"Open me up now and I might never get out of bed again." Her eyes locked on his.

"I can't have that happen. God can cure me with another round of chemo or radiation; he can give us the miracle we're praying for. But we asked for wisdom, John, and Dr. Steinman gave it to us. The surgery won't make a difference, so why have it?"

John exhaled and dropped his head into his free hand. For a moment he rubbed his thumb and forefinger along his brow, his anguish echoing with each breath.

"How... how can you give up?" His hand fell away and he looked at her. "Lung cancer, Elizabeth." The fight was gone from his voice. "Surgery isn't optional.

It's the only way around it."

"If it was only in my lungs I'd agree." Her words were slow, tender, revealing none of the fear that still tore through her. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "You heard him, John. Surgery won't help."

"But.. 2' The word hung on his lips and died there. His arms came around her, pulling her close once more. "You're not giving up?"

"No." She whispered the word against the side of his face. "Never, John. I'm not ready to go. I'm still scared to death." Her throat felt thick and she waited until she could speak. "I told you, after a few weeks I'll do more chemo, radiation. Whatever. But don't-" her voice broke-"don't let them operate.

Please."

His hold on her grew tighter, but after a minute he relaxed and breathed against her hair. The way his body felt against hers, the tone of his voice, all of it told her he'd known all along that this was the logical decision. But he spoke none of that and said only, "Okay,"

When they pulled apart, Elizabeth studied his features. His expression shouted of resignation and defeat, but deep in his heart she could see that he agreed.

That he was almost relieved by her decision.

209.

kingsbury smalley "One more thing." She held her breath. This request was maybe even more important than the first one.

He looked at her, waiting.

"I don't want the kids to know."

John raised one eyebrow and-stared out the windshield. "How?" He looked at her again. "They'll find out. They've been asking about your tests since the day you finished the chemo."

She was determined. "We tell them we're optimistic, that I'm going in for more Chemo in a few weeks, and that we should all keep praying."

"You think that'll be enough for Brooke? Come on, Elizabeth, she's a doctor.

She'll want specifics and so will the rest of them."

"We'll tell them the truth; the surgery went well, but they didn't get all the cancer, and they're not sure how far spread it is."

"The truth?" John bit the inside of his cheek and narrowed his eyes. "The truth is you could be dead before the end of summer, How can we not tell them that?"

Dead before the end of summer? Before their thirty-fifth anniversary?

Elizabeth swallowed, grabbing at her next breath. Fear joined hands and suffocated her, but only for a few seconds. "It is the truth."

Elizabeth leaned against the car door. She her hands and blew out through pursed lips. "They didn't get all the cancer, and they're not sure how far spread it is."

He sank back. "If we tell them that much, we might as well tell the rest."

"I can't have them know the whole truth, John. That I could die."

Sorrow mixed with anger, and her tears came again. "How can Ashley plan a wedding when you and I are planning a funeral.

Tell me that, John. Tell me one good reason why I should tell them I have three months when God could still take the cancer away tomorrow. Or don't you believe God can do that, John?"

I believe." For a single heartbeat he remained motionless. Then everything about him softened and his jaw dropped.

I'm sorry."

the same way I felt about our son, the boy we had to give 210 REUNION.

up." Sweat beaded on her forehead and she was exhausted. But she had to explain herself. "Why tell the others, when to do so would only Cause confusion and pain? If we couldn't find him, they never could, we found him either. They'd spend a lifetime wondering about the brother they didn't know."

He nodded. "You're right."

She sobbed twice and squeezed her eyes shut. "So why would we tell there?

For what? We had no choice about that child,John; he belonged to SOmeone else long before he was even born." Her eyes opened and she searched his heart, his soul. "We have no choice now, either. None of us knows the number of our days. This-" she Waved her hand about the inside of the car-"this is Ashley's Season of love and happiness and everything she's ever dreamed of. I... will.., not..." -en sucked in three quick breaths. "I will not ruin it for her, John. I won't."

"Elizabeth-.,, he cupped her hand with his-"I won't either." His words told her he agreed with everything she'd just said, that compariqg this to what had happened thirty-five years ago was.the quickest Way to make him understand. They hadn't had a choice about the boy, and they didn't have a choice about this.

Telling the kids would only borrow tomorrow's pain, and there was no sense in that. John PUlled out of the parking lot and headed for home, si lent, probably as struck by what she'd said as she was, Plotting arid planning and family discussions wouldn't be enough to find the child they'd given up, any more than plotting and plannirg and family discussions would be enough to make her cancer ,.. .

-, ."ysteriouslv disappear.

It woutcl ta J e a miracle. Elizabeth Corrected herself as she settle& into the seat and stared out the Window at the busy street. It wouldn't take one miracle at all. It would take two.

211.

CHAPTER TWENTY.

Ashley COULDN'T PUT her finger onit.

She'd spent the past hour having tea with her mother, sitting at her parents' dining-room table going over details of the wedding. It was the second week of June, and her mother looked better than she had in months, more color in her face, more energy.

But something wasn't right, the same something Ashley had seen a dozen times since their father told them the test results. The surgery was successful, but they hadn't gotten all the cancer, they weren't sure how far it had spread. The information felt a bit hazy at the time, but her mother was committed to more treatment. At first she'd planned on starting the next week, but because of the wedding she was waiting until the end of July.

"That way we can have our reunion on Sanibel Island," she'd told them. Ashley had compared notes with her sisters and Luke, and all were nervous. Nervous about the idea that somewhere cancer still remained in their mother's body, nervous about postponing her treatment, nervous about taking a trip to Sanabel Island, so far from her doctors.

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REUNION.

But they kept praying, and every day she seemed to get a little better.

"Okay." Her mother made a check mark on the notebook she'd been keeping. "You've got a cake picked out and ordered." She leaned back in her seat and took a sip from her teacup. "How 'bout the RSVPs? Do we have a head count?"

"That was next." Ashley sorted through a portable file she kept for the planning of her wedding. As she did, she caught another glimpse of her mother, relaxed and drinking tea.

Despite the unsettling concerns in her heart, Ashley smiled at the image her mother made. If only she had a canvas and a paintbrush handy.

When Ashley drank tea she liked it in the biggest mug she could find, steaming hot and half full of cream.

Not her mother.

Elizabeth collected teapots, dainty china containers with intricate ribbons of gold and other precious metals. She never made just a cup of tea; she-brewed a pot. And when it had steeped the proper amount of time, when it was neither "too hot nor too tepid," as Elizabeth said, she would pour a fine brown stream into a delicate teacup.

In some ways the picture of her mother reminded her of her friend Irvel from Sunset Hills, and her love for tea, even until the end. But that was the only similarity. Her mother was still young, still vibrant, still fighting the disease and winning-if her improved appearance was any indication.

Ashley pulled out a stack of small white cards and laid them on the table. "More than two hundred people coming so far."

"We invited three hundred." Her mother set her cup down and flipped a few pages in her notebook to a list of names.

"Right. But they have another week to get their responses back."

"True." She ran her finger along the edge of the paper. "How about the Cummins family, your father's partner?"

213.

kingsbury smalley "I doubt it; they're busy with family issues. At least that's what Dad said."

"Fine. I'll put doubtful by their names." Elizabeth ran her finger down a bit farther. "Landon's Aunt Kathy from Indianapolis and her family-any word from them?"

"Landon says they're coming for sure."

"Good." She made a mark by the name and continued down the list.

They kept up that way until they had a rough idea that two hundred and fifty guests would attend the event. But all the while, Ashley couldn't shake the feeling that somehow they shouldn't be talking about wedding guests and cake designs, but whether her mother needed more tests, more treatment. Not after the wedding, but before it.

The angst stayed with Ashley even after she left the Baxter house. Landon had the day off. He was picking Cole up at school and they were meeting at the park.

He was already there with Cole when she pulled into the lot and climbed out of her car. She started toward them and stopped.

With all the worrying about her mother and the details of the wedding, she hadn't stood back and realized the miracle their lives had become, the three of them. Her two men hadn't spotted her yet, so she watched them unnoticed.

Cole was on an old lopsided merry-go-round, clinging to the metal bars while Landon ran alongside it, picking up speed. After a few seconds, he stood back, grinning. Then, when Cole passed by the next time, Landon jumped on and scooped Cole onto his lap. Together they held on as the merry-go-round circled another ten times before slowing to a stop.

When they climbed off, Cole held his hands up and Landon swung him onto his shoulders. They were laughing about something, but Ashley was too far away to make out what. They barely made it out of the sandpit and onto the grass before they spilled onto the ground, giggling and rolling around.

Ashley's eyes stung as she watched them.

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REUNION.

God... I doubted you all my life. And now... She breathed in sharply through her nose and lifted her eyes.-Now I'm healthy and I'm marrying Landon and my little boy has a daddy; all my dreams are coming true.

She wanted to fall to her knees, to beg God to forgive her for every time she'd ever doubted him. But she'd already done that so many times before that here, now, she looked across the park to Landon and Cole and grinned. Thank you, God.

I'll spend the rest of my life being thankful.

A verse flashed in her mind, so real, so distinct she wasn't sure if she'd heard it or just remembered it. "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!

I have overcome the world."

It was a Scripture from John, Ashley was sure. She'd taken to reading a chapter in her Bible every night before bed. The verse about trouble was one she'd come across a week ago.

But why would it come back to her now?

Cole bounced to his feet and began running from Landon, but Landon was quick. He chased her son, and several yards away he caught him and spun him around a few times before setting him back down.

Suddenly it dawned on her why the verse had come to her here as she watched Landon and Cole. In this world she'd had plenty of trouble. Paris? Jean-Claude?

Her resistance to Cole, to Landon? Her determination to fight her family's faith?

A sad chuckle came from her. Yes, she'd had trouble in this world. But God had overcome all of it.

She sauntered toward them, and after a few steps Landon spotted her. He tapped Cole and in no time her son was running toward her, his short blond hair flying in the wind. "Mommy! You came "

"Of course, silly." She swept him into her arms and kissed the tip of his nose.

Landon was smiling, drawing closer, his eyes intent on hers. Her stomach flip-flopped the way it always did these days when Landon was near. The wedding couldn't come soon enough.

215.

kingsbury smalley "Good, let's go swing!" Cole slid down, grabbed her hand, and closed the distance to Landon. "We're gonna swing, Landon Wanna come?"

"Sure." He came up alongside her, slipped his arm around her waist, and kissed her. Then in a voice for her ears alone he said, "You look beautiful, Ash."

"Thanks." She grinned and felt her cheeks grow hot. "You are gorgeous."

"How's your mom?" He moved slowly, his long legs in step with hers.

"Better, I think. She looks stronger, healthier. Still talking about that crazy reunion on Sanibel Island." She thought for a moment. "I'm worried about her, Landon. But I think she's winning the fight."

"No one's too crazy about Sanibel, huh?" His voice was tender, understanding.

"Not this year." She blew at a wisp of her hair. "We want to stay home, around the Baxter house, remembering the good times and helping Mom get better."