"No," Randall said bluntly. Even if there'd been hope, Randall wasn't about to stay simply for himself.

Anthony frowned. "Is there any way I could talk you into letting Victor come along?"

Teeth gritted, Randall finished fishing Edwin's socks out from all the random corners where he seemed to toss them. "Victor is a grown man. He can certainly do whatever he wishes. But I doubt he will have any reason to come with us. He has a job, Anthony. A life." One-night stands to continue. "It's not like he's my mate. I'll get over it."

"Okay." Anthony didn't sound thrilled to let the point go, but he did it nonetheless. "I'm so sorry, Randall. I wish things had worked out better." He sounded about as miserable as if he'd been the one in Randall's situation. Anthony had always been too empathetic for his own good, especially when it came to his brothers. "You need anything, you know you can just talk to me?"

"I am perfectly fine, Anthony." Randall zipped up the bag and tossed it toward the door. "And we're packed. So how about we go round up Edwin and find some dinner?"

"Perfectly fine my a.s.s," Anthony grumbled under his breath. He leaned over the mattress and slid something off the nightstand. "Just one thing more to pack. I think there's room in my bag."

It was the book. The one Victor had given him. A tight ache settled into Randall's chest as he reached out to take it, lightly running his fingers along the cover. "No, it's all right," he whispered, voice wavering. "I, uh. I'll take care of it."

Gently, carefully, he slid it into his own messenger bag. He tucked it away next to all those possibilities he'd extinguished, all those hopes he'd let grow only to watch them wither away. For a little while at least, his Beatrice had been a very nice dream.

It was time to wake up now.

Chapter 16.

Jed THREE WEEKS later, and they'd finally finished setting up the new camp. There were tents for shelter, outhouses far enough away to not make the wolves gag, and a tarp-covered s.p.a.ce for the kitchens. It wasn't pretty, but it kept the rain off while cooking, and that had turned out to be G.o.dd.a.m.n crucial. All in all, everyone had a place to eat, sleep, and s.h.i.t, so that had to count for something.

Whatever the f.u.c.k Jed had thought about how hard planning a G.o.dd.a.m.n vacation was, getting a couple hundred furry-a.s.sed wolves packed up and moved cross-country? Yeah, that was some serious s.h.i.t. f.u.c.k knew how Jed had managed to get enough trucks there with a day's notice, but once the hunters had found the camp, they'd had days, not weeks, to get their a.s.ses in gear.

And the travel had been the fun part. Actually setting up camp had been a f.u.c.king nightmare.

It'd rained for a week straight, turning their carefully picked clearing into mud soup. Setting up any kind of semipermanent structures had turned into a dirty, dangerous job. More than one person had gotten injured by s.h.i.t sliding where it wasn't supposed to, falling when no one could catch it, and plain bad luck. When the sun had finally broken through, Jed had thought he'd never seen anything better.

Redford had helped him set up a training program for any of the wolves who wanted to learn how to fight. They had regular patrols and what was shaping up to be a pretty decent militia, even if half of them didn't want anything to do with guns. The Gray Lady had named Jed an honorary pack member, which as far as Jed could tell meant he had a lifetime membership at the gym, and n.o.body tried to sniff his a.s.s anymore when he went out walking the perimeter of the camp.

The new camp was set in a valley between two steep mountains, trees crawling over every surface except for the one decently large clearing Jed had found on the map. It had everything they needed: a water source from a nearby lake instead of the river they were used to, and thickly wooded areas at the north and south of them with more than enough territory for hunting.

It hadn't been easy. They were low on food, the hunting parties were still learning the lay of the land, and it'd be weeks before any of the newly planted crops were able to be harvested. Instead of nice cabins, there were tents and plywood buildings. The kids had school around one of the campfires, and the adults got their meals at the communal s.p.a.ce, a tarp thrown over several tall posts to make some kind of half-a.s.sed shelter. But everyone had survived the trip, and, in three weeks, they'd seen no sign of the hunters.

In short, Jed was putting this one in the win column.

Shotgun slung over one shoulder, Jed tramped back from the woods. He'd been doing an inspection of the sentry points and was pretty pleased with the design Redford had inst.i.tuted. They'd taken their cue from deer hunting blinds, set high up in trees and camouflaged, practically invisible to anyone below. They were watching all possible entry points, and Jed was determined that when he and Redford went back home, the wolves wouldn't have one d.a.m.n excuse for being taken by surprise. Effective, and also hilarious to hear wolves b.i.t.c.h about how they didn't belong in trees. Jed had taken to calling them Fur Pigeons.

Knievel was trotting next to him, tail in the air, chirping happily at the wolves they pa.s.sed. When they spotted Redford across the way, the cat took off like a streak of fur, only to stop short and begin aggressively grooming herself just shy of Redford, like she didn't even notice him. Jed had no such illusions of aloofness. With a grin, he covered the distance between them in a few long strides and grabbed Redford for a long kiss. "Hey, babe," he murmured, wrapping one arm around Redford. "I missed you."

"Jed, you've been gone two hours," Redford pointed out practically. But he was smiling, and that was what counted.

"A very long two hours," Jed insisted, eyes wide with pretend earnestness. "The longest. I practically wasted away."

"Of missing me, or of hunger?" At Redford's question, Jed braced himself. In the past few weeks, Redford had gotten it into his head that Jed didn't eat enough, and three times a day Redford now appeared, seemingly out of nowhere sometimes, just to shove a meal at Jed. "Because you skipped lunch."

"I was working!" Jed protested. "It was very important."

"So is food." Redford frowned at him, taking Jed by the arm and leading him to one of the campfires. There was no big bonfire in this new place, but a series of smaller ones that would be less visible from a distance. Redford leaned down and picked up a tray just in time to save it from Knievel's paws. "One of the hunting parties had some good luck today, so there's plenty for everyone."

Settling down onto a bench, Jed's first priority was serving a good chunk of the unidentified meat on his plate to Knievel. She immediately dragged it a short distance away, gnawing on it, tail swishing contentedly. Jed then tugged Redford down to sit on his lap, ignoring the rest of the meal for a moment in favor of kissing Redford's shoulder. "So, how did the training session go? Anything interesting happen while I was chasing Fur Pigeons up trees?"

Redford snorted. "They had a fifteen minute long discussion, trying to come up with a good name for themselves to avoid letting you have the honor. Some of them aren't happy with the idea of using anything but their teeth, but they're getting there. I just keep emphasizing that it's good to be prepared in any form."

"And they have an excellent teacher," Jed informed him. Absently, he took a bite of the food, raising his eyebrows. "This isn't half bad. What'd we catch this time?"

"Mule deer, they said." Redford leaned back against Jed then, getting comfortable. "They all looked really happy about it. They also said they saw mountain lions, but they wouldn't eat them."

"That's 'cause they know cats are superior. Isn't that right, 'Nievel?" Knievel, for her part, had rolled over and was now vigorously attempting to catch her own foot, which was kicking hyperactively, seemingly independently of her body. Jed paused. "Okay, maybe not."

Redford laughed lowly. "Hey, you haven't seen the hunting party get bored and chase their own tails."

It was simple out here. Sure, hard to get to, and Jed was desperately missing television and a really good beer, takeout food or going down to the gym for a game of basketball. But there was something kind of nice about eating food that people he knew had gone out to hunt hours ago. That his whole day was Redford and training and watching the stars at night. Jed would be happy to go home, but he'd admit, part of him wouldn't mind staying.

There was a thump next to him, and Jed didn't even need to look over to know it was Edwin. The kid was ridiculously easy to spot when he wasn't trying to be stealthy. He approached everything like it was some game he was thrilled to be playing. Edwin was also pretty decent at the whole sentry thing that Jed had been working on with the wolves. He had a good nose and wasn't afraid to follow it.

He also refused to use a gun. Oh, he'd tried. He'd even approached Jed asking to be taught. But after an hour shooting makeshift targets, Edwin had handed Jed the pistol and declared it too noisy before running off to do whatever the f.u.c.k he did during the day. Chase b.u.t.terflies or wash his clothes with talking birds or whatever. Jed would give him this, though-Edwin was G.o.dd.a.m.n lethal in wolf form.

"Do you like the deer?" Edwin asked, flashing them both a grin. "I got to take it down. It was awesome. We tracked this herd for miles. Normally only the older wolves actually do the kill, out of respect for the animal, but this time they let me and then we gave honor to it and I got to say the blessing and it was awesome." He was practically wiggling in excitement. "Redford, you should come next time!"

"I'm not really much of a hunter," Redford mumbled, embarra.s.sed. "I'd prefer to do the cooking. I'm much better at that."

And there was another thing that was going well-Redford hadn't had an "episode" for the last three weeks. He hadn't been overcome by the instincts or lost himself. A few times he'd looked like he'd come close, but every time he'd forced himself to breathe slowly and beat back the yellow in his eyes. He'd also become more comfortable around every aspect of the pack. He still wasn't running around on all fours at the drop of a hat, but he seemed a bit more willing to partic.i.p.ate in some of the pack dynamics, and Jed was trying his d.a.m.nedest to be supportive.

"You could come anyway," Edwin a.s.sured him. "Randall isn't that great either, but he came last time. I think he just wanted to be helpful."

Or get out of the camp, Jed figured. Jed wasn't exactly Oprah, and G.o.d knew he really didn't care, but even a blind eunuch could have figured out that Randall and Victor had gone through some kind of p.i.s.sing match. Which, oddly enough, hadn't stopped Victor from coming with the pack.

Yeah, Jed didn't get that either. A week after they'd arrived, Victor had come huffing and puffing into camp. He'd driven the d.a.m.n rattletrap van as close as he could and hidden it in the woods only to make the hour-long ascent up to the camp. h.e.l.l, Jed was just impressed he hadn't pa.s.sed out or died. Victor didn't strike him as the hiking type.

But since Victor had arrived, Randall hadn't said two words to him. Which was probably weird, but honestly, at least now Jed only had to deal with one nerd at a time. Victor had thrown himself into helping set up the school and was, at that moment, surrounded by a bunch of kids, half of them in wolf form, teaching them the history of their people around the campfire. It had been funnier when Victor had looked terrified of anyone younger than twenty-five. Now he was actually smiling-if a bit awkwardly-at the kids. Weird.

"Randall isn't that great at what?" Randall had appeared, pausing to give Knievel a scratch just in front of her tail. "My ears are burning."

"Hunting," Edwin replied, flopping down on the ground to stick his nose in Knievel's face. The cat touched her nose to his and then rubbed her cheek against his jaw. "Red was just saying he wasn't good enough to go with the party next time, but you went!"

"Yes, well, it was educational to be sure," Randall replied dryly, taking a careful seat next to them. "I think I'll stick to helping out here in the future."

Anthony was incredibly involved in getting everyone settled and helping the sentries train. Edwin was a hunter and learning how to fight. Randall, though... well, there wasn't much call for the bookish type out here. He didn't seem to have a place to fit in. Normally Jed would tell him to go do the school thing, but since he very much did not want to know what was going on there, he decided to keep his d.a.m.n mouth shut.

Redford shifted on Jed's lap, casting a glance at the still half-full tray and then a frown at Jed with a silent reminder for him to keep eating. "Maybe I'll try going out with the hunting party tomorrow," he said, phrasing it more like a question.

Obligingly popping another bite of the meat in his mouth, Jed nodded. "That sounds awesome. I'm going to do a few training exercises I think, see if the Fur Pigeons can spot me sneaking into camp. Going hunting sounds like way more fun than crawling in the dirt for four hours."

"It probably is." Redford smiled. "Oh, and Anthony was looking for you earlier. He said he wanted to talk to you, but I don't know why. I think he's with Cedric at the moment."

Nodding, taking one last bite, Jed kissed Redford's cheek and regretfully dislodged him from his lap. "Duty calls. Want to come with?"

"I promised I'd help clean up after cooking." Redford didn't look too happy at the prospect-he'd always hated doing dishes, and Jed had never managed to get the hang of it. Between them, they were just grateful to have a dishwasher in their apartment back home. "I'll see you after?"

Kissing him, ignoring the exaggerated gagging sounds Edwin was teasing them with, Jed smiled. "I think that's a plan. Our tent. Tonight. I have plans." Plans involving driving Redford so out of his mind with pleasure he forgot to try to be quiet so no one would hear them. Tents had thin walls; that wasn't Jed's problem.

"It's the full moon tonight," Randall pointed out. He'd brought out a book, the same book he'd been carrying around since they'd arrived at the new camp, and was half absorbed in the well-worn pages. "I think you might need to take a rain check. I've never been around this many wolves during one before, but I kind of think it's going to be a little more intense than usual."

Redford stared at Randall, worry pinching the edges of his expression. "Intense how?"

"Remember the summer solstice when everyone started howling?" Randall glanced up, arching an eyebrow at Redford. "That was probably not even close."

Redford had gone bright red. "I can't imagine," he said faintly, darting a worried, but also fond, look at Jed. "The summer solstice was already, um, crazy."

Jed just grinned widely back. "Oh man, I am clearing my schedule tomorrow for sure." Forget his plans. "'Cause I think I'm not going to be able to walk once you get back." G.o.dd.a.m.n, that was a happy prospect. Redford would go out and do his running thing and then come back all naked and blissed out and f.u.c.k Jed into the ground. That was definitely the new plan of action.

Snorting quietly, Randall returned to his book. "I need to find earplugs."

"I'm just going to sleep in the woods tomorrow," Edwin decided. "You guys are loud."

"Hey, it's not my fault you aren't getting laid," Jed informed both of them smugly. "My boyfriend is hot as h.e.l.l, and I refuse to restrain myself." With that, Jed tugged Redford in for a slow kiss, biting his lip lightly before he headed off to find Anthony.

He found him in the new medical center, which was actually just a single room plywood hut that Cedric had claimed as his own. Anthony was seated with an IV in his arm, staring out the window while Cedric made notes and fussed over a stack of books on the desk. Plopping down on one of those rolling stools, Jed grinned at Anthony, sliding his way across the floor. "What's going on, fur b.u.t.t?"

It sucked, that Anthony was sick. More than sucked. A guy like that, full of life, he shouldn't have to worry about medicine and getting weaker. But crying about it wasn't going to do a d.a.m.n thing.

"Hi, Jed." Anthony sounded tired but pleased to see him. "Have you got a free minute?"

"Well, I did have a pedicure scheduled," Jed drawled, spinning idly in half circles on the stool. "But hey, I can get my french tips later."

At least Anthony laughed at his jokes, unlike some people. Jed wasn't going to name and shame, but, well, Victor. "Okay, I won't beat around the bush, then. Cedric says it's too early to tell if his treatment is going to do anything. I wanted to ask you for something."

Eyebrow rising, Jed stopped fidgeting. "Updated reading material? 'Cause I gotta tell you, as much as I love the one copy of Home & Garden from 1958, it's getting kind of old."

Anthony frowned contemplatively. "Was Home & Garden even being published then?"

Jed shrugged. "They had homes back then, kid. And gardens. And words."

"I don't know, that's pretty far back. Did they even have the written language then?" Anthony teased.

"I was not even a glimmer in my father's eye back then, so for all I know they had f.u.c.king dinosaurs." Laughing, Jed shook his head. "So, what do you want me to get? I've got a trip to town scheduled. I can pick up some gossip mags for your secret boy band crush stalking."

Anthony smiled, but that time he didn't get distracted. "I wanted to ask you a favor. I know this might sound pretty dramatic, and I'm not asking you to seriously commit to anything. But-" He drew a deep breath. "-if I die, I want to know that there'll be someone looking out for my brothers. Just checking in on them every once in a while to make sure they're okay. And I can't think of anyone better for the job than you."

Well. That was one good way to get Jed focused. A frown crept over his face, and Jed instinctively shook his head, wanting nothing more than to get up and run. "I'm pretty sure you must be taking the good drugs, then, Rin Tin Tin." Jed didn't do family. He'd never been good at it. Redford was... a ma.s.sive exception to the rule. "I'm not your guy."

"I'm not asking you to live with them and hold their hand, Jed. Just a phone call every once in a while. Help, if they need it." Another wolf ability, besides the senses and the glamorous fur coat, must have been the ability to give irritatingly good pleading eyes. Redford had it down, and now Anthony was giving him the same face.

Jaw tight, Jed just shook his head more determinedly. "You want Red," he grunted, staring somewhere over Anthony's left shoulder. "Or, f.u.c.k, Victor. Anybody but me. I'm not the person someone wants checking up on them. They get in a tight spot, sure, I'm there. But everyday stuff isn't my thing."

"I'd ask Victor if I didn't think Randall would hang up on him," Anthony said wryly. "And since Randall would, Edwin would. Can I ask both you and Redford, then?"

Leg jiggling, Jed tried to think of a really good excuse. Like he was allergic to hugs or he was pretty sure he turned into a wolf-eating maniac on full moons. A were-man of some sort. In the end, though, Jed just heaved a sigh and nodded. "Fine. Redford does the emotional s.h.i.t, though." He nudged Anthony's shoulder. "Not that this conversation matters. You're going to be fine."

Before Jed could protest, Anthony had reached out and gotten an arm around Jed's shoulder, dragging him into a hug. It was, needless to say, a bit awkward while both of them were sitting down. "Thank you," Anthony mumbled against Jed's shoulder. "Really. Thank you. I can't tell you how much that means to me."

Patting Anthony's back, floundering more than a little, Jed cleared his throat. "Yeah, well. Good talk." Christ, he hated stuff like this. Who just went around hugging people? It was weird. Anthony didn't even let him go after the allotted two seconds. He just kept hugging him.

After an excruciatingly long time, Anthony said, laughter under his words, "You really hate being hugged, don't you?"

"I like naked hugging," Jed grumbled, arms now stiff at his sides, completely unsure what he was supposed to be doing. "That's the only kind of hugging that counts."

Anthony scoffed. "Regular hugging is good too. Here, I'll give you a tip. Lift your arms and put them around me. You will have then successfully hugged me back and I'll let you go."

Well, that didn't sound like a viable option at all. Wincing, Jed held still, hoping Anthony would give up. The b.a.s.t.a.r.d just tightened his grip, and Jed swore he could feel him laughing silently. Finally, letting out an exasperated breath, Jed raised his arms and gave Anthony another quick double tap on the back. "There. f.u.c.king h.e.l.l, you freaking muppet."

Anthony was a man of his word. He let go and sat back in his chair. "Now, was that so scary?"

Glaring at him, Jed rubbed the back of his neck, feeling as awkward as some teenager after their first date. "Whatever. You need anything else while I'm in here? Should we do each other's makeup and talk about boys?"

"We totally should." Anthony was so deadpan Jed found he couldn't tell if he was being serious or not. His heart sank. s.h.i.t. Was this like a Make-A-Wish thing? Did he now have to follow through for the sick guy?

f.u.c.k that. "You come near me with mascara and I will kick your a.s.s, I don't care how many needles the doc has got in your arm," Jed grumbled, scowling. "My lashes are perfect. I don't need a G.o.dd.a.m.n thing on my face."

Anthony's expression split into a grin. "So you've spent time thinking about your eyelashes, huh?"

Jed swore he was going to hit him. Jed rolled his eyes heavily, flopping back in his chair. "You are an a.s.shole," he declared.

"A loveable one," Anthony corrected. "So, have you got anything planned for this night's full moon?"

"That's debatable." Going back to making lazy circles on the stool, shooting Anthony the required scowls as he turned, Jed shrugged. "Spend as much time with Red as he wants. Sleep. Get f.u.c.ked into the ground when Red gets back." A slow smirk spread across Jed's face. "You know, nothing big."

Victor would have scowled at him. h.e.l.l, most people would have protested that was way too much information. Anthony simply slapped him on the shoulder and said, "Good luck. You'll need it, especially if Redford is getting more in tune with his instincts."

The smirk turned into a full-on grin. "Any tips?"

"Eat a lot of carbs and try not to pa.s.s out," Anthony laughed. "Wolves are more energetic than most."

"I've never had a complaint." Snorting out a laugh, Jed waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "I think I can keep up just fine."

"I'm sure you can." Anthony half turned in his chair as Cedric bustled over to do something with the IV in his arm. "Okay, Jed, I'm sure you have something better to do than watch me get treated. But thank you." Anthony looked up at him again, a teasing light in his eyes. "For a human, you're pretty good to have as a friend."

He'd been released from sticking around with the threat of future ninja hugs, but Jed didn't move. "How's that going?" he asked, nodding toward the IV. "Better than the smelly paste s.h.i.t?"

It was Cedric who answered him. "I can't say there will be any improvement just yet." He sounded grumpy. Then again, the guy always sounded grumpy.