"I spoze," sez I, fallin' a little ways into oritory--"I spoze that if Josiah and me had took a rinosterhorse to board durin' the heated term, our actions would often be termed queer by our neighbors. To begin with, it's bein' such new business to us, we shouldn't know what to feed it, to agree with its immense stomach; we should, I dare presoom to say, try experiments with it before we got the hang of its feed, and peek through the barn doors dretful curious at it to see how it wuz a-actin', and how its food wuz agreein' with it.

"We shouldn't dast to ride it to water, or holler at it, as if it wuz a calf; and if it should happen to break loose, Heaven knows what we should do with it!

"And I spoze every fence would be full of neighbors a-standin' safe on their own solid premises, a-hollerin' out to us what to do, and every one on 'em mad as hens if we didn't foller their directions.

"Some on 'em hollerin' to us to mount up on it and ride it back into the barn, when they knew that it would tear us to pieces if we went nigh it when it wuz mad. And some on 'em orderin' us to git rid of it. And how could we dispose of a ragin' rinosterhorse at a minute's notice? And some on 'em a-yellin' at us to kill it. How could we kill it, when the creeter didn't belong to us?

"And some on 'em, not realizin' that our rinosterhorse boardin' wuz new business to us, and we wuz liable to make mistakes, standin' up on the ruff of their own barns, safe and sound, a-readin' the Bible to us and warnin' us, and we tuggin' away and swettin' with this wild creeter on our hands, and tryin' to do the best we could with it.

"And then, right on top of this, Jonesville might serve a injunction onto us, that we had no right to let such a dangerous creeter into the precincts of Jonesville; and then we, feelin' kinder sorry, mebby, that we had ondertook the job, tried to git rid on't; and the rinosterhorse owner serves another injunction on us, makin' us keep it, sayin' that he'd paid its board in advance, and that he wouldn't take it back.

"And there we would be, all wore out with our job, and not pleasin'

n.o.body, nor nothin', but makin' the hull caboodle mad as hens at us; and we a-not meanin' any hurt, none of the time, a-meanin' well towards Jonesville and rinosterhorses. Wouldn't we be in a situation to be pitied, Arvilly?"

"Yes," sez she, "it is jest so as I tell you; Cephus sez that he won't wait a minute longer than September."

I see how it wuz--she hadn't hearn a word of my remarkable eloquence.

Like all the rest, she had vivid idees about Sunday closin'; but come to the p'int, her own affairs wuz of the most consequence. She forgot all about the struggles of the Directors in their efforts to do what wuz right and best, in thoughts of Cephus.

But I considered it human nater, and forgive her. Wall, after Arvilly left me, I returned agin to the sights in the n.o.ble Liberal Arts Department, and see everything else that wuz riz up and helpful; and finding out everything about the land and sea, the Heavens, and depths below the earth and seas.

And oh, what queer, queer feelin's that sight gin me; they hain't to be described upon, and I hain't a-goin' to try to; it would be too much--too much for the public to hear about it, and for me to record 'em; though there wuz plenty of weights, measures, and balances, if I had tried to tackle the job of weighin' 'em.

Now, what I have said of the liberal part, and especially of the trainin' of the young, you can see plain that it wuz as much more interestin' than the manafactures part as the soul is superior to the body, or eternity is longer than time.

So, the world bein' such a sort of a curious place, it didn't surprise me a mite to see that this department, that wuz the most important in the hull Columbian World's Fair, wuz dretful cramped for room, and kinder put away upstairs.

For, as I sez to myself, the old world has such dretful curious kinks in it, it didn't surprise me a mite to have this department sort o'

squeezed into the end o' one buildin', and upstairs kinder, while the display for horned cattle covered over sixty acres.

A good many farmers are as careful agin of their blooded stock as they are of the welfare of their wives and children.

They will put work and hardship on the mother of their children that they wouldn't think of darin' to venture with their cows with a pedigree, for they would say, such overwork will injure the calf.

How is it with their own children, when the delicate mother does all the household drudgery of a farm, and milks seven or eight cows night and mornin'?

Toilin' till late bedtime, gettin' up before half rested, and takin' up agin the hard toil till the little feeble child-life is born into the world.

How is it with the mother and the child?

For answer, I refer you to countless newspaper files, under the headin'

of "mysterious dispensations of Providence," and to old solitary churchyards, and to the insane statisticks of the country.

The bereaved husband, a-blamin' Providence, but takin' some comfort in the thought that "the Lord loveth whom He chasteneth," walks out under his mournin' weed, and pats the sleek sides of his Alderney cow, and its fat, healthy young one, and ponders on how he could improve their condition, and better the stock, and mebby has pa.s.sin' thoughts on some bloomin' young girl, who he could persuade to try the fate of the first.

And he'll have no trouble in doin' so--not at all; putty is hard in comparison to wimmin's heads and hearts, sometimes.

But I am, indeed, eppisodin', and to resoom, and proceed.

In this world, where the material, the practical, so oft overshadows the spiritual, it didn't surprise me a mite to have this n.o.ble--n.o.ble liberal art display crowded back by less riz up and exalted ones.

And oh, what curious things we did see in this Hall of Wonders--curious as a dog, and curiouser.

The New South Wales exhibit in the west gallery is awful big, and divided into five courts, and all full of Beauty and Use.

These Australians are pert and kinder sa.s.sy; they look on our country as old, and wore out--some as we look at our Ma Country.

But their exhibit is a wonderful one--exhibit of their mines, that they say are a-goin' to be the richest in the World.

And lots of pictures showin' their strange, melancholy Australian scenery.

And their big trees. Why, one of these trees, they say, is the biggest yet discovered in the World; it is 400 and 80 feet high.

And it wuz here that I see the very queerest thing that I ever did see in my life; it wuz in their collection of strange stuffed birds, and animals which wuz large, and complete, and rangin' from the Emu down to a pure white hummin'-bird.

It wuz here that I see this Thing that Scientists hain't never cla.s.sified; it is about the size of a beaver--has fur like a seal, eyes like a fish, is web-footed, lays eggs, and hatches its young and lives in the water.

It is called a Platypus--there wuz four on 'em.

Queer creeter as I ever see. No wonder that Scientists furled their spectacles in front of it, and sot down discouraged.

Wall, we hung round there till most night, and Josiah and I went home as tired as two dogs, and tireder. And we both gin in that we hadn't seen nothin' to what we might have seen there; as you may say, we hadn't done any more justice to the contents of that buildin' than we would if we had undertook to count the slate-stuns in our old creek back of our house clear from Jonesville to Zoar--- more'n five miles of clear slate-stun. What could we do to it in one day?

But fatigue and hunger--on Josiah's part, a prancin' team--bore us away, and we went home in pretty good sperits after all, though some late.

Miss Plank had a good supper. We wuz late, but she had kept it warm for us--some briled chicken, and some green peas, and a light nice puddin', and other things accordin'; and Josiah _did_ indeed do justice to it.

CHAPTER XIII.

Wall, the next day after our visit to the Manafactures and Liberal Arts Buildin', I told Josiah to-day I wouldn't put it off a minute longer, I wuz goin' to see the Convent of La Rabida; and sez I, "I feel mortified and ashamed to think I hain't been before." Sez I, "What would Christopher Columbus say to think I had slighted him all this time if he knew on't!"

And Josiah said "he guessed I wouldn't git into any trouble with Columbus about it, after he'd been dead four hundred years."

"Wall," sez I, "I don't spoze I would, but I d'no but folkses feelin's can be hurt if their bodies have moved away from earth. I d'no anything about it, nor you don't, Josiah Allen."

"Wall," he said, "he wouldn't be afraid to venter it."

He wanted to go to the Live-Stock Exhibit that day--wanted to like a dog.

But I persuaded him off the notion, and I don't know but I jest as soon tell how I done it.

I see Columbus's feelin's wouldn't do, and so forth, nor sentiment, nor spirituality, don't appeal to Josiah Allen nothin' as vittles do.

So I told him, what wuz indeed the truth, that a restaurant was nigh there where delicious food could be obtained at very low prices.