And stay tuned, because I'm going for it.

I smile even more when the clouds break and the warm sun shines on my face. I know I'm headed in the right direction now.

I just needed a little guidance.

The next morning, after dropping off the girls, I make my way to the house to start the preparations for Rylie's surprise party. Pulling into my driveway, I turn off the ignition and let out a deep breath. There's a nervous excitement running through my veins; I know Blake's coming over today.

Walking into the house, I throw my purse onto the couch and make my way to the kitchen. I pull the mixing bowls out of the dishwasher and grab the cake mix. I figure I'll start with the cake because I want to have enough time to work on it. I know I have more time than usual though, since Harlow offered to pick them up and keep them busy for a while after school. The benefits of owning your own business never gets old.

Regardless, I want to get a head start. I wrapped most of the presents last night after the girls went to bed, so all I really have to focus on today is the cake, the balloons and the banner.

I throw the mix in the bowl. A little too quickly I guess because as soon as the contents of the bag hit, a white cloud flies up and coats my face. I cough as the flour enters my lungs. And of course, right at that very moment, my door bell rings.

My heart beats wildly in my chest and my stomach feels like there's a gymnast inside it performing a gold medal winning floor routine. I wipe my hands on my black yoga pants leaving white trails from my fingers all over them as I walk through the living room. Entering the front hallway, I take a look at my tattered iron on "Save Ferris" t-shirt that I made no telling how many years ago. Well...I guess this will have to do.

Opening the door, I find it difficult to breathe when I lay my eyes on Blake. One would think I'd be use to how gorgeous he is, but for some reason, I seem to have the same reaction every time I see him. He stands before me, once again in my favorite faded jeans, wearing a black b.u.t.ton down shirt untucked and sleeves rolled up in true Blake style and his clanky motorcycle boots. His hair is flipping everywhere as it tends to do. He takes one look at me and the corner of his mouth lifts. He looks down at his black shirt.

"So I'm thinking black wasn't such a good idea." He gives me his s.e.xy chuckle and it takes everything in me not to jump on him right now, wrap my legs and arms around him, and kiss him senseless.

I giggle at the thought. "I think you're right. But don't worry. You're on balloon duty so you should be safe." I move aside allowing him to step in the entry way before closing the door. "Are those for Rylie? You didn't have to get her anything. I know it was short notice."

He holds my eyes for a brief second. Then he breaks our gaze to look down at the smaller box on top. "Not both of them. The smaller one is for you."

"Really?" I giggle like a little girl. I grab the present and skip into the living room, plopping down on the couch. "What is it?" Blake follows me but remains standing. "Open it and see."

"Okay," I say, my smile getting larger. I look down at the Disney Princess wrapping paper and smile so wide my face hurts. I glance back up at him. "You sure this is for me?"

Blake grins s.e.xily. My eyes wander all over his body before looking back down at the gift. I rip the paper open to find a black box. Flipping it open, I can't help but gasp from surprise.

Inside the box is a new charm to add to my collection, but it isn't just any charm. This one is an exact replica of the b.u.t.terfly from yesterday. Exact. Same black, yellow, and blue palette. I pick it up and let it dangle between my fingers as I examine it closely.

"Blake. You remembered the bracelet? It's beautiful." I haven't had a chance to tell him I still have it.

"Yes. Of course I remember it. I only looked for a charm every chance I had growing up. I thought this one would go nicely with your collection." His eyes break from mine and land on the charm.

"I found it yesterday while shopping for Rylie. I had to get it for you. That b.u.t.terfly seemed to have some kind of connection yesterday with you and the girls. And with it being so unusual, the chance of me finding an exact match...well, I just had to get it. I think it was meant for you, for some reason." He looks at me shyly. "It seemed like some kind of sign or something. I know...that sounds weird."

When Derek was alive, he was notorious for making sure I understood what he was telling me, making me repeat what he said to make sure I was listening or quizzing me after a long discussion. I find myself rolling my eyes in my head.

Yes, Derek...I understand. No further pushing required. I get it.

Thank you.

I put the charm back in the box and gently set it on the coffee table. Smiling at Blake, I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist. I put my forehead on his chest and smell him yet again. Something about doing that comforts me. Blake puts his hand on the back of my head and runs his hand through my hair. Placing my chin on his chest, I tilt my head back to look him directly in the eyes. "Thank you, Blake. I have a feeling you're right. This charm was meant for me. It's absolutely perfect." He removes his hand from the back of my head and grazes his fingers across my forehead, moving the hair out of my eyes. "I'm glad you like it."

Giving him another wide smile, I remove my chin from his shirt. And then I see my mistake. In an effort to suppress my laughter, I immediately cover my mouth with my hand. I watch as Blake looks down at his shirt and then back up at me with wide eyes and a half-grin on his lips.

Oh my G.o.d.

I completely forgot about the flour all over my face. The flour that is now all over his shirt. "Oh, Blake. I'm so sorry." Unfortunately, I can't hold it in any longer. It starts with a giggle that barely escapes, but when I turn him around and see the two handprints on his back, I can't help but break out into full on laughter. I start hiccupping as he turns back around and I watch his face light up with laughter. He attempts to dust the front of his shirt, but it does absolutely nothing. Taking in a couple of breaths to regain my composure, I wipe my eyes and attempt to straighten myself back into standing position. Once I'm able to function, I grab his hand and lead him into the kitchen. "Come on. Let's get you cleaned up."

I feel a zap all over my body when he intertwines his fingers with mine. I turn back and give him a rea.s.suring smile. I'm completely okay with this.

I grab a towel and turn the faucet on to wet it. I turn around to see Blake leaning back on the kitchen counter, legs crossed in front of him. When I approach him, he uncrosses his legs and stands up straighter allowing me to get close to him. Stepping in between his legs, I take the towel and dab it on his chest, removing the traces of white powder. I can see his muscles tense under his shirt. I let my eyes wander over his chest and slowly look up to meet his beautiful green eyes. I can feel every bit of nervous energy as it courses through my body. He holds my stare.

Keeping my eyes on him, I place the towel down on the counter beside him. I reach my hand up and run it over his chest. The muscles in his jaw tighten.

I slowly bring my other hand up and place both palms on his chest. I can feel his heart racing, encouraging me to keep going. I slowly move my hands down the ripples on his stomach. I break our stare to watch my hands roam over his body. When I reach the bottom of his shirt, I move my hands under it, slowly tracing them up his naked body. Palms still flattened, I turn my hands so that my thumbs fall into the ridge in the center of his stomach. I continue to move them up until I feel the muscles of his chest underneath each of my hands. I move my eyes back to meet his. This time, not breaking his gaze, I let my hands graze downward once again. His muscles quiver slightly as I glide over them. I remove my hands and step closer to him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt in pure desire.

Blake watches me the entire time. Letting my hands roam where they want. But once I grab his shirt, he moves his hands to my waist and pulls me so that our bodies are now touching. He tightens his hold. I feel his thumbs pressing into my stomach. But I can see in his face that he's holding back.

"Alex, are you sure?"

I nod my head, eyes still on him. He wraps one arm around under my bottom and places the other on the center of my back. In one quick swoop, he lifts me and I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. He turns and places me on the counter. We're eye level with each other. Legs pulling him as close as I can, I run my hands through his hair. G.o.d, I love his hair.

He places both arms on the sides of where I'm seated, his hands squeezing me from behind, pulling my body into his. He moves to press his face into my neck. I feel his nose as it grazes behind my ear. I can feel each chill b.u.mp rise all over my body. Breathing heavily in my ear, Blake whispers, "Once I start Alex, I don't know if I'll be able to stop. I need to know that you're sure. There can be no doubts moving forward. This is your decision."

I place both hands on the side of his face bringing his eyes to meet mine. "I'm tired of fighting it, Blake. I can't do it anymore."

My eyes find their way to his mouth and I lick my lips in antic.i.p.ation. Blake slowly moves forward, giving me every chance to back out. My heart's drumming uncontrollably in my chest. He lets his face linger in front of mine and I feel his warm rapid breaths on my mouth. Licking my lips for a final time, I move forward and feel his soft lips lightly skim mine, still testing the waters. I wrap my arms tightly around his neck and pull him so there's no doubt in his mind of what I want. Then, I crush my mouth against his. I kiss him with every bit of emotion that I have been holding in since I first saw him on the side of the road. I completely let go and lose myself in this kiss. And he kisses me back, just as eagerly.

Grabbing the back of my neck, he pulls me in to kiss me harder. I part my lips and feel his warm soft tongue enter my mouth, exploring every inch of it. I slide mine into his and savor his delicious taste. Running my tongue around his mouth, I graze his lower teeth. I moan and his hold on me tightens in response. I feel his fingers move into my hair. Swiftly breaking our kiss, he pulls my hair gently so that my head falls back and to the side. I feel his soft lips on my neck and behind my ear. His kisses trail across my neck as he guides my head to the other side.

I want more. I can't seem to get close enough. I pull him tighter with my legs. He removes his hand from my hair and once again wraps an arm around my waist. Pulling me greedily off the counter, he holds me tightly and carries me out of the kitchen, across the living room towards the bedroom. His mouth is on mine the entire time. I suck his bottom lip as he opens the door and when he lets out a s.e.xy groan, I almost come undone. I force his head back as I nip and lick his neck.

Finally reaching the bed, he gently lowers me down. I release my arms from around him and let my head fall to the pillow below. He pauses, letting his eyes wander up and down my body. He brings his hand to my face and strokes my cheek with his thumb. He flattens his hand and runs it down the side of my neck, moving it slowly to the front of my body. With his palm flat, he lays his hand on the top of my chest and moves his eyes to meet mine. Our rapid breathing is the only sound in the room.

"Alex, you have no idea how long I have waited for this moment."

I reach up and touch his cheek with my fingers. I place my hand on the back of his neck, and pull him down so that his lips once again meet mine.

And in that moment, with absolutely no hesitation, I give myself completely to Blake Morgan.

After three years of not being intimate with a man, I find that I'm pretty insatiable. I give myself completely to Blake Morgan...three times. Three times! Not too shabby. But as much as I would love to spend all day being so giving, I cannot. We have a party to get ready for!

With goofy grins plastered on our faces, Blake and I take care of everything together. We blow up all of the balloons, laughing at each other when we can't tie them, making them shoot all over the room. Then, we make out on the couch for a while.

We finish wrapping the remainder of Rylie's gifts...the whole time I poke fun at him for how well he wraps. Then, we make out on the living room floor.

I finally finish making her cake, slapping Blake's hand every time he tries to stick his hand in the batter. Then, we make out, leaning against the kitchen counter. Which, by the way, has officially graduated to being my favorite spot in the house.

Now we find ourselves rushing to set up her party in the backyard. We hang the banner on the porch and set up her presents on the table. Her theme this year is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael are everywhere. Even Splinter makes a guest appearance or two. Stepping back to look at our hard work, I clasp my hands together. "Blake! It's perfect! She's going to love it!" I pat the four little stuffed turtles on the head. They're positioned all around her double layer yellow cake with chocolate frosting. The frosting actually earned Blake the most slaps on the hand. "Seriously, we did a great job!"

Blake walks up behind me, putting his arms around my waist. Moving my hair aside, he sets his chin down on my shoulder. "We make a great team, Alex. I'm glad you've finally figured that out." I turn around to smack him on the arm, but his handsome face distracts me. I run my fingers through his hair and stand up on my tiptoes to give him a peck on the lips. "Better late than never." He grins against my mouth. "True."

I hear the girls yelling in the front yard and grab Blake's hand. "Hurry! They're here!" Making a mad dash into the house, we close the blinds as quickly as humanly possible. Both on the windows and the back door. Both of us jump onto the couch and position ourselves as though we've been sitting there all day. Which makes absolutely no sense, because once Rylie rings the doorbell twenty times in a row, I remember that I locked the door earlier. Blake and I grin at each other when we both come to this realization at the same time and get up off the couch.

I open the door and the girls completely bypa.s.s me and b.u.m rush Blake. I lean against the wall and watch their interaction. Looking back at me with a content smile on his face, Blake gives me a quick wink as he embraces the girls.

"h.e.l.lo! A little help here!" I turn around to see Harlow hauling two backpacks, two lunch boxes, and a huge h.e.l.lo Kitty pillow, about to drop them all. I giggle while watching her struggle for her balance and grab the backpacks and pillows. "I gotcha girl!"

She shoots me a relieved smile and exhales a breath of air blowing the hair out of her face. Shutting the door, I hear the girls squeal loudly. "It smells like cake in here! Yay!" d.a.m.n it. Another reason why I meant to make the cake first. I roll my eyes at myself. Dumb.

The girls run into the living room and immediately peek through the blinds. "Girls! Get away from there! Go to your rooms for a second, please." Rylie hasn't caught onto this yet and I intend to keep it that way as long as possible. Nycole and Kyndall giggle loudly and run out of the room. Rylie follows them for absolutely no reason, giggling just as loudly.

Blake takes a seat on the couch and I move to sit by him. I look into his beautiful green eyes. I lean forward to give him a quick kiss because I just can't help myself. But I'm stopped abruptly by someone clearing their throat.

"Is there something I need to know?" The look on Harlow's face is not what I expected. She looks...p.i.s.sed. That is actually the last look I would have expected to see on her face. Wasn't it just a month ago that she was practically forcing me to interact with this man?

My defenses go up immediately. Clearing my own throat, I bite back at her, "No, there isn't anything you need to know. When there is, I'll be sure to tell you." I snap my body up off the couch. We stare each other down for a minute, until the tension in the room builds enough to where Blake decides to clear his own throat. "Um, I'm going to go grab something to drink. Harlow? Alex?" Neither one of us answers him as we continue eying each other. Taking the hint, Blake wisely exits the room.

"What the h.e.l.l is wrong with you?" I ask her, my voice just above a whisper. "Were you or were you not in favor of Blake just a week ago? What the h.e.l.l has happened since then? I thought you'd be happy. This is the last reaction I would've expected from you."

She watches me closely as she walks across the room. When she's directly in front of me, she puts her face right in front of mine and narrows her eyes, like she is trying to figure something out. "Well, aren't you defensive all of a sudden? Interesting." She turns and walks out of the room making her way to the girls' rooms.

What? I'm getting really tired of her and these freakin' obscure messages. What the h.e.l.l does that even mean? I make my move to follow her when I hear a gentle knock at the door. Knowing who it is, I put a fake smile on my face before I answer the door.

h.e.l.lo fake smile. I wasn't planning on using you ever again...

"Hey John! Hey Nancy! Come on in!" I give them both a quick hug. I can't help but smile when a couple of Rylie's friends from down the street also make their way to my door. I usher everyone into the living room after closing the door behind them. I hold my finger in front of my lips, silencing the hyperactive children. "Listen Rylie's in her room. She has no idea about the party so we need to be super quiet. Okay?" They all put their fingers to their lips, following my lead. "Good. Now, go ahead and head out back. I'll get everyone else out there and then I'll bring her out." Nodding their heads, Nancy and John lead the pack, tiptoeing with huge grins on their faces. I don't know who finds these parties more exciting...the girls or John and Nancy.

Once they're safely outside, I dart into the kitchen to get Blake. He's standing by the refrigerator, gla.s.s in hand, staring at the floor. I think Harlow's reaction really upset him.

"Blake its fine. I'll take care of Harlow." I try to sound as sympathetic as I can while grabbing his arm. "Listen, don't let her ruin all of our hard work." I open the door and force him outside. "Oh yeah, you know Mrs. Meyer, right? Go say hi!"

I shut the door and pick up the pace to the girls' rooms, where I hear clinking tea cups in Rylie's room. I slow down as I approach the room, taking in a deep breath before I open the door. I immediately have to suppress a giggle. If I wasn't so upset with Harlow and her dumb undecipherable code, I would've laughed at seeing her with the pink boa wrapped around her neck and huge tea hat on her head. She twists her body around in the kiddie sized chair and I jerk my head toward the party. She nods in response.

"Whew! Alright girls, it's too hot for tea in here." Standing up and taking off her boa, she fans herself dramatically. "Let's go out back for some fresh air." Nycole and Kyndall jump up and shriek loudly, running out of the room. Rylie attempts to go as well, but Harlow reaches out and catches her before she can escape. Maintaining her hold, she takes off her hat and puts it on the table. Before pa.s.sing me, she pauses. "I'm sorry Alex. I need to talk to you. Come see me when things settle down." I nod my head and let her move by me. Rylie lets go of Harlow's hand and gives me a quick hug before skipping down the hall after her.

When they reach the door, Harlow stalls Rylie until I meet up with them. I look at Harlow and we both nod to each other, signaling "party time". I open the door and guide Rylie outside.

"Surprise!" Everyone yells together. Rylie looks at the set up and turns to hug my leg. "Oh thank you Mommy!" Holding her fist in the air she adds, "Turtle Power!"

There's a collective laugh among everyone and we watch as she runs to her cake. She grabs the stuffed turtles and holds them in her arms. "Thank you all for coming to my party!" She giggles, eyeing her presents. "Are all of these for me?" My little actress. I shake my head at her theatrics and look to Blake as he does the same. When our eyes meet, I melt.

An hour into the party and it's an absolute success. The best part? Presents, of course.

Harlow gives Rylie a make-up kit. I attempt my first use of "mommy death glare 2.0" on Harlow when I watch her open it. She just laughs. Seriously...this glare needs a lot of work.

John and Nancy give her this annoying mini-ATV that has an obnoxious police siren.

I give her useful and educational things like clothes and books. She always hates my presents. It's nothing new.

But Blake's present? His present takes the cake, of course. When she opens it, her eyes double in size and she claps her hands together excitedly. It's the perfect present for her...a trunk full of Disney dress-up clothes. Every Princess outfit is accounted for. From Cinderella to Ariel to Rapunzel...they're all there with all the accessories. She runs to him and jumps in his arms. He holds her tightly and then places her on the ground.

He crouches down to speak to her. "Okay Rylie, there are enough Sunday Breakfast Date clothes in there to last a while. I want to see you in all of them, okay?" She nods her head and gives him another huge hug. He watches her as she runs to John and Nancy to show them the Snow White tiara. When he glances my way, I mouth a small, thank you. He gives me a slight smile and a nod, and then goes back to watching her as she starts to pull everything out of the trunk.

After presents, we sing the usual birthday song and Rylie blows out her candles, in her new and improved Sleeping Beauty dress I might add. I make her take it off before she eats cake. It's funny how you can get kids to do anything for cake with no temper tantrums.

Afterwards, we all mingle outside for a while, well...everyone except Blake and Harlow who seem to be going out of their way to avoid each other. After a couple of hours, Rylie's friends leave and John and Nancy decide to head out. I walk them to the door and give them both an embrace before they leave, thanking them for coming. Closing the door, I turn to head back to the living room, when I hear voices coming from my bedroom. Switching to stealth mode, I quietly tip toe with the voices getting louder as I approach the room. I press my ear to the door.

"Blake, this is ridiculous. When I called you here, it was to help her, as her friend. Not to sleep with her!"

"She's a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. This isn't your call to make, Harlow. It's hers."

"She can't make any decisions in the state she's in, not clear-headed ones. The woman you see is not the woman I helped through the tragedy of losing Derek. She isn't ready yet. Not for this. You're completely taking advantage of her vulnerability."

"Bulls.h.i.t! She's perfectly fine. She's grieved enough. For G.o.d's sakes...let her move on. You know, if I didn't know better, I would almost say that you want her to need you. I would almost even say that you want her to remain miserable so that you have a reason for existence."

"f.u.c.k you, Blake! You don't know s.h.i.t. You've been here for like, what, two seconds? You don't know her. You know what she wants you to know. I called you because she wasn't getting any better and I thought maybe you could get through to her. But if I knew this was going to happen, I would have dropped all communication with you a long time ago. b.a.s.t.a.r.d!"

Stepping back from the door, I feel the blood drain from my face. My hands are shaking. A lump starts forming in my throat and the tears start to flow from my eyes. But these tears are different from my usual ones. These tears are tears of anger. I can feel the walls building up around my heart, suffocating any emotion I previously felt for Blake. I'm completely void of anything but rage now. I keep running parts of what I just heard through my mind.

"When I called you here, it was to help her."

"She can't make any decisions in the state she is in."

"You're completely taking advantage of her vulnerability."

"When I called you here."

"When I called you here."

"When I called you here."

I can't believe it. He lied.

Everything that Blake has said to me was a lie. Everything I thought I felt was a lie. Everything is a lie.

Hand shaking, I reach out and throw the door open. I look right at Blake. He stares back at me, guilt radiating from his eyes. It makes me want to vomit.

"Harlow, take the girls please." My eyes don't leave his.

"Alex"

"Now Harlow!" I break my glare from Blake to look at her. "Take them. They don't need to hear this. Take them anywhere but here. We'll talk later."

She bows her head in defeat and closes the door as she leaves the room. Blake and I continue to watch each other. I drum my fingertips anxiously against my armoire. Not a word is spoken until we hear the front door shut.

"Alex "

My hand shoots straight up to his face, signaling him to be quiet. "I don't want to hear anything but the answers to my questions right now." Once I'm confident that he isn't going to start rambling like a b.u.mbling fool, I lower my hand.

"Is your dad even retiring?" I watch him shift back and forth, apparently looking for an acceptable explanation. No answer.

"Blake, is your dad even retiring?" I glare at him until I get an answer.

"Eventually," he finally manages.