"Really? That's the last time I saw Jonah."

Ok time to go before I beat the s.h.i.t out of him. "Olivia if you want that Christmas tree we should probably go."

"Yes well I better get going too. It just so happens I'm having dinner with Olivia's parents tonight."

Yep, Professor Todd was going to get another visit from me, "Great, have a good time."

"Oh I plan to." Todd said smirking at me.

Shaking my head I walked Olivia to my car.

Opening her door for her, Olivia gave me a grim look, "He's going to tell my parents he saw us together."

"Want me to go beat the s.h.i.t out of him?"

"Funny, but your joke is not going to help."

I wasn't joking but glad to know she thought I was, "Baby it's not a big deal, they know we're sleeping together might as well know I pick you up from school."

"Oh my G.o.d." Olivia looked horrified at the thought.

"Get in the car babe." I said giving her a little shove and waited till her door was shut until I burst out laughing.

"That's not big enough." I whined.

"That's what all the girls tell Mason!" Denny shouted laughing at his own joke while dodging Masons flying fist.

I'd been in their words *dragging' them around the Christmas tree place for over an hour looking for a tree that did not exist. But it did exist they just weren't looking hard enough.

"Maybe we should go to a different place baby."

"No!" Denny yelled loudly, "Unlike you Jonah, I am not getting s.e.x out of this deal so Olivia sweetheart, pick a freaking tree."

"You're very cranky today Denny." I said linking my arms with Jonah and Mason's turning down another row of trees.

"You're very cranky today Denny." Denny mocked like a five-year-old following behind us.

"You know what just for that," I snapped spinning on my heels towards Denny, "I'm going to take another freaking hour."

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, but I would."

"Mason how about you and Olivia look over there and me and Denny will look on the other side." Jonah said stepping between Denny and I.

"Great idea." Mason said pulling me along with him.

"I don't know how you and Jonah put up with him."

"He's an acquired taste." Mason shrugged. "But we should probably hurry up so Jonah and Denny can get a little more sleep before they have to go to work."

This is what amazed me about Mason, from what Jonah had told me Mason was never loved as a child and had no one to take care of him. So how come he could be so caring and loving himself? And how could someone not love Mason he really was a great guy who deserved a great girl. Smiling I let the idea unfold in my head, let the match making games begin.

"That's the one." I said pointing to a nice green tree that would look perfect in the corner of Jonah and Denny's living room.

"Really?" Mason asked raising one eyebrow at me.

"Yes, that's the one."

"Denny's going to kill you."

"Why?"

"Olivia, that's the first tree we looked at." Mason whispered.

"I like you Olivia, so I'm going to give you a head start." Denny said popping out from behind a tree looking like a tiger ready to pounce, "Run Olivia because when I catch you I'm going to spank the living s.h.i.t out of you."

"You wouldn't." I said slowly backing up as Denny crouched down further, "Jonah wouldn't let you."

"Babe, I love you and everything but I just looked at trees for over an hour when we could've done it in under five minutes."

Denny was still stalking towards me but I didn't care, Jonah had just said he loved me. "You love me?"

Smiling Jonah jogged to me pushing Denny into a Christmas tree as he came, picking me up he leaned his forehead against mine, "Yeah Olivia, I love you."

"I love you too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." I said half laughing half crying as his smiling lips met mine.

My day had turned out to be one of the best days of my life thanks to Jonah saying he loved me and the hours that followed, showing him just how much I loved him back were just as good.

The night was turning out to be not half bad either, Jonah and Denny had left for work a couple of hours ago, Mason was slumped over his laptop doing some kind of work. A chick flick was playing on the TV above the fireplace and I was continuing in my quest to cover every surface in some type of Christmas decoration, just to p.i.s.s Denny off.

Skipping up the stairs to Jonah's bedroom I pa.s.sed the pink bubble bath that was still sitting outside Denny's door. Between the decorations and the bubble bath Denny really was going to kill me.

Laughing to myself I went into Jonah's room that I'd positively destroyed with a dozen bags full of decorations. Going through the bags my cell rang, thinking it was Jonah checking in as he had yet to check on me tonight I picked up without looking at caller ID. "h.e.l.lo."

"Where do you live Olivia?"

This is why I should always look at caller ID. "You know where I live mother."

"Oh so you do remember who I am."

"Why wouldn't I remember who you are?"

"Because you haven't taken a call from your father or me since last week."

"My cell was broken." It wasn't I just didn't want to talk to them; Jonah was starting to show me that I didn't have to take their s.h.i.t.

"Your father and I had a lovely dinner with Mark Todd tonight." I'm sure they did, surprisingly Jonah and Mark, a friend of my parents knew each other but the way they were looking at each other made it quite clear they weren't friends. "Mark told us you were with your new boyfriend. I was unaware you had a boyfriend." Oh no. "Why don't you bring him to dinner at the house tomorrow?"

"I don't know mom, I'll have to ask him."

"No, you will come Olivia. You have skipped out on two family dinners, you will be there."

"I'll ask Jonah. Goodbye mom." Hanging up before I screamed how much I didn't want Jonah anywhere near them, I flopped on to Jonah's bed face first as my cell rang again.

Groaning I slammed the phone against my ear, "I said I would ask him mother." I snapped. No voice came through the phone only a slight humming sound, "Mom?" I said sitting up.

Taking the phone from my ear I looked to see who it was and felt my heart fall into my stomach.

In big white letters across my screen was *Alex's Cell' for the last four years every once in a while I would get a call from Alex's cell. My brother was dead, it was not him calling from beyond the grave, it was Nicky calling. I was sure of it, even though he never talked; there was no one else that could have Alex's phone.

"Nicky?" I half cried half screamed, "Why are you doing this to me? I said I was sorry, I didn't mean for Alex to get hurt, you have to believe me. I thought I was helping."

"Olivia?" Mason shouted from outside Jonah's door.

"Nicky?" I whispered as the phone line went dead.

"Olivia?" Mason said again coming into the room, his whole body going on alert as he looked at me, "What's wrong?" he said loudly running towards me his cell in his hand no doubt ready to call Jonah or back up, the way those boys had been fussing over me about the stupid black car.

"I'm fine, I just hit my sore knee." I said as strongly as I could but the tremble was still there and I was breathing like I'd just run a mile.

s.h.i.t I was having a panic attack.

s.h.i.t, why did Nicky have to do this to me I already knew he blamed me for killing his twin, he'd made it quite clear by what he did right after Alex's death, he didn't have to call and remind me. But what if he called because he needed me? Was he hurt, alone, had I ruined him like I'd ruined myself?

"Olivia!" Mason shouted his hands on my shoulder shaking me.

"I'm fine." I said slowly trying to push the fear back that was weighing on my mind.

"So why are you crying?" Mason asked obviously not buying my story.

"HurtsaCrier." I wheezed "Olivia G.o.ddammit you're having a panic attack."

"Oh s.h.i.taI can'tabreathe."

"Put your head between your legs." He said picking me up and putting me on the ground then gently but quickly pushing my head down. "Do you take medicine?"

"Bag." I gasped.

Mason was back in less than a minute but it felt like hours.

"How many?"

It was two hard to speak now so I held up two shaky fingers. The pill bottle rattled, my head was pushed back up and thank the Lord for sweet Mason he put the pills in my mouth and the water to my lips.

The medicine worked fast or maybe it was Mason comforting me, whatever it was my breathing had slowed, the fear was gone, the shaking was only a slight tremble and I wasn't crying anymore.

Mason was sitting next to me one arm holding me to his side, the other rubbing my back.

"How did you know?" I croaked out my voice hoa.r.s.e from crying.

"I work for a PI I've seen my fair share of panic attacks and," he said his voice, going so quiet I could barely hear him, "At one of the foster home's there was this girl who had really bad panic attacks, I would help take care of her sometimes."

"How come you're always taking care of everyone else but you won't let anyone take care of you?" I asked feeling his body go rigid.

"I don't want to know what it feels like."

Despite the pounding headache and my muscles hurting ridiculously bad from all the shaking I pulled back and looked him in the eyes, "Why not?"

Letting his head drop he shut his eyes, "I don't want to know what I've been missing. You can't miss what you've never had."

My life truly sucked sometimes and there were things I wish never happened, things I would change if I could; but never had I been so broken I'd just stopped feeling. Jonah and Denny could love Mason as much as they wanted but he would never know until he let himself feel. Heartbreakingly I realized that this was something I couldn't fix, friendship and brotherly love wouldn't do it. This would have to be his risk, his risk to love someone and let that someone love him back.

"Mason, Jonah doesn't know." I whispered.

Nodding his head he looked up at me with understanding, "I won't tell him anything but this is something you can tell him."

Yawning, Mason stood us both up, helping me crawl straight into bed. "Will you be ok to sleep?"

"The pills make me sleepy." I said yawning again.

With a slight smile Mason headed towards the door.

"Thank you Mason." I called as he headed to the door.

Nodding Mason left the room and I fell right to sleep.

Walking through the club I pa.s.sed Ben walking onto the dance floor with a blonde girl, as we pa.s.sed each other I slipped a small black money package into his jacket pocket, slapping him on the back greeting him like one of Club Risk's regulars, greeting me back with a chin lift Ben turned his attention back to the blonde girl.

Continuing my walk around, Kay who was also the club's office manager waved me over, "Mason's called, said to call him on a disposable cell and to do it fast."

Nodding once I jogged into my office, unlocking the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet I pulled out one of a couple dozen disposable cell phones.

Dialing Mason's number I relocked the drawer and started to pace. If Mason wanted me to use a disposable cell that meant he wanted to make sure no one could listen in or track the call, whatever this was about it was not good.

"Yo." Mason said finally picking up.

"What's wrong?"