx had said nothing about New York. And then she did remember a gleam in Kate's eye when she had asked her about Gino's. But that didn't explain the histrionics and the fainting. "Is it possible ... could she be with that guy?"

Nick shook his head again. "Not in the state she was in when she left here. And ... no, I know she's not."

"I don't think she is either. And she's a grown woman. She'll just have to be reasonable and go to a doctor. She didn't eat a thing for lunch. But she's not losing weight." And then she sat back in her chair and narrowed her eyes.

"What is it?" He looked more nervous than ever. Was there something else he didn't know?

"Something rings a bell." She looked back into his eyes. "I'm afraid I have no experience with it myself, but methinks I've seen this one before with Kate. Then, I thought it was just what was happening-because of Tom." Felicia frowned, wondering. It would be a h.e.l.l of a relief.

"Her nerves?"

"No. Not exactly." She looked at him with a small smile. "Far be it from me to pry into your private lives, but is it possible that she's pregnant?"

"Kate?" He looked stunned.

"Not Tillie, I hope." He shared a laugh with her at the thought.

"I don't know. I hadn't thought of it I always figured that if something like that happened, she'd know, and-"

"Don't rely on that. Half the women I know never figure it out till they're about three months pregnant. You figure the flight to New York threw you off, the food, your s.e.x life, G.o.d knows. Anyway, for whatever the reasons, people seem not to notice a lot these days." Jesus. The very idea of "not noticing" made her break out in a sweat. But Kate was the kind not to. "Any chance that's it? She had some incredible temper tantrums when she was pregnant with Tygue. Usually about the press, so they were justified, on the surface anyway. But when you thought about it later, you knew she'd gone way overboard. She fainted a couple of times too. And for the first couple of months, she looked dreadful. But"-she looked at him somberly-"she was going through a lot then."

"She's gone through a lot in the last couple of months too." He sat back and tried to think. He was still trying to shake off the idea that she was either having a nervous breakdown or dying of cancer. Pregnant? He hadn't thought of it, and then suddenly he remembered.

"Jesus. I forgot. The night Tygue ran away, the first time ... we kind of kidded about it ... she forgot her diaphragm." He looked over at Felicia apologetically, for regaling her with the details. "Anyway, it's certainly possible. So much has happened since then, I think we both forgot. Or I did anyway. You really think she doesn't know, if it's that?" He looked suddenly elated.

"She might not. But don't get excited. I may be wrong. By the way, have you got anything to drink?" She lit another cigarette and stood up. "It's been a b.i.t.c.h of a day."

"Yeah." He echoed the sentiment and walked over to the bar. They always kept the fixings for a martini close at hand, in case she dropped by. "Now what do I do?"

"Wait till she comes home, and ask her."

"What if she doesn't come home? What if she goes out with that guy?" He paled at the thought and then he flushed as he viciously mixed her martini.

"Don't take it out on my drink, Nick. She'll come back. Did she take the car?" But it was a dumb question. Of course she had. But Nick was looking at her strangely again.

"That's right. She came home in a cab. She must have left her car downtown." Felicia didn't like the sound of that. She must have been feeling like h.e.l.l to do that.

"I think you're just going to have to wait this one out and ask her. And will you do me a favor"-she finished her drink and set down the gla.s.s-"will you please let me know? If she's sick, I want to know about it." He nodded his head miserably, and Felicia stood up. "I hate to do this to you, but I have to get moving. I'm being picked up at eight and I have to do a lot of repair work before then." She was going to the symphony. With someone new.

"Yeah. I'll call you." And then he looked at his watch too. "d.a.m.n. I'm going to have to leave in a minute too. I have to do the show."

"Maybe she'll be home when you get back." Felicia patted his shoulder as he walked her to the car, and she wondered to herself what he'd be like in bed. Beautiful and strong. She had decided that before, Kate was a lucky girl. She looked up at him and smiled. "She'll be all right. And h.e.l.l, you may even wind up a daddy."

"G.o.d, Felicia. I'd love it."

"Just do me a favor, and stick around. I couldn't go through the delivery number again." But the gruffness of her voice told him she could. For Kate.

"Don't worry, Licia, this time you won't have to. I just hope it's that." As he walked back into the house, he found himself thinking back, and suddenly he was almost sure of it. He'd have been ready to celebrate as he drove to work, if only he'd known if she was all right. She could have done anything, the way she was acting when she left the house. Anything.

But all she had done was sit on the wall she had found and cry. And at last she sat there and just s.h.i.+vered. She wanted to go home, but not until she knew he was gone. And at twenty after seven, she walked back to the house, went upstairs, took off her clothes, and went to bed. She was exhausted. She didn't wake up until she felt Nick gently shaking her shoulder.

CHAPTER 37.

"Kate?" She felt him shaking her softly, and it was still dark outside when she looked up. It was almost dark in the room. There was only one lamp lit, in the far corner, and it gave off a soft glow. "Hi, babe." He rubbed her back softly and she closed her eyes again. His hands felt so good. But she was mad at him. She remembered that as she started to wake up.

"What do you want?"

"To talk to you."

"What about?" She refused to open her eyes, but she could hear a fire burning in the grate.

"Open your eyes."

"Go away." But she was starting to smile now, and he saw it. He bent down and kissed her cheek.

"Stop that."

"I want to ask you something."

She opened an eye. "Not that again." She was frowning.

"No, not that again."

"Then what?"

"What happened at Saks today?" He was smiling down at her and speaking very softly, but his eyes still looked worried. He hadn't been able to think all night, as they taped the show. And he had raced home to see if she was there. He had almost cried with relief when he saw her huddled form under the covers. He didn't care if she hated him; at least she was home, and not dead somewhere, sick, or mugged, or hysterical. But she hadn't answered him. "Tell me about Saks."

"Is there anything about me you don't know?" She sat up and looked at him in astonishment. "Are you having me followed?" She looked stunned, but he shook his head with a small, rueful smile.

"No, they called. They wanted to make sure you got home all right. So what happened?"

"Nothing."

"That's not what they said."

"All right, so I pa.s.sed out. I ate too much for lunch." That wasn't what Felicia had said either, but he didn't want to make her feel totally boxed in, so he didn't say it.

"Are you sure it was that?" He reached out carefully and held her face in his hands. Her eyes instantly filled with tears, and she started to relax in his hands.

"What do you think it was, Nick?"

"I think maybe ... I hope ..." He looked at her so tenderly that the tears only came more quickly, and he smiled. "Is it possible, Cinderella, that you're pregnant?" He watched her very closely and she pulled slowly away from his hands.

"Why would I be pregnant?" But like Felicia earlier, there was a look about her, as though she were mentally running her fingers through file cards, remembering, matching events, and then suddenly she looked at him with a sheepish grin. "Maybe. I hadn't even thought of that."

"Possibly more than maybe?" He looked at her hopefully.

"Maybe a lot more than maybe. Jesus, I don't know how come I didn't think of that." She had begun to wonder if she had some rare disease. She grinned at him and he kissed her softly, and then hungrily, feeling carefully in her nightgown for her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "I would be about seven weeks pregnant. It was the night Tygue ... wasn't it?"

"I don't know. Is it too soon to find out if you are?"

"No. This is just about right."

"Want to try again?" She laughed as he lay next to her on the bed.

"Try again, huh?"

"Sure. Why not?"

But they didn't need to. She was pregnant. The test was positive the next day.

"Are you sure?" He was beside himself when she hung up the phone after getting the results of the test. The nurse's voice had been unemotional. "Harper? Oh. Here it is. Positive."

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes I am, and yes I'm sure. That's what the lady said anyway." She slid her arms around his neck and he beamed at her.

"Oh Kate, I love you."

"I love you too." She said it softly, her voice m.u.f.fled in his arms. "And I'm sorry about New York." She hadn't said that to him the night before, and she had wanted to.

"It's all right. Nothing happened. But if you ever go back there, I'm sending an armed guard." And then suddenly he looked at her seriously, as he held her gently in his arms. "I don't want you to tour while you're pregnant. Not at all. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"What about your new book? Will you be willing to wait before you go anywhere? It won't hurt your career to wait a few months."

"It won't be out for another year anyway. Perfect timing." She grinned up at him and ruffled his hair. He was taking it all so seriously. She didn't feel as nervous about this pregnancy as she had with Tygue, but that had been a long time ago too. In some ways, this felt new. And it would be so nice to have Nick there. She held him very tight for a few minutes, and they each smiled at their own thoughts. And then he looked down at her again.

"Promise me you won't push while you're pregnant."

"Push what?" She tried to make light of it.

"Kate ... please ..." He wanted this child more than anything. She understood.

"Relax, darling. I promise." She could feel him relax as he held her close again, and the phone rang next to them. She looked at him with a grin. "Maybe they changed their minds."

"Tell them it's too late. We accept." She smiled at him and answered the phone, but her face clouded instantly.

"Hi, Stu." She could feel Nick tense beside her.

"That's a surprise. When? ... I don't know." She looked at Nick and smiled, but he was already panicking. He had started stalking the room, his face filled with despair. It was starting again. Weinberg and his f.u.c.king trips.

"You promised!"

"Relax!" She whispered it with a hand over the phone, and tried to continue the conversation with Weinberg. And then finally to him a vague "I'll see." But suddenly Nick couldn't take anymore. He grabbed the phone away from her and put his hand over the receiver.

"You tell him that the person he's trying to exploit is pregnant, and he can take his next f.u.c.king tour, or whatever the h.e.l.l he's calling about, and shove it up his a.s.s." He looked at her in desperation, but she was grinning as she retrieved the phone.

"Sorry, Stu." She grinned at Nick and his face lightened a little as she said the words. "He won't play in the tournament with you. He thinks you're trying to exploit him. And he's pregnant. Very temperamental." Nick rolled his eyes and sat down with a grin. "No, he said you could shove it up your a.s.s. That's what he said.... Fine. I'll tell him." She hung up and stood looking at Nick. "You worry too much, Mr. Waterman." She was grinning broadly.