Reflections Of A Man.

MR. AMARI SOUL.

This book is dedicated to my mother.

My greatest example of what a good woman is.

Introduction.

Thank you for purchasing Reflections Of A Man. It is my sincere hope that this book will be used by both men and women to enhance the quality of their personal relationships.

To the women, I hope this book encourages you to recognize the true value of your love, to reevaluate your standards, and to make the decision that you will no longer settle for anything less than someone who loves you, respects you, and truly makes you happy.

To the men, I hope this book will not only encourage you to want to learn more about the emotional needs of a woman, but that it will provide you with clear insight into what a woman truly needs from you, emotionally, to be happy.

I believe this book creates a true win-win situation for both men and women. On one hand, women gain a new perspective on the true value of their love, raise their standards, and refuse to settle. On the other hand, men become better equipped to, not only understand a womans emotional needs, but they are better able to meet or exceed their new standards as well.

-Mr. Amari Soul.

Part I.

For You.

CHAPTER.

One.

MAN FACTS.

There is no such thing as a self-made man; thats just an example of a man too caught up in himself to look around and acknowledge the strength of the woman standing next to him.

What Men Know.

Most men know exactly what it would take to make their woman happy. Theyre just too stubborn, too egotistical or too lazy to do it.

I believe most women, who have been with their man for any reasonable amount of time, want their man to know exactly what it would take to keep them happy. You drop subtle hints, you outright say it, and when you dont, it still comes across through your actions and reactions. So, for the most part, he should know. If he knows and still doesnt do it, its most likely because of one of the previously mentioned reasons. If after all this time he still doesnt know, he simply hasnt been paying any attention to you at all.

A Mans Ego.

Whats more fragile than a womans heart?.

A mans ego.

Let me explain. When you first meet a man and he lies to you about what his economic status is or what his current relationship status is, thats all to protect his ego. You see, at that point, hes decided that hes interested in you, but his insecurities are telling him that you wont accept him for who or what he is. So, he creates an illusion of who he thinks you would like him to be, thus reducing his chances of rejection. However, when you look a little deeper, its not the rejection alone that he fears most. What he fears the most is the feeling that rejection causes and how that feeling impacts his ego. That is, in fact, his worst fear.

In the end, some men would be willing to go to any lengths to protect their egos, up to and including lying to you, cheating on you, and ultimately breaking your heart.

When He Changes Around His Friends.

If he changes the way he treats you when hes around his friends, he either hasnt been keeping it real with them or he hasnt been keeping it real with you.

True love remains consistent regardless of the situation or the environment. If he truly loves you, his actions should show it whether you are in private, public, or the company of his friends. In fact, when he is around his friends, he should feel a heightened sense of pride just having you there with him. If he doesnt, it could mean he cares more about impressing his friends than he cares about how you feel. Its also possible that hes been lying to them all along about how he feels about you, or maybe hes been lying to you.

If He Doesnt Include You.

A man who doesnt include you when he talks about his future, either isnt paying attention or he doesnt see you as being a part of it.

Sometimes, the best way to get an honest answer is not to ask the question directly but indirectly. If you have been with your man, for a reasonable amount of time, and you are unsure about what his intentions are regarding your future, ask him the following question: If you could paint a picture of how your life will be in five years, how would it look?

He should then begin to describe to you how, in his minds eye, he envisions his life to look in five years. Youll notice that h.e.l.l talk to you about all the things that are his primary focus; you would hope that you and the relationship would be one of them. Pay particularly close attention to how often he uses the word me or I instead of us or we.

By the end of the conversation, you should have a pretty good idea of where you stand. The beautiful thing about it is he most likely wont even realize that he will have answered the big question that you never even asked.

Relationship t.i.tle My Main Contrary to popular belief, this is not a compliment.

If he calls you his main, that is not a compliment. What he is essentially saying to you is that you are not the only one. Nine times out of 10, if he calls you his main, he has given all the other women he is seeing the same t.i.tle as well.

In short, my main is a polite way of him telling you that he likes you enough to sleep with you but not enough to commit to you.

Self-Fulfilled Prophecy.

Some men have so convinced themselves that a good woman does not exist that they subconsciously will ruin a relationship, with a good woman, just to prove themselves right.

If his negative expectations about you are strong enough, those feelings will begin to manifest themselves in his actions. Eventually, this will cause him to act in a manner that will ultimately increase the chances of those negative expectations being fulfilled.

Is He Really Willing To Wait?

When a man says that hes willing to wait until youre ready, it doesnt necessarily mean hes willing to wait.

Here is where the game changes. Now, to be fair, some men will honor that statement and not be intimate with anyone else during this waiting period. However, those arent the men Im referring to here. The ones Im referring to have a different plan in mind. What they plan to do is exactly what they said they would do, wait until you are ready. The problem is the waiting is tied directly to you and only you, no one else. In short, hes agreed to not push the issue with you, thus earning brownie points for appearing not to be only after one thing.

In your mind, over the next few months, youre thinking hes really into you when, in fact, hes just biding his time until youre ready to give him what he wants. Meanwhile, his side is taking care of all the needs that youve decided not to provide. You see, its easy for him to pa.s.s on dinner when hes been snacking all day.

So, dont be fooled. When a man tells you hes willing to wait, clarify what he means and hold him to it. Also, during the waiting period, keep your eyes open for any subsequent changes in his pattern of behavior. Things like him not coming to see you or not calling you as often should peak your interest. Additionally, him disappearing for hours at a time with excuses like I left my phone or my battery died should be warning signs as well.

Above all, trust your intuition; it will tell you what you need to hear and not necessarily what you want to hear.

Is He Complaining About Your Standards?

When a man complains of your standards being too high, it is usually because hes used to dealing with women who have none.

Some men have gotten so used to dealing with women who have no standards that once they meet a woman who does, they dont know how to make the necessary adjustments. Instead of raising their level of performance, they complain in hopes that you will lower your standards, thus making it easier for them to appear to be good for you.

My advice is that you should never lower your standards to accommodate any man! If he is not capable of meeting or exceeding the standards that you have set, hes probably not the right man for you.

Eye Contact.

A man that wont look you in the eyes, either isnt interested in how you actually feel about the conversation, has confidence issues, or is hiding something from you.

Eye contact for a man is very important. It is one of the ways we establish ourselves during our interactions; its how we convey a sincerity and seriousness that cannot be expressed any other way. So, for a man to avoid eye contact, it simply goes against our nature. I can only think of a few reasons as to why a man would avoid eye contact: (1) he is disregarding you, (2) he has confidence issues, (3) hes hiding something from you, or (4) hes simply lying to you. Either way, none of these qualities would do you well in your relationship.

The 4-Digit Pa.s.scode.

The answers to all your questions are not protected by his many lies, but rather by a tiny gla.s.s screen and a 4-digit pa.s.scode.

Im just going to put it out there. I know, youll get the old if you trusted me, you wouldnt need to look at my phone speech; Ive been there, done that and it worked like a charm.

That statement is designed to make you feel guilty about asking him to confirm something that he should not have a problem confirming in the first place.

In a relationship, you two should be on the same page. If you cant see what he sees and he cant see what you see, chances are, you two are probably not on the same page. To be honest, you two might not even be in the same book!

As a side note, let me leave you with this: If you two can share the same house, the same bed, and the same bank account, how come he cant share his pa.s.scode?

Ultimatums Rarely Work When a man tells you that he is not ready to commit, believe him the first time. You cant convince him that he is ready. You will only be fooling yourself.

If you ever find yourself in the following situation, stop for a minute and think You are dating a man and you want things to move to the next level (commitment); however, he says hes not ready yet. You then tell him if he cant commit, youre moving on. If he comes right back and says, Okay, Im ready to commit, be careful. Hes still not ready to commit to you; he just doesnt want to lose you or see you committed to someone else.

Any time a man agrees to a commitment after being given an ultimatum, be leery. He was honest in the beginning, but now he feels like he will lose you if he doesnt say what you want to hear. Thats not the kind of commitment you want. You want it to be a decision he makes for himself because he wants it and not one where he feels like he was forced into making it.

In the end, ultimatums may get you what you want in the short term, but as time pa.s.ses youll see that he cant keep up the act forever. Slowly but surely youll begin to realize that you may have changed his words, but he never changed his mindnow what?

When He Stops Doing The Small Things.

When he texts you, hes thinking about you.

When he calls you, he misses you.

When he shows up, he wants you.

When he suddenly stops doing all of the above for you, hes doing it for someone else.

His Fear Of Being Hurt.

Sometimes, the problem isnt that he cannot give you love, the problem lies in his inability to let go of the fear of being hurt long enough to accept your love.

Think about this for a moment; when you give love, you control how you feel about it; when youre on the receiving end of love, those emotions are much harder to control. Thats how you find yourself falling in love with someone without ever intending to do so.

For some men, theyre fine as long as theyre giving love. Thats because they control that feeling. However, when you start to give it back and he begins to feel like he is losing that control, sometimes he will back away, out of the fear of being hurt. Not because he doesnt care for you, but because the feeling of being vulnerable and not in control of his feelings scares him.

Selfish Versus Selfless Man.

A selfish man would rather you be unhappy with him than to see you happy with someone else; however, a man who loves you selflessly, h.e.l.l set you free. Not in hopes that you would someday come back, but in hopes you would be found by a man that could be all the things he couldnt be.

NOTES:.

CHAPTER.

Two.

THE WRONG.

MAN.

He could be a good man and still not be the right man for you.

How Could Someone So Right, Be So Wrong?

He could have the right face, the right smile, with the right job, making the right amount of money, but if he doesnt love and respect you, hes still the wrong man for you.

Make sure when you decide to give a man your time, youre doing it for the right reasons. Just because he looks nice or drives a nice car, doesnt mean anything if he disrespects you and treats you like you dont even exist. You have to be able to look past the superficial things and focus on who he is rather than what he is or what he has. Otherwise, you might find yourself with a handsome man who is never home and a full closet, but an empty place in your heart where his love should be.

Making Him Wait Wont Make Him A Better Man If hes the wrong man, having a rule that says you wont have s.e.x with him before X amount of days wont change him. At the end of the waiting period, h.e.l.l still be the same wrong man.

When hes wrong, hes wrong; time wont magically make him right. All you will be doing is postponing your inevitable disappointment and heartbreak. Now, Im not saying that you should rush into it either. What I am saying is there is no set amount of time that will allow you to determine that mans worth, it will vary. However, the more time you give it, the more time you will have to evaluate whether or not hes someone you want to go to the next level with.