I'm gaun to Mauchline Holy Fair, To spend an hour in daffin'; [mirth]

Gin ye'll go there, yon runkled pair, We will get famous laughin'

At them this day.'

Quoth I, 'Wi' a' my heart, I'll do't; I'll get my Sunday's sark on, [shirt]

An' meet you on the holy spot; Faith, we'se hae fine remarkin'!'

Then I gaed hame at crowdie-time, [porridge]

An' soon I made me ready; For roads were clad, frae side to side, Wi' mony a wearie bodie In droves that day.

Here farmers gash in ridin' graith [complacent, attire]

Gaed hoddin' by their cotters; [jogging]

There sw.a.n.kies young in braw braid-claith [strapping youngsters]

Are springin' owre the gutters. [over]

The la.s.ses, skelpin' barefit, thrang, [padding, in crowds]

In silks an' scarlets glitter, Wi' sweet-milk cheese, in mony a whang, [slice]

An' farls bak'd wi' b.u.t.ter, [cakes]

Fu' crump that day. [crisp]

When by the plate we set our nose, Weel heaped up wi' ha'pence, A greedy glow'r Black Bonnet throws, [the elder]

An' we maun draw our tippence.

Then in we go to see the show: On ev'ry side they're gath'rin'; Some carryin' deals, some chairs an' stools, [planks]

An' some are busy bleth'rin' [gabbling]

Right loud that day.

Here stands a shed to fend the show'rs, [keep off]

An' screen our country gentry; There racer Jess an' twa-three wh.o.r.es Are blinkin' at the entry.

Here sits a raw o' t.i.ttlin' jades, [whispering]

Wi' heavin' b.r.e.a.s.t.s an' bare neck, An' there a batch o' wabster lads, [weaver]

Blackguardin' frae Kilmarnock For fun this day.

Here some are thinkin' on their sins, An' some upo' their claes; [clothes]

Ane curses feet that fyl'd his shins, [soiled]

Anither sighs an' prays: On this hand sits a chosen swatch, [sample]

Wi' screw'd up, grace-proud faces; On that a set o' chaps, at watch, Thrang winkin' on the la.s.ses [Busy]

To chairs that day.

O happy is that man an' blest!

Nae wonder that it pride him!

Whase ain dear la.s.s, that he likes best, Comes clinkin' down beside him! [Sits snugly]

Wi' arm repos'd on the chair-back He sweetly does compose him; Which, by degrees, slips round her neck, An's loof upon her bosom, [And his palm]

Unkenn'd that day. [Unacknowledged]

Now a' the congregation o'er Is silent expectation; For Moodie speels the holy door, [climbs to]

Wi' tidings o' d.a.m.nation, Should Hornie, as in ancient days, [Satan]

'Mang sons o' G.o.d present him, The very sight o' Moodie's face To's ain het hame had sent him [his own hot]

Wi' fright that day.

Hear how he clears the points o' faith Wi' rattlin' an' wi' thumpin'!

Now meekly calm, now wild in wrath, He's stampin' an' he's jumpin'!

His lengthen'd chin, his turned-up snout, His eldritch squeal an' gestures, [weird]

O how they fire the heart devout, Like cantharidian plaisters, On sic a day! [such]

But, hark! the tent has chang'd its voice; There's peace an' rest nae langer; For a' the real judges rise, They canna sit for anger.

Smith opens out his cauld harangues, [A New Light]

On practice and on morals; An' aff the G.o.dly pour in thrangs To gie the jars an' barrels [give]

A lift that day.

What signifies his barren shine Of moral pow'rs an' reason?

His English style an' gesture fine Are a' clean out o' season.

Like Socrates or Antonine, Or some auld pagan Heathen, The moral man he does define, But ne'er a word o' faith in That's right that day.

In guid time comes an antidote Against sic poison'd nostrum; For Peebles, frae the water-fit, [river-mouth]

Ascends the holy rostrum: See, up he's got the word o' G.o.d, An' meek an' mim has view'd it, [prim]

While Common Sense[20] has ta'en the road, An' aff, an' up the Cowgate Fast, fast, that day.

Wee Miller, neist, the Guard relieves, [next]

An' Orthodoxy raibles, [rattles by rote]

Tho' in his heart he weel believes An' thinks it auld wives' fables: But, faith! the birkie wants a Manse, [fellow]

So cannilie he hums them; [prudently, humbugs]

Altho' his carnal wit an' sense Like hafflins-wise o'ercomes him [nearly half]

At times that day.

Now, b.u.t.t an' ben, the Change-house fills, [outer and inner rooms]

Wi' yill-caup Commentators; [ale-cup]

Here's crying out for bakes an' gills, [rolls]

An' there the pint-stowp clatters; While thick an' thrang, an' loud an' lang, [busy]

Wi' logic, an' wi' Scripture, They raise a din, that in the end Is like to breed a rupture O' wrath that day.

Leeze me on drink! it gi'es us mair [blessings on]

Than either school or college; It kindles wit, it waukens lair, [learning]

It pangs us fou o' knowledge. [crams full]

Be't whisky gill, or penny wheep, [small beer]

Or ony stronger potion, It never fails, on drinkin' deep, To kittle up our notion [tickle]

By night or day.

The lads an' la.s.ses, blythely bent To mind baith saul an' body, Sit round the table, weel content, An' steer about the toddy. [stir]

On this ane's dress, an' that ane's leuk, [look]

They're makin observations; While some are cosy i' the neuk, [corner]

An' formin' a.s.signations To meet some day.

But now the Lord's ain trumpet touts, [sounds]

Till a' the hills are rairin', [roaring]

An' echoes back return the shouts; Black Russel is na sparin'; His piercing words, like Highlan' swords, Divide the joints an' marrow; His talk o' h.e.l.l, where devils dwell, Our very 'sauls does harrow'

Wi' fright that day!

A vast, unbottom'd, boundless pit, Fill'd fou o' lowin' brunstane, [full, flaming brimstone]

Whase ragin' flame, an' scorchin' heat, Wad melt the hardest whun-stane!

The half-asleep start up wi' fear An' think they hear it roarin'

When presently it does appear 'Twas but some neebor snorin'

Asleep that day.