"In a minute," he responded firmly.

"I'm not sure I want to talk," I told him, trying again.

This failed too. Miserably.

"That's good too, because you aren't gonna be talking."

Oh no.

A talk without me talking.

That definitely was not good.

"Hector " I started and tried to turn but his arm got tight, his body fitted itself close to my back and I couldn't move.

"Sadie, quiet and listen," he ordered.

I could just not win.

I hadn't even been awake for two minutes and I had another life trauma on my hands!

Oh well, so be it.

I willed my body to relax but mentally braced for what was to come next.

Hector felt the tension leave me and his thumb went back to stroking (this, I had to admit, felt super nice, but I told myself to ignore it, this didn't work but at least I tried).

Then Hector started talking.

"I grew up in a house full of family, brothers, sisters, a mother, a father. My Dad was a prosecuting attorney and he worked long hours. Mam was a part-time guidance counselor at our high school. We weren't rich but they managed to give us everything we needed even if we didn't have most of the shit we wanted. They worked but they were around. They were good parents, in our business, in our faces, providing guidance but letting us fuck up enough so we could learn. Some of us took advantage, fucked around, caused them problems. They never gave up hoping we'd eventually do the right thing and made sure we knew that."

Now, why was he telling me this?

In a perfect world, of course, I would want to know all about Hector's life.

But this was far from a perfect world.

And, I wondered, was Hector one of the ones who "fucked around, caused them problems"?

I didn't get a chance to ask (not that I would), because he kept talking.

"I don't know how you grew up but I watched you with your father when I was on the inside, mamita, and, at first, I didn't understand it. When I did, it turned my stomach."

I drew in breath and held it.

I didn't know what I expected from this first thing in the morning talk where I didn't get to talk but that wasn't it.

I had forgotten, or chosen not to remember, how much he'd been around. My father kept him close, he liked him, trusted him, he even told me he was grooming Hector for "big things". In the end, Hector had been around loads.

It didn't occur to me what he would see or even that he was watching. It really didn't occur to me that he'd have any reaction to it. No one cared about me or what I was going through. Not only did I suspect they didn't care, I also I didn't tell anyone and I hid behind The Ice just in case anyone got close.

But, somehow, it appeared Hector had seen through all that.

And furthermore, what he said meant he cared.

I didn't know how that made me feel except the weird, happy glow was trying to push through.

Then, I felt his mouth touch my neck and he kissed me there and it took an immense effort of will to hold the glow back because him kissing my neck could only mean one thing and I couldn't allow myself to believe in it. Believing in it would set me up as the fool or worse, let him get close and that couldn't happen.

"That isn't family, Sadie," he told me softly, obviously unaware of my inner turmoil. "I don't know what it is but it sure as fuck isn't family."

With no choice (other than to suffocate), I let out my breath on the word, "Okay."

His arm gave me a squeeze. "I don't know what you got inside you that helps you deal. I don't know, growin' up with that, how you managed. But I'm thinkin' your mother gave you some of it and the other part comes from you or at least the you I had yesterday morning."

At his reminder of yesterday morning, my body went tight and so did his arm.

"Don't fuckin' shut down on me," he warned and he sounded like he meant it.

Oh my.

I forced my body to relax, it was difficult but I did it so I could get this over with and fast.

When my body relaxed, so did his arm.

"Now, we got a situation. I don't have many choices in this situation and none of them are good. But I made a decision and you gotta know what it is."

Oh my, oh my, oh my.

Hector's made a decision.

This, I figured, did not bode well for me.

I wasn't wrong.

"I want you," he said into the back of my neck, his hand moving up to curl around my breast in a way that was so possessive, I found myself holding my breath again while he went on. "I've wanted you a long time, longer than you know. Before you came into your father's office that night, well before. I lost control that night, fucked up, let things lie the way they were. I should have talked to you. I didn't. I didn't think it was safe. After your father went down, I should have come to you. I didn't. It was the wrong choice. Now, something shitty has happened to you and I felt I needed to proceed with caution. I couldn't come on strong, not after what Ricky did to you. I couldn't push it, I didn't want you thinkin' you were movin' from under your father's thumb to under mine. I could have stepped back but that would mean I wouldn't be where I wanted to be, which is right here." His fingers at my breast squeezed and I felt my stomach perform a happy pitch. I tried to ignore that too (and failed).

He kept talking. "I felt I was makin' progress until yesterday morning. Now, you got some fucked up idea in your head about what happened and you gotta get this Sadie, so listen. It's important. Because I want that girl. That's who I'm doin' all this for 'cause that girl is the real you, the one who loses control and takes what she wants and gives back without racking up the debt. And she doesn't give a fuck about what her actions say and what people will think."

I was breathing heavily now, wanting to block out his words but with him there, all around me, I couldn't.

He kept at me.

"So, I've made a decision. I'm not fuckin' around with this anymore."

He wasn't fucking around with this anymore?

What did that mean?

Had he been fucking around before?

He kept going, "I want the real you. To get that, I'm givin' you the real me. I'm not gonna hold anything back."

Oh my God!

He'd been holding back?

How could he be holding back?

He kept talking, "And I'm bettin' that the real you'll be able to deal, we'll ride this out and get to the other side."

Oh no.

No we wouldn't.

No... we... would... not.

Unfortunately, he wasn't finished.

"You try to shut down, you try to hold back, you try to push me away, to take off, fair warning, mamita, I won't like it and I won't allow it. You feel that's me puttin' you under my thumb, I can live with that. You'll learn the difference between how your father treated you and how I'm gonna treat you. Do you understand what I'm sayin' to you?"

What did I say to that?

"Sadie, answer me. I gotta know you understand."

"Yes," I replied.

I understood and it scared me more than anything had scared me before.

"You got anything to say?" he asked.

I thought about it then I made an effort at protection.

In other words, I lied (badly).

"I'm not sure there's something here. I don't think I feel about you the way "

He interrupted me, "You feel what you're wearin'?"

I didn't understand the question then I thought back to the night before and all I could remember was falling asleep on the couch.

My hand went to my waist and I felt soft flannel bunched there.

Damn and blast him to perdition!

I'd stolen Hector's flannel shirt the day before, shoved it in my overnight bag, all ready to take it with me to Crete as a reminder never to get myself in another fool situation ever again.

Now, somehow, I was wearing it.

Which meant I was in another fool situation right now!

"How...?" I started but stopped when his head moved, his mouth came to my neck, lips sliding up to the back of my ear.

"Carried you to bed last night, went for your pajamas in your bag, found my shirt. You don't feel about me the way I feel about you, why'd you steal my shirt?"

Blooming heck.

With no other choice, I decided to go for attitude. "You shouldn't have rooted through my stuff."

"You shouldn't have stolen my shirt," he returned.

This was true.

"You can have it back," I snapped.

I felt his body move and I lost his heat but only so he could put his hand to my belly and press me to my back. He came up, elbow in the pillow, head in his hand and looked down at me, grinning.

I glared up at him.

"I don't want it back," he said.

"I don't want it anymore," I lied.

The grin widened to a smile, his head bent and he kissed me softly.

"You want it," he murmured against my lips.

I did. I wanted it. I wanted it to remember not to be a fool. I also wanted it for those times when I would pretend I could be a normal girl with a normal boyfriend having a normal relationship. I wasn't sure flannel was de rigueur on Crete but I also didn't care.

That's when I remembered Pretend Sadie and what she was going to do for me.

And I realized I needed her even more than I thought I did.

Because she was going to get me free, with my heart guarded but she was also going to get me the memories I'd need in order to go on, alone, without my Mom, without anyone.

"Oh all right," I gave in, blowing out a huff of air. "I want it."

That's when Hector's eyes grew dark, warm and intense and I stared in order to memorize that look so I could hold it with me for a long, long time.

While I was staring at his face, he pulled the covers down to my thighs. He watched me as his fingers moved to the buttons of the shirt and undid them (he'd only done up two) and he spread the shirt wide.

I pulled in breath and started to cover myself when he mumbled, "Don't."

It was hard but I made my hands settle and his eyes went to my chest, his hand followed and, slowly, it trailed down my chest, between my breasts, over my ribcage and midriff to my belly. The whole time, his eyes watched his hand and, when his hand rested at my belly, that belly melted.

This was because his face got this expression, an expression I'd never seen on him before. It was more intense and warm than normal, but it was also soft and bizarrely, at the same time, hard. I got the impression it was like him cupping my breast. It signified possession.

At that realization, I couldn't help it, my bones went liquid.