"Next Wednesday. As soon as the eight weeks are finished." John's lips were tight, his body tense. The entire situation was so futile, and yet she was looking at him, waiting for him to say something positive. He reached for her hand. The words he dredged up were not even close to the truth. "I'm expecting good news; how 'bout you?"

"Definitely." She made a swallowing motion, but gave a weak shake of her head.

"Can you hand me my water?"

John reached for her squeeze bottle, but the effort she needed just to hold it was more than he could stand to watch. Instead he cradled it near her mouth while she sucked down three mouthfuls.

"Really?" He set the bottle back on her nightstand. "You're feeling good about the appointment?"

"Yes." She exhaled and everything about her seemed to shrink a size. "We've been praying every day. Pastor Mark's been by to see me three times a week, you know.

He says the church is praying." She gave him a lopsided smile. "Everyone we know is praying, John. Of course the news will be good."

"Right." John took hold of her hand again and ran his thumb along her knuckles.

"That's how I feel, too."

The hour slipped away with more talk about the summer reunion and Ashley's wedding. John had long since made a reservation for three condominiums at a beach resort on Sanibel Island. Erin and Sam and Luke and Reagan would arrive in Bloomington on July third, spend a few days at the Baxter house, and the whole group would fly together to Sanibel on July sixth. They'd spend six days on the island and return home to get ready for Ashley's wedding.

"They have the band lined up, the group Landon found out 167 kingsbury smalley about through work." Elizabeth nodded toward her nightstand.

"The florist is on board also. I have all the notes in there." "That's good."

"Ashley brought the invitations by the other day." The conversation was making Elizabeth tired, but she kept on. "They look wonderful, John. Did she tell you about them? The words fall over a faded picture of the two of them-with Cole. Did she show them to you?"

"No." John tapped his foot fast and steadily. He didn't want to 'talk about Ashley's wedding. Ashley was fine; the wedding would be beautiful. But if Elizabeth didn't turn a corner soon, she might not live to see them walk down the aisle.

"Only Sam has to return home for the week between th'e reunion-and the wedding, but he'll come back that Friday night. says he wants to be here for the big day."

: "Mmm-hmm." He studied his wife's face, the features he'd ent a lifetime loving. "We don't have to talk about the wedding now, honey. How are you feeling?"

"I told you, John-" she blinked, but her expression stayed -. I like talking about the wedding. That and how ood Kari's feeling now that she's past the morning sickness, and happy Erin is with her little girl, Heidi. It makes me feel to talk about the kids."

stopped tapping. "I'm sorry."

T." She drew in a long breath, and the effort it took both painful and obvious.

"I can't wait to see that little baby.

is such a beautiful name. She sounds like a little angel."

slurring. She was more tired than usual. eyelids looked heavier with every blink. "God is so good to ,John."

'Yes." The word felt bitter on John's tongue and hechided He had to stay positive, had to believe she'd be okay. If faith now, what would they have? What strength could from? He steeled himself against the barrage of doubts. God is very good."

168.

REUNION.

Elizabeth did another weak smile and closed her eyes. They still had ten minutes before John had to return to work, but she was too tired to stay awake. Instead of rousing her, he leaned back and watched her sleep.

What had been different about this morning? Why had none of it felt real? He stroked his chin, replaying their conversation in his mind. Slowly it dawned on him. Not once had she mentioned her fears. Usually at least part of this hour together was spent with her looking deep into his eyes and admitting she was afraid, terrified actually. The chemo was her last bit of ground assault against cancer, her last chance to make headway in the battle for her life.

If it didn't work...

Elizabeth needed to talk about her fears. About how badly she wanted to live, so she could see her grandkids grow up, watch her children live out their lives now that they'd worked through so much. That was a large part of it.

"We've all come so far in the past three years," she'd say. "Now's when we get to sit back and watch them be happy. I don't want to miss that, John. Not even for heaven."

But today ... today she'd said nothing at all about being afraid. She looked worse than he'd ever seen her look, yet all she talked about was how strongly she felt about her upcoming doctor's appointment, and how sure she was that everything was going to work out, how certain she was that their prayers were being heard and that God was going to answer them the way they wanted.

Elizabeth never would've worked through her fears this quickly. She needed time and tears and moments alone with God before she found peace in any difficult situation. In fact, when she was the most afraid-the way she'd felt about Luke when he left home, or the way she'd worried about Kari after Tim moved in with his girlfrienduElizabeth shut down and pretended.

The kids used to accuse her of burying her head in the sand, 169 but that wasn't it. She simply reached a point at times where she had to act like she was doing well so she wouldn't go crazy with fear.

Usually, once she shut down and stopped, talking about being afraid, she met with God shortly after and worked through the situation. And since she hadn't hadthat sort of time since yesterday, John could only surmise one possibility: Her fears were worse than ever before.

But then, he hadn't been exactly honest either. Because watching her now, the slow rise and fall of her flat chest, the gray-white coloring beneath her eyes and across her cheeks, the angled look of her ribs sticking out, he had just one emotion raging through his soul.

Complete, and utter terror.

Ashley had been waiting for this moment all day.

She snuck into the house and set Cole up with a coloring book and a pack of markers. "Stay here, honey, okay?"

"Are you checking on Grandma?" Worry shaded Cole's expression. He came here often enough now that he understood grandma was sick.

"Yes." She dropped down to his level and ran her hand over his pale blond hair.

"I have to show her something, and then after a while you can come up."

Cole's face lit up. "I'll make her a picture!" He opened the coloring book and began flipping the pages, looking for just the scene to color. "Teacher says I color in the lines bestest of "Perfect." Ashley leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose.

"I love you, Cole. You have a good heart."

He took the compliment in stride, keeping his eyes on the coloring book and the markers and the task at hand. "Thanks, Mom. You too."

170.

Ashley studied him a moment longer. He was happier these days, more content. All he talked about was the wedding and how many more days and how glad he was that Landon was go ing to be his daddy. "Okay, sport, I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Okay." Ashley grabbed the bag with her dress in it and went upstairs to her mother's room. The lights were off, so she peeked in. "Mom?" No answer. Concern toyed with Ashley. She crept inside and tiptoed to the bed. "Mom? Are you okay?"

The window was open and a breeze stirred the curtains. The smell of rose blossoms filled the room. Ashley flipped the light on. It was only four-thirty-too early for the lights to be off. "Mom?" Her mother moaned and turned a few inches in each direc tion. "Hmmm?" "It's me... Ashley." She sat on the edge of the bed and felt her mother's forehead. "Is today worse?" No response. Gradually her mother opened her eyes and squinted at Ashley. "Oh, hello, dear. I guess I fell asleep." "Was it a hard day?" "Mmm." She made a face and rubbed her eyes. "It wasn't good." "Want me to leave you alone?" Ashley had looked forward to this moment ever since she'd accepted Landon's ring. But not if her mother wasn't feeling well. "No, dear." Elizabeth made a painful struggle to sit up against the headboard. "You sound excited." "Well..." Ashley lifted her eyebrows, and her voice fell to a pinched squeak. She held up the garment bag. "I got my wed ding dress! I haven't shown anyone yet." "Oh, Ashley." She struggled again, but instead of sitting up higher, she sank back down. Her face was ashen, damp from the effort. "Can you help me, dear?"

171.

kingsbury smallay Ashley tossed the bag over the back of the nearby chair and returned to the bed.

She pushed four pillows behind and around her. Then she slipped her hands beneath her mother's arms and pulled her up higher. "There. Sunset Hills was good for something." Ashley kept her tone light, but she was shocked. No matter how sick her mother got, she'd never needed help to sit up in bed. She searched her mother's face. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine." She folded her hands on her lap and nodded at the garment bag. "Will you try it on for me?"

The thrill of the moment replaced her fear. Ashley nodded, grabbed the bag, and headed inside her parents' walk-in closet.

She had found the dress three weeks ago, and the seamstress at the shop had needed the extra time to narrow the waist and add a few feet of satin to the train.

She slipped it over her head and stood in front of the full length mirror. The entire dress was white satin, accented with embroidery. It was fitted at the bodice, with belle sleeves that puffed slightly at the shoulders and then befitted from the elbow down, Intricate appliqae ran the length of the arms and in a pattern along the skirt. The bottom of the dress was neither formfitting nor full of flounce.

it fell gently in an alluring cascade that hinted at her figure but maintained a sense of propriety. "Hurry, honey. I can't wait."

"Okay... just a minute." Ashley grinned at herself. Who ever thought she'd see herself in a dress like this? The back was covered with more applique and a row of delicate satin that served as buttons from the nape of her neck to her hips. Her mother would have to help her fasten them.

She shook out the train, opened the closet door, and presented herself to her mother. "Ta-da!"

Her mom took in the sight, and her lips parted. The color that had been missing from her cheeks returned in a rush, and she uttered a quiet gasp as she covered her mouth with her hand.

.. you are absolutely gorgeous."

172.

REUNION.

Ashley felt the glow from the center of her soul. She locked eyes with her mother and breathed in the smell of roses and springtime. As long as she lived she would remember this moment, cherish the fact that her mother had been the first to see her in her wedding dress, that despite her poor decisions and crazy choices, despite the times she'd broken her mother's heart, this glorious moment was one between just the two of them. "You like it?"

Her mother held out her hand. "You are a vision, my dear. Landon won't be able to say a word with you looking like that."

Ashley gave her mother's fingers a gentle squeeze. "Look at the back." She turned around and spread out her train. "Isn't it something?"

"Yes, dear." Outside the open window, a flock of birds settled in the old oak tree andbegan to sing. The sound only added to the magic of the moment. "And that train.., my goodness, it's breathtaking."

Ashley turned back toward her again. "I'll need help with the buttons, of course, but not right now. You get the idea."

"Come here." Her mother held out her hand again. "I can handle a few buttons.

Let's see how it fits when they're all fastened."

Despite the color in her mother's face, Ashley wasn't sure. She looked too weak to do much of anything. Still, the glow in her eyes told Ashley she wanted to try. "Okay." Ashley turned the chair sideways and sat down, her back to her mother.

One at a time she felt the buttons come together, but when Elizabeth was halfway finished, Ashley felt her mother's hands drop away.

"Ah, Ash, I hate this."

Ashley spun around and saw tears in her mom's eyes. "It's okay." She stood and leaned closer, hugging her mom for a long time. Her tone hid the shock she was feeling. If Elizabeth was worn out after only a few minutes of buttons, then how could she be getting better? The answer shot a dart of fear through the moment.

173.

kingsbury smally "I'm sorry." Elizabeth wiped at her tears. "I don't have the strength for anything today. I almost fell asleep in the bathroom after I threw up."

The picture made Ashley shudder. She drew back and smiled at her mother. "Don't worry about-the buttons; I told you we don't need to do them up today. Anyone would get tired with so many of them."

The door opened and Cole flew into the room. In his hand was a colored page from the book he'd been working in. He stopped and stared at Ashley. "Mommy!"

She grinned and did a small spin for him. "You like it?"

"Is that your wedding dress?" Cole's smile stretched from ear to ear.

"Yep." She fluffed out her train once more. "Whadya think?"

Cole came closer, circling her first one way then the other. "I think you look like a princess, Mommy. A fairy princess."

Elizabeth coughed afew times and then held her hand toward Cole.

"What do you have there?"

"A picture for you, Grandma. So you'll feel better." Cole took a few steps toward the bed, but he kept his eyes on Ashley the whole time He held the colored page out. "Here. You can keep it on the wall by your bed."

Ashley watched her mother admire the picture. At almost the same time, she felt Cole's fingers against her back, and she "Hey, mister, your hands are cold."

"How come it isn't buttoned, Mommy?"

"Because..." A lump formed in Ashley's throat. Cole's interuption had made her forget for a minute how sick her mother was.

"Because Grandma was buttoning me up when you came but she got tired." Cole's face lit up. "I'll finish it. I'm a good buttoner, right?" "Yes, you're a very good buttoner." Ashley took Cole's hands in hers and checked them. He'd washed them after lunch, and they were still clean. "Okay, just go real slow, all right?"

174.

REUNION.

"All right." He stood behind her and with her mother giving a few tips, he had the hang of it in no time.

"I can't reach the high ones." Cole was on his tiptoes, but she could feel his body wavering as he struggled.

"Sorry, buddy." She bent her knees. "How's that?"

"Perfect." He worked a minute more and she felt him back up. "There you go. All buttoned up."

"Good work, Cole." Her mother's voice sounded happier, less defeated.

"Yes. This is just how it'll look for the wedding." Ashley paraded around the room in a slow procession until she was a few feet from them. "Well?"

"It looks better now, Mommy. I'm glad we did the buttons." Cole's face was serious. "You'd get cold if you left them open for the wedding."

Ashley bent and slipped one arm around Cole and the other around her mother. The coloring in her mother's face was gone again, her complexion gray and lifeless.

Hard times lay ahead for all of them; Ashley felt it in her bones. But here, now, with her mother and her son gathered around her, dressed in the gown she would wear when she became Landon's wife, Ashley wished just one thing: That they could keep this moment for a lifetime.

Because in the months ahead, perfect days like this one might be hard to find.