JOHN, who rode his Dunlop tire O'er the head of sweet Maria, When she writhed in frightful pain, Had to blow it out again.

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Misfortunes Never Come Singly

MAKING toast at the fireside, Nurse fell in the grate and died; And, what makes it ten times worse, All the toast was burned _with_ nurse.

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The Perils of Obesity

YESTERDAY my gun exploded When I thought it wasn't loaded; Near my wife I pressed the trigger, Chipped a fragment off her figure; 'Course I'm sorry, and all that, But she shouldn't be so fat.

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[Ill.u.s.tration:

"_Now, although the room grows chilly, I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy._"]

Tender-Heartedness

BILLY, in one of his nice new sashes, Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes; Now, although the room grows chilly, I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy.

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Jim; or, the Deferred Luncheon Party

WHEN the line he tried to cross, The express ran into Jim; Bitterly I mourn his loss-- I was to have lunched with him.

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Appreciation

AUNTIE, did you feel no pain Falling from that apple tree?

Will you do it, please, again?

'Cos my friend here didn't see.

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Baby

BABY in the caldron fell,-- See the grief on Mother's brow; Mother loved her darling well,-- Darling's quite hard-boiled by now.

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[Ill.u.s.tration: "_Darling's quite hard-boiled by now._"]

Nurse's Mistake

NURSE, who peppered baby's face (She mistook it for a m.u.f.fin), Held her tongue and kept her place, "Laying low and sayin' nuffin'"; Mother, seeing baby blinded, Said, "Oh, nurse, how absent-minded!"

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The Stern Parent

FATHER heard his Children scream, So he threw them in the stream, Saying, as he drowned the third, "Children should be seen, _not_ heard!"

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"Bluebeard"