"We must hurry."

"I tell you the truth. I do!"

"I know, I know. But we're late and...and someone will notice us if we stand here much longer."

Madame Lokhtina flinched at the thought and glanced furtively up and down the street, searching the deep night for secret agents.

"Look!" she gasped. "I saw something move, a shadow! Someone's back there, someone's following us!"

I looked carefully but saw nothing, only a deserted street. "Come on, we must keep going."

Finally, she started moving, and as we pressed on she clung to my arm and babbled away, saying, "I will tell you the secret of tonight's activities, my child. Do you know it? Do you?"

"Well, I-"

"It's all about cleansing, of ridding yourself of darkness. Just remember, if you have a gla.s.s of dirty water there is no way to turn what is foul into clean. Even if you add some pure holy water, the water in the gla.s.s will be tainted. Satan is so powerful that only a drop of him can ruin all! So what can you do? You must first empty that gla.s.s!"

That made sense, I thought. I myself had never felt so dirty and in need of purification as I did now.

"You must cast away that soiled water, no matter how little or how much is in the gla.s.s! And only when you have flung it away, only when you have emptied the vessel, is there cleanliness and innocence, and then-and only then!-is there a sacred place for the freshest water to come in and be stored without contamination."

"I see," I replied, understanding not just in my head but in my heart as well.

Arm in arm, we scurried along, two women, one young, with boots crunching in the frost, and one old, her rag-swathed feet sweeping through the snow. When she tugged my arm, we turned right at the next street. A half block later we ducked down a side alley and wound our way through the middle of a block. Emerging on a major thoroughfare, we continued to the left. And so it went for at least a half hour. With a smile on my face, I thought how Papa would lock me up for this, being out so late and walking the dark streets with just another woman. But I didn't care. It all felt so liberating.

From time to time, Madame Lohktina would growl under her breath, "Christ is ri-i-isen! Chri-i-ist is ri-i-isen! Chri-i-i-i-ist is ri-i-i-isen!" And then, bubbling like a nervous brook from her lips, "Alleluia! Rivers, great rivers! And Christ, the Lord Sabbath! I have fear and love, great love! Help me, give a hand, help me! Alleluiaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Alleluiaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Suddenly, she jerked me to the right, into an alleyway wide enough for only one person. She stuffed me into this black hole, then peered back out, searching up and down the street. There was no one, of course. The last people I'd seen were several blocks back, a group of wounded soldiers huddled around an open fire.

Smashing me against the wall of the narrow pa.s.sage, she pressed past me, then s.n.a.t.c.hed me by the hand and pulled me on.

"Bistro!" Quickly, she commanded.

I could barely see, and half stumbled, half ran as I was dragged along. We went around one corner, another. As if we were entering a cave, the pa.s.sage became smaller and darker with every moment.

"Steps!"

That's indeed what came next, a waterfall of steep steps I nearly tumbled down and would have, had Madame Lokhtina not caught me and guided me. We turned one last corner, descended one last set of stairs. Finally, the two of us huffing, we stood before a heavy wooden door, against which she rapped once, then thrice, finally twice.

A voice from behind the door called, "Who flies this night?"

"Bozh'i-Liudi." G.o.d's People, she said.

"What did the prophets predict?"

"That Christ would descend upon us."

A heavy bolt was thrown aside and a thick door pulled open. We blew in like a cold gust, and the door was slammed behind us. Gazing around, I saw a handful of candles burning on the stone floor, and a stout man, whose head was covered with a white hood in which eyeholes were crudely cut. On his body he wore nothing but the plainest white flaxen gown, which hung all the way down to his bare feet. Reaching under his hood, he pulled out the end of his long gray beard and tugged on it. First he carefully studied Madame Lokhtina. Satisfied that she was one of theirs, he nodded his approval and pulled her past him, shoving her down a dark hall. When he turned to me, however, I immediately sensed his confusion, even fear. Almost at once he started shaking his head. Turning me to the side, he pulled away the heavy scarf covering my hair and examined my profile. Of course he didn't recognize me.

"Nyet, nyet, nyet!" came his deep, confident voice. came his deep, confident voice.

Almost at once his meaty hand emerged from beneath the gown and grabbed me by the shoulder. With his other hand, he reached for the heavy iron bolt and began sliding it open. In a panic, Madame Lokhtina leaped from the shadows.

"She is his!" she screamed.

The heavy man didn't care who I was or where I'd come from. All he knew was that I didn't belong down here, and with great speed and force he proceeded to heave open the door.

"Wait!" screamed Madame Lokhtina. "You don't understand!"

Of course he understood. I was not one of theirs. And I was not to be admitted, no matter what. As he pulled back the door, another gust of winter chill cascaded inward. Dear G.o.d, I thought, as the man grabbed me by the collar and made ready to hurl me out. I was fairly confident I could find my way home, but at this hour of the night I could only hope to do it safely and without incident.

Suddenly a second hooded man appeared out of nowhere, bellowing, "Wait!"

In the snap of a second I was jerked back. Once again the thick door was heaved shut and the iron bolt slammed into place. I turned around and stared at another man in a white hood and flaxen gown, this one not as tall or big as the first. Right behind him stood Madame Lokhtina, whispering in his ear. I heard nothing but one magical word.

"Doche." Daughter.

Yes, I was indeed his.

The shorter man nodded decisively, stating, "It is permitted!"

A smile on her dirty face, Madame Lokhtina burst forward and grabbed me by the hand. "Come with me, child!"

As I was pulled past the second man, I felt him staring at me from beneath his hood as if he knew me-and I, a.s.suming he was one of my father's followers, was sure he did. When he nodded distinctly and politely to me, I couldn't help but wonder if he'd eaten fish soup at our table.

Dragged along by Madame Lokhtina, I followed her down a narrow brick pa.s.sage lit by an occasional torch. Suddenly she stopped. In the flickering smoky light of one of the torches, she probed a wall with her filthy gnarled hands. When her splintered fingernails came across one particular brick, she nearly glowed with delight.

"Chri-i-ist is ri-i-isen," she crooned as she pressed on the brick. "Chri-i-ist is RI-I-ISEN!"

Like magic, a hidden door in the wall gave way, opening into a large chamber. Madame Lokhtina grabbed my right hand, squeezed it, and took me through, entering the hidden world of the Khlysty Khlysty. As my eyes swept from side to side, my body flushed with a weird kind of excitement. Here before me, buried in a lost cellar beneath Petrograd, were some thirty men and women, all dressed in long white gowns of flax and virtually nothing else, no pants, no dresses, no shoes or boots. In the sweet flickering light of beeswax candles, they swayed from side to side as a small choir chanted, "Our hearts are filled with joy, for seeing Christ has risen!"

In reply, Madame Lokhtina beat her chest in a cross and intoned, "Yes, indeed, He has!"

Still clutching my hand, she tugged me across the room. No one seemed to notice us as we traversed the s.p.a.ce. Indeed, all the believers were totally focused on one man, thin and bearded, his smile broad and happy, who stood at the front chanting a prayer. He was their leader, I presumed, and the head of this ark or, in the terms of the Khlysty Khlysty, the local Christ.

"In here," commanded Madame Lokhtina. "We must remove our clothes and put on holy garments!"

As she pulled me into a small side room lit by a single slim candle, I flushed with worry for the first time. Tossed on the floor were shoes and boots, pants and dresses. Off to one side, hanging from a hook, were a handful of white flaxen gowns. Dear Lord, I'd been only too happy to escape our apartment, but now what? What had I got myself into? All the old stories and rumors came flooding back. What if they were all true? What if the b.r.e.a.s.t.s of virgins were lopped off and eaten? What if virgins were pinned down and impregnated by all the men? What if the blood of virgins was drunk?

Bozhe moi, I thought in complete panic, what if I am the only virgin down in this hidden place? I thought in complete panic, what if I am the only virgin down in this hidden place?

"Get undressed! Hurry, child, they are waiting for you!" pressed Madame Lokhtina.

Waiting for me me? In a flash it was perfectly clear: I had no choice, there was no escaping. My hands trembling terribly, I reached slowly for the top b.u.t.tons of my dress, only to glance over to see Madame Lokhtina frantically undressing. As eager as a debutante to join a mazurka, she dropped her staff, tossed aside her absurd headgear, and started ripping away her dress. A moment later I spied her bony naked body darting around the small chamber. Oh, Lord, help me, I prayed as she clumsily tugged one of the gownlike shirts over her head and spindly neck.

Forgetting about me, Madame Lokhtina rushed from the room. Hearing the choir sing louder, faster, I peered around the corner and into the main chamber. The local Christ was calling and shouting out in great glee.

"Brothers! Sisters! Let us call down G.o.d!" he commanded as he lifted both hands to the heavens.

"Oh, Lord the Spirit!" screamed one woman.

"Oh, G.o.d the Father!" shouted a man.

"Oh, Holy One!"

"Come to us, Dear One!"

"Present Thyself!"

It was then that I saw not only several of the revelers studying me, their brows creased with disapproval, but also the first hooded man, the heavy one. Sealing the secret door, he turned his angry eyes upon at me. In one brusque movement, he pulled off his hood, revealing a fat, gray, and hairy face that looked none too pleased to see me in my regular clothes.

A deep voice to my side suddenly commanded, "You must cast away your European clothing and garb yourself in sermyaga! sermyaga!"

Gasping, I jumped back. Standing just inches from me was the second hooded man, the shorter one.

Jerking away from him, I replied, "Da, da!"

Retreating to the side room, I knew I had no choice. I had to undress and put on one of their coa.r.s.e peasant gowns. If I didn't, they'd know for certain I wasn't truly one of them-and then what? What would they do to an interloper? Far better that I try somehow to blend in. I huddled in a corner and started to shed my clothes. Oh, G.o.d, I thought, fearful that the second hooded man would come in as I undressed, terrified that he would corner and molest me. I now saw what an utter fool I'd been to come here.

Dressed in one of their plain flaxen gowns and shaking from head to toe, I emerged from the side room a few minutes later. Feeling my naked body rub against the loose rough cloth, I felt totally exposed in front of this group of sectarians and clasped my arms tightly across my chest. They wouldn't attack me, would they? The very idea of sacrificing myself in order to be proclaimed their Bogoroditsa Bogoroditsa-their Mother of G.o.d-was revolting. Surveying the room, I tried to spot Madame Lokhtina, hoping to find shelter in her protection. But when I heard a sob and saw her begin to whirl up at the front, I knew it was useless.

A strong hand grasped me from behind, the fingers sinking into my shoulder. I stifled a scream. It was the second of the hooded men.

His voice hushed, he ordered, "Do not tremble so!"

I tried to pull away but he wouldn't release me. Tears came to my eyes. Glancing to the front of the room, I saw the local Christ begin to whirl and cross himself. My heart started pounding, for the radeniye radeniye had begun. A huge whoop went up from the celebrants, and the choir started chanting faster, louder. had begun. A huge whoop went up from the celebrants, and the choir started chanting faster, louder.

"He will come!" shouted the local Christ as he whirled and whipped himself with a rag.

"We are ready!" shouted a man, jumping forward and starting to spin as well.

The hooded man pressed himself closer, whispering in the din to me, "Do not worry. There's nothing to be afraid of. You are one of us now, and that is good. We are all one family!"

Bozhe moi. I could hear the l.u.s.t in his hushed voice, sense it in his close presence, feel it in the warm breath that spilled over me. What did he want?

"Do not worry, Maria, I am here," he said. "Change will come soon, and soon you must run from the city, this Western seat, without looking back!"

I cowered in terror.

A woman screamed, "He will come to the People!"

Another shouted, "He is of us!"

"We are of Him!"

In the flickering candlelight the entire congregation leaped into the middle of the room, formed a large circle, and started slowly moving from right to left. The choir half cried, half sang some special song. In response, the throbbing congregation cried to the heavens. Someone started screaming. Two men slapped their knees to the beat of the chant. The local Christ shouted an incoherent prayer. Bit by bit, the circle of celebrants began to move faster and faster.

The hooded man took me by the arm. "Come, we must join them!"

I was shaking more than ever, and the tears rolled freely from my eyes. "Please, no! I can't! I...I..."

He stopped and gently, gingerly, touched me on the shoulder. "But there's nothing to fear!" He grabbed the top of his hood and started to pull it up. "Maria, I wouldn't let anything happen to you!"

First his chin appeared, then that sweet mouth. I couldn't believe it. And when I realized who it really was, when I saw him standing before me, I collapsed sobbing in his arms. It couldn't be.

"Sasha!"

"There's nothing to worry about! I'm here," he said desperately, wrapping his good arm around me and holding me and kissing me on the head. "Sweet one, my Maria, I won't let anyone hurt you!"

"But how..." I tried to talk but couldn't. "I mean, you're here.... How...what...oh, I thought...I thought-!"

"Everything's okay, even wonderful!" he said, with a huge grin.

"But how-"

"You mean you didn't know?"

"Know what?"

"That I'd be here, that I belong here? And who I am, and-don't you understand? Isn't that why you're here? Don't you know? I would have told you-I wanted to-but I couldn't. Secrecy is my greatest commandment."

"Sasha, what are you saying?"

"I'm a flying angel. I travel from ark to ark, carrying news and warnings to and from other groups. That's why I was going to your village when we first met, why I asked so many questions about your father, and that's why I had to flee so quickly-to carry the news of the attack on your father to the other groups."

"You mean you're not a revolutionary?"

"Of course I am! What does revolution mean but to turn, to whirl, to twirl? And that's what we must do, turn everything around. We must get rid of the foreigners. G.o.d and tsar, they are all that matters. Your father is remarkable, for he not only abhors wealth and possessions, he has done the impossible, he has made it to him, Tsar Batushka Batushka. Your father connects us as no other peasant ever has to the Almighty's Own Anointed!"

"But..."

One of the celebrants shouted, "Oh, the Spirit!"

"Descend upon us!" yelled another.

They were all singing now. And all dancing, too, moving, gyrating, always circling right to left, crying to the heavens, begging for mercy, delivery, love. One person whipped another person with a rag, the local Christ whipped himself, and Madame Lokhtina, sweat streaming down her face, shouted gibberish.

"And your arm-what happened? How were you hurt?" I asked.

"There are two arks here in Petrograd, and when I was visiting the other one, we were raided by the police. I shouldn't have come to your house-that put your family in danger-but I needed your father's healing...I needed you."

I hadn't realized how abandoned I had felt, how lonely and ordinary. But now...now he was here, and I kissed him. I fell into him and kissed his lips and mouth as deep and hard as I could.

Then Sasha grabbed me by the hand and pulled me forward, saying with a big smile, "We must dance!"

Yes, I was dirty and wanted to be cleansed. I wanted to be rid of everything but this moment. So dance we did, joining the group in joy and ecstasy. We all held hands and spun and cried out. I stared into Sasha's lovely brown eyes and saw them staring back. We turned and twisted. And as I moved and twirled I felt my worries and fears and impurities begin to lift from my shoulders. I stepped faster, spun more quickly, and, yes, I felt everything start to fly away, as if I were shedding something filthy and confusing.

Someone dropped from the group, falling into the middle on his knees and whipping himself with a wet rag. Sasha's head fell back, and he bellowed out something in Indian or in the language of Jerusalem.