"Grappling's out of my league. I'm a kickboxer, not a wrestler," she mumbles through her fingers. "I'm going to fail you."

Yeah, Haley needs time, but I'm not ready to give her s.p.a.ce. I pull on her hands and, when she refuses to look at me, I place my fingers under her chin and force her eyes to mine. They're gla.s.sy and in pain and I don't want any of that over me. "There's no possible way you can fail me. The fact that you believe in me enough to train me...to let me help you with your scholarship... You are not capable of failing." That's my arena.

She tilts her head and I brush my thumb against her cheek. Haley closes her eyes as if she enjoys my touch and when she reopens them, she struggles to smile. "This sort of feels like green."

"This is me being blue. Don't worry-you're still yellow."

Her eyes laugh for a brief second and I burn the sight into my memory. I withdraw my hand and Haley opens the pa.s.senger-side door, steps out and closes it behind her.

I roll down the pa.s.senger-side window. "Haley."

She raises her eyebrows.

I lean my shoulder against my door and grip the steering wheel. "You need time, that's fine, but we're no longer pretend dating. Not sure what it is, but we're more than that. Thought it'd be simpler if I made that clear."

With lines bunched around her eyes, she nods once but won't look at me. She turns for the house, takes two steps, then rushes back to the car. Haley swings the door open, grabs the roses, then blushes when our eyes meet. "You're right. I like guys that bring me flowers, but just so you know I am so still yellow. Okay?"

"Okay."

Haley slams the door shut and bolts for the house. I pull away feeling like a man who's flying.

Haley The door to the bathroom rattles, followed by three knocks. "Occupied!"

I undo the strings of my red half ap.r.o.n and wash my hands in the sink. The scent of pizza and pasta smothers me and my hair is horrifically frizzed from waltzing in and out of the steamy kitchen. This is not how I want to look or smell when I hop into West's SUV. I comb my fingers through my hair and it does nothing to tame the wild monstrosity.

The door rattles again. There's one bathroom each for men and women and someone obviously has to pee. The outfit isn't so bad: my best jeans and a dark blue b.u.t.ton-down shirt, but the hair...the lack of makeup...the fact I'm pathetic enough to care...

It's not like West and I won't be sweating, sweltering messes in an hour. But still, the past couple of weeks with West have been...well...nice. Last Friday night, West backed me up against the cage, he kissed me, made my body come alive, and now...he's letting me be yellow.

I barely recognize the silly grin sliding across my lips. Somehow West is reducing me to giggles and grins and b.u.t.terflies. There's hope for me being a girly-girl yet.

With a deep breath, I leave the bathroom and ignore the long line of angry-faced women doing the I-gotta-pee dance. It's not my fault they sucked down gallons of Diet c.o.ke. It's Friday and the restaurant is packed.

I walk out into the cool late March night and glance around the parking lot for West's SUV. My sigh materializes into a white mist and quickly evaporates. He's not here. I'm a few minutes early, but my tables paid and were out the door. If I stayed inside, my boss would have stuck me with more tables and then I would have been trapped for a minimum of thirty minutes, maybe longer.

To my right, a girl's shrill laughter echoes from the back of the building. A crowd lingers there and my stomach sinks. It's been months since they've hung out here-honestly since our breakup-but I have no doubt the back-alley loiterers are Matt and his crew.

I pivot on my heels, willing to take my chances on another table, when Matt emerges from the shadows.

West I finished the last item on my thin to-do list for Denny a half hour ago, but for the fourth time today, I sweep the stockroom. Guess with moving home, I could have quit, but I've stayed on as Denny's monkey for multiple reasons.

One, I need the money in case Dad changes his mind and throws me out again. Two, oddly enough, I like what I do here. I fix things. I'm useful. For once in my life I actually do something right. But the last reason, the most important reason, deals with Mom.

It's the fourth Friday of the month and six-fifty in the evening. Rachel had surgery last Friday and Mom was chained to her side. If life goes on as normal, I'm betting Mom pushed back the visit by a week, and all I want for my birthday is to discover why she visits.

My cell buzzes and I ignore it. My mother whispered a happy birthday to me this morning from the door of my bedroom when she left at five to see Rachel. Dad mumbled something as he left for work that sounded like an acknowledgment of my existence while I ate breakfast in the kitchen. My brothers and friends have texted their birthday wishes and the continuing texts have been from my closer friends-friends from my old life.

Most of the messages say the same things. Where have you been? There's a party tomorrow night. You've gotta come. It's been too long. Weeks ago, I would have, but with the fight looming a month away, my nights belong to Haley.

The door to the bar opens and Denny sticks in his head. Johnny Cash sings about a ring of fire and a woman's drunk laughter drifts with him into the room. "Have you become learning impaired or crippled since I last saw you?"

I continue to sweep the nonexistent dirt. "Got a point?"

"Yeah, you should have been done a half hour ago."

Our eyes meet and my heart beats once. Denny has never pushed me out. He has to be in on the secret. "I get paid by the hour."

The Vin Diesel stunt double shakes his head and widens the door. "He's not coming out so I guess you're going in."

My hands freeze on the broom handle and for a short second I expect my mother. Instead, Abby walks in with a Hostess CupCake on a plate and a single lit candle.

"Don't get delusional and think this means I like you," says Abby. "Because I don't. I'm being blackmailed and I don't appreciate it. I do the blackmailing, not the other way around."

Denny leans against the open door with his arms crossed over his chest and a smirk planted on his face. "You have the rest of the night off with full pay. Get the h.e.l.l out of my bar."

"How did you know?" I ask.

Denny gestures toward Abby and Abby holds up a cell. "Rachel."

Rachel. The two of them might as well have used razor blades against my soul. I take the phone and a moment before saying, "Hey."

"Happy birthday!" I can hear Rachel's smile. "Did Abby give you a piece of cake?"

I survey the prepackaged glob of sugar. "And a candle."

"Good. Make a wish and blow it out."

With an owner of a run-down bar and a drug dealer watching me, I stare at the burning candle and wish for Rachel's health, for her happiness and for her forgiveness. I release a breath and watch as smoke rises into the air. "It's done, Rach."

"I love you," she says.

Me, too. "Thanks." I'm not sure how to react when my eyes burn.

"Abby says you have a girlfriend."

Abby rocks her eyebrows when I glare at her. I sigh, not wanting to lie to Rachel, but the truth is, I like Haley. A lot. As much as I'm dying to see her naked, I'm just as content hanging out with her fully clothed. There's a strange tugging inside me and I try not to focus on it because that chaos scares the s.h.i.t out of me. "Yeah."

"I want to meet her."

"Maybe." I consider adding on "freakasaurus." I used to call Rachel that, but I lost the right to tease her months ago.

"I've got to go. A nurse walked in. Happy birthday again." She ends the call and I hand the cell to Abby.

In a whirl, Abby turns on Denny. "If you give me twenty dollars, I'll make sure he goes out the back."

With a look used by marine interrogators, Denny a.s.sesses Abby. "You better." He yanks a twenty out of his pocket, gives it to her, then leaves, slamming the door shut behind him.

"I'm not leaving," I say.

"Didn't expect you to think you would, but you will. And FYI-when you freak later because you rush out of here like your p.e.n.i.s is on fire and like your eyes have been sprayed with Mace, know I stayed to watch your mom's back. Then you will, once again, owe me. Since you're in good graces with Daddy, I'm thinking cash this time. In increments of lots of zeros."

"Don't hold your breath because I'm staying."

Abby c.o.c.ks her head. "Aren't you supposed to be meeting with Haley soon?"

"You do stalk me, don't you?"

"Don't flatter yourself. Everyone at school knows you and Matt will be going at it in April and that Haley's all Mr. Miyagi Karate Kid to your Daniel-san. Has she taught you wax on and wax off yet? If so, can you teach me? I'm totally ready to kick some a.s.s."

"Conner and I will be going at it, not me and Matt," I correct her, then ignore everything else.

There's a gleam in her eye I don't like. "Whatever you say. Check it out-I'm feeling generous today, so are you ready for your present?"

I hold out a hand, waiting for her worst.

"Okay, this isn't your present, but it's important. Matt figured out your weakness."

This ought to be funny since the only weakness I have at the moment is Rachel and no one at school besides Jessica and Abby knows I'm a trust fund Young. "What does he think it is?"

"Haley," she says in a "duh." "A blind man could see you falling for the girl with your long a.s.s stares and tongue hanging out of your mouth. Matt and his crew are chilling at Haley's place of employment tonight and his birthday gift to you is to rattle her."

The broom snaps against the floor as I drop it. "How do you know this?"

"I told you already-there isn't much that happens in my territory that I don't know."

I step for the back door and Abby grabs me. "I haven't given you your birthday present."

"I don't give a f.u.c.k about a present." I need to get to Haley.

Abby clings to me and stares straight into my eyes, not caring I'll haul her a.s.s with me in order to protect my girl. "It's your mom," she says in a rush. "She's not having an affair. She comes here to see her brother."

Haley Matt has a girl draped on his arm. She's a genuine bikini-wearing, sign-strutting Octagon Bunny from the fights. Blond hair, big b.r.e.a.s.t.s and very much a girly-girl. Her laughter fades the moment she spots me.

The three of us eye each other and I hate the seasickness of seeing him with someone else. Once upon a time, regardless of what happened between us at the end, I cared for Matt. I briefly close my eyes and suck in a deep breath. I lost my virginity to him and now he's doing that. I'm consumed with the need to take a hot shower and scrub my skin off.

Because I don't live under a rock, I've heard the rumors of how he's done it with every girl backward, sideways and forward since we broke up. Matt terrifies me and I hate him, but as she winds her arm tighter around his, nausea causes me to turn away and head to the front of the building. When I'm far enough away, I drop to the curb.

"You broke up with me." With his hands shoved in his pockets, Matt's a good six feet away and the Octagon Bunny is nowhere in sight.

"Stay where you are." Because the thought of him any closer causes my hands to tremble.

I consider standing, but my knees have that weak feeling. I'm in public. If Matt comes near me, I can scream and he'll walk away. I wrap my arms around my body, to keep myself warm, to keep myself intact. With each rock, I repeat the mantra: I'm safe.

Matt sinks to his portion of the curb, maintaining the make-believe restraining order. "I saw the pain on your face when you looked at her. I don't like hurting you."

My mind warps and separates, then crashes together. I bend over as I laugh. It's manic and maddening and I try to shove the hysterical giggles back in as I slap a hand over my mouth, but they won't stop. I shed blood because of him. I lost my family over him. He has done more than hurt me; he's destroyed me.

The laughter runs dry and I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the need to cry. "She doesn't bother me."

It's the truth. The nausea-it's not from seeing him with her. It's from hating myself. How could I ever have loved somebody like him? How could I have given him something as sacred as my virginity?

"She bothered you," he insists. "I f.u.c.ked up with us. I know it and I'm sorry. If you give us another chance, I swear, I'll be different."

I shake my head before he finishes. "I'm with West." Even if it is pretend or not pretend or this strange middle ground purgatory, I'm with him and I've never spoken sweeter words.

There's silence between us and two cars drive by.

"Your story isn't panning out, Haley. If it was true, then someone would have seen West leave the store and go after Conner that night, or would have known that you and West were a couple. I've asked around. No one knows him except for a small-time weed dealer. Dating a pothead isn't your style. You need to end this lie and stop protecting Jax and Kaden."

The muscles in the back of my neck tighten. Fabulous-West smokes pot, but to be honest, what do I know about him? We've told each other things, in the middle of the night, in a raw moment where lying felt impossible. We admitted truths you don't say aloud or to other people, but we've never actually learned anything about the other.

Maybe that's why I'm attracted to West. Maybe that's why I like the game we play. He's anonymous and so am I. "If I'm lying, then so is your brother. Are you ready to admit Conner is capable of not telling the truth?"

Matt's head snaps in my direction and I have to fight to keep from scrambling away from him. We're in public. I'm safe. Please let me be safe.

"Aren't you tired of arguing over the same old s.h.i.t?" Matt rubs his anger off his face with the b.a.l.l.s of his hands and tries again. "Break up with West and I'll call this whole thing off. No fight and no going after Jax and Kaden. Consider this a blank slate."

"I never told them," I whisper. "About what happened between me and you."

"I know." His shoulders roll forward. "Figured you didn't when they didn't show at my front door."

"They would have come after you and you would have retaliated." And it never would have stopped. They'd go after him and he'd jump them in return. It would have been a b.l.o.o.d.y, endless cycle. I glance at him, begging him to give me this. To know that all the sacrifices I've made haven't been in vain.

Matt pops his neck to the side. "I am who I am, Haley. I can't change that."

A brief moment of justification and I hold on to it tight. I did have a right to be afraid for Kaden and Jax.

I process Matt's offer and I'm terrified to inhale. This is what I've been hoping for. "That's it? Break up with West and no repercussions? No one jumps West or Jax or Kaden or anyone over what happened with Conner? Bygones are bygones?"

"You've got my word."

I'm almost dizzy. Is it possible one thing is going right in my life? But then a horrid pain slashes through my chest-this means giving up West, walking away from West. Everything within me plummets. Oh, G.o.d, I don't just have feelings for West. I've fallen for him.

Matt watches me intently. Too intently. There's more to this deal-a deal I should accept, but don't think that I can. "For real, that's it?"

Matt rests his arms on his knees and joins his hands together. "Come back to me. I liked who I was when I was with you. I liked how you made me feel-like I was somebody worth caring about. If you try and it doesn't work, then it doesn't work, but at least try. It'll be different-I'll be different-I swear."

West I slam THE SUV's door and stalk to where Haley sits on the curb, but I keep my eyes glued on Matt. There's a pulsating in my blood that begs for a fight. He's done something to her. She's shocked out, pale as a ghost and her f.u.c.king hands are trembling.

"Is there a problem here?"

Matt surveys me with boredom from his spot on the curb. "Only if you make something of it. Are you man enough or are you going to continue to hide behind Haley?"

"I'm game." A smile stretches across my face. "I've got the b.a.l.l.s, what about you?"

I've been dying for this moment since my first day of school. To h.e.l.l with the fight next month, I'm ready to finish this. I stride past Haley and a tug on my wrist pulls me to a stop. I glance down and she grabs on to me with both hands. "Not here. Not now."

"Haley," I say, utterly exasperated and p.i.s.sed. I've never had anyone doubt my strength as much as she has. I'm over her a.s.sumption that I'm weak and done with her thinking I don't care enough to lay down my life for her. "I can take him."