I wasn't that surprised, not really, for women were always throwing themselves at Papa. Last year I had been in my room when I heard a terrible scream coming from the salon.

"Chri-i-ist is ri-i-isen!"

When I went running in, I had found Madame Lokhtina, wearing a bizarre white dress decorated all over with little ribbons, lunging at Papa. The force of this woman, a former society lioness who had abandoned her family and become Father's most rabid devotee, was so great, her determination so devilish, that she had ripped open Papa's pants and was hanging on to his member.

"You are Christ, I am your ewe, take me!" the woman screamed. "Take me, dear Chri-i-ist!"

"Off, you skunk!" Papa was beating on her head, trying to fend her off, and when he saw me, he shouted, "Help me, Maria! She's demanding sin and won't leave me alone!"

Now, approaching the bed, I realized in a second that it wasn't Madame Lokhtina, some anxious devotee, or even Countess Olga lying there peacefully. So who in the name of the Lord was it? I stepped closer and saw something familiar.

Oh, my G.o.d....

The body shifted like a languid lover awaiting some kind touch and tender kiss. Taking note of the short hair, I realized this was no woman. Instead it was perhaps the most beautiful and definitely the richest young man in all of Russia.

"Fedya?" I said.

For the past several months, Prince Felix Yusupov, or Fedya, as he warmly asked my sister and me to call him, had been visiting Papa nearly every day. Tall and fine-boned, with a narrow face, small mustache, and beautiful narrow eyes, the prince was particularly effeminate in both looks and manner, taking after the famed beauty of his mother, Princess Zinaida. He rolled over and smiled sweetly up at me.

"Oh, it's you, Maria. I was hoping for Father Grigori."

Speechless, I stared down at this scandalous creature now lolling in Papa's bed. Lurid stories of him abounded-everyone in the capital knew that on a number of occasions he'd dressed up in his mother's finest dresses and jewels and then visited the most expensive restaurants. There was even a story floating about that the King of England, upon spying the young prince in a diamond-studded dress in London, had made suggestive inquiries via one of his footmen. And even though Prince Yusupov, nearly thirty years of age, was now married to the Tsar's niece, Princess Irina, it was widely believed he still suffered from "grammatical errors." This, I had quietly a.s.sumed, was why the young man had become such a frequent visitor to our household: Surely Papa, who had treated a number of women for l.u.s.t, was likewise treating Prince Felix.

"So do tell me, child, where is your father?" said Prince Felix, lifting his bare arms from beneath the blanket and stretching.

Good G.o.d, I realized, quickly averting my eyes, he's not only in Papa's bed, he's lying there in nothing but his undergarments. Glancing over at a chair, I saw that the clothes so casually strewn there were actually Prince Felix's military shirt and pants and that his tall leather boots stood nearby on the floor.

"Has he gone out to hear some Gypsy music?" pressed the prince.

"I don't know," I replied, my voice faint.

"Really? You don't know if he's off at the Villa Rode? The Bear? If I knew where he was, perhaps I could catch up with him."

"I said I don't know."

"Well, if he's not at some restaurant, perhaps he's off with some princess, hmm? Or who else? What is it, my dear, why the silence? Why aren't you talking to your Fedya?"

Usually, I was quite friendly with the prince. Usually, we would talk for hours. Tonight, however, I kept my silence.

"I can see you're hiding something, Maria, my sweet. What is it? Is your papa off at the Palace in Tsarskoye?" He laughed and, with a devious twinkle in those slim delicate eyes, said, "Perhaps the better question is, where have you been? That's why you're so quiet, isn't it? Have you been off on a little affair of your own? Tell me everything. Have you a lover?"

"Fedya!"

"You do, don't you! Well, is he your first? Handsome? A soldier? I promise not to tell your father!"

"Please, Fedya, that's not it at all. It's just terribly late and-" I went to the window and looked down on the street; the motorcar was gone. "Did you see any of the security agents when you came?"

"Of course not. That's why I always come up the rear staircase into the kitchen-just to avoid them. Of course, my dear, you know it's best if I'm not seen coming here."

Actually, I didn't understand, for I agreed with those of my father's followers who thought it shameful that Prince Yusupov would only sneak into our home through the back way under the cover of night. What was wrong with sunlight and the front door?

"Now don't change the subject, my sweet Maria. Tell me about yourself and where you've-"

"What about Dunya? Was she here when you came? I'm quite worried-she's not here now, and-"

"Calm down, little one. Everything's all right. Dunya was here when I came. In fact, she was the one who let me in. But she was so tired, I sent her up to bed and told her I'd personally wait until Father Grigori returned."

"Oh."

I bowed my forehead into my palm. So everything was all right? Everyone was safe? But what about the guards-where were they? And who had chased me up the stairs?

"What is it, Maria? What's troubling you so?"

I turned around to see Prince Felix, wearing only an undershirt, underpants, and socks, climbing out of my father's bed. It was not the first time I had seen a man so scantily clothed, of course, for back home our entire family would traipse through the snow to cleanse ourselves at the banya banya-the sauna-while in summer we all bathed in the River Tura. It had all been quite natural and innocent, without the least impure thought. But somewhere I knew that Fedya's motives were anything but simple. I should have spun quickly away, but in the reddish light of the oil lamps, my eyes burned upon him. He was the first member of the n.o.bility I had ever seen so exposed, and I was transfixed by his long thin arms, which appeared as beautiful as they did weak, not to mention his skin, which looked astonishingly smooth and pure, without a single bruise or scar.

"Nothing," I replied, turning and averting my eyes. "Nothing at all. I...I just need to get some sleep." Behind me I heard the rustle of clothing as he dressed. "There's not much sense in your waiting for Papa. Knowing him, he won't be home until after the sun rises."

"I don't doubt that. But are you and Varya quite all right by yourselves?"

"I a.s.sure you, we're perfectly fine."

"Very well." He came up behind me in his stocking feet and hugged me. "But someday, my sweet one, you're going to have to tell your Fedya what you've been up to! Imagine, you out so late on your very own! And without an escort! Aren't you the little devil? But not to worry, I promise I won't tell your father!"

When he gave me a little squeeze, I flinched. Prying myself out of his grasp, I excused myself and hurried from my father's bedroom. Why didn't I trust Prince Felix? Papa certainly did. Indeed, my father seemed to be genuinely fond of him. One might even say that in the past months they had become close personal friends. Had my father, perhaps, seen and seized a chance to endear himself to another branch of the Tsar's extended family? Or was he in fact helping the prince deal with certain proclivities that didn't mesh with married life?

Knowing that Prince Felix would leave our flat via the rear door, I hurried down the hall to the kitchen, where I made a quick but somewhat feeble attempt at rinsing the blood from the sink. I then took the filthy coat over to the nook where Sasha lay and dropped the garment in a corner. Sasha looked up at me from Dunya's cot, his brow wrinkled with confusion.

"Not a word from you!" I whispered, as I pulled the curtain tight, hiding him behind it.

A moment later Prince Felix did indeed come into the kitchen, pulling his great reindeer coat over his shoulders as he made his way to the door. Slipping right up next to me, he leaned over and pressed his b.u.t.tery cheek against mine.

"Good night, my dear," he said, with a light but moist kiss. "I hear a flying angel flying angel just blew into town, so perhaps your father is out just blew into town, so perhaps your father is out rejoicing rejoicing."

Recognizing the code words of the Khlysty, Khlysty, I shuddered. What was Prince Felix implying? Exactly what was his business, tonight or anytime, with Papa? I shuddered. What was Prince Felix implying? Exactly what was his business, tonight or anytime, with Papa?

"In any case," continued the prince, "be sure to tell him his Fedya stopped by."

My voice faint, I replied, "Yes. I'll be sure to tell him."

And then he opened the rear door and slipped down the dark, narrow stairs as easily as a black-capped marmot into its frosty Siberian hole.

Because the Khlysty Khlysty were severely outlawed, their greatest oath was one of secrecy. For that reason, my father was the only person I knew who'd actually met someone who belonged to the sect. From bits and pieces of things Papa had said, I had come to understand that years upon years ago, when he had wandered the countryside on foot in search of G.o.d, he had drunk tea and eaten raisins with a small group of were severely outlawed, their greatest oath was one of secrecy. For that reason, my father was the only person I knew who'd actually met someone who belonged to the sect. From bits and pieces of things Papa had said, I had come to understand that years upon years ago, when he had wandered the countryside on foot in search of G.o.d, he had drunk tea and eaten raisins with a small group of Khlysty Khlysty. But while my father believed as they did in the concept of sin driving out sin-a concept that fit so neatly into our Russian soul-there had been nothing more to the encounter. My own mother had grilled him on the issue, and right to her face Papa had denied ever taking part in a Khlyst Khlyst ritual of rejoicing, when members would whirl and twirl themselves into a frenzy, eventually collapsing onto the floor. ritual of rejoicing, when members would whirl and twirl themselves into a frenzy, eventually collapsing onto the floor.

Whether or not Prince Felix knew that Papa was at the palace, the very fact that he had even insinuated that Papa was out "rejoicing" scared me to the bone. My father had already been accused and investigated for being a member of the sect, but what about Prince Felix? Could he belong to a local ark, a Khlyst Khlyst community of n.o.bles devoted to group sinning? Had a flying angel-one of their mysterious couriers who moved from ark to ark, keeping them all in secret contact-really just come to town? community of n.o.bles devoted to group sinning? Had a flying angel-one of their mysterious couriers who moved from ark to ark, keeping them all in secret contact-really just come to town?

I had heard many such rumors, that an ark of the highest-born personages gathered in the depths of some palace right here in the capital, some said even within the shadow of the Winter Palace. Others whispered that a certain Prince O'ksandr headed an ark that gathered beneath one of the Kremlin cathedrals. I had no idea what was true, but was Prince Yusupov, like Madame Lokhtina, who had been clutching my father's member and screaming that he was Christ and she was his ewe, seeking the penetration of my father as a way to sin, repent, and cleanse himself of his "grammatical errors"? I shuddered at the thought.

And yet...

I had witnessed how the Holy Spirit had come down upon Papa. Not only did he have the greatest of Christian gifts, the gift of healing hands, and not only did he possess second sight, but many women claimed he was also able to treat the sin of l.u.s.t. Was this the key to Papa's suddenly intense relationship with Prince Yusupov? Was he performing treatments upon the prince just as he would upon one of his female devotees? Was he trying to restore the purity of love between Prince Felix and Princess Irina, the Tsar's own niece?

I knew Papa would never speak of any of this, any more than I could ever bring myself to ask. But the prince, gossipy and open, would certainly tell me. And I could certainly broach the subject with him. In this night of extremes, I was determined to find out, and so I dashed over to the nook and peered around the curtain. Immediately, Sasha started to get up.

"No!" I whispered harshly. "Just stay there. I'll be right back!"

I hurried to the kitchen door, which I threw open. Without a cloak or even a shawl, I moved through the hall and to the top of the steep rear stairs.

"Fedya!" I called in a loud whisper. "Fedya, stop!"

Though I could hear his steps quickly descending, he apparently could not hear my voice. I charged downward. Why was Prince Felix-sole heir to an enormous fortune that included Rembrandts, Tiepolos, jewels like Marie Antoinette's, dozens of estates, and some 125 miles of the Caspian coast-so interested in a dirty peasant with a dirty reputation? What could someone so high and n.o.ble want from someone so low and uneducated? Had he found the same kind of love for my father that Empress Aleksandra Fyodorovna had?

Or did he mean to harm him?

After all, it was no secret that Prince Felix's mother, Princess Zinaida, was one of Rasputin's greatest enemies. She-the stunningly beautiful matriarch of Russia's richest family who was once one of the Empress's close friends-had essentially been banished from the palace because of her hatred for my father. Was Prince Felix keeping his visits to our apartment secret in order to deceive his mother, or, G.o.d forbid, were his visits perhaps under her shadowy auspices and part of a greater plot? Rejected by the Empress, Princess Zinaida had become, I'd heard, especially close to several of the Tsar's uncles, the very grand dukes who despised Rasputin and saw in him the ruination of the Romanov dynasty.

I flew down the dark narrow rear steps even more quickly than I had so recently come up the front staircase. No matter my haste, however, I couldn't catch the young prince. By the time I had descended from our third floor, the back door of the building was shut tight. Wiping the frosty ice from a window, I peered out. From the back I saw Prince Felix, wrapped in his heavy coat, moving quickly through an arched pa.s.sage, and the next instant he disappeared.

I was so tired and confused I didn't hesitate. Would Fedya really tell me all I wanted to know? I was just so close, I had to try. When I saw a loose brick on the floor, I grabbed it, used it to hold the rear door open for my return, and charged out. A small but very real part of my mind was sure that if I didn't find out tonight, I never would, and I hurried into the bitter night. My shoes crunched in the snow, my dress swung from side to side, and as I scurried through the rear archway and into the courtyard of another building, I saw him, his fur hat pulled snugly over his head.

"Fedya!"

But my voice disappeared, caught and blown away by a snowy wind. Prince Felix didn't stop, so I chased after him as he ducked to the left, following a small discreet alley.

We were never, ever allowed to go out with our heads uncovered, and my mother would have been furious had she seen me rushing hatless and cloakless through the terrible cold. But I paid no heed, felt nothing, not even when my feet slipped on the icy cobbles and I nearly tumbled into a s...o...b..nk. Hardly anyone knew this back way to and from our apartment, which was why the rear steps weren't guarded and why Prince Felix used it almost exclusively. I a.s.sumed he had parked his car or had a chauffeur waiting for him in some discreet location. And indeed, I caught another glimpse of his narrow figure as he made a final turn through a low pa.s.sage that led onto the small side street. Ducking, he moved on, reached the snow-covered sidewalk, and turned right.

"Fedya, stop! Stop!"

Running as fast as I could, I struggled to catch up with him. But just as he disappeared from sight, a long motorcar eased past the end of the archway. My heart immediately tensed. Wasn't that the very same touring car I had seen earlier, parked on our street?

Flushed once again with fear, I slowed, easing my way through the pa.s.sage. Stopping, I clasped the ice-cold stone walls and peered around the edge of the building. Yes, it was the same one, and it now pulled alongside Prince Felix and came to a stop. Sure that the man with the gun was about to leap out, I nearly screamed for Fedya to run. But the prince appeared not in the least bit apprehensive. Rather, it was as if he had been expecting the car. And he not only seemed to know the vehicle but also its occupant-not the man with the gun but someone altogether different, a tall handsome young man who climbed out of the rear seat. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing, for I knew him too. It was none other than the Tsar's twenty-five-year-old cousin, Grand Duke Dmitri Pavlovich, also clad in a military hat and greatcoat. An Olympic athlete and lover of fine automobiles, he was known about Petrograd as something of a rake and better known as the Tsar's favorite. The Empress had once loved him dearly as well but had come to feel otherwise, for she'd heard rumors of the young grand duke's drinking, of his late-night activities during wartime-and of his inappropriate affection for Prince Felix.

Of course, there had been great gossip about town of the relationship between these two young men who belonged to the very top tier of n.o.bility. At first and for one simple reason, the Tsar and Tsaritsa tried to ignore what they were hearing: Dmitri had become engaged to their eldest daughter, Olga Nikolaevna. When the sordid stories of Dmitri started cropping up, however, Aleksandra was so upset that she had forbidden the young grand duke from seeing Felix, even setting the secret police upon the two. Nevertheless, reports came back that her orders were being ignored. People had seen them together, tongues were wagging more than ever, and the Empress heard it all, both whisper and report of Dmitri and Felix drinking until morning, dancing, and inviting male ballet dancers into the private dining rooms of the Hotel Europe. Worse yet, when Dmitri moved into his own apartments in the Sergeeivski Palace, Felix not only helped him lavishly decorate his rooms but moved in with him for a while as well.

One night during those days I had accompanied Papa to the Aleksander Palace, where we dined with the royal family en famille. Afterward, over tea in the Maple Room, I had sat on a pillow at the feet of the Tsaritsa herself, and while she kindly stroked my tresses, I listened as she told Papa of the reports being circulated about the two young men. Upset by the dishonesty that would certainly be apparent in a marriage between Grand Duke Dmitri and Olga Nikolaevna, Papa minced no words-he strongly condemned the union. And the very next day Empress Aleksandra Fyodorovna quashed the royal engagement. Ever since, needless to say, Grand Duke Dmitri had viewed Rasputin as his archenemy.

Knowing this, I wasn't at all shocked when I spied Dmitri kissing Felix, not even Siberian style, three times on the cheeks, but kissing him quite fully on the lips. In the next moment, the grand duke took the prince by his gloved hand and pulled him into the dark backseat of his motorcar, and off they sped, either for a night of revelry among the Gypsies or perhaps a night of seduction.

Or was I all wrong? Just a few hours earlier, when Papa and I had been whisked off to Tsarskoye Selo, I had taken note of the grand duke's gorgeous red palace on the Fontanka. The huge windows had been ablaze with, I had a.s.sumed, a kind of inappropriate party, a gathering of n.o.bility flaunting their fine wines and rich meats while the rest of the city suffered shortages of simple bread. Prince Felix could have been there at the time. But what if I was mistaken? What if the palace was full not of drinkers and dancers and Gypsy musicians but of a party of plotters?

Trembling with terrible fright and cold, I turned and scurried home through the bl.u.s.tery night. This much I had learned: In my father's life it was as impossible to tell who was a friend as who was a lover, let alone who was an enemy.

Even worse, that truth seemed paramount for me as well, for when I returned to our apartment and checked the nook, Sasha was not resting on the cot. He had disappeared.

No one of good society talked of anything else but Rasputin and the need to do away with him. And yet no one took any action, not even the senior grand dukes! That was when and how we came up with the plan. We-a small group of young t.i.tled men-were dining in the Winter Garden at the Astoria Hotel, and suddenly Grand Duke Dmitri Pavlovich-the Tsar's own cousin-blurted it out: It was up to us to do the deed and save the dynasty.

Of course, everyone looked immediately to me, not only because of my connections but because they knew I was the only one who could successfully infiltrate Rasputin's home.

CHAPTER 6.

Ya spala kak ubeetaya-I slept like the dead.

Partly out of depression, partly because I was exhausted, I didn't rise until noon. And when I finally did get up, the first thing that came to mind was a question I couldn't ask a soul, let alone answer: Why had Sasha fled yet a second time? Immediately, a better question came to my mind: Why had I allowed him into our apartment in the first place?

Making my way to the kitchen, I found Dunya distraught about the blood smeared against our front door as well as around the sink. Obviously, I had not cleaned up well enough to deceive her thorough eyes.

Lying to Dunya for the first time ever, I said, "When I got home last night, one of Papa's pet.i.tioners was huddled against the door. He was bleeding badly, and the best I could do was wash him up and send him on his way."

"Oi," muttered Dunya, with a shake of her head. "Will people never leave your father alone? The poor man, he didn't return home until after ten this morning. I just hope he sleeps all the way until suppertime...or tomorrow!" muttered Dunya, with a shake of her head. "Will people never leave your father alone? The poor man, he didn't return home until after ten this morning. I just hope he sleeps all the way until suppertime...or tomorrow!"

Oh, Papa, I thought as I turned away. I took several steps toward the dining room, then stopped. I hated these days of rumor and innuendo, spy-mongering, war and death. How would it all end: in victory, defeat, or, as so many were whispering, revolution? I stood there shaking. One day the war would be over, but then what for me? Marriage-to whom? Children-how many? And what of Sasha? Would I ever see him again? Would I ever understand his secrets?

Suddenly I felt the arms of a woman, soft and gentle, encircling me.

"Why, child, what's the matter?" asked Dunya. "You're crying."

I spun around and clung to Dunya, burying my face in her deep, soft chest. If only I could have told her about Sasha.

"I'm afraid," I sobbed. "I'm afraid for us all."

"Shh, child," she said, kissing my forehead. "These are such difficult times, such dark days."

"But-" What, I wondered, did she know of broken hearts?

"Don't worry. Everything will get back to normal once the war is over. Right now, everything's just a little crazy and there are so many problems-there's not enough food, and this winter has been so horribly cold! Once G.o.d has granted us victory over the Germans, all will be well, you'll see. Trust me, you have many wonderful days and years ahead."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Why, just the other day your father confided that he'd had a vision of you-he said you would live a long and healthy life, and you would give him grandchildren, and you would accomplish many interesting things. Isn't that wonderful?"

"Really?" I replied, wondering if that meant I would marry for love and one day publish a book of poetry.

"Yes. He even said you would travel and live abroad."

"Live abroad? In another country?" I said with a bitter laugh as I wiped my eyes. "That's impossible. I don't ever want to leave Russia."