Her words prompted Jin Yun to shake his head slightly. Seemingly having thought of something. He let out a sigh and smiled bitterly.

Because I wasnt worthy of you back thenThats why.

Gong Yimo raised her brows high.

Why would you think that? Then, as if feeling that her sentence wasnt quite right, she added, What I mean is, why do you put yourself down like that? Is this how you are with everyone?

Could this be the real reason why Jin Yun never married?

Jin Yun smiled faintly as he thought of the past.

Its not everyone, its just with youthat I feel that way.

Gong Yimo was dumbfounded. She couldnt understand why he thought that way.

Jin Yun looked at her deeply and said in a gentle voice, You know, since I was youngIve had a tough life, and it really weighed down on me. But I was also conceitedThe texts that my brothers could not recite even after studying for many days, I could memorize in one. The imperial teachers lessons that they struggled with, I could easily learn by analogy

When he spoke of these matters, he was smiling, yet it was out of bitterness.

Perhaps I had not learned to restrain myself back then since I was young, they often complained about me to Father, and I was not allowed to study since I was young. Even though I was eager to learn, I couldnt go against Fathers orders. Now, reading is all I can do. Poetry and songsI really dont know much about them.

Gong Yimo suddenly felt a little sad for him. Well, all beautiful jades have to go through the carving process, right?

He frowned. I didnt understand back then. I was clearly so smart, so hardworking, always improving myself. Even in terms of looks and character, I was better than my brothers. Why is it that Father didnt trust me and even doubts my birth? Was Ireally so undeserving of praise? Why cant they see the good that I can offer, why do they only criticize me and call me a bastard?

So, I gradually started to lose confidence in myself, and it may have taken root deep inside me. Even later, when Idressed up as a woman to dance. I couldnt feel satisfied when I hear the cheers of those around me. I want the world to praise me, I want to gain their affirmation! Maybetheres no hope for me anymore.

Even though Ive clearly achieved so much in Yuheng, even my brothers cant hold me back anymore. Just, when Im in front of youI cant help but feel inferior. When it comes down to it, I still dont dare to take that step.

But after you left, I was easily able to gain power in Yuheng! Thats when I realize how close in my grasp these things were to me. Just like you were back then

He suddenly reached out, gently laying his hand over the back of Gong Yimos. Gong Yimo looked up to see his beautiful eyes that seemed to be glowing. Even the mole under his eye was so stunning.

You treat me so well, and youre so beautiful, so talented! Just like the blazing sun, anyone staying by your side could gain unlimited power! While II was just like a blade of grass, a flower. You helped me grow, but I wanted to be able to obtain you. What a delusion!

Its such a ridiculous thought, but thats really how I thought. I knew you would leave one day, but I couldnt even say anything to make you stay, much less admit my feelings for you.

So, when you asked me, when my friends asked me, and even when Mother asked me, I would say that i didnt have feelings for you. But each time I was shouting madly in my heart. Lies! Those are all lies! I do like you! And Ive liked you for a very, very long time!

His words made Gong Yimo feel as if she had been burned and she quickly pulled her hand back.

You think too highly of me. Im not as noble as you think I am.