"And would laugh and declare, 'while the _Almanac_ would Most falsely prognosticate, _he_ never could!'

"Such a hale const.i.tution had grandfather Squeers That, 'though he'd used '_navy_' for sixty odd years,

"He still chewed a dime's-worth six days of the week, While the seventh he pa.s.sed with a chew in each cheek:

"Then my grandfather Squeers had a singular knack Of sitting around on the small of his back,

"With his legs like a letter Y stretched o'er the grate Wherein 'twas his custom to ex-pec-tor-ate.

"He was fond of tobacco in _manifold_ ways, And would sit on the door-step, of suns.h.i.+ny days,

"And smoke leaf-tobacco he'd raised strictly for The pipe he'd used all through The Mexican War."

And The Raggedy Man said, refilling the bowl Of his own pipe and leisurely picking a coal

From the stove with his finger and thumb, "You can see What a tee-nacious habit he's fastened on me!

"And my grandfather Squeers took a special delight In pruning his corns every Sat.u.r.day night

"With a horn-handled razor, whose edge he excused By saying 'twas one that his grandfather used;

"And, though deeply etched in the haft of the same Was the ever-euphonious Wostenholm's name,

"'Twas my grandfather's custom to boast of the blade As 'A Seth Thomas razor--the best ever made!'

"No Old Settlers' Meeting, or Pioneers' Fair, Was complete without grandfather Squeers in the chair

"To lead off the programme by telling folks how 'He used to shoot deer where the Court-House stands now'--

[Ill.u.s.tration: And smoke leaf-tobacco]

"How 'he felt, of a truth, to live over the past, When the country was wild and unbroken and vast,

"'That the little log cabin was just plenty fine For himself, his companion, and fambly of nine!--

"'When they didn't have even a pump, or a tin, But drunk surface-water, year out and year in,

"'From the old-fas.h.i.+oned gourd that was sweeter, by odds, Than the goblets of gold at the lips of the G.o.ds!'"

Then The Raggedy Man paused to plaintively say It was clockin' along to'rds the close of the day--

And he'd _ought_ to get back to his work on the lawn,-- Then dreamily blubbered his pipe and went on:

"His teeth were imperfect--my grandfather owned That he couldn't eat oysters unless they were 'boned';

"And his eyes were so weak, and so feeble of sight, He couldn't sleep with them unless, every night,

"He put on his spectacles--all he possessed,-- Three pairs--with his goggles on top of the rest.

"And my grandfather always, retiring at night, Blew down the lamp-chimney to put out the light;

"Then he'd curl up on edge like a shaving, in bed, And puff and smoke pipes in his sleep, it is said:

"And would snore oftentimes as the legends relate, Till his folks were wrought up to a terrible state,--

"Then he'd snort, and rear up, and roll over; and there, In the subsequent hush they could hear him chew air.

"And so glaringly bald was the top of his head That many's the time he has musingly said,

"As his eyes journeyed o'er its reflex in the gla.s.s,-- 'I must set out a few signs of _Keep Off the Gra.s.s!_'

"So remarkably deaf was my grandfather Squeers That he had to wear lightning-rods over his ears

"To even hear thunder--and oftentimes then He was forced to request it to thunder again."

[Ill.u.s.tration: Grandfather Squeers--Tailpiece]

THE PIXY PEOPLE

[Ill.u.s.tration: The Pixy People--t.i.tle]

It was just a very Merry fairy dream!-- All the woods were airy With the gloom and gleam; Crickets in the clover Clattered clear and strong, And the bees droned over Their old honey-song.

In the mossy pa.s.ses, Saucy gra.s.shoppers Leapt about the gra.s.ses And the thistle-burs; And the whispered chuckle Of the katydid Shook the honeysuckle Blossoms where he hid.

Through the breezy mazes Of the lazy June, Drowsy with the hazes Of the dreamy noon, Little Pixy people Winged above the walk, Pouring from the steeple Of a mullein-stalk.

One--a gallant fellow-- Evidently King,-- Wore a plume of yellow In a jewelled ring On a pansy bonnet, Gold and white and blue, With the dew still on it, And the fragrance, too.

One--a dainty lady,-- Evidently Queen,-- Wore a gown of shady Moons.h.i.+ne and green, With a lace of gleaming Starlight that sent All the dewdrops dreaming Everywhere she went.

[Ill.u.s.tration: Winged above the walk]

One wore a waistcoat Of roseleaves, out and in, And one wore a faced-coat Of tiger-lily-skin; And one wore a neat coat Of palest galingale; And one a tiny street-coat, And one a swallow-tail.

And Ho! sang the King of them, And Hey! sang the Queen; And round and round the ring of them Went dancing o'er the green; And Hey! sang the Queen of them, And Ho! sang the King-- And all that I had seen of them --Wasn't anything!

It was just a very Merry fairy dream!-- All the woods were airy With the gloom and gleam; Crickets in the clover Clattered clear and strong, And the bees droned over Their old honey-song!

A LIFE-LESSON

[Ill.u.s.tration: A Life-Lesson--t.i.tle]