October 11th 2013; 4:52pm

The breeze whistled through the turning leaves of the swaying trees, taking with it the ones that had given up. The sky looked weighed down with the rain that was to come; the sound of thunder cras.h.i.+ng from above caused an anxious feeling to settle in the pit of my stomach as I walked down the street.

I pulled my coat tighter around my body and s.h.i.+vered, hastening my steps as the thunder boomed again, so distant that it may or may not have been part of my imagination; with me, one could never tell. A knot formed in the back of my throat then, as I swiped at the beads of sweat that had formed on my forehead.

"I can do this," I muttered, shaking out my hands nervously "I can do this"

"Uh, no; you can't"

I shook out all other thoughts and focused on the tug of war going on in my head as I got closer to the house I had been searching for on Wallaby Street.

"Don't do it, Shay?" my rather stubborn side said icily, and I paused, glancing down the street at the rows of house before me; the rows of houses before I would get to his house "he's in the wrong"

"No he's not," my subconscious, the more reasonable part of my brain muttered "you can do this; just breathe"

Taking a deep breath, I continued nervously down the street.

"It's going to be a disaster"

"Everything will be fine"

I approached the house I had been looking for and turned into the driveway.

"He told you that you shouldn't have fallen in love with him"

"It's obvious he has feelings for you"

I walked up the steps and slowed down as I approached the huge, wooden door.

"It's not too late to change your mind; this could be disastrous"

"You're doing the right thing"

I let out a low breath as I froze in front of the door with my hand raised, ready to knock.

Was I doing the right thing? If I did this, eventually, time would catch up with him and I might lose him too; was I ready to go through that again?

Was it worth it?

I knocked.

Rubbing my palms together, I blew on them and waited for someone to answer the door, the nerves kicking as I contemplated ditching and getting the h.e.l.l out of there; the door opened then and Lexi's head popped out from behind it.

"Shay!" she screamed in surprise and excitement, yanking the door open and cras.h.i.+ng into me; she wrapped her tiny arms around my waist, or rather, my legs, and giggled. I laughed, glancing up from the adorable five-year-old when I heard the door open even further, a familiar woman staring at me in confusion.

Avian's mother.

She wasn't dressed in the formal office attire she'd been wearing that day, which is probably why hadn't recognized her immediately; instead, she had on a fitted red polo tee-s.h.i.+rt, a pair of jeans that were hidden behind an ap.r.o.n stained with some sort of icing sugar, and a pair of flip flops; however, I did recognize the blank look she was giving me, as though she wanted me off her porch and away from her daughter as fast as possible; I swallowed.

"I missed you, Shay"

Pus.h.i.+ng down the nerves that had been slowly inching their way forward as Avian's mother raised her brows, I dragged my gaze from her glare to meet the much softer inviting look that Lexi was staring up at me with.

"I missed you too," I smiled and ruffled her hair, before slowly glancing back up at Mrs. Carter.

"Who are you?" her voice was stern; she sounded as though she had just been deployed from working in the army although her eyes seemed weary, probably from suffering the cons of having a teenage son that didn't want to get better.

I stared at her; before I could utter a single word, Lexi grabbed onto my hand and tugged it excitedly.

"Mom, this is Shay," she smiled as she glanced up at her mother with a mischievous grin "Avian's girlfriend"

"Yeah, Avian's…" I froze, realizing what Lexi had just said. I snapped my head toward her but she'd already run toward her mother, squealing naughtily "I apologize," I smiled anxiously, glancing up to see Mrs. Carter's reaction "your son and I are just friends"

Avian's mother smiled then, and I tried hiding my shock at how easy that had been; a second ago, she had looked like she was ready to throw me as far away from her house as possible.

"I never get to meet any of his friends," she smiled as she stepped back, inviting me into her home "please, do come in"

I glanced in awe at the surroundings, hoping that she had no idea I had already been to the house and the fact that I had even slept over on various occasions; Lexi tugged on my arm fiercely.

"Come," Lexi said as she dragged me toward the kitchen, where the smell of fresh-out-of-the-oven cupcakes filled the room "we're baking" Lexi let go of my arm and grinned up at me "it's bake night"

I smiled as I glanced down apologetically at Lexi, before slowly shaking my head.

"I can't"

If anyone could win first place for the quickest change in emotion, Lexi would win hands down. I groaned inwardly as she pulled 'the took' with me then, her eyes going wide and a pout tugging on her bottom lip; she stared at me pleadingly.

"I have to go talk to your brother"

Lexi's look deepened; the brown eyes seeming to grow even larger and her lip tugged even lower.

"It's important"

She whined then, completely giving up on the look as I hadn't been buying it before she crossed her arms against her chest and frowned up at me.

"Lex, behave" I heard Mrs. Carter say but Lexi disregarded her mother, and stuck her tongue out at me.

"You're no fun" she muttered; my heart went out to her as I watched the frown deepen.

"Tell you what," I said, my smile growing "how about we bake cookies tomorrow, and you can teach me"

Lexi squealed then, her upset façade completely vanis.h.i.+ng; forget winning first place hands down, Lexi would take home the d.a.m.n grand prize. I heard Mrs. Carter walk toward us and I straightened myself instantly; I had just invited myself over without asking for her permission.

"If that's okay with you" I muttered to her nervously; she waved me off with a smile and took her daughter's hand in hers.

"It's fine," she smiled and motioned for Lexi to go back to the kitchen "Avian's up in his room. It's the last one on the right"

I thanked her then and she smiled, before disappearing into the kitchen.

"Not so much flour, Lexi," I heard Avian's mother say in a frustrated tone followed by the clanking of some sort of metal spoon.

"But it says to put in one hand full" I heard Lexi's tiny voice.

"Yeah, you put in three"

"I want more than one cupcake"

I laughed and headed toward the stairs, the real reason as to why I had come here in the first place dawning on me. I found the last room on the right, and instantly knew it was Avian's from the sound of rock music blaring on the other side of the door.

"Don't do it"

"Do it"

I let out a low breath and mustered up whatever courage I had, raising my hand and knocking carefully on the door.

The music stopped a few seconds after my hand had connected with the wood; I froze, slow nervous chills crawling up my spine.

"Come in," I heard him say and I ran my hands through my hair, shaking it out nervously; taking in a deep breath, I slowly opened the door.

Avian was sprawled across his bed in a black hoodie and some sweatpants; he was throwing a ball up in the air casually.

His eyes met mine.

In shock, he forgot about the ball he'd thrown up into the air, and gravity pulled it back down, right onto Avian's face.

I sn.i.g.g.e.red.

He groaned and rubbed the side of his face that had felt the ball's impact, before pulling himself up and sitting on the edge of the bed; I made no move toward him.

"Hey" he said quietly, glancing toward me; I smiled slightly.

"Hi"

There was silence, an awkward one where we weren't sure exactly what to say to the other. Slowly, I pushed myself off of the doorframe and sauntered over to where Avian sat, lowering myself onto the bed beside him.

Silence.

I took in a deep breath and turned to Avian.

"We need to talk"

Avian chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his neck.

"Whenever girls say that, it's usually never a good sign"

I laughed softly and rolled my eyes at him, biting my lip and glancing away.

"I'm sorry"

There was silence.

I heard Avian sigh so I dragged my gaze back to him; he ran his hands through his hair and gave me a small smile.

"It's fine, Shay," he started but I shook my head and held my hand up, silencing him.

"Wait," I said with a sigh, before glancing down at my fingers as I began to knead them nervously "don't speak, and don't think" I glanced up to look at him "just hear me out okay?"

Avian nodded, tucking his hands into the pocket of his hoodie as he stared at me expectantly; I drew in a deep breath and bit my lip anxiously.

"When Lolita died, my family fell apart," I swallowed "it was like, she'd been the glue holding us together" I glanced down at my fingers "the thin thread my family had been hanging onto tore the moment we got the news"

"Shay…"

"Avian," I said, glaring at him "just listen, for heaven's sake"

Avian clammed his mouth shut and smiled at me apologetically, nodding for me to go on. I drew a deep breath and glanced away from him.

"A couple of weeks before she died, my mother found out my dad had been cheating on her," I gritted my teeth irritably "he'd had an affair for the longest time with some wealthy s.l.u.t from his work, and she got pregnant."

Silence.

"I could tell they weren't the same anymore; they avoided each other at all costs, never spoke, didn't laugh or smile when the other was in the room" I sighed, "Lolita said they were still together because of us."

The only sounds that could be heard in the room where the sounds of our breathing; Avian slipped to the floor then and leaned his back up against the bedpost. I followed suit, and we stared at the patterns in the carpet as I continued.

"Then Lolita died and my dad didn't seem to care anymore about keeping our family together," I sighed bitterly "so he left us, married the pregnant wh.o.r.e, and completely forgot about us," I ran my hands through my hair "about me,"

Avian said nothing, so I continued.

"My mother, on the other hand, turned to alcohol to help her deal with all of it, and for the rest of the summer, she was always either drunk, mad or both" I pulled my knees to my chest and glanced at the carpet "She lost her job at the middle school, started bringing in different men every night to the house, and got violent."

"How violent?" I heard Avian murmur so I glanced at him.

The sting of a slap refreshed itself in my memory and I winced slightly.

"Violent," I shrugged, not wanting to get into those exact details "the point is, she went completely off the rails."

Avian was silent, watching me; I glanced back down.

"I felt like I didn't exist anymore; that no one cared about me anymore, so I decided to cut myself off," I sighed "the less people in my life, the less hurt there would be; I broke up with Alex, ignored my friends and kept to myself"

I glanced up at Avian.

"Then I met you," I shot Avian a small smile and continued "you're funny, cute and I thought you had no idea what happened that night,"

"But I did"

"Yeah, you did," I rolled my eyes at Avian "and you still treated me normally. You didn't act like there was something wrong with me like I was a broken fragile gla.s.s toy."

Avian laughed, causing me to smile; I shoved him playfully and asked him to be serious. He swallowed with a smile and nodded for me to go on.

"Then I found out about the tumor, and the fact that you didn't want to treat it,"

"Shay,"

I held out my hand, asking him to let me finish.

"And everything that had happened these past six months. .h.i.t me hard," I swallowed "my parents left, and after ending things with Alex and ignoring my best friends, I had no one"

Avian stared at me.

"Then I found you and now, I'm going to lose you too" I ran my hands through my hair "but this isn't about me, or what I want, so I've decided that I will support you, no matter what you choose to do."

Silence.

"What?"

I glanced up at Avian and he was looking at me as though seeing me for the first time; as though he was trying to figure out who I was or something.

I nodded with a reluctant smile, confirming my decisions; a hesitant feeling had settled within me as I smiled softly at Avian, and I realized that this wasn't at all what I wanted.

I wanted him to live, to stay with me, and to love me back.

Was I the one being selfish?

"You'd do that, for me?" Avian murmured then, his gaze fixated on the carpet as I stared at him.

Would I?

Over these past few weeks, I may have fallen way too deep in love with Avian, because the first answer to his questions was an immediate yes; however, what would that mean for me when the cancer won? Would I be able to handle it?

What would happen if I couldn't in fact, handle it?

Would it be just another repet.i.tion of history?

"Live in the now, Shay," my subconscious muttered; I glanced at Avian and nodded slowly, before running my hands nervously through my hair. As much as I wanted to think about what would happen after the tumor got worse, all I could think about in that moment was how intensely the brown-eyed boy sitting a few inches away from was staring at me.

Avian pushed himself to his knees then, brus.h.i.+ng his hands on his sweatpants before extending his hand out for me to take. Confused, I took his hand and he pulled me up, the force of his pull sending me cras.h.i.+ng straight into his chest. We didn't stand but stayed on our knees on the carpet, and I was glad that I had chosen to wear a pair of trousers to school that day.

Avian said nothing, but stared deeply into my eyes and it was when I felt him pick up my hands gently and carry them up to his shoulders where he set them down, that I realized just how intense our conversation had gotten. He stared at me, pulling my hands further and connecting them behind his neck.

My heart pounded heavily in my chest, the b.u.t.terflies fluttering in my stomach refusing to stay still as I stared back at him. Slowly, he raised his right hand, running it along the side of my thighs before raising it to my waist, and placing his arm around it, pulled my body closer to his. I held my breath then, scared to let any sound slip from my lips as he repeated the same action with his second hand; when both hands were wrapped firmly around my waist, he pulled me even closer and rested his forehead on mine, his mouth slightly open as he panted.

Avian leaned back slightly to stare into my eyes, and for some reason, I couldn't seem to look away; my heartbeat quickened as his eyes glanced down toward my lips; his grip on me tightened.

He kissed me then, pressing his lips slowly onto mine as though he was testing them. After about three seconds, he pulled back and looked at me, his eyes searching mine for some sort of response; I let out a low shaky breath, the b.u.t.terflies in my stomach seemingly gone crazy.

He smiled.

Avian kissed me again then, more fiercely this time and I caught my breath, completely caught off guard; it was magical, the way his lips connected with mine. Somehow amongst all the dizziness and lightheadedness that the boy holding me was causing me, it was though something in me had changed; like some irreversible bonding force was drawing Avian and I together like a magnet.

It was in that same moment that a warm feeling rushed through me; it was the kind of feeling that had you suddenly speechless, and a smile would suddenly, uncontrollably burst forth, the heart would start racing and words would be chosen very carefully.

It felt right.

And I didn't care that Avian had a tumor he didn't want to fight, and I didn't care that he would eventually leave me and that I would not be able to do anything about because, in that moment, all I cared was the two of us…together.

Avian's lips on mine, both of us completely alone.

At that moment, nothing else mattered.

"Shay," Avian pulled back reluctantly and glanced at me. I bit my lip and wondered what could be so important for him to stop a steamy make-out session. Avian smiled at me and ran both hands through my hair; the moment his fingers touched my scalp, they sent electrifying tingles down to my toes. Avian left his hands at the nape of my neck, teasing the strands of hair there.

I bit my lip again and glanced down distractedly at him; slowly, he pulled me towards him, his hands staying behind my neck as he planted a short sweet kiss on the corner of my lips. He put his lip to my ear and let out a low breath.

"I'm in love with you, Shay Hunter"

My breath got caught in my throat then, so I swallowed and pulled back to stare at Avian; he was smiling sincerely at me; he looked content, as though he had everything he ever wanted in that moment.

And I did too.

He placed his forehead on mine and brushed his lips lightly against mine

"I'm going to fight"