TEACHER: "Now, little ones, you can take off your warm overcoats. Can the bear take his off?"

LITTLE ONES: "No, miss!"

TEACHER: "Why not?"

DELIGHTED LITTLE ONE: "Because only G.o.d knows where the b.u.t.tons are!"

"The anshent Britons painted themselves all over blue with the juce obtained from the tree o nolledge of Good and Evil."--FROM HARRY'S COMPOSITION EXERCISE.

TEACHER: "What is a widow?"

LITTLE GIRL: "A lady what marries the lodger!"

TEACHER: "What is this?"

YOUNG HOPEFUL: "A picture of a monkey."

TEACHER: "Can any child tell me what a monkey can do?"

YOUNG HOPEFUL: "Please, teacher, a monkey can climb up a tree."

TEACHER: "Yes, and what else can a monkey do?"

YOUNG HOPEFUL: "Please, teacher, climb down again!"

BOY (reading): "She threw herself into the river. Her husband, horror-stricken, rushed to the bank----"

TEACHER (interposing): "What did he run to the bank for?"

BOY: "To get the insurance money!"

H.M. INSPECTOR: "If twenty feet of an iceberg be _above_ the water, about how much is _below_ the water?"

JIM: "All the rest!"

TOMMY: "Mamma, who made the lions and the elephants?"

MAMMA: "G.o.d, my dear."

TOMMY: "And did He make the flies, too?"

MAMMA: "Yes, my dear."

TOMMY (after a period of profound reflection): "Fiddlin' work making flies!"

TEACHER: "Why cannot we hear the bear walk about?"

CHILD IN LANCASHIRE TOWN: "Because it hasn't got no clogs on!"

H.M. Inspector was examining a cla.s.s of infants on the value of money.

He held up a threepenny-piece and a penny. "Now, my children, which would you rather have, this small piece of money or the large one?" A little one held up her hand. "Well?" "Please, sir, the large one." "And why would you rather have the large one?" "Because my mother would make me put the threepenny-bit in my money-box, but I could spend the penny."

Tommy is in the Second Standard, and aged eight. The cla.s.s was asked to write a short letter to teacher describing their doings on Guy Fawkes night. He began in right good style with the orthodox "Dear Miss C----."

Everything went quietly till the close. It was then that Tommy shone. He wound up: "I remain, your loving son in who I am well pleased,----"

"Manners is a very good thing when you are trying for a situation."--FROM JAMES HENRY'S COMPOSITION.

The essay was upon "Dreams." One boy who has a great dread of arithmetic dreamt he was in heaven, where his teacher kept calling out, "No sums right, stand up!"

TEACHER: "Well, well, James! Home lesson sums all wrong!"

JAMES: "Yes, teacher. I knew they would be. Father would help me!"

THE END.

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