What was it she'd heard?

My grace is sufficient for you. Wasn't that it?

She clenched her fists and dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands.

Breathe out, she told herself. Breathe out and say something. She looked at Sam and forced a weak smile. "You're right, "I-" she shook her head"I'm sorry. I guess I'm worried it won't sell."

"It'll sell."

"But what if it doesn't sell this weekend?" They had convinced the baby's birth parents to give them two days-the entire weekendmto come up with the money. But the tattooed man had

25.

been adamant about having the money by Sunday night. "You heard what he said."

"It'll sell, Erin."

"But if it doesn't, how can-"

Sam put his finger to her lips. His expression softened and he pulled her into his arms. They stayed that way while passersby and car shoppers milled around them, as other prospective car sellers moved their vehicles into the parking area and left.

Finally, Sam spoke. "It's hard on me, too." He pressed his cheek against her hair. "I keep asking God what's going on, what he's doing, letting that woman work us over like this. Why does having a baby have to be so hard?"

Erin's anxiety faded and she drew back, studying the man she loved. This was new for Sam, this allowing her to see a glimpse of his true feelings. No matter what he said or how stoic his composure, he was every bit as scared as she. He was looking at her, and she searched his eyes until she could feel a connection deeper than ever before. "Thank you."

"Thank you?"

"Yes." She motioned to their little car. "Thank you for coming here, for loving me enough to sell the car and tell me the truth about how you feel. It means a lot."

"Well..." His chin quivered but he coughed twice and shook head, the way Erin had seen him steady himself a few other times in their marriage. "I want that little girl, Erin. I want her as do." He sucked in a hard breath and dug his hands into his pockets. "Let's pray God feels the same way."

They left the car and drove home together in her van. Two later they were having lunch when the phone rang. Sam took it and moved into the next room. After only a few minutes he hung up and found her again.

:: "So?" Erin tried to read his face, but she couldn't.

', "It sold." His smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "The man has the money.

he'll meet us at the car in an hour."

Erin raised her fists in the air, stared at the ceiling, and 26 REUNION.

shouted out loud. "Yes!!' She looked at Sam again. "Everything's going to be okay-I can feel it."

He nodded, but what remained of his smile faded.

"Sam?" Her excitement dissolved like sand in an ocean wave. "What's wrong?"

Air filled his cheeks and he pursed his lips, releasing his breath slowly the way he did when he was frustrated. "I'm not sure this is the right thing."

Her world tilted and she stared at him. "Which part? Selling the car?"

With slow steps he crossed the kitchen and sat down at the table. "All of it."

He reached across and took her hands. His were ice-cold. "We just lost our car, Erin. So we give Candy and Dave the money and then what? The next day they ask for another five thousand and where does that leave us?" He lowered his brow.

"Haven't you thought of that?"

Fear danced in circles around her, laughing, mocking her. Of course she'd thought of it, but only for the briefest partial seconds. This was the possibility she hadn't allowed herself to consider: that somehow the scary-looking man Candy claimed was the baby's father might be playing games, taking them for a ride without ever intending to give the baby up.

She bit her lower lip. Her voice was pinched, racked with an unimaginable fear.

"What choice do we have?"

"That's just it." He paused. "There is no choice."

His answer told her that regardless of where the journey took them, he was as committed as she to the outcome.

An hour later they sold the car, collected the money, and left the parking lot with a sense of doom. Erin used Sam's cell phone to call Candy. "We have the money."

The woman's voice was instantly cheerful. "Really? Five thousand dollars?"

"Yes. Like you asked."

"Okay-" Candy hesitated-"meet at the park again."

27.

kingsbury smalley Erin's body ached. The conversation was making her feel tired. "When?"

"In an hour."

Erin and Sam parked their van not far from the grassy border of the park and waited. Even with the engine off, Sam held tight to the steering wheel and stared straight out the windshield. Beside him on the console was a manila envelope with five thousand dollars cash inside.

He tapped his fingers on his knee and looked at Erin. "Why doesn't this feel right?"

A sigh slipped from Erin's lips, and she folded her hands on her lap. "I know."

She looked out the window and shook her head. "Sitting here like criminals waiting to make some under-the-table deal."

"I keep asking myself why I feel guilty, like maybe we're supposed to call the social worker or the attorney."

A beat-up car pulled into the parking lot, different from what Candy had driven the last time. As it came closer, Erin squinted. Candy was in the backseat.

Dave-the man who claimed to be the baby's father-was in the passenger seat, and behind the wheel was an older, bearded man with dark drifter eyes. i: Erin leaned toward Sam. "Great."

"Right." Sam rolled down the van window, his eyes on the people in the car, his voice barely a whisper. "Now I feel much : Dave climbed out, gave a shady glance over one shoulder then another, and looped around the front of the car to Sam's window. "Candy says you got the cash."

:"I have it." Contempt filled his voice. Sam's expression was his lips a thin angry line. :! Erin watched her husband take the envelope, hesitate a sec-or two, and then hand it to Dave through the window. Sam an even-tempered man, but one time when Erin had seen really angry, he'd put his fist through a wall. Now he looked ready to do the same thing to Dave's mouth. She held her 28 REUNION.

breath. God... help Sam. Don't let him say anything that'll make this worse.

At first Dave looked like he might turn around and leave as soon as the envelope was in his hands. Instead he opened it, pulled out the bundle of hundred-dollar bills, tucked the enve lope under his arm, and began counting. The man was shaking so badly, the envelope made a loud rustling sound.

Drugs, Erin thought. He'll use every dime for drugs. She looked past Dave at the car and saw the driver pass what looked like a marijuana joint back to Candy.

The two laughed about some thing and Candy passed it back to the driver.

An aching started in Erin's stomach. Everything felt crazy and out of control.

Adoption wasn't supposed to be like this, was it? Hadn't they only been following their pastor's advice, adopting a child who wasn't wanted? So how had everything become sor did? This is so dirty, God, so wrong. What're we supposed to do? Please... please show us.

Dave must've been satisfied with his count because he stuffed % the cash back into the envelope and said something that drove a knife through what was left of Erin's sanity.

"You still want the baby, right?"

"Listen." Sam clenched his teeth and made a sharp inhale through his nose.

"Don't mess with us."

"Ooooh." Dave chuckled and looked over his shoulder at his friends, as if they might understand something funny had just happened. With his mouth open it was easier to see just how many teeth he was missing. He looked back at Sam, held out his hand, palm down, and gave it a series of dramatic shakes. "You scare me, man."

"I'm serious." Sam sat a little straighter. "We did what you asked. Now get Candy home and take care of her." He started the engine. "We'll see you at the hospital."

Dave cocked his head, the smile suddenly gone. "I asked you a question, man. You still want the baby or not?"

Erin couldn't make out her husband's expression, but she 29 could see by the tension in his posture how close he was to losing control.

Please, God...

Sam turned slightly so he was facing the man. "If we didn't want the baby, we wouldn't be here."

"Okay." Dave's expression eased and he chuckled again. "Stay by the phone." He winked as he took a few steps backward. "I'll be calling."

And in that instant, Erin felt her hopes crash against the rocks of reality and splinter into a million pieces. The bribes were not over, and they were quite simply out of money.

When Dave was gone, Sam turned to her. The knowing in his face told her that he, too, was aware of the situation they were in. If Dave asked for more money, they would have just one choice.

Call the attorney and tell him the truth, even if they lost the baby daughter in the process.

Most of the time, Candy could care less what people thought of She had a roof over her head and a loaf of bread in the refrigerator. Couldn't ask for more than that. The kids stayed with her mother most of the time, and when it was her turn, so what if they didn't eat much? Big deal. A lot of kids had it worse. Besides, she was never cut out to be a mother.

She was a druggie, a floozy, the sort of trash that never lived in one place more than a few months. But at least she wasn't uppity like the couple in the van. At least she knew her place in life, and this late in the game she wasn't looking to change, didn't waste time on what-ifs and might-haves or a batch of regrets the way some of her friends did. If people didn't like her then bully for them.

But as the car she was riding in sped out of the parking lot, she felt a nudge of remorse. Second thoughts, maybe, or a gasp of air 30 REUNION.

from. a conscience long dead. The plan was pretty nasty, could probably land them in jail if they weren't careful.

Actually it wasn't her plan; it was Dave's. And it was a good one. Kids were nothing but brats and hard work. She'd learned that after she popped the first one out. The plan didn't come about until she told Dave how much loot she'd raked in from the rich couple. All for having a kid and giving it away.

Dave's eyes had grown narrow, and a thin smile had worked its way into his cheeks. "I think we just hit the jackpot, Candy."

"The jackpot?" Candy wasn't doing hard drugs, not since she found out about the kid. Just some bourbon and weed here and there. She took a drag from a joint and frowned at him. "What jackpot?"

"They want the kid, right?" He'd sat forward, his face registering the kind of excited look he usually got when they scored a dime bag.

"'Course they want the kid." She'd exhaled a blue ribbon of smoke that curled toward the ceiling of their studio apartment. "They paid for it, didn't they?"

"Not yet, they didn't." He'd chuckled and flattened his hands on the table. Then he told her about the plan. Candy would meet with the couple, tell them she was a little low on cash. "Hint around, you know. Like if you don't get the money you can't think about giving up the kid."

"Okay." Candy rubbed her arms and gave a few slow nods of her head. "I think I'm seeing it."

"Yeah, and then..." Dave had taken a drag from her joint and held the smoke several beats. He raised one eyebrow, slow and sarcastic-like. "If they cough up a few thousand, we wait a few days and tell 'em we need more."

Candy had worried about that. Not because of her conscience but because it sounded almost illegal. "You don't think the cops could get involved, do ya?"

"Nah; the cops got better things to do. Welfare's just glad we're getting rid of a kid this time."

31.

Candy had liked the way he said we, because as far as she knew Dave was the baby's father. But she couldn't be sure. Lots of crazy nights back before she got pregnant. But this ownership thing was new to Candy. A man happy to lay claim to one of her kids. Unless...

She twisted her expression. "You ain't thinkin' of keeping half the money, are you?"

Dave had cast her a look that defined disgust. "Of course!" He rattled off a few choice words. "I'm working for it, right?" He waved his hands at himself. "This is me sitting here, right?"

Candy had thought about that and figured it was okay. The idea was his, after all, and if he helped collect the money the least she could do was split it with him. "Okay." She'd slapped her hand on the table. "I'm in."

The memory died there as Candy stared out the windshield from the backseat of the speeding car. "Hey, Scary, slow down, will ya? I'm knocked up, remember?"

"Ah, shut up." Scary was Larry Brown-Dave's buddy from the penitentiary. He turned to Dave and laughed out loud. Funny stuff, telling a woman to shut up.