September 14th, 2013 5:26 pm

"You should aim to be successful but not too successful" Chimamanda Adichie's voice filled my room as I sat at my desk, before turning on my laptop.

I crossed my legs and tucked them under me, before putting my cheek on my knees. I watched my laptop boot, as I listened to the music coming from the stereo next to my bed, on the other side of the room.

"You look miserable," I heard Lolita say and I turned my head, staring at her as she sat on the window seat, a novel in her lap. The house was quiet, and I still hadn't seen my mother yet. At the moment, I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"I'm not," I smiled, as I typed in my pa.s.sword. She turned the page, not before glancing up and smiling knowingly at me "I'm just bored and anxiously dreading Rain and Angel's appearance."

"It won't be that bad" Lolita said, rolling her eyes as she chuckled. I smiled and opened up a new browser page.

"Yeah well," I said with a smile as I opened up Google.

"You wake up, flawless," Lolita sang along with Beyoncé, laying down on the window seat and placing her feet on the frame.

"Post up, flawless," I joined her as I nodded my head to the beat.

"Ride round in it, flawless" she put her hands above her head and smiled, waving her arms side to side.

"Flossing on that, flawless" I sang, laughing at Lolita's goofy dance steps. My phone buzzed then, interrupting me just as I was about to join Lolita in her dancing. I reached for it and opened up the text message from Rain.

"We can't come anymore. Something came up," I read the text out loud, glancing at Lolita to see if she was paying attention "We'll talk on Monday."

"It was probably something important" Lolita said as if trying to rea.s.sure me.

Truthfully, I wasn't sure if I felt relieved or disappointed. I guess a little part of me had been looking forward to the talk, while the rest of me dreaded it. Undeniably, I wanted my friends back but I wasn't ready to talk about what happened to them.

I locked the phone and slipped it into my pocket, before walking over to the bed and flopping down on it.

"I guess its takeout tonight" Lolita said, coming over to join me on the bed. We lay with our feet poised on the headboard and our heads at the foot of the bed.

"Yeah, I guess" I said, staring up at the ceiling. We lay for a while like that, listening to the music and letting it engulf us.

"Shay?" Lolita muttered quietly and dragging me from my musing.

"Hmm?" I murmured, turning my head to look at her. She had an amused smile on her face.

"You're vibrating" she said, glancing down at the sweatpants I was wearing. That was when I glanced down, only just then feeling the vibration as I reached down to pull my phone out.

I glanced at the unknown number on my screen, confused for a moment, before showing the screen to Lolita.

"Do you know this number?" I asked and she shook her head, before dragging her gaze from the screen and back to me.

"Well, answer it" she said, shaking her head at me and earning herself a flick. I pressed the call b.u.t.ton, and put the phone to my ears.

"h.e.l.lo?" I said quietly, Lolita staring at me questioningly.

"Hey Shay," a deep voice replied to me then, causing me to glance with a shrug at Lolita "It's Avian". Recognition dawned on me.

"Oh hey," I said in relief, running my hand through my hair "what's up?"

"Nothing," Lolita was looking at me like she was about to burst with questions. I m.u.f.fled my laughter, drawing my attention back to Avian "I was just calling about tomorrow"

"Oh yeah, you can come over," I said, Lolita's eyes widened in surprise. I could only imagine the thoughts going through her mind "How exactly are we going to portray the growth of bacteria?"

"That's just it," he paused then sighed "I can't come over anymore"

My heart sank and I wasn't sure why.

Lolita looked at me as though saying "okay, now I'm just confused"

I m.u.f.fled my laughter again, even though it felt like I was forcing happiness and dragged my attention back to the phone call.

"I have to go to an appointment with my mom so I won't be able to make it" he said. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair.

"It's totally fine," I said, swallowing the lump that had formed at the base of my throat "We'll just work on it in cla.s.s."

"Okay then," he said and let out a breath "so how did the 'talk' go?" I could tell he was smiling over the phone.

"They didn't show" I said, shrugging even though he couldn't see me.

"So they blew you off?" he said teasingly. I rolled my eyes and turned over onto my stomach, Lolita completely frustrated that I had ignored her.

"They did not! Rain said that something came up" I said, glancing at Lolita from the corner of my eyes.

"So something else important came up," he said, stretching the words as though he were talking to a two-year-old "and they blew you off"

I rolled my eyes and ran my tongue behind my teeth "You are blowing me off too."

He sighed and then went quiet for some time.

I cursed myself inwardly, wondering what was wrong with me.

Why did I say that?

"But it is fine cause it's your loss and Angel's and Rain's" I blabbed on, trying to find the will to shut my mouth.

He laughed then and I smiled, Lolita's expression going from shocked to completely surprised. She smirked and started making kissy noises at me.

"Shut up," I laughed, swatting away her lips when she started moving towards me.

"What did I do?" Avian laughed nervously and I face-palmed myself, remembering that Avian was still on the phone.

"I'm sorry, I was not referring to you" I said, giggling as Lolita tried to kiss me again.

"Oh, is there someone else there?" Avian asked and I stopped laughing, glancing at Lolita and telling her to shush.

What was I supposed to say?

"Kind of," I said slowly, glancing uncertainly at her. I wasn't ready to tell him about Lolita. At least not yet.

"What do you mean 'kind of'?" he asked, probably shaking his head at my lack of ability to communicate "It's a yes or no answer really"

I smiled and glanced at Lolita once more, deciding that I wasn't ready for him to know everything about me yet.

"Sort of," I said, laughing when he groaned. Suddenly, he went quiet and I pulled the phone away from my ear to look at it, wondering if he had cut it. He was still there.

"h.e.l.lo?" I asked uncertainly and I heard him sigh over the phone. I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding in and rolled onto my back.

"Is it a guy?" he asked and my eyes widened, my cheeks heating up in embarra.s.sment. What was I thinking? Of course he would think there was a guy with me, especially since I was being so secretive.

"No," I shrieked, before clearing my throat slightly and running a hand through my hair "No, it's not a guy."

"You'll tell me eventually," he said, his witty personality seeming to make another appearance. I doubted that but I didn't say anything, instead, I smiled and twirled the ends of my bangs on my forefinger.

"Sure thing," I said sarcastically "Eventually."

He laughed over the phone, causing a slow chill to run through me. I glanced at Lolita to see if she had noticed but she was sitting up on the bed, cross-legged with the novel in her lap. Neither of us said anything for a couple of seconds, before he slowly he cleared his throat.

"I have to go but I'll see you tomorrow okay?" he said, and I could hear him smiling "We'll figure out what to do for our project then"

"Okay," I said, a little sad that he was ending our conversation but a little relieved, partly so I could catch my breath.

I ended the call, and Lolita glanced knowingly at me. Not even sparing me feelings of embarra.s.sment, she raised her brows at me pointedly. Ignoring her, I saved his number in my phone, as Avian Carter.

"You like him," she sang teasingly as she stuck her tongue out at me.

"I do not," I said, sure that my cheeks had probably grown pink "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You can fool everyone, and even yourself," Lolita shrugged, smiling cheekily at me "but I know you too well."

"Shut up," I playfully shoved her and she laughed.

"Wait, is that the guy you slept with?" Lolita said suddenly, her eyes bulging.

"I did not sleep with him," I smacked her arm "we weren't even in the same room."

"So why are you blus.h.i.+ng?" Lolita poked my cheek, only causing me to go even redder.

"I am not" I buried my face in the pillow, the sound of her laughter bouncing around the room. She sighed before laying her head down on a pillow and returning to her novel.

As Lolita's words replayed in my head, another feeling ran through me but it wasn't chills. It was a warmth, a nervousness that ran through my body from my head to my toes, and back up, before settling uneasily in the pit of my stomach.

b.u.t.terflies.

At the moment, I could not decide if it was a good thing or if I liked it or not. One thing was clear though. I had feelings for a certain brown-haired, brown-eyed boy and he was the one who caused the b.u.t.terflies to show up in the first place.