"There's not that much water. It gets poured onto your head."

"Oh. Sounds fun."

Rebecca sat up straighter and folded her arms. "Not really."

"You don't want to get baptized?"

She pulled her knees to her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs. "I do want to get baptized. I-I am simply not looking forward to it."

"That doesn't make sense."

"The bishop preaches that baptism represents a rebirth. We become new creatures in Christ." Rebecca glanced at him. "Ach, never mind."

"No, Rebecca, I want to hear."

Rebecca shook her head. "I am too selfish."

"This coming from the girl who hangs wash at midnight so her brothers will have something to wear the next day?"

Rebecca took a deep breath. He held on to her when he could have let go. "It is.... I feel in some ways, baptism will be like dying. When I am baptized, the walls of my house will close in on me while I watch my mother die and my fater drift further from the family. After baptism, I will be stuck in that life forever."

"Then why be baptized?"

"I want to pledge my life to God."

Levi leaned forward to look into her eyes. "That doesn't sound like the way God would want you to live the rest of your life, like you're stuck in prison."

"That's why I am making my own life right now. I want to feel feelings and have experiences before giving in. Then in the future when I am weighed down by my dull life or pain so severe that I can't crawl out of bed, I can say, I really lived once. Then it won't be so bad."

Levi looked at her with something akin to compassion. She didn't want his pity. She didn't want anything from him, did she? Except his skiing abilities.

A boy came near and offered them a can of beer. Levi shook his head. "No, thanks." Then he turned to Rebecca. "Unless you want to."

"Nae," she said.

"Not on your list of things to do before you die?"

"Eating mud is also not on my list," Rebecca said.

"You'll get no argument from me on that one," Levi said. "Most definitely not worth the headache in the morning."

She looked up at him. "You've done a lot of drinking in your life, haven't you?"

"I've done a lot of things I regret." Levi stared at the fire. "Drinking helps to dull my guilty conscience, I guess."

She couldn't resist. She ran the back of her fingers along the stubble of his jaw. "You are holding a lot of pain in there," she said.

"I'm responsible for my own mistakes. Nobody else."

"You don't have to carry it. Jesus will carry it if you give it to Him."

"It's my burden, not His, Rebecca."

"Everything is His burden. You are one of His sheep."

"I'm a lost cause," Levi said.

Rebecca didn't want him to believe that for one more minute. "There are no lost causes."

Levi shook his head.

In alarm, she took his face between her hands. "There are no lost causes."

Their faces were inches apart, and Rebecca felt the intensity in his eyes to her very bones. How could anyone go so low as to think they were lost to God?

Levi put his hands over hers, smiled, and made light of her comment. "Don't kiss me," he said.

The spell broke, and she withdrew her hands. "No kissing," she said, growling in exasperation.

As the sky darkened, the bright fire obscured their surroundings, but Rebecca didn't miss Levi's dumbstruck expression when a thin blond stepped into the light of the flames and came right up to them. Levi recovered and glued an indifferent frown on his face.

"Hey, Levi," the girl said, smiling like the cat who ate the canary while keeping her eyes glued to Rebecca.

Rebecca could feel the muscles in Levi's arm tense. "Hey, Tara," he said.

Tara held hands with a tall boy with hair so black that it shimmered in the firelight. He wore a substantial diamond stud earring in his left ear. Tara pulled her boyfriend closer and whispered something into his ear.

By the set of her jaw and the way she opened her eyes too wide when she spoke, Rebecca could tell that Tara was not pleased with what she saw. An old girlfriend? Rebecca did her best to smile.

Tara motioned to the boy next to her. "This is Shadow," she said. "He's from Chicago."

"Hey," Levi said, his manner discouraging any sort of conversation.

Tara stared at Levi as if she were expecting something from him. "Well," she said, "who's your new girl?"

Rebecca couldn't help but detect the nastiness in her voice. Definitely an old girlfriend. Very pretty. Just the kind of girl Rebecca imagined Levi would be with. Rebecca folded her arms tightly around her waist.

"This is Rebecca. Rebecca, this is Tara."

"You didn't go to our high school," Tara said.

"No," Levi said.

Rebecca and Levi had already discussed it. If they could avoid revealing to anyone that she was Amish, they would do it. If the knowledge of any of her outings got back to Fater, that would be the end of them. Rebecca had insisted that they not lie to anyone, but they didn't have to volunteer any information, either.

Tara plopped on the ground in front of Rebecca and pulled Shadow with her. Then she scrutinized Rebecca's face.

"Where're you from?" Tara said.

"She's from around here," Levi said.

Undeterred, Tara turned to face Levi so her body language completely shut Rebecca out of the conversation. "Oh, she's a deaf mute who can't speak for herself?"

"I can talk," Rebecca said.

"Oh, good," Tara said, returning her attention to Rebecca, "I thought maybe you were too shy. What's your name again?"

"Rebecca Miller."

"Rebecca. You go waterskiing?"

"Yes," Rebecca replied. "It was fun."

Levi tried to divert Tara's attention. "Tara's a great snow skier. She works at a resort in the winter, teaching skiing lessons. She wins races all the time."

"Congratulations," said Rebecca.

Tara stayed on course. "I hang out with Levi a lot, but he's never mentioned you. How long have you been going out?"

"Five weeks or so," Rebecca said, trying to be friendly in the face of an obvious attack.

Tara counted the days in her head. It took her a few seconds. Then she glared at Levi. "You didn't waste any time, did you?"

The muscles in Levi's jaw flexed and the arm around Rebecca's shoulders tightened its viselike grip.

Leaning closer, Tara tried to assume the demeanor of an excited girl wanting to hear some juicy gossip. "So, how did you meet each other?"

"She was on a skateboard-"

"I asked Rebecca, Levi," Tara said. "Man, you can be so overbearing sometimes."

Rebecca slipped her hand into Levi's. "I was riding a skateboard and fell in front of the sporting goods store where Levi works. I hurt my leg, and he drove me home."

Tara studied Rebecca and a lightbulb seemed to go off in Tara's brain. "You're from Apple Lake," she said.

"Yes...yes," Rebecca stuttered, her heart plunging to the ground with the smug look Tara gave her.

"Are you Amish?" Tara asked, her eyes almost bugging out of her head.

Rebecca nodded.

Tara burst into uncomfortable laughter, and her companions sat staring at her until she spoke again. "I recognize the accent," Tara said, very pleased with herself. "We have an Amish lady who cleans house for us sometimes."

They heard Shadow's voice for the first time. "You're Amish? That's cool."

Tara got the giggles and couldn't stop laughing. "What exactly are you going for with this one, Levi?"

"Shut up, Tara," Levi said.

Grabbing Shadow's hand, she stood up and brushed the sand off her swimsuit-still giggling. "If you only knew how ironic that is on so many levels." As she walked away, she waved her hand in Levi's direction. "Watch out for this one. He has trouble with permanent relationships."

Tara stumbled away as her laugh turned angry and spiteful.

Rebecca took a deep breath, let the tension dissipate, and sank back into Levi's arms like she was relaxing into an overstuffed sofa. "That was your old girlfriend, wasn't it?"

"Sorry. She's bitter. But it's nothing personal against you. I broke up with her a few days before I met you. I was even planning on getting back together with her."

"You told me you wanted to make a few girls jealous."

"Tara mostly, but you reeled me in until I didn't know which way was up."

Rebecca smiled and made herself comfortable in Levi's arms. "No manure."

Levi laughed. "How can I make you believe my sincerity?"

"You can't." She closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Tired?" he said.

"Got to get back," she mumbled. "Lots of chores before Fater comes home on Friday."

Levi took his finger and traced the curve of Rebecca's face. She didn't even try to stifle the sensation that accompanied his touch. "That is an aggravatingly plump and puffy robe," he said.

"Uh-huh," she said, too drowsy to form the actual words with her lips.

"You are so pretty," he said.

"Don't kiss me," she mumbled, before she drifted out of consciousness.

She heard him growl-a low, guttural sound deep in his throat. "The death of me," he muttered.

Nudging her until she roused sufficiently to hold herself up, Levi separated himself from all physical contact. "Come on," he said. "Let's get you home safe."

Chapter Eleven.

Wednesday morning. Three full days before Fater came home for the weekend. Rebecca mentally made a list of chores for the day. If she could convince Linda to do the laundry and the boys to clean the stalls, she might have enough time to thin the peaches and bake the bread in addition to her daily chores. A full eighteen hours ahead of her gave her hope for a productive day.

Max and Danny were lollygagging by the barn, each holding an empty pail for the milk. She could usually convince them to do the daily milking because they saw how the cows suffered if they neglected their job. But the two of them seemed to be in no hurry today, as they took turns swinging their buckets over their heads to see how far they could send the buckets into the air.

Rebecca hurried to Mamm's room, where she cleared the breakfast tray off the bed and fluffed the pillows. Her mother smiled gratefully and then closed her eyes to concentrate on the pain. "Laundry day," Mamm said.