aThe shirt is not for sale,a the clerk said tersely, her earlier enthusiasm no longer on display. She reached for Didias pile and began folding the items for checkout.

Natalie stepped forward. aWhatas going on?a The salesclerk looked Kelly up and down with obvious disdain.

aForget it, Natalie,a Kelly said, her normally soft eyes blazing with fury. aIall see you all back at the ship.a She stormed through the racks and out the front door.

aWhat was that all about?a Didi asked.

aLetas get out of here,a Natalie said as she grasped what had happened.

aFine. Let me just pay for this.a aLeave it. Weall take our business elsewhere.a The clerk ignored her and began scanning the items Didi had stacked on the counter. aThis one is ten percent off,a she said cheerily.

Natalie spun Didi around. aIf you spend one nickel with this bigot, Iall never speak to you again.a aWhat are you talking about?a aShe refused Kelly service because of how she looked.a The clerk jutted her chin out defiantly. aFine, you can tell your friend to come back. I will sell her the shirt.a aYou can keep your shirt, and everything else. Itas obvious you donat want business from lesbians.a She dropped her items on the counter and marched out with the others in tow. A quick scan of the street revealed no sign of Kelly. As they gathered on the sidewalk, she braced for a tantrum from Didi, who surprised her with casual indifference.

aShe didnat waste any time getting out of here,a Yvonne said.

aDo you blame her?aNatalie turned to the group.aThank you all for standing up to that. Iam proud to call you my friends.a aAll for one and one for all,a Didi quipped sarcastically.

aEspecially you.a aYou threatened me. What choice did I have?a She grinned and nodded toward another shop. aLetas try our luck somewhere else.a Natalie didnat feel much like shopping anymore, but she didnat want to let the others down after they had come through for Kelly. She followed them from store to store, grasping Stephas forearm at regular intervals to check the time on her watch.

Kelly exhaled slowly as she pulled the barbell behind her head. With practically everyone ash.o.r.e in St. Lucia, she had the run of the weight room and a burning need to let off steam. There was no better way to channel her irritation. What happened was bad enough, but the worst part was that Natalie and the others had seen the whole thing and were probably embarra.s.sed by it. Didi was undoubtedly having a field day with it.

She finished her reps and wiped the sweat from her neck and chest. Her muscles would be screaming tomorrow from this abuse.

Yvonne walked past the window and abruptly stopped. aSo this is where youare hiding. Natalieas been looking all over the ship for you.a aJust chilling. Sorry I ran off.a She spun the towel in a twist and hung it around her neck. aI was so close to losing my temper with that woman. I didnat want to ruin everybodyas fun.a aYeah, wellayou may have held on to your temper, but Natalie sure let go of hers. She ripped that woman a brand-new a.s.shole and marched us all out of there without buying a thing.a aYouare kidding. Even Didi?a She listened in disbelief as Yvonne described the scene. aWow. I didnat mean to cause all that trouble. It wasnat really that big a deal to me. I just felt bad for dragging all of you into it.a Yvonne slapped her on the shoulder.aIam going to tell Natalie I found you. Sheall probably come around.a aTell her Iall be back in the cabin in about an hour. I think Iam going to go sit in the steam room awhile.a She returned to her locker and traded her clothes for a large bath towel. She was tempted to go in nude, but the way her luck was running, half the women on the ship would suddenly decide they needed a steam bath. Sure enough, about ten minutes into her bath, the door opened and a figure emerged through the fog.

aKelly?a It was Natalie, wearing one towel around her body and another on her head.

aThis is a nice surprise.a Her pulse rate agreed.

aG.o.d, itas like Mississippi in here.a She chuckled and slid over on the bench. aI didnat expect you to come looking for me.a aI was worried about you.a Kelly liked the idea of Natalie being concerned, but not over this. aI told Yvonne it was no big deal. It was embarra.s.sing, but I canat let people like that get to me. I left so there wouldnat be a scene.a Natalie chuckled. aWell, there was one anyway.a aSo I heard. Yvonne said you and that woman had a smackdown.a aWe did. And it cost her a couple of thousand dollars in sales because I made everybody put their stuff back.a aI donat think anyone ever stood up for me like that. It was wonderful.a And very sweet of her to come into the steam room wrapped only in a towel. Kelly would have sworn the temperature had shot up ten degrees.

aIt made me mad. She had no right to treat you that way.a aOf course she didnat. But people in the islands arenat really accepting of gays. I found that out when I was stationed down here. Itas not their cultureaexcept in Key West. Itas like a little oasis.a aYouare too forgiving for your own good. n.o.body would have blamed you if you had decked her.a Kelly chuckled. aI felt like it, if you want to know the truth. But I know what people see when they look at me.a It was hard to focus on their conversation as she watched the sweat pour down Natalieas neck into the funnel of her cleavage. aI know I have a choice. I can grow my hair longer and put on a little makeupa wear Capri pants and eyelet tops like yoursaput on some dangly earrings. Then I wonat shock so many people. But none of that stuff feels like me. Iad rather be who I am and put up with people like that. I try not to get upset about it. Itas their problem, not mine.a Natalie blew out a deep breath and put her hand on Kellyas bare shoulder. aI donat know what those other people see when they look at you, but I see someone whoas beautiful inside and out.a aThank you.a Kelly wouldnat let herself read too much into that. She knew the difference between someone who was abeautifula and someone who was abeautiful inside and out.a Still, it was one of the nicest things a woman had ever said to her, and because the woman who said it happened to be Natalie Chatham, it was that much more appreciated.

aI donat know how you stand this heat.a Natalie hitched up her towel and stood. aI should go back to the room and get ready for dinner. Weare getting together for drinks in the observation lounge at five thirty.a aIall meet you there. I brought my stuff to shower and change in the locker room.a She followed Natalie to the door and stopped. aThanks for coming down to talk to me.a aFriends do that.a aAnd this friend promises not to worry you by running off again.a aThen I guess we wonat be needing that electronic ankle bracelet I picked up today.a Kelly couldnat resist a wink. aHang on to it just in case. You never know when something like that could come in handy.a The timer on the steam shower ticked off its final seconds and went silent as the water droplets settled on the tile. Kelly gave it another whirl and returned to the bench for a few more minutes of heat and solitude. She was touched that Natalie had been concerned enough to seek her out and especially that she had engineered a protest on her behalf.

At the same time, she was mildly disappointed at what she had read between the lines. Natalie seemed to be laying out her feelings, and they were purely in the realm of friendship. Anything more had been a ridiculous pipe dream on her part, one that made too much of holding hands, Wave Runners and morning coffee.

She dragged herself from the steam room to the shower and washed away the salt of her sweat. Her dress clothes for the night were in her locker. The black slacks she had worn the other night had held their crease, and looked sharp. She smoothed her white tank top over her torso just as another woman entered the locker room and did a double-take at the Ladies sign on the door. It was all Kelly could do not to flash her t.i.ts. Instead, she turned her back and put on her new silk shirt, the one she had purchased at another store only moments after storming out of the first one. It was ordinary for the most part, but the lightweight leather jacket that had covered it on the mannequin was what sold it. She had a feeling Natalie would like it. h.e.l.l, she bet even Didi would like it.

Chapter 15.

Steph slid into the large round booth next to Natalie, who was nursing a gla.s.s of white wine. aJust a ginger ale, please,a she told the waiter.

Natalie raised her eyebrows. aGinger ale?a aYou know how I am. Too much booze zonks me out, and Yvonne said if I fell asleep on her tonight she was throwing me overboard.a aIt has the opposite effect on the pair next door to me. They just get loud.a Steph shuddered. aI bet thatas hard to listen to.a aActually, itas hard not to listen to, but Kelly picked me up some earplugs. Works wonders.a aDid you see Kelly? Is she okay?a Natalie waved a hand dismissively. aSheas fine, like it never happened.a aI find that hard to believe. Are you sure she isnat just putting up a brave front?a aI really think sheas okay. I looked all over for her when we got back and thought for sure Iad find her brooding in the bar. Yvonne said she was taking a steam bath, so I went down there to see about her. It made my skin feel great, by the way. We need to put that on our list.a She stopped talking as the waiter delivered Stephas drink. aAnyway, Kelly says sheas used to people treating her like that, and itas their problem, not hers.a Steph was looking at her with a teasing smile.

aWhat?a aYou and Kelly took a steam bath together?a aWe justa"a She should have kept that detail to herself. aWe had on towels.a aThat sounds kind of s.e.xy.a You have no idea. Natalie felt the beginnings of a blush, and panicked as Yvonne entered the lounge. Kelly was probably only moments away. aTime to talk about something else.a aLike what?a aI donat care. Road kill.a She scooted over to make room for the new arrivals. aThat looks gorgeous, by the way,a she said, fingering the material of Stephas new dress, a black shift with a silver chain belt.

aThanks. Pamela has a good eye.a Indeed she did, Natalie thought. And with a gift for matching the style to the woman rather than herding all ages and body types into the fashion of the day, which was Didias strategy. Didi believed women needed to adapt to the new styles, or risk being seen as old-fashioned. That didnat leave a lot of room for self-expression. Zero room, in fact, for women like Kelly.

Natalie watched the door, wondering what Kelly had in store for their formal night. If Didi dared to make a rude remark, she was cruising for a bruising. No way was she going to sit by and let Kelly be ridiculed again, not even in jest.

Didi and Pamela appeared in the doorway and scanned the room. They both wore outfits they had purchased in St. Luciaa" Didi in a cream-colored silk pantsuit and Pamela in a light orange c.o.c.ktail dressa"and looked sensational. Didi detoured toward the bar to place her drink order and Pamela squeezed into the booth.

aPamela, that color looks good on you. Brings out your tan.a aThank you, Natalie. Apricotas always a risk for me with my skin tone. It would look fantastic on you, but then with your coloring, practically anything would.a It occurred to Natalie that Pamela always managed to say something sweet and make it sound genuine. Didi could take a lesson on that. aThatas very kind of you.a Didi sat down and glared at each of them one by one. aI donat want to hear one word about it. Is that clear?a Natalie covered her mouth to stifle a gasp. The skin around Didias eyes, which had been swollen and burned yesterday, had begun to peelahideously, in large flakes that bared red splotches on her eyelids and cheeks. The makeup she had worn to hide it only made it worse, calling attention to the contrast. aDoes it hurt?a aNot a word,a Didi answered gruffly. aLetas talk about something else. Whatas the show tonight?a aIam not sure,a Steph said, abut I hope itas appealing.a She pressed a fist to her lips to hold in her grin.

aYeah, something eye-catching,a Yvonne added, also choking back a laugh.

Steph continued, her face contorted comically. aI just hope they donat try to slough off something on the flaky side.a Everyone suddenly erupted in laughter, even Pamela, which left Didi fuming. aOh, yes. Youare all very f.u.c.king cute. Now you can kiss my a.s.s.a aLighten up, Didi,a Natalie said. aIt is what it is. You might as well laugh about it.a Didi made a face. aThis whole trip has been a disaster. Whose idea was this anyway?a aMine,a Yvonne said. aAnd I have to admit youave been the poster child for bad luck. We should make you wear your lifejacket all the time just in case.a aAnd I should probably have my own food tester.a Natalie laughed along, until a familiar figure in the doorway drew her attention. Everyone turned in unison as Kelly approached the table, looking positively dashing in black pleated slacks with a lightweight leather jacket. A thin black tie hung loosely from the open collar of a light blue silk shirt, the tiny mother-of-pearl b.u.t.tons giving the whole look a subtle feminine twist. Her hair sported just a hint of gel, enough to give it lift and texture. On Kelly, it wasnat just the fashionable androgynous look. It was exactly who she wasa"and Natalie thought it was fabulous.

aDonat everybody speak at once,a Kelly said, pushing her hands in her pockets and rocking back on her heels.

aCome sit by me,a Natalie said when she found her voice.

aAnd when sheas done there, she can sit by me,a Steph whispered, leaning into Natalieas ear.

Kelly breathed an inward sigh of relief that her choice for formal night had apparently pa.s.sed muster, even with Didi, who had snidely congratulated her for pulling off that alook.a The compliment had surprised her, so much that she refrained from asking about the unsightly red, flaky rings around Didias eyes.

Only one opinion really mattereda"Natalieasa"and though she had yet to comment, Kelly was getting a nice vibe from the way she had looked her up and down. Now she hung back to walk with her from the lounge.

aTheyare taking photos again tonight,a Yvonne said.

aNot of me, they arenat,a Didi snarled. aWeall meet you at the table.a Natalie turned and fingered Kellyas jacket. aDidi was right,a she said, shyly raising her eyes. aThis is a really good look for you. You should get a picture.a aIam glad you approve. For once Iam worthy of the company Iave been keeping.a She nodded toward the photographeras line. The Christmas tree was gone, a scenic backdrop in its place. aIad be honored if youad stand with me. That dress is too beautiful to look at only once, and so is the woman wearing it.a It was a cheesy remark, but it produced the smile she hoped to see, and they joined the line. An awkward silence, reminiscent of a junior high date, ensued as Kelly giddily soaked up the sensation of actually feeling as ifa"for the moment, anywaya"they were a couple. Something had definitely shifted between her and Natalie in the steam room, and now there was an undercurrent that hadnat been present before. It was too early to read it, though, and Kelly didnat want to jump the gun and spoil what might be happening.

When they reached the front of the line, the photographeras a.s.sistant motioned for them to stand in front of the backdrop, a moonrise over the ocean. aTogether?a Kelly nodded, and allowed the woman to position them so that her hand rested on Natalieas hip.The woman placed Natalieas hand on top in an intimate pose and the photographer snapped off the photo. aYouare going to like that one a lot,a she said.

As far as Kelly was concerned, it would be her favorite photo of all time.

By the time they reached the table, Didias mood had degenerated to the point that she was berating the waiter over the selection of entrees. In this light, Kelly could see the problem with her eyes and figured they were bothering her a great deal.

Yvonne helped Steph into her chair and took the open seat next to Didi. aYou need to chill, Didi. That s.h.i.t will clear up in a day or so, but weall still have the same waiter.a aWhatas it to you, Yvonne?a she snapped.

aShhh,a Steph said, patting Yvonneas hand before she could respond.

Didi pushed her chair back. aAnd since they donat have anything decent on the menu tonight, I might as well go back to my cabin and order chicken fingers from room service.a Pamela started to rise, but Didi put a hand on her shoulder.

aI donat need a babysitter.a Everyone exchanged uneasy looks as she stormed off.

aSorry about that,a Yvonne said.

Natalie shook her head. aIt wasnat your fault. She canat stand having her face look like that.a aYeah, but I should have known not to push her b.u.t.tons.a aAll of you coddle her too much,a Pamela said. aWhen she acts like a brat, you should treat her like one.a The women exchanged quizzical looks and several began to chuckle. Steph even lifted her water gla.s.s in a mock toast, but Kelly waited to take her cue from Natalie, who was clearly not amused. She wasnat exactly rising to Didias defense, but she wasnat piling on either.

aI feel sorry for her,a Natalie said. aSheas had nothing but bad luck this whole trip. You too, Pamela. Neither of you have been able to relax and have a good time, what with being stuck in your cabin and now a bad sunburn. I donat want to add teasing her to all that.a Pamela nodded sheepishly and laid her linen napkin on her plate. aI should probably go see about her. No matter what she said about not needing a babysitter, we all know she didnat mean it.a aSee if you can get her to come to the show tonight.a Kelly also felt sorry for Didi tonight, but not enough to let her tantrum ruin their whole evening. What worried her most was that the episode would dampen Natalieas mood, which had been cheerful up to now.

Not only had she had been in good spirits, she was making a real show of cozying upa"but now that Didi was gone, there was no need for the pretense.

Yvonne patted her stomach as she sat down in the theater. aMy diet starts the day I get back to Rochester.a Steph hooked her arm through Yvonneas elbow. aDonat talk about either one of thosea"diets or Rochester. I still have five more days of vacation.a aFine, but in my next life, I want to be able to eat like Kelly.a Natalie had taken the seat beside Steph, saving the aisle seat for Kelly, who tugged at her tie as she sat down. aYou can eat like her if youall get up and run four miles every morning like she does. I think she actually likes it.a aOne mile would use up my whole energy quota for the week,a Steph said. aDid you guys get a look at that moon?a aItas full tonight,a Kelly said. aHey, look whoas coming in. Do we have two more seats?a Natalie grinned as Pamela and Didi took seats directly in front of her and Kelly. Pamela had obviously worked some magic on Didias mood. aGlad you could make it, girls.a Kelly leaned forward and tapped Didi on the shoulder. aI didnat get a chance to say thanks for sticking up for me today at that store. I appreciate it.a Didi looked uncomfortable at the acknowledgment, giving Kelly only a weak smile. It was possible she felt guilty, Natalie realized, since it had taken threats to get her to go along. Guilt was a new emotion for Didi, and Natalie was mildly impressed. What moved her even more was Kellyas gesture of thanks, considering she had been on the receiving end of quite a few snide insults from Didi. Most people in her position would carry a giant chip on their shoulder, but as she had said in the steam room, she didnat dwell on criticism when it came to her appearance or sense of style.

Readying for the show, Natalie faced the stage and burrowed into her seat, suddenly aware of a cold stream of air blowing onto her neck and shoulders. aI must be sitting under the air conditioner vent.a aHere, take this.a Kelly removed her leather jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. aHowas that?a The leather was cozy from Kellyas body heat. aI hate to take your coat. What if you get cold?a aThen Iall bask in your warmth,a she answered with a smile.

aI was about to take it off anyway.a Didi must have overheard the remark, as she turned and gave Kelly a sidelong look that Kelly matched with an impertinent wink.

As the curtain went up, Natalie turned her attention toward the stage. But no matter how much she tried to concentrate on the dancers, her thoughts kept going back to Kelly. The polite compliments that flowed freely now seemed more like flirtations, especially compared to three days ago when she agreed to help make Didi jealous. She definitely poured it on when Didi was around, but tonight it seemed as if everything she did was genuine.

The number ended and Natalie joined in the applause.When the second song began, she took advantage of the slanted angle of their seats, which let her discreetly study the object of her ruminations. Kelly sat casually, her legs crossed in the way a man would sit, with her ankle resting on her knee. Her hands, long and slender, rested on her thighs.

Another round of applause.

There was something magnetic about Kellya"it was that raw, animalistic appeal Steph had described. She was probably a fantastic lover. That sculpted a.s.saall those muscles. Natalie felt a jolt between her legs as she imagined their bodies sliding together beneath the sheets.

aAre you enjoying the show?a Kelly asked suddenly as the crowd erupted.

aYes, very much.a No, she shouldnat give in and have an affair with her on board the ship, because that wasnat fair to Kelly. Kelly might want more than just a fleeting night or two of hot, steamy fun. Natalie couldnat do that to either of them, not as long as the question of Didi remained unsettled. And not as long as the logical side of her kept popping up and saying Kelly wasnat her type.

Two more songsaor threeaor seven. Natalie lost count. Before she knew it, they had reached the finale and everyone was on their feet showing their appreciation. Didi and Pamela scooted quickly out of the theater without even saying goodnight, probably so Didi could get out of the crowd before the lights came up.

aYou want to go to the lounge for a drink?a Kelly asked. aOr if youad rather, we can go up on the deck and look at the moon.a Natalie automatically hooked her hand through Kellyas arm as they started out. What she craved was a chance for the two of them to be alone again, to see if there was anything behind the flirtations, or if she was imagining all of it. It was nice to be on the receiving end of someoneas attention for a change, even if she didnat do anything about it. aI wonder if we can see it from our balcony.a aOnly one way to find out.a Once inside their cabin, Kelly led the way through the sliding gla.s.s door to find the balcony bathed in moonlight.

Natalie couldnat resist peeking around the edge of the divider, though she wasnat surprised to see the curtain drawn in the room next door. She rested her elbows on the rail and pulled the leather jacket tighter around her shoulders. aItas absolutely gorgeous out here.a aIall say.a She turned to see Kelly gazing directly at her. aYouare not looking at the moon.a Kelly laughed softly and looked away. aThe moon has serious compet.i.tion tonight.a aIf youare trying to make Didi jealous, she isnat out.a aThe fact that youare beautiful doesnat have anything to do with Didi.a Natalie soaked up the flattery, feeling almost giddy to be the object of Kellyas attention. aYouare very sweet to say so.a aI was sweating bullets about wearing this tie tonight. I thought it looked okay, but I wasnat sure what you would think.a aYou look dashing.a What Kelly looked was s.e.xy, but Natalie couldnat bring herself to say so. Instead, she brazenly trailed her finger along Kellyas collar.

aThank you.a Kelly intercepted her hand and lifted it to her lips for a soft kiss. aThat didnat have anything to do with Didi either.a Natalie found herself locked in a questioning gaze as Kellyas hand came to rest on her hip. For a fleeting moment, she thought Kelly might kiss her.

aI want to ask you a serious question,a Kelly said.

aWatch out. You might get a serious answer.a aWhy do compliments make you so uncomfortable?a Natalie felt a wave of uneasiness just from talking about it. aI donat really get a lot of those, especially since Didi and I split up.a aDid she tell you how beautiful you are?a aI could always count on her to tell me when I looked gooda and when I didnat.a aI donat mean your clothes. Did she ever tell you that your eyes were brighter than the moon?a She tipped Natalieas chin upward. aOr that your laugh made her heart flutter?a She felt the shift of their emotions as their faces inched closer. Their lips met in a gentle kiss, but then Kelly pulled away as if uncertain. Natalie looped a hand around her neck and drew her back for another, the second one deeper as their mouths opened and their tongues mingled. She reveled in the feel of the powerful arms that enveloped her, and was ready to surrender to what her body had wanted all evening when suddenly the door opened on the next balcony.

aYou should come see this moon, Didi. Itas lovely.a Natalie abruptly pulled away and Kelly turned to rest her elbows on the rail, their moment lost.

aHi, you two,a Pamela said cheerfully. aRomantic, isnat it?a aQuite,a Kelly said.

Natalieas hands shook as she gripped the rail. aKelly and I were just talking about how much we enjoyed the show tonight. Did you like it?a aI loved it.a Pamela looked over her shoulder as Didi joined her.

aI canat believe weare at sea all day tomorrow and the weather report sucks,a Didi said, leaning around the divider. aWhat do you say, Nat? You want to hit the duty-free shops down on Deck 5 and see if theyave marked anything down?a No, she didnat really want to do that. aSure, that sounds like fun.a aThatas a great idea,a Pamela interjected.aWe should try to get there at one when they open so we can get the best selection.a Didi practically spat. aI thought you were going to watch the art auction at one.a aI donat want to go by myself. Iad rather be with all of you. Thatas what you said this whole trip was about, me getting to know your friends.a When Didi turned away from Pamela and smiled lamely in their direction, it sparked a trace of sadness in Natalie. It was increasingly clear the bloom was off the rose for the May-December couple, and while there was a measure of providence in Didi finally realizing that she and Pamela were poorly matched, Natalie took no satisfaction from seeing her former lover unhappy.

Kelly cleared her throat, as if reminding the group of her presence. aIf youad like some company, Pamela, Iall go with you. The art auction sounds a lot more interesting than shopping.a Pamela leaned around Didi with a wide grin. aThat would be fantastic. These two can fight over the markdowns while we watch the big spenders.a aShould be fun.a Kelly patted Natalieas shoulder like an old friend and turned to go back inside. aIall see you all in the morning.a Natalie roiled with both jealousy and ire. Hadnat they been kissing only moments ago? Hadnat she been imagining the feel of Kellyas bare skin next to hers? And now Kelly was making a date to spend the day with Pamela.

She said goodnight and went inside, where Kelly had pulled off her tie and loosened the b.u.t.tons on her shirt. aYouare going with Pamela tomorrow?a Kelly shrugged. aLooks like things are working out exactly the way you planned. You and Didiaall alone. Isnat that what you wanted?a The nonchalance in her voice was a dramatic contrast to her whispered intimacies only minutes earlier.

aDid I misunderstand what just happened? You told me that didnat have anything to do with Didi.a aIt didnat, at least not for me. But you just made plans to spend the day with her, and I know thatas what you were hoping for, so Iam not going to complicate things for you.a aAnd just like that you take it all back?a Kelly smiled faintly and shook her head. aIam not taking anything back, Natalie. Every word I said to you was true, and that kiss meant something to me. But Iam not going to take advantage of a full moon and a few sweet words when itas obvious Iam not the person you really want to share those things with. I saw that look on Didias face. Sheas ready to ditch Pamela, and this is exactly the chance youave been waiting for.a Natalie had seen that look too, but the moment she realized Didi was back within her grasp, she had become surprisingly ambivalent, her expected giddy triumph nowhere to be found. aWhat if Iam not all that sure I want Didi back? If I did, would I have been out there kissing you on the balcony?a Kelly dropped her slacks and carefully hung them in the closet. Standing in only her tank top and briefs, she was tantalizing, especially now that Natalie had felt her rock-hard body up close. aI need for you to be sure. A roll in the sack with you would be lovely, but Iam greedy about this, because I want all the feelings that go with it too. I happen to care about you, and I donat want to start down this road and have you change your mind later because sheas the one you really want.a But what if she couldnat decide now? Couldnat they test the waters? Natalie wasnat averse to sleeping with someone and sorting out the feelings latera"thatas exactly what she had done with both Theresa and Didia"as long as testing the waters meant more than just s.e.x. She wanted at least to feel that lovemaking might lead to something meaningful. aSo as long as I still have feelings for Didiaa aYou and I can only be friends.a Natalie sat on the end of her bed and pulled off her heels. If she thought too long about sleeping with Kelly, she probably wouldnat. s.e.xual attraction was fleeting. Except now, when Kelly was prancing around in her underwear. aWhy does everything in my life have to be so screwed up?a Kelly laughed and disappeared into the bathroom. aA bunch of women wanting youathatas what you get for being so d.a.m.n s.e.xy. All of us should be so screwed up.a Kelly was glad they had set this routine early on in the cruise. As soon as it became apparent that Natalieas bedtime bathroom rituals took thirty minutes to her five, they agreed that Kelly would go first so she could go on to bed. Most nights, she was asleep by the time Natalie finished. That wouldnat be the case tonight.

For the next thirty minutes at least, she planned to beat herself over the head for pa.s.sing up what might have been the most glorious night of her life. There was no mistaking Natalieas response to their kiss. She had wanted it, and if the way her body had melted into Kellyas was any sign, she would have welcomed even more.

The problem with that was tomorrow. She would have gladly taken a chance had Natalie not jumped at the offer to spend the day with Didi. That wasnat the sort of thing a woman should want to do on her first full day as someone elseas lover.

As frustrated as Kelly felt lying in bed alone, she was proud of herself for showing self-control in the face of enormous temptation. Even more than Natalieas body, she wanted her heart.

Chapter 16.

Natalie peered over the rack of clothes to see Didi rifling through the tops on the other side. By the look on her face, she wasnat finding anything she liked. That was too bad, because they practically had their pick of all the sales items since the rough weather was keeping most pa.s.sengers in their cabins during their day at sea.

Why on earth had she agreed to spend her day in a stupid store? Not only had the invite completely derailed things with Kelly last evening, it had spoiled a chance to laze around with her in the stateroom all day. Something might have happened, something that was suddenly a whole lot more interesting than wresting Didi from the mess she had made for herself.

As she sidled around the rack, she noticed the small adhesive patch affixed behind Didias ear. aWhat exactly do these things do?a she asked, gesturing with her finger.

aTheyare supposed to release tiny doses of medicine that keep me from throwing up all over the ship.a aI hope it works, at least as long as Iam with you. You and the nurse should be on a first-name basis by now.a aDagna. Sheas from Norway, and I think sheas into girls.a aWhy do you think that?a aJust the look she gave me when she saw Pamela and then realized our beds were pushed together.a aHmmm.a Natalie held up first one outfit, then another, not finding anything she couldnat live without.

aThat oneas you, Nat. Good color.a aYou think so?a The lime green top had a plunging neckline and was short enough to leave her midriff exposed. Two years ago she would have purchased it solely on Didias recommendation. aI think itas better suited to someone twenty years old.a aThatas the whole idea. Who wants to dress like their mother?a Didi scrunched her nose in obvious distaste as she continued to peruse the rack.

Natalie didnat want to look like a senior citizen, but there was lots of s.p.a.ce between that and a teenager. aPamela has a wonderful eye. She found nice things for everyone yesterday.a aYou mean the stuff we all put back?a She bit back an indulgent sigh. aMy point was that Pamela went to every rack and pulled out just the right things. She really knows her stuff.a Didi harrumphed and planted her hands on her hips. aAre you saying I donat?a aDonat get your back up with me. I never said you didnat know your stuff too.a aYou implied it.a Natalie noticed a nearby shopper looking up, and she lowered her voice. aI did no such thing. I was trying to give your girlfriend a compliment.a Didi scowled and buried her nose into the rack. aI think my days with Pamela might be numbered. Every now and then she says something and it hits me just how young she is.a And how old you are, Natalie thought, not letting herself take the aend-of-daysa reference too seriously. Didi made lots of noise when she was annoyed about something, but most of it was bl.u.s.ter. aI thought that was one of the things you liked about her.a aOh, donat get me wrong. Sheas nice to look ataand sheas very hot in bed.a aPlease, spare me the details.a aSorry. If it makes you feel any better, Iam finally starting to realize that the s.e.x thing isnat all itas cracked up to be. I know that was an issue for us.a She gave Natalie a sheepish look. aOkay, it was an issue for me.a Natalie stepped into the corner, well out of earshot of the shopper. aIt was important to me too. But we never should have let it become the deal breaker.a as.e.x wasnat the deal breaker and you know it,a Didi said, her voice rising with irritation. aIt was you lying about it.a Gritting her teeth, Natalie replied, aI am not going to have that conversation here. If you want to talk about it like two adults, letas at least go somewhere private.a Didi glanced around the store and shrugged. aThere isnat much here anyway. Iad invite you back to my stateroom, but Iave seen enough of it to last me a lifetime.a aLetas go up to the observation lounge,a Natalie suggested. Maybe if they finally cleared the air once and for all on why they had broken up, the other pieces would fall into place and they could get on with whatever they were meant to do next. Ignoring it for the past two years hadnat worked at all. She turned out of the store and started forward down a corridor.

aNot that way. The art auctionas down there. Letas go around.a aItas quicker.a Besides, thatas where Kelly was, and Natalie wanted a chance to wave at her.

aI donat want Pamela to see us. She might want to come along, and then we couldnat talk about anything.a If Didi couldnat even bear to pa.s.s by Pamela in the audience at the art auction, things were worse than Natalie had thought. She followed Didi up the stairs to the top floor, where they settled into the same corner booth she had shared with Kelly a few nights earlier. A steward took their drink order, which Didi signed for.

aWhen did you start drinking beer?a Didi asked.

aI had one the other day when I was out on the boat with Kelly.a aYouad better not make a habit of it. When was the last time you saw somebody with a wine gut?a aIam not drinking a whole keg,a she answered sharply. The constant criticism was tiring. aBesides, Iam on vacation. I can do whatever I want.a The waiter delivered their drinks and Didi offered hers in a toast. aTo dry land.a Natalie pulled her bottle back. aSome of us are having a good time.a aA little sympathy, please. Iave never been so miserable in my life.a It was hard not to feel sorry for hera"food poisoning, sunburn and now, seasicknessa"but Natalie had a feeling those were only the superficial problems. She guessed the situation with Pamela was eating at her. aBesides getting off this ship, what would it take to make you happy?a Didi sighed. aIave never spent this much time with Pamela before. Sheas a lot easier to deal with on just the weekends.a aArenat you glad I didnat let you move the business to New York?a aThat has nothing to do with Pamela. New York is where the action is. Thatas always been my dream and you know it.a Natalie held up her hand to stop the direction of the conversation. aWe agreed not to talk about it until we got home.a aYou brought it up.a aMy mistake.a She sipped her beer and nervously began to peel the label. The subject they had broached in the shop was still lurking in the back of her head. aWhat we were talking about earlieraI just want to say one more timea"I know Iave told you this beforea"that I didnat lie to hurt you. In fact, it was just the opposite.a aI donat want to talk about that. It happened. Iam over it.a From where Natalie was sitting, that was the biggest lie of all. aWeave started this conversation a dozen times and we never get past the part where you call me a liar. Is that all youare really interested in?a aWould you believe I really donat even care about it anymore?a She didnat wait for Natalie to answer.aOkay, maybe it still bothers me a little bit. The mistake I made was thinking it had to do with s.e.x. Now I realize it was just a symptom.a Natalie couldnat wait to hear where this was going. aWhat do you think it had to do with?a aA couple of nights ago I sort of borrowed your little trick. I got bored with it and wanted to get it over with.a She felt her face redden, which it did nearly every time she thought about what had caused their huge blowup. If only she had lied when the subject came up and Didi had asked her point-blank.

aAnyway, thatas when it hit me there was more to it than just the s.e.x part. I figured you must have been pretty unhappy with me all along if you had to fake your o.r.g.a.s.ms.a Natalie shuddered. aI wasnat unhappy. And I only did that a few times. I justaI just wanted to make you feel good. I shouldnat have done it. Iam so sorry.a aAnd I probably shouldnat have made such a big deal out of it,a Didi said dismally.

Natalie felt a wave of relief at finally having the chance to apologize, and she sensed that Didi did too. She lightened her tone and managed a smile. aThough why you have to carp about every little thing I do is beyond me.a aItas just my way of showing affection,a Didi answered with a smirk. aI wouldnat do it if I didnat care.a aThat isnat true. You do it to Kelly and I know you donat feel any affection for her.a aSheas all right. She sure looked good last night.a aDidnat she, though?a Natalieas stomach knotted nervously as she heard the enthusiasm in her voice. It wouldnat do for Didi to pick up on that sliver of interest she felt for Kelly. aI was really glad to see you come back down for the show.a aYeah, wellathe alternative was being stuck in that stateroom again.a Natalie nodded. aIt must feel like the walls are closing in.a aItas not that. Iave already run out of things to talk about with Pamela,a she grumbled. aWe have s.e.x just to kill time.a aI doubt Pamela would appreciate knowing you feel that way about it.a aIs that what it was like for you, Nat? Were you bored with it?a She squirmed uncomfortably, knowing she couldnat avoid such a point-blank question. aI was never bored with you, Didi. I just got to a point where I didnat care much about myself. I was more focused on you.a There was a whole lot more to it than that, but Natalie kept the details to herself. The last three years of her life were a shining example of how honesty was not always the best policy.

Didi twirled her gla.s.s and looked around the lounge, as if checking to make sure no one could hear her. aThereas a pretty good chance Iall break things off with Pamela when we get back home. I donat know what I was thinking.a Natalie leaned back and folded her arms, reminding herself that Didi was notoriously fickle when it came to what she wanted. aMaybe things will settle down when we get off the ship and things go back to normal.a aI donat know, Nat. I care for Pamela, really. But sheas one of those touchy-feely types, always wanting to cuddle and talk about feelings. You know how I am about stuff like that.a She knew too well. Didi didnat mind displays of affection, especially in public for all to see, but once behind closed doors she wanted her s.p.a.ce. Sometimes she thought what Didi really wanted was not a girlfriend, but an escort.

aAnyway, thanks for letting me dump about it. Iave always felt like I could count on you to be there for me.a Natalie nodded and flashed a weak smile, suddenly aware that something monumental had shifted. This was what she had wanted all along, for Didi to forgive her and to realize that Pamela was wrong for her. But now with the door opening for them to get back together, she wasnat as excited as she had expected to be. In fact, she was surprisingly unsettled by the idea.

Kelly listened with curiosity as Pamela queried the shipas expert on the impressive collection of limited edition lithographs. She seemed genuinely interested in acquiring a piece, and made several notes in a small tablet she carried in her purse.

aFor a fashion designer, you sure seem to know a lot about art,a Kelly said.

aMy stepfather is an artist. He works at MoMA.a Pamela must have noticed her blank look. aThe Museum of Modern Art in New York. He works in restorations, but he loves to talk about the displays and exhibits. I try to walk through there every chance I get. He gets a big kick out of showing off the new stuff.a aSo you have a chance to learn from an expert.a aYeah, and itas a nice way to spend a little time with him, especially when I can talk my mom into coming in from Long Island to join us. I donat get to see my folks much now that Iam running back and forth to Rochester.a It was impossible not to like Pamela, and just as impossible to understand what she saw in a woman like Didi when she could probably have her pick of any lesbian in New York. She had everything going for hera"looks, intelligence, charm and a sweet personality that contrasted sharply with Didias dour disposition.

aOh, look. They have champagne,a Pamela said, darting across the gallery.

Kelly caught up to her just in time to refuse a gla.s.s. aIt gives me an awful headache. I paid dearly for my extravagance on New Yearas Day.a aAt least you got to go out. We were still stuck in our cabin.a aThatas too bad. You and Didi have had a rough trip.a Pamela shrugged. aI shouldnat complain. We need this time together. Itas hard when you live in two different cities.a aSounds like Didias really jonesing to move the business to New York.a aI wish she would. Then we could get a place together and stop this crazy back-and-forth every weekend.a Kelly nodded mindlessly, thinking Pamela seemed more certain about their future than Didi. If Didias miserable expression last night were any indication, her loving relationship with Pamela was on the downward slope. From the outside, it was tough to see why anyone would let someone like Pamela get away. She was gorgeous to look at, but una.s.suming, and from what little bit Kelly had seen, she had a very pleasant personality. Anyone who could toleratea"more than that, cheerfully accommodatea" someone as cantankerous as Didi was a special person. aYou guys have been together for what? Six months?a aOfficially. We met about a year ago at a fashion show in New York and started e-mailing and getting togethera"just as friends, you knowa"whenever shead come to town. Iave always had a thing for older women, and I fell for heraa"she snapped her fingersa"ajust like that.a aI can sure see why. Didias a very attractive woman.a Pamela fanned herself. aYouare telling me. But she was still trying to sort out things with Natalie. Once she realized Natalie would never move to New York, she gave up on her.a aGoing to New York is really that important to her?a aI donat think Natalie quite understood how much. They probably would have gotten back together again if she had been willing to move. But Iam not complaining. Her loss is my gain.a Kelly couldnat help her curiosity about why someone like Pamela would be attracted to Didi, but she was too polite to come right out and ask the question. aI was surprised to see you two at the show last night. Didi was pretty upset when she left the dining room.a Pamela started toward the auction area, where chairs were set up before a podium and easel. aShe just needed a little stroking. No one would ever believe this about her, but Didias very insecure.a aYouare right. Thatas the last word I would have used to describe her.a Kelly took the aisle seat as Pamela slipped into the row. aShe always seems so sure of herself.a aDidias very sure of what she knows. She has lots of confidence when it comes to the fashion business, but that doesnat translate to being sure of herself. She worries all the time about her hair, about her skina"you name it. No matter how often I tell her how beautiful she is, itas never enough.a Kelly thought back to the question she had asked Natalie the night before, whether Didi had built her up with sweet words. aAnd what about Didi? I bet she tells you those things all the time.a Pamela chuckled and shook her head. aItas not her style. I donat know why, but she doesnat give out much in the way of compliments unless she had a hand in it, like picking out something for me to wear. Lucky for me I donat have issues about that sort of thing. Iam pretty happy with myself, and I can usually tell that Didias proud to have me on her arm. I donat need to hear it from her lips all day.a That explained why Natalie was so uncomfortable with attention. She hadnat been on the receiving end with Didi either.

aLadies and gentlemen, our first item up for bidaa Pamela turned her attention to the auction.