"I haven't a pouch even. What the devil should I do with one?"

"He has no pouch! you hear him, great G.o.d, and you don't blast him!--Well, when I leave you, I am going to see some ladies--ladies, do you hear?--and I am very sure that they'll have some tobacco for me."

"That is possible, as there are some ladies who smoke nowadays."

"Yes, my dear friend. Oh! you needn't shrug your shoulders! The fair s.e.x is for tobacco."

"There are ladies and ladies!"

"Well, let's drop it.--I will be brief: my dear friend, I have just done you a very great service."

"You have! how so?"

"I have just come from Monsieur Mirotaine's, where I dined."

"Mon Dieu! you make me shudder!"

"Nay, rather rejoice! I had seen the wardrobe dealer, and told her that I had a very rich count who wanted to marry and who would not ask for any dowry."

"I asked you not to play any wretched practical joke."

"True; but I didn't listen to you, and it's well I didn't; for everything went off as if it was on wheels."

"Whom did you present as the man who wanted a wife?"

"Someone who can't refuse me anything, who plays whatever part I a.s.sign to him, because I know a certain secret. Ha! ha! ha! Poor Miflores-Seringat! or Seringat-Miflores!--There's a pigeon whom Providence placed in my hand most opportunely!"

"Go on! what happened at Monsieur Mirotaine's?"

"We had a fairly good dinner, except for the vin ordinaire, which was only too plentiful, the champagne, which tasted like Roge's purgative lemonade, and the _creme a la vanille_, which was sweetened with camphor. My false count didn't say a word, but confined himself to eating; as I had said, however, that he wanted a chance to study the young lady before he proposed, everything went well; but, after dinner, while we were in the salon, picking up radishes and pickles which Mirotaine had in reserve in his pocket, lo and behold! Dubotte arrived with his wife--a pretty little blonde, on my word!--Would you believe that Dubotte recognized my pseudo-count, and said to him: 'How are you, Seringat? how's your good wife?'--You can imagine the sensation!--Papa Mirotaine was furious, the wardrobe woman confused, the guests stared at one another in amazement,--and my soi-disant marrying man took his legs in his hand, after consigning to the devil the man who had asked him about his wife. In the midst of all that confusion, I had great difficulty in keeping from roaring with laughter.--Monsieur Mirotaine questioned me; he undertook to be wrathful, but I mounted a higher horse than he; I declared that Miflores had fooled and deceived me, and that I was going to demand satisfaction from him. I came away, and here I am!--Well, what do you say to that?"

"I say that you did wrong to play this farce, and I am afraid that it will do me more harm than good."

"Why, no, it won't; the old miser, disgusted with the idea of prospective husbands he doesn't know, will refuse to receive any more of them, and will consent to give you his daughter."

"I have no hope that things will turn out so."

"You're an ungrateful wretch!--Try to oblige your friends, and this is the reward you get! And he can't even give me a bit of tobacco!"

"You intended to be useful to me, my dear Dodichet, and I thank you for it; but, I say again, I am not at all at ease as to the results of your ill-timed jest."

"If you smoked, you wouldn't be so timid! Adieu, virtuous man, prudent man, indefatigable worker! Adieu, O most extraordinary man--who doesn't smoke! You are not of your epoch!"

"That may be! but I am perfectly sure that a time will come when Frenchmen will have become courteous and refined once more, and will be unable to understand how their ancestors could have smoked so much!"

"Adieu! I fly now in quest of my treasurer; I must see him, for the waters are low, and I want to buy a gorgeous costume for my debut in the role of Joconde."

"At the Opera-Comique?"

"No; at Quimper-Corentin."

Lucien returned to his boxes of pins, reflecting upon all that Dodichet had told him.

"As a matter of prudence," he thought, "I shall do well to wait a few days before appearing at Monsieur Mirotaine's; he must be very angry at having been made a dupe; I will give his anger time to subside; I will wait until he has partly forgotten to-day's occurrences, so that he cannot guess that I know anything about them."

But during the week that pa.s.sed before Lucien went to Mirotaine's, Dubotte had entertained young Calle at dinner, and, as we have seen, had told his guest why Dodichet had conceived the idea of bringing forward a husband for Mademoiselle Juliette; that it was in the hope of serving his friend Lucien's interests. Young Calle, who was a great gossip, like most people who have nothing to do, did not fail to repeat to Aldegonde all that he had learned at Dubotte's, and the stepmother repeated it to her husband; whereupon the latter made a scene with his daughter.

"You were in collusion with those wretches," he cried, "those blackguards who cheated me out of a dinner! it was your Lucien who urged them to play that joke on me, of which the a.s.size court would take cognizance! When I see him, I'll tell him what I think of him."

It was of no use for Juliette to protest, to swear that she knew nothing about it, and that Lucien was incapable of devising the malicious scheme which they had presumed to carry out--Monsieur Mirotaine was convinced of the contrary; and when, two days later, poor Lucien appeared before his love's father, humble and smiling, and inquired for his health, Monsieur Mirotaine flew into a rage and pushed him toward the door, crying:

"My health! You have the insolence to come to inquire for my health, after making a fool of me to such a point that it made me ill! You are very bold to show your face before me again!"

"Why, monsieur," stammered Lucien, in dire dismay, "what have I done that you should treat me like this?"

"What have you done? He pretends not to know! But you can't fool me, monsieur!--Think of the dinner I was forced to give--a dinner of eleven covers! three courses! and my old claret! And that Italian count--who was only an apothecary--whom Dodichet introduced as a millionaire in search of a wife--when he already had one at Pontoise! And the coffee and liqueurs! Your friend Dodichet helped himself to cognac three times!

Can you deny that he's your friend, and that he invented that abominable farce in the hope of helping on your love for my daughter?"

"If Dodichet did that to do me a service, I swear to you on my honor, monsieur, that it was done against my will; that I expressly forbade him to attempt the slightest liberty with you!"

"Oh! tell that to the marines, monsieur! you admit that this Dodichet is a friend of yours, and that's enough to justify me in forbidding you to set your foot inside my doors again."

"But my intentions are absolutely pure, monsieur; as you know, my pin-making enterprise opens very well; I hope to be able to extend it very materially."

"Yes, yes! you'll have your excellent friends praise it and brag about it! But I will not be your dupe any more. Go! and don't think of showing yourself here again; you won't be admitted!"

Monsieur Mirotaine pushed the young man into the porch, and closed the door violently upon him. Whereupon Lucien walked slowly away, murmuring:

"I shan't see Juliette again; I cannot even exchange a word or two with her any more. Ah! Dodichet! what a pitiable service you have done me!"

XIV

DODICHET, TENOR

On leaving Lucien, Dodichet first of all purchased some tobacco, then called at Mademoiselle Boulotte's, where Rosa had agreed to be; for those damsels were informed of the scene which was to be played at Monsieur Mirotaine's, and, as they were very curious to know how it had gone off, Dodichet had promised to call and tell them about it the same night.

The two _figurantes_ were smoking, and drinking grog; and Boulotte's room, although much larger than Lucien's, was so filled with smoke that one could hardly see across it. Which fact did not prevent Dodichet from exclaiming in admiration at the picture before his eyes:

"Bravo! bravi! This brings me back to life! I have just left a man who is not a man--he doesn't smoke! But here, on the contrary, I find women who are equal to any trooper; this sets me up again!"

"Ah! here's Dodichet! Good-evening, Dodichet!"

"Good-evening, my young fairies of the wings! have you any cigarette papers?"

"Oh! what a question! We would as soon be without bread!"