Lottie The Gorge of Death. When youare ready.

Miss S.

Oh no a" this is why I hate coming to Bream.

I run through the camp, up a slight hill, and arrive panting at the bottom of a rope ladder where everyoneas already lined up. We did this last year a" or, at least, lots of people did it last year. I got halfway up the ladder before coming down again.

The thing is, itas terrifying. The ladder seems to be made of string and a few twigs and it goes straight up a telegraph pole to a small crowas nest affair at the top. It has a rope that attaches it to another telegraph pole on the other side of a ravine. From the rope hang a series of triangles a" aswingsa, Miss Sackb.u.t.t calls them a" and beneath that, what strikes me as a ridiculously small safety net.

I wonder if Irene had to cross any tiny rope bridges when she walked across Scotland. There probably arenat any tiny rope bridges in Scotland. Theyare probably all made of stone and porridge, and she would have been wearing stout brogues, not muddy second-hand trainers with sparkly bits.

And she was braver than me.

Just looking up at it makes me feel dizzy.

Tracksuit man is back, this time in a vibrant red outfit with matching red trainers.

aIf you donat want to do this, I totally understand, heights arenat for everyone a" but have a go, if you can.a Nedas friend, Ollie, clambers up the ladder, swings effortlessly from one triangle to the next, and reaches the far side. He seems utterly unbothered. Ned follows, skimming through the branches, placing his foot perfectly every time. Heas on the other side before I can summon up a rude comment.

The queueas getting shorter. All the boys are over; now itas just the girls.

aCome on, you lot,a shouts Ned from the other side. aOr are you scared?a I could kill him. I really could.

Last year Sarah-Jane bottled out, but this year, although she struggles and tracksuit man has to climb to the top with her, she makes it over the ravine, her face glowing with pleasure. Emily refuses to do it at all.

Miss Sackb.u.t.t smiles at me in a concerned way. Does she think Iam going to turn into a bawling baby or something? aLottie?a she says. aYour turn.a I breathe deeply and put my foot on the first rung of the ladder. So far, so good. Then I try the second. This is OK. I look across; Miss Sackb.u.t.tas head is about level with my waist. I take another breath and climb four more rungs. And then I look down.

I can see where the dye stops and the grey begins on the top of Miss Sackb.u.t.tas head. I can see the bald patch on the top of tracksuit manas head.

I donat want to do this.

I can.

I donat want to do this.

I can.

It comes with every beat of my heart, until I reach the crowas nest. And then it stops because I am simply too scared to move.

Amanda Arnott in Say Goodbye to Life manages to clamber over the castle roof and sheas scared of heights, but a" I canat. I just canat move.

aLottie?a calls Miss Sackb.u.t.t. aAre you all right, dear?a I shake my head. I canat even speak.

aIall come up,a says tracksuit man.

The ladder wobbles, bending with his weight, forcing me to cling on and close my eyes, but in a second heas standing behind me, his hands on my shoulders.

aDo you want to go back down? Or go on?a aDown,a I mutter.

aOK a" thatas fine a" you can always decide to have another go later.a I nod, and we come back down the ladder, stepping on to the solid ground that I find I have to sit on in order to hold myself together. I fix a smile on to my face, but Iad like to cry. Miss Sackb.u.t.t was right about the bawling baby.

aYou can cross the ravine the easy way in a minute, when youave got your breath back,a says tracksuit man, pointing at a short rope bridge stretched taut over the ravine.

aSophia?a says Mrs Sackb.u.t.t. aHow about you?a Sophia glances at me and looks away quickly. Have I become an object of pity? aOh me, yes of course,a she says, putting her foot on the first rung. aShall I go up now?a Tracksuit man nods. He looks all serious now, as if heas in the presence of greatness. In the presence of a top-flight circus gymnast.

Sophia climbs the ladder fast. Her feet fly from one rung to the next. She was born to climb high things, just like I was born not to.

She leans forward, grabs the first triangle and putting her feet on the bar, swings out towards the next.

aBravo!a shouts Miss Sackb.u.t.t. aWell done. Keep going!a Sophia does. She swings effortlessly over the triangles, her long black plait bouncing from her shoulder with every swing. Itas rhythmical, balletic, beautiful to watch. The teachers stand below, looking up in awe.

aBravo!a calls Miss Sackb.u.t.t again.

Sophia slips on to the crowas nest at the other end and whisks down the ladder, her feet landing lightly on the ground and completing the impression of a circus gymnast.

She crosses the little rope bridge that hangs over the ravine, athe easy way,a and comes to stand next to me. Thereas a ripple of polite applause, and sighs of admiration.

aSo clever, so impressive,a says Miss Sackb.u.t.t, slapping Sophia on the back. aWonderful to have you with us.a I feel rubbish.

That night, I dream I have to climb a mountain. It has a narrow crumbling path, with a tiny wire handrail and a bottomless cloud-filled chasm to the side. At the end of the path, a ladder goes straight up into clouds; for some stupid reason, I always climb it, only to find that Iave got to go down another vertical ladder, back through the clouds and over a valley hundreds of feet below. This time, Mumas there, brandishing the chicken, a mad light in her eye. Sheas behind me, telling me not to be a wimp, telling me to get on with it; behind her is ancient Irene, dressed in her RAF uniform and holding another chicken in her lumpy hands. I look forward and thereas Ned, skipping down the ladder easily, laughing and talking as he goes. I turn and start to descend, my feet slipping on the rungs.

I hate heights.

My foot slips, I let go, and falla aLottie!a Something is happening to my shoulder. Someoneas shaking it. Thatas odd, because normally Ned just bellows in my ear if he needs to wake me up.

Perhaps it isnat Ned.

aLottie.a I open my eyes. Itas dark, but itas not utterly dark, and my bedroom seems to have changed shape.

aLottie.a I follow the arm up to the head. I canat work out who it is.

aWhat?a aShhh a" itas Sophia. Put on your swimsuit.a aWhat?a aWeare going for a swim.a aNow? But itas the middle of the night a" isnat it?a aItas four oaclock. Camon.a The figure glides through the cabin, and a faint rectangle of light appears around the door. I fumble in the dark, pulling on my damp costume, snapping the elastic over my shoulders and hoisting up the baggy legs. Iam ridiculously tired, so my arms and legs move but my brainas still asleep on the pillow.

I pad across the floor and out of the door. Itas before dawn so thereas only a little light, enough to show shapes but not colours. Over in the woods creatures rustle but here in Bream Lodge, nothingas moving.

I stop and nestle my foot into the damp earth, and look up. The skyas all different, not at all like it was when we went to bed. I can see Orion; Iam sure Dad said it was a winter constellation.

aCamon, Lottie a" this way.a From where Iam standing, Sophiaas head is all mixed up with the silhouettes of the trees, but when a large bush makes a run for it, I know itas her and follow.

Behind me something rummages in the gra.s.s. A giant rat?

aStop here.a Weare by a tall black thing. I put my fingers out and brush it with my fingertip. Itas a fence. I think Iave finally woken up enough to realise what weare doing.

aSophia a" weall get into big trouble for this.a aWe wonat get caught. Now a" the way we did the wall a" put out your hand.a aWhaa"?a But I do put out my hand, and although I canat see a thing, I feel her foot in my fingers and her other foot on the top of my head before thereas a jolt and a thump on the other side, and then silence.

aSophia?a I whisper.

Something rattles, and the big dark patch develops a pale hole as Sophia opens the gate in the fence.

aCome in a" welcome to our private swimming pool.a The tiles are cold and dry, but I catch a whiff of chlorine as Sophia tugs at the cover. It crunches as she pulls and the water slops in the pool. Itas all very black.

SPLASH!.

aSophia?a I call.

White rings appear on the surface and in the middle, a blacker blob.

aCome in, itas deliciously warm.a I sit, dangling my legs over the side. I wouldnat call it warm, more freezing, but I lower myself until the water reaches my waist and my feet brush the bottom.

aIsnat it heavenly?a she says.

I lean forward, the water slopping in through the top of my cossie.

aItas cold,a I say. aAnd how are we going to get back in without Miss Sackb.u.t.t spotting wet footprints?a aStop worrying,a says Sophia. aLean back, floata dream. Weare free.a But I canat help worrying. Iam never in trouble. I hate being in trouble, it makes me feel ill, but then I donat want to lose Sophia, either, so I try to relax and lean back. The stars are fading overhead and the skyas gathering a kind of greeny-blue colour, but Iam not enjoying the beauty a" Iam feeling sick instead. My hair soaks up the water, then I remember itall give me away so I yank it out with a splash which worries me because it makes so much noise and I have to scramble out of the water before I drown myself and sit on the side, shivering.

aWhat were you going to tell me?a I say.

aOh a" I donat know, it doesnat matter.a Her voice is flat.

aI sort of want to know now,a I say. aSomethingas going on, isnat it?a Thereas a long silence while Sophia swims over to the side. aIam worried,a she says. aWorried about landing you with it all.a I look at her head; I might be looking into her eyes but itas too dark to tell. aAll what?a Sophia sighs. aEverything. All of it. Itas complicated.a I pull my knees up and breathe hot air on to them.

aTell me,a I say.

aAre you sure?a I nod, then realise that she canat see my head. aYes.a She takes a deep breath. aMy name is Sophia Formosaa"a aI thought it was Pinehead?a aHe a" the aPinheada a" is not my dad. Heas not even my proper stepfather. He married my mum years ago in an illegal ceremony in Thailand, to which I wasnat invited. Since then, Iave been in boarding school after boarding school while he and Mum trot round the world.a I revise my opinion of Pinehead back to racehorse trainer, then to pork-meat spy, touch on bouncer before looking for something darker still. Paid a.s.sa.s.sin? aThatas rough. Why so many schools?a Sophia laughs. aI keep getting expelled! I managed to break the rules in each one until they asked me to leave. Iave run away three times. I just wanted to get back to Mum, but Pinhead keeps on finding me and finding more schools.a aExpelled? Iave never met anyone whoas been expelled.a I sit in silence, digesting the news that this tiny, innocent-looking person has managed to get herself expelled and more than once. Iam not sure if Iam in awe or just horrified.

aItas easy a" if you try hard enough a" and believe me, Iave tried. But thatas not the point. I get myself thrown out of the schools so that I can get home. Pinhead hasnat let me see my mum for two years, no, actually it must be five; not since they got married, anyway. Heas keeping us apart.a aWhat? But why? Why would he do that?a aBecause a" becauseaa Sophia pauses, swooshing her foot in the pool. aHe hates her, he hates me. He wants to make us both miserable, and, heas a fraudster.a aThatas soa soaa I want to say exciting a" but just stop myself in time.

aHe wants her money a" thereas plenty of it; heas in love with someone else, and Mumas in the wayaa She finishes quietly, sounding infinitely sad.

aBlimey,a I say.

aItas that Wesson woman. Sheas the one heas having an affair with. I know, but my mother doesnat. I need to tell her about them a" and the money.a I listen to the water plopping back into the pool, absorbing everything Sophia has told me. I want to say: It sounds like The Savage Night and you sound like Tina Temper a" catgirl extraordinaire a" fighting against the forces of evil, but instead I say: aI thought Miss Wesson was something to do with you. Weave never had anyone like her come to Bream before.a aYes. She appeared a few months ago, theya"a Sophia stops, listens. aShhh.a There are voices, and rattling, and only just enough time to slip back into the pool.

Unfortunately, the voices have a big torch, wateras see-through, and they shine it right at me.

Miss Sackb.u.t.t is rubbish at telling people off. I donat know why Iave always been so frightened of it.

aAnd Charlotte a" you shouldnat do things like this, you know, you nearly gave me a heart attack. Miss Wesson waking me like that in the night, peeling back my eye shades and shining a torch a" well!a Miss Sackb.u.t.t flaps her hand in front of her face as if sheas having another near heart attack.

aAnd so unexpected a" YOU? The most sensible child in the cla.s.s, of all children! It was the dog that found you, of course a" clever little thing.a I sit very still and hope it will blow over, which it does in about a minute, and before Iave even had a chance to do tears and beg forgiveness sheas given me a piece of her KitKat.

Miss Wesson tells off Sophia. I donat know what she says but Sophiaas face is red and puffy afterwards, as if she did do tears, and I donat think there was any KitKat-sharing.

We have to sit separately at breakfast and Miss Wesson gets between us afterwards, so I canat talk to Sophia even when weare walking down to the wetsuit sheds although Iam dying to find out more about her mum, Pinhead and Wesson.

aWhoas done it before?a asks tracksuit man, pointing at a kayak.

Everyone puts their hands up, except for me. Ned shoots me a glance. I have done it before, but Iam no good at it; Iad rather everyone thought I was a complete beginner.

It turns out Sophia is rather excellent at kayaking a" one of her schools was on the sh.o.r.e of Lake Superior in Canada a" so tracksuit man puts us together.

aButa"a says Miss Wesson, her mouth open in disbelief.

aItas a health and safety issue, Miss Wesson,a says tracksuit man. aI canat send Charlotte out there on the sea without an experienced kayaker and I need to keep the instructors in boats on their own, soaa He shrugs and picks up a life jacket from the beach.

I send Miss Wesson a bright smile and she scowls back, but then she climbs into her kayak and waits for us to launch.

Sophia gets to sit in the back, steering, while Iam in the front, as athe enginea. The boat smells of old wellington boots, as does the wetsuit, but I lower myself in until the wetsuit cuts off my circulation and the lifejacket blocks my nose and mouth. Once the helmetas on too, I can barely see, move or breathe.

aBrilliant,a says tracksuit man. aSeaas nice and calm, see how you get on, paddle out towards the yellow buoy and then back to the orange one.a We launch, and Miss Wesson launches a millisecond afterwards, the bow of her kayak bobbing along beside us. We leave her dog on the sh.o.r.e, barking.

I try very hard, but I donat think Iam a natural. The yellow buoy turns out to be miles away and before very long Iam sweating, and the sandy bits in the wetsuit are rubbing my armpit, and the stupid helmetas slipped and is dangling over one eye. I can see the front of our boat but thatas about it. After a short burst of rain, the sun comes out and boils the water thatas fallen inside my wetsuit. If you like the feeling of sitting in warm wee, then itas nice. If not, donat go kayaking.

Sophia is talking to me but because of the stupid lifejacket I canat hear her properly.

I run through the plot of Last Stand in Paradise. The heroas just swum the river, and heas exhausted, and three more trained a.s.sa.s.sins spring out of the busha aFive more minutes,a shouts tracksuit man. Everyone seems to be racing now, kayaks are whizzing across our bow, the wateras white with mad paddling.

I start to count.

One chimpanzee, two chimpanzeesa Back in Last Stand in Paradise the hero grabs at a piece of bamboo, sweeping the a.s.sa.s.sins off their feeta This is taking forever.

Five chimpanzees, six chimpanzees.

Someone clips our stern heading towards the yellow buoy at speed.

aHey!a shouts Sophia.

Nine chimpanzees, ten chimpanzees, eleven chimpanzeesa aOw! You idiot!a I crane my neck round to see who shouted, nearly decapitating myself on the sharp edge of the lifejacket. Miss Wessonas boatas gone. Sophia swings the boat around so that we can see whatas happened. The motorboat seems to be next to a pair of kayaks, but someoneas in the water and one of the kayaks seems to be upside down. All the other kayaks are charging towards it.

Tracksuit manas standing, shouting in the motorboat, and, just as the overturned kayak starts to right itself, we see him dive into the water.

I try to keep it in view, but I find keeping anything still about the kayak almost impossible.

aQuick!a Sophia yells. aJust paddle as hard as you can a" Iall steer!a Without thinking I paddle like a maniac, trying to copy what other peopleas arms have been doing, which is far more efficient than the thing that my arms have been doing. We whizz back towards the sh.o.r.e and then skirt around some rocks. The seaas slightly rougher here but Sophia steers through it, and I try to keep up the speed. Itas all hard work and the stupid helmet means that I can only just see the rocks bobbing in front of me.

aSophia,a I shout. aSophia, slow down!a I canat look back to see where weave come from, the lifejacket would saw my head off, but I can just about see where weare going.

To my huge relief, she rams the boat on to a sandy gap in the rocks, wriggles and clambers out, before grabbing me and hauling me out of the boat.

aWell done, Lottie,a she cries. aAre you OK?a I nod a" I canat answer, Iam too out of breath a" so I lie for a moment staring at the sky. A bank of cloud is approaching from the sea and I can just make out the ragged edge of rain that must be coming our way.

aSophia,a I breathe. aWhat have we done? What are we doing?a aEscaping,a she says.

aOh,a I say. Iad like to add, aI want you to be my friend but I wasnat expecting this,a but instead I say, aOf course. But is this a good way of doing it?a aI want to see my mum. Sheas in the country, for a week a" I have to talk to heraa Her voice fades away. Then, aCome on,a she says briskly. aWe need to hide this boat.a She sc.r.a.pes the sand away on either side of the kayak so that it sinks into the beach.

I stand watching her, absorbing the leg-shaking enormity of what weave done. aBut Sophia a" weave just run away, by boat.a aYes.a She turns and looks up at me. aI know. And thanks.a aBut I havenat entirely agreed to it yet,a I say, struggling with the wet straps and tearing off the beastly life jacket.

She doesnat say anything, just looks up at me, and I can see that her eyes are br.i.m.m.i.n.g with tears.