Oh my.

Me?

Stripping?

Oh.

My.

Jet looked like she was going to mouth off so I intervened.

"I'm Sadie," I told him unnecessarily and put my hand out.

My small hand was engulfed in his big one and he squeezed.

"I'm Smithie and I know who you are. Heard about you. Thought all the talk was bullshit but you actually do look like a fuckin' fairy princess."

I smiled at him and leaned in. "That's nice but I know it's not really true."

He'd leaned in to listen but leaned back, brows drawn and said, "Bitch, look in a mirror. You're right out of a fuckin' movie."

I was a little shocked he called me a bitch but by the way he spoke I didn't think he meant anything bad by it.

Then he leaned back in and proved me right when he went on, "It's too fuckin' bad they don't fry men for what Ricky Balducci did to you. He got the chair, I'd be happy to flip the fuckin' switch."

My eyes got big at what he said but not the part about him obviously knowing I'd been raped. I'd realized by that time the Rock Chicks didn't keep secrets, not even personal ones. He pulled away again, dropped my hand and looked at Hector.

"You stayin'?" he asked Hector.

"Nope. Lenny on tonight?" Hector replied.

Smithie nodded, said (bizarrely), "He's on her," then he left.

Hector curled me into his heat with an arm around my neck and I looked up at him.

"Boys're busy but you'll have rides home," he told me. "Lenny is one of Smithie's bouncers. He's good. Lee tried to recruit him but he couldn't work for Lee and study for his Master's at DU at the same time. Even though he's good, he's untrained so don't make it tough on him, keep him in sight at all times and don't let the girls talk you into anything stupid."

I nodded. Hector kept talking.

"I get done before you leave, I'll come get you, we'll sleep at my place. You get done before I get here, you go home with Ralphie and Buddy and I'll be there later."

I tilted my head to the side and asked, "Do you want me to wait up for you?"

He shook his head and answered with a demand, "Give me your keys."

I gave him my brownstone keys and the alarm code. He kissed me quick and hard and he was gone, leaving me swaying.

Then we sat. Lenny, a huge, tall, muscular, midnight-skinned black man materialized and positioned himself behind my chair. Shirleen talked me into trying appletinis (they were fab). We gossiped, giggled and sometimes watched the strippers.

I sat there thinking it was definitely my second best day ever.

Not just my friends and the Balducci Blowout party but also because, that afternoon, Vance took me to my father's storage locker. Hector was busy but at his arrangement (which, personally, I thought was ultra-sweet and super thoughtful and worth some sort of payback but I'd have to think of something other than a building or an island, maybe something that involved lingerie), Daisy and Kitty Sue met us there.

Vance opened the locker and, with a hand on the small of my back, pushed me in walking in behind me. He turned on the light but it hit me before the unit was illuminated.

The smell.

My mother's perfume, White Shoulders.

I hadn't smelled that smell in years.

I took a step back and my shoulder ran into Vance's hard body.

I stopped, frozen for a moment then twisted my head to look up at Vance.

"Her perfume," I whispered, tears stinging the backs of my eyes.

His hand slid up my back to my neck and his fingers curled there, giving me a squeeze.

"We can come back," he told me, his voice and eyes soft.

I took in a deep breath, shook my head and Vance and I walked in, the weird, warm, reassurance of Vance's hand didn't leave my neck until I dropped to my knees at the first box.

We stayed there an hour, all of us going through boxes (except Vance who, after helping me through my initial weird out, stood outside). I cried a little bit and Daisy held me. Kitty Sue cried a little bit and I held her.

When we left, I had a list in my purse of the things I'd come back and get later but there were two things I took then.

I'd uncovered a framed photo, a photo I'd forgotten existed but it used to sit, pride of place, on our mantel. It was a picture unlike anything the Seth Townsend of now would allow. It was taken when I was six, out in our backyard, by a professional photographer. However the setting was casual, my Mom's flower-filled garden in the background, and the pose was natural. My father sat in a garden chair and had Mom in his lap, his arm around her waist, his fingers curled at her hip. Both her arms were around his shoulders and she had her cheek against his. I was standing, pressed into his other side, his other arm wrapped around my little kid body, my head leaning into his chest. Mom and I were laughing at the camera, I didn't remember why. My father wasn't laughing but he was smiling, not like something amused him but like he was happy and precisely where he wanted to be.

I couldn't believe I forgot that photo.

Then, forcing myself to get over it, I vowed I'd never forget it again.

I also found something else I forgot. The necklace Mom used to wear all of the time. My faded memory banks were uncertain but I thought she'd stopped wearing it a year or so before she disappeared.

It was a thin gold chain which hung to the dip in the throat and linked on either side to a pendant that was a connected, scrolled, elegant "E" and "S" the top curve of the "E" and the bottom curve of the "S" each had a diamond in it.

When we left, I held the picture to my belly, the necklace in my fist and I got in Vance's Explorer.

I asked Ralphie and Buddy and they let me put the picture on their shelves.

I put the necklace on for the party.

Then I helped my boys get ready for the party. The girls and guys came over, we drank, we toasted, we ate, we went to the strip club and we had a complete and total blast.

After awhile, Jet's sister, Lottie came on and I forever would never cast judgment on strippers again. She was sultry, she was intoxicating, she could move so beautifully it was art, not stripping. She had me enthralled within seconds and on my feet (with everyone else) after moments. She danced for two songs and only took her fabulous, turquoise-and-peacock-blue-sequined bra off at the last minute, exposing perfect breasts for only a flash before the lights went black.

She was, as Roxie said, the shit.

No doubt about it.

"Oh... my... God!" I shouted to Roxie and Jet's eyes came to me. "I want to be her." I looked at Jet. "Do you think she'll teach me to dance?"

Jet grinned.

"Who you think taught her to dance, sugar?" Daisy asked me on a Christmas Bells giggle. "In my day, I had a velvet rope too."

I stared at Daisy.

"Then you're the shit too!" I screamed at her then looked back at Roxie. "I wanna strip!"

"Oh Lord," Shirleen groaned, sitting down. "First she wants to be a rock star now she wants to be a stripper." Then she lifted her hand and snapped her fingers at no one in particular. "Somebody, get her another appletini before we gotta explain to Hector 'Mr. Edge' Chavez why his woman wants to strip."

Everyone started laughing and I did too.

Hard.

So hard, my sides hurt and I bent forward and wrapped my arms around my middle.

Finally, I found something funny.

The very thought of someone telling Hector I wanted to strip, not to mention Shirleen calling him "Mr. Edge"...

Well...

It was, quite simply, hilarious.

Stevie found a waitress and we all got more drinks.

And I sat with my girls and (some of) my boys and looked around them, something settling safely inside me. That something was me thinking that, finally, I was living a beautiful life and hoping that, wherever she was, my Mom could see me and she was happy.

It was on my fourth sip of my new appletini when Roxie said something to me, I looked at her and she looked blurry.

I blinked and lifted my hand to my head all of a sudden feeling funny.

I couldn't put my finger on it but I wasn't right.

I felt a presence at my back and Lenny leaned into my ear. "Gotta go escort Bonnie to her car. She's got a kid, her shift ends early. I'll be back in ten. Don't move."

I nodded but it felt like my head was immersed in water, not in a warm, snugly, comfy, safe way, and I was fighting the current.

I took another sip of appletini, hoping to wash the weird feeling away but it didn't help. In fact, I felt worse, woozy, fuzzy and not myself.

Boy, those appletinis were serious business!

I leaned into Roxie and whispered, "I think I've had too much. I'm going to go splash water on my face."

Roxie looked behind me, saw Lenny gone and I heard her say, "Wait," but I got up, shoved my purse strap over my shoulder and tripped, grabbed onto the back of a chair, righted myself and staggered forward.

I definitely needed to splash water on my face.

Definitely.

"I'm going with Sadie, we'll be back." I heard Roxie say but I didn't wait for her.

I moved forward, the room seemed to be swaying, the huge crowd of people going in and out of focus.

Something was really wrong, terribly wrong and because of that I was on a mission, pushing through, sliding by, evading, weaving. It was easy for me, even though I was in pumps, I was small and the men were stationary, eyes on the stage. I nearly made it to the hall where the bathrooms were when I ran headfirst into someone.

I felt arms go around me and I looked up at the man I ran into but I couldn't keep him in focus.

I was almost certain he was smiling at me then the smile faded.

"Hey babe, you okay?"

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

His fuzzy face got closer. "You gonna puke?"

And I knew, somehow, this wasn't drunk, this was something else, something bad, really, really, really bad.

Something that happened to Veronica Mars!

I shook my head.

"Sadie, hold up!" I heard Roxie call from what seemed like far away. I looked over my shoulder, trying to find her and thinking I saw her fighting the crowds to get to me, Tex close to her back.

I turned to the man whose arms were around me.

"I've been roofied," I said to him.

"What?" he asked.

"Roofied. Someone slipped me a date rape drug."

I felt, vaguely, his body going solid and I saw, in a fuzzy way, his head whip to the side.

"Jamie, see that big black guy? He's the owner. Get to him, fast. Tell him someone's slippin' date rape shit in his drinks." He started pulling me back out of the crowd to the hall, "You got friends here?" he asked me.

"Yes." I tried to lift my arm but it didn't work, still I said, "Over there."

I felt my body collapse into him because I couldn't hold myself up anymore.

He took my weight, his arms went tighter around me and he muttered, "Fuck. Hang on." Then something happened, I couldn't tell what but I heard the man say, his voice sharp, "What the fuck?" Then there was an ugly thud, he was falling and, as his arms were around me, I was falling with him.

I was on the floor, tangled up with him, I heard my name shouted then screamed but I was being lifted in the air, arms holding me tight, someone running with me.

I tried to control my head, look to see who had me, I was jostled when the person turned, he shoved a door open with his back and I felt the cold night air.