"What, love?"

"Were you really serious about never remarrying?"

She nodded and looked hard at him before answering. "Yes." He could hardly hear the word, but he was sorry when he did.

"Why?"

"I can't explain it. I just know I can't."

"That's not fair. And it doesn't make sense." Or maybe it was just too soon to push. He searched her face and saw something pained come into her eyes again. He was sorry he'd brought it up. "Maybe you don't owe me any explanations."

"There are none to give." She ran a hand softly down his back and looked at him in a way that made his insides tie into a satiny knot. "All I can tell you is that I'll do anything you want, but not marriage." She said it intensely, and he gave her a lecherous smile.

"Given what I'm thinking at this very moment, Cinderella, that suits me just fine." And he did not mention marriage again. He made love to her on the towel, in the sand, and then bobbing in the waves in front of the house.

"Nick, you're indecent!" She ran laughing and breathless back to the towel and lay down, smiling up at him, as he fell carefully on top of her, catching himself on his arms.

"Look who's talking. I didn't do it by myself, you know."

"Nicholas ... Nick ... N ..." Her voice faded away as he kissed her again and spread her legs softly with his in the warm sand. It was well into the afternoon before they went back to the house, tired and brown and happy, and as though they'd been lovers for years. And then with shock, Kate looked at a clock on the wall in the kitchen. "Oh my G.o.d!"

"What's wrong?" He looked over his shoulder with a mouth full of grapes.

"Tygue. He'll be home at four. I totally forgot!" It was the first time in six years she had done that. She had even forgotten Bert, but at least she had fed him before leaving the house the day before. He only ate once a day, and he could get in and out through his own special door.

"Relax, darling. It's only three."

"But ..." He shut her up with a kiss, and shared one of his grapes pa.s.sed delicately and uncrushed through his lips. "Will you stop that? I have to ..." But she was laughing now. "I'm serious."

"So am I. I packed this morning. All I have to do is shower, and strip the bed, and we'll get back in plenty of time. Do you want to call Joey's parents?"

"Maybe I should. Christ, I probably should have done that last night. What if something happened to him, or ..." He kissed her again while picking up the phone, which he handed her with a smile.

"It's not a sin to have a good time yourself for a change." He kissed her again. "Call. I'll start the shower." She joined him in it five minutes later. "Everything okay?"

"Fine." She looked sheepish. "He doesn't even sound like he missed me."

"Of course not. Not with two new goats to distract him. Did Joey's dad get the pony?" He lathered himself and handed her the soap. It smelled of carnations.

"Two of them. One for Joey's sister."

"Sounds like a good man."

"So are you." They kissed again under the spray, with the smell of carnations all around them.

"No funny stuff, young lady. We have to get home."

"Well, listen to you." But she was amused. He seemed to be good at all things. Being a lover, being a father, being a friend. He was right to want to get married. He would have made a marvelous husband ... would have made ... she thought the words with regret as she handed back the soap, and let the spray of hot water rinse her clean.

They were dressed and the house was closed twenty minutes later. She had packed up the kitchen while he finished dressing, and she stood next to him with a sorrowful look as he locked the front door. He turned and saw her, and then pulled her into his arms with a smile.

"Aw, sweetheart, come on. It's not over. This is just the beginning." It was crazy but there were tears in her eyes. The weekend had been so lovely, she didn't want it to end. She wanted it to go on forever. And now she had to go back to being Tygue's mother, and driving up to see Tom. She wanted to stay in Santa Barbara with Nick forever. But he had to get back to reality too.

"But what happens now?" She sagged against the railing for a moment, and looked into his eyes. But there was nothing frightening there at all, only oceans of love.

"Why don't we just see what happens? I can have this house every weekend for as long as I like. The guy who owns it never uses it. It's not flashy enough for him so he just lets it sit here and rents it out. So it's all ours if we want it. And I can drive up from L.A. every night if you want me to. After the show. I could be there by midnight, and gone by the time Tygue gets up."

"Nick, that's crazy. You'll be a wreck." But she had to admit she loved the idea.

"We could give it a try, and you can come down to L.A. and try it on for size. Ease into it, if you want. There's a whole lot we can do, Cinderella. I told you, this is just the beginning. The gla.s.s slipper fit, didn't it?" He leaned over and kissed her, brus.h.i.+ng the soft, flying hair from her eyes. "I love you. That's all." That's all. So simple. And everything he said sounded wonderful ... except that she had her own decisions to make. She had to move at her own pace, in her own time. And there was Tygue to think of too.

"What do we do about Tygue?"

"Let him grow into things too. Trust me. I think I can manage that."

"I think you can too."

"So, is it settled then? Are you satisfied?" She nodded happily as she slid a hand into his arm and walked down the steps to their cars. Nothing was settled, but it all sounded d.a.m.n good.

"Do you want to follow me back?" It seemed obvious that he'd come home with her, but he shook his head and unlocked his car as she stood next to hers with a look of surprise.

"No. I think you need some time with Tygue. How about if I come by around six? I have some things I could do in Santa Barbara."

"For two hours?" He nodded, and she felt a sudden wild stab of jealousy. What if he had a woman in town? What if that was why he usually came to this house? What if ... but he saw the look in her eyes and started laughing.

"Darling, you are perfect and I adore you." He walked over to her and took her tightly into his arms. "You looked like you were about to kill somebody."

"I was." She looked over his shoulder with an embarra.s.sed smile.

"Not me, I hope."

"No. The woman I imagined you were seeing."

"Kate, my love, I can honestly tell you that I don't have a single woman friend in this town. I usually come up here to get away from it all. And as for the rest of them, I will happily hold a public burning of my little black book in front of city hall at high noon on Monday."

"Why wait that long? I'm sure I've got a match." She fumbled with the pockets of her s.h.i.+rt and he tweaked her nose.

"I'm sure you do. We'll use it later. Now get your a.s.s back to your kid, you jealous b.i.t.c.h, before I rape you right here on the front steps."

"In front of my station wagon?"

"Anytime." He held the door to her car open and she slipped inside. He shut the door carefully and leaned inside for a last kiss. "Drive carefully, please."

"Yes, sir. See you at six."

"On the dot."

He waited until she had pulled away, and then got into his own car and turned toward town.

CHAPTER 21.

"Hey, Mom! It's Nick!" His shouts of glee echoed precisely what she felt, and the two of them raced outside with Bert as the long blue Ferrari came to a gravelly stop. The two exchanged a quick look over the child's head, and then Nick's attention was entirely Tygue's. He hopped out of the car and swept the boy into his arms with ease. "How were the goats?"

"Great! And Joey got two ponies. Well, one is supposed to be for his sister. But it isn't. She's a creep, and she's scared of it. What a dumb girl, it's a great pony."

"I'll bet it is." He put the boy down and turned to reach into his car. "Tygue, when you visit a lady, when you grow up, it is always a good idea to bring her flowers and candy. So ..." He pulled out an armful of lilac and tulips, and handed Tygue a huge box wrapped in gold. "Your mom gets the flowers, you get the candy." Tygue looked immensely pleased with the arrangement, and his mother looked equally so.

"You're spoiling us, Nicholas."

"Anytime, Cinderella." He put an easy arm around her shoulders, and held out a hand to the boy, and together they walked inside. It was a warm summer night, with only a slight breeze to bring a chill to the air. Tonight it was too warm for a fire. Instead, they sat on the floor and sang songs and ate hot dogs and potato salad until Tygue went to bed. He was already half asleep when he got there, deposited by Nick, and tucked in by his mother. He was sound asleep when they left the room. And Nick took her into his arms as soon as she closed the door. "Okay, s.e.xy one, which way to yours?" And then he stunned her by picking her up off her feet. "Next." She was laughing softly as she gave him directions, and he deposited her on her bed. It was a cheery room done in bright flowered prints. Licia had given her the matching bedspread and curtains and beautifully covered chairs as a house-warming present six years ago, but they looked as pretty and cheerful as ever.

"It looks like a garden." He looked surprised and pleased. There were flowers and plants all over the room, and lots of white Victorian wicker.

"What did you expect? Black satin?"

"Jesus. I'd have dropped you on your a.s.s in the doorway."

"Is that so?" She was smiling broadly as she unb.u.t.toned his s.h.i.+rt. "And what did you do in Santa Barbara, monsieur?"

"Shopped a little, walked a little, and missed you a lot." And with that, he sat down carefully on the bed and took her in his arms. She forgot all about what he had done in Santa Barbara.

Until the next day, when a message arrived. He had called her three times that morning after going back to L.A. He had left at six-thirty, half an hour before she got Tygue up. And so far so good, the system worked, but she wondered how long he would be able to stand it. It was a h.e.l.l of a commute to L.A., three hours each way. But he had sounded chipper on the phone, and he hadn't said anything to prepare her for the arrival of a message shortly after three. It came just after Tygue got in from school. The message said that there was a package for Tygue Harper at the post office in Santa Barbara. It gave the address of a branch Kate didn't know, and said he had to pick it up in person. Kate suspected Licia was at it again. Now what? Maybe a car. She had jokingly promised to wait till he was six. Kate grinned to herself as she started the car. He had insisted on setting out at once, and he'd have been impossible to live with if she hadn't.

It took them half an hour to reach the address, but when they did, she knew there must be some mistake. It wasn't a post office, it was a house, with a tidy-looking white barn out back, and a few small corrals. Kate was about to drive away when she saw a man wave with a cowboy hat and a grin. Tygue waved back, and then the man hurried toward them, as Kate sighed. She wanted to get on with it. They still had to find the post office before it closed. But the man was already abreast of the car and looking in at them purposefully with the same big smile.

"Tygue Harper?"

"Yes!" He practically shouted it.

"We have a package for you." He winked at Kate, who was totally at a loss.

"Is this the post office?" Tygue looked excitedly from his mother to the man.

"No. But we do have the package for you." And then suddenly Kate knew. She would have groaned, but she didn't dare. He had done it. She put her face in her hands and started to laugh as Tygue jumped out of the car and ran off excitedly with the man. Kate got out of the car more sedately and followed them to one of the corrals. She saw the man in the cowboy hat open the gate, and still holding tightly to Tygue's hand, lead him over to a beautifully groomed brown and blond Shetland pony. "See that, son?" Tygue nodded in awe-struck silence as his mother and the man in the hat looked on. "That's your package, Tygue. He's all yours."

"Oh ... Oh! ... OH! MOM!" And then he ran toward the pony and threw his arms around its neck. It was wearing a bright red bridle and a spanking new saddle. Kate watched his face, wis.h.i.+ng Nick could see it too. Then the man in the cowboy hat reached into his pocket and fished out two letters, one for Tygue and one for his mother.

"Want me to read it to you, sweetheart?" She knew he was too excited to be able to read his own name. He was cooing and stroking the little pony, who seemed enchanted with the attention.

"What does it say?"

"It says ..." She opened the letter carefully and smiled at the message. "It says, 'Thought this would look nice with the new cowboy suit your mom got you in L.A. He's all yours. Give him a good name, and I'll be seeing you in the rodeo real soon. Nick.'"

"Wow! Can I keep it?" He looked at her imploringly and she nodded.

"I guess so. Nick said he's all yours, didn't he?"

Tygue nodded ferociously.

"Then you can keep him. What are you going to call him?" But in the pit of her stomach there was suddenly a squeamish twinge. This was an enormous gift. Just what did it mean?

"His name is Brownie." This time he didn't need to ask Willie. He knew instantly.

And then she had a minute to open her own letter from Nick, "Fifteen minutes to buy flowers. Ten minutes to buy chocolates. Five minutes looking in the phone book for name of stables. Twenty minutes getting here. Sixty-five minutes to choose pony and make arrangements. Five minutes to dream of you. Two hours, all accounted for. I love you, darling. See you later. Love, Nick." And then he had added a P.S. explaining that he'd made all the necessary arrangements to leave the horse there, unless she wanted him taken over to the Adams ranch, but they could discuss that later-"among other things."

The "other things" took priority when he reached the house at midnight. When he arrived, they went straight to the bedroom and Nick unraveled his tired body on the bed with a sigh and a smile.

"Long night?" Kate smiled over at him, still a little startled at the newness of seeing a man on her bed.

"Not really. I was just anxious to get back here all day. And it felt like it took forever to tape the show tonight and drive up here."

"That's quite a commute, Mr. Waterman."

"I think you're worth it, Mrs. Harper." He sat up on the bed and held out his arms as she stood for a moment and watched him. And then slowly she walked toward him and sat down next to him as he pulled her closer. "Feeling shy tonight, Kate?"

"Maybe a little." They smiled again, and he pressed his lips down softly on hers. She didn't feel shy a moment later when he slid his hand into her s.h.i.+rt and ran it over her breast until her nipple was hard in his fingers. She felt an urgency begin to build in her loins as his mouth pressed harder on hers, and his hand found her other breast. The years of celibacy seemed to melt from her body once again, as his hands searched the silk of her flesh, and then finally moved downward until he found what he wanted.

It was hours before they had had enough of each other, and they lay side by side amid the rumpled sheets. He was smoking a cigarette and she was drawing circles on his chest with a lazy finger. He turned to her then and for the first time in hours, he remembered Tygue.

"What about the pony? Did he like it?"

"Are you kidding? He almost died on the spot." But there was a moment of silence before she said anything further, and Nick glanced over at her with a smile.

"And? ... There's more in your voice, Kate. Angry at me?"

"Angry? How could I be? No ..." But he was right. There was something more. She looked at him squarely and her brow furrowed for a moment. "I don't know how to say this, Nick, it sounds so ungrateful. He was thrilled with the pony, and it's an unbelievable present for a little boy. It's like a dream come true. You're like a dream come true. Maybe that's what's bothering me though. What I'm trying to say ... I don't want all of this to be just a dream. I don't want you to be a dream. I want all of this to be real. And maybe ... maybe if ..."

"Maybe if I just vanish, then where will you both be? Is that it, Kate?" He looked as though he understood all that she felt, and she was relieved that he didn't look angry.

"I guess that is it, Nick. What would happen if suddenly you weren't here anymore? One minute ponies and presents and promises of Disneyland, and the next ..." She didn't want to finish the sentence, but she looked truly worried. And the business of spoiling Tygue worried her too. It was too much like Tom's grandiose generosity ... near the end.

"I'm going to be here, Kate. For a long, long time. As long as you'll let me be here. I'm not going anywhere." That was what Tom had said. But life wasn't like that. She knew better now.

"You don't know that. You have no control over that. You may want to be here, but you never know what fate has in store for you."

"Darling"-he leaned carefully toward her and took her worried face in his hands-"what I love most about you is your optimism." She grinned sheepishly up at him and shrugged.

"I guess it'll just take me time to adjust to all the good things that are happening to me."

"It may take Tygue a little while to adjust too. Don't kid yourself, even the bearers of ponies and promises of Disneyland can be viewed with suspicion."