_Grim_. You are always quoting Dr. Johnson! Cousin, I can not endure it!

Dr. Johnson is a bore!

_Cousin_. Oh, yes! to _evil-doers_,--but to none else. Hear him: "There is in the world a cla.s.s of mortals known, and contentedly known, by the appellation of _pa.s.sionate men_, who imagine themselves ent.i.tled, by this distinction, to be provoked on every slight occasion, and to vent their rage in vehement and fierce vociferations, in furious menaces, and licentious reproaches."

_Grim_. That will do.

_Cousin_. "Men of this kind," he tells us, "are often pitied rather than censured, and are not treated with the severity which their neglect of the ease of all about them, might justly provoke." But he adds: "It is surely not to be observed without indignation, that men may be found of minds mean enough to be satisfied with this treatment; wretches who are proud to obtain the privilege of madmen, and----"

_Grim_. I will hear no more! Have done!

_Cousin_. So the shaft went home! I am not sorry.

_Grim_. No one but a meddlesome old maid would think of insulting a man in his own house.

_Cousin_. So, when, at a loss for a vindication, you reproach me with being an old maid! Cousin, it does not distress me, either to be an old maid, or to be called one. I must, however, remark, that the manhood that can charge against a woman her single state, either as a matter of ridicule or reproach, is not quite up to my standard.

_Grim_. Cousin Mary, I ask your pardon! But am I, indeed, the petulant, disagreeable fellow, you would make me out?

_Cousin_. My dear Caspar, you are generous enough in large things; but, oh! consider that _trifles make up a good portion of the sum of life_; and so "_a small unkindness is a great offense_." Why not be cheerful, sunny, genial, in little things? Why not look on the bright side? Why not present an unruffled front to petty annoyances? Why not labor,--ay, labor,--to have those around you happy and contented, by reflecting from yourself such a frame of mind upon them?

Life is short, at the best; why not make it cheerful? Do you know that longevity is promoted by a tranquil, happy habit of thought and temper'?

Do you know that cheerfulness, like mercy, is twice blessed; blessing "him that gives, and him that takes'?" Do you know that good manners, as well as good sense, demand that we should look at objects on their bright side'? Do you know that it is contemptible selfishness in you to shed gloom and sorrow over a whole family by your moroseness and ill-humor'?

_Grim_. Cousin Mary, the patience with which I have listened to your cutting remarks, will prove to you, I hope, that, notwithstanding my angry retorts, I am convinced there is much truth in what you have said of me. I have a favor to ask. Send away your carriage; stay a week longer,--a month,--a year, if you will. Hold the lash over this ugly temper of mine,--and I give you my word that I will set about the cure of it in earnest.

_Cousin_. You should have begun earlier,--in youth, when the temper is pliable, and strong impressions can work great changes. But we will not despair. I will tarry with you a while, just to see if you are serious in your wish for a reformation, and to help you bring it about.

_Grim_. Thank you. We hear of reformed drunkards, and reformed thieves; and _why may not a petulant temper be reformed_, but a system of total abstinence from all harsh, unkind moods and expressions? Come, we will try.

QUESTIONS.--1. At what was Mr. Grim offended? 2. What did Cousin Mary say would be fortunate for him? 3. What blunder had Mr. Grim made? 4.

How did he often behave at the table? 5. What does Dr. Johnson say of such men? 6. What did Cousin Mary finally say to him? 7. Of what was he convinced? 8. What did he resolve to do?

LESSON CXVI.

SAC' RI FICE, religious offering.

STRAIGHT, immediately.

SCUR' VY, low; mean.

SCRU' PLE, hesitate.

EN DURE', suffer'; tolerate.

IM PURE, filthy; unclean.

UT TER LY, entirely; completely.

BLEM' ISH, defect; deformity.

WA' VER ED, hesitated.

IM PAR' TIAL, just; free from bias.

RE FER', leave to another.

PAR' DON, forgive.

GHEE, kind of b.u.t.ter used in India.

DIS TRUST' ING, suspecting.

PAL PA BLE, obvious; evident.

LAUD' ING, praising.

THE BRAHMIN AND THE ROGUES.

[Footnote: The fable, here thrown into verse, is related in English prose by Macaulay, who says:--"Thus, or nearly thus, if we remember rightly, runs the story of the Sanscrit Aesop."]

AN EASTERN FABLE.

VERSIFIED BY J.N. McELLIGOTT.

1. A Brahmin went out, the legends say, To buy him a sheep a certain day; For he had solemnly vowed to slay, In sacrifice, a sheep that day, And wanted a sheep his vow to pay.

Three neighboring rogues (The cunning dogs!) Finding this out, Went straight about (Moved, I ween, by the very Old Nick,) To play the Brahmin a scurvy trick.

2. So one of them met him with the cry:-- "O Brahmin! O Brahmin! won't you buy A beautiful sheep? for here have I A beautiful sheep for sacrifice, As ever was seen by mortal eyes."

3. "Where is your sheep?" replied the Brahmin; "Bring him out here, and let me examine."

With that the wag Opened a bag, And out he drew To public view An ugly, dirty, horrible dog!

Blind as a bat, and lame as a frog; With a broken leg, climbing a log.

Or limping slowly over a bog.

4. "Wretch!" said the Brahmin indignant, "who Shamelessly utterest things untrue, And dost without a scruple endure To handle creatures the most impure, How darest thou call that cur a sheep?

Do you think, foul knave, that I'm asleep?"

5. "_Cur'!_" said the fellow with steady tone; "A _sheep_ it is, and a sheep alone; A sheep (see here, what a splendid fleece!) With flesh the sweetest, and fat as grease; And such a prize For sacrifice, As neither G.o.ds nor men can despise, Unless they both have dust in their eyes!"

"Sir," said the Brahmin, surprised to find A person so utterly out of his mind, "'Tis certain that _you_ or _I_ am blind."

6. Then stepping up, Patting the pup, Rogue the second, as if amazed, While on the dog he steadily gazed, Exclaims aloud:--"The G.o.ds be praised!

Since I've no need to market to go To buy me a sheep; for here's one so From spot and blemish perfectly free, That better could not possibly be.

Isn't it nice?

What's your price?"

7. The Brahmin, seeing this singular thing, Wavered in mind, like one in a swing; Yet answered the stranger, firmly,--"Sir, This isn't a sheep, but only a cur."

"_Cur_?" with disdain, the new-comer said; "Why, man, you're surely out of your head!"

8. As this occurred, Came rogue the third, To whom, as being a witness new, And likely to take impartial view, Brahmin proposed at once to refer, Whether the creature was _sheep_ or _cur_.

All being agreed, the eager priest Said:--"Stranger, what do you call this beast?"

"A _sheep_, to be sure!" the knave replied; "As fine a sheep as ever you spied."

9. "Well," said the Brahmin, "the G.o.ds this day Have surely taken my senses away!"

Then begging the rogue That carried the dog, To pardon him for doubting his word, He, with a readiness most absurd, Purchased the creature with rice and ghee, Which went, of course, to the worthless three, And which they shared with wonderful glee.

10. Thus taken in, The poor Brahmin Offered it up, The filthy pup, Which so offended the G.o.ds, that they Sent sore disease his folly to pay: Thinking it right the man to chastise For so distrusting his natural eyes, And being led by palpable lies To offer a dog as a sacrifice.

MORAL.

Look out for the arts of the puffing tribe,-- People that praise for the sake of a bribe; Lavishly lauding a book or a pill, Or any thing else the pocket to fill; Singing Simplicity fast asleep, And making her dream a dog's a sheep.