But that will never happen now.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked Lilly. I wasn't mad, really. Too much time had pa.s.sed-and water gone under the bridge-for me to be mad. I was just curious, more than anything.

"Oh, what," Lilly said, letting out a sarcastic laugh, "you're the one who started going out with him the day he dumped me, practically-dumped me for you, by the way."

"He did not dump you for me," I said, shaking my head. "That's not how it happened."

"I beg your pardon," Lilly said. "I was there, you were not. I think I would know. J.P. most a.s.suredly dumped me because, as he said, and I quote, he was hopelessly in love with you. I didn't mention that part, did I, the day I told you about our breakup?"

I stared at her, feeling color creep up my face. "No-"

"Well, that's what he told me. That he was dumping me like a hot potato the minute it looked like things were over with you and Michael because now he, quote, had a chance with you, unquote. But I told him there was no way in h.e.l.l my best friend would ever give him the time of day, because you would never do something like go out with the guy who'd broken my heart." Her look of disgust deepened. "Oh, but...I guess I was wrong about that, wasn't I?"

I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe it. J.P.? J.P. had told Lilly he loved me...before he and I had even started going out? J.P. had dumped Lilly because I'd become available?

That was worse-way worse-than calling the paps on me, and telling them where I'd be having dinner.

Or getting a publisher to agree to print my book without even having read it.

"Don't try to deny it, Mia," Lilly went on, her upper lip curling. "Not five minutes after I told you about our breakup-our next cla.s.s period, practically-I saw you two kissing."

"That was a mistake!" I cried. "He turned his head at the last minute!" On purpose, I knew now, beyond a shadow of a doubt.

But then, I shouldn't have been flinging my arms around boys in the hallway, anyway.

"Oh, and it was a mistake that you two went out on a date the same night my brother left for j.a.pan?" she asked, with a sneer.

"It wasn't a date," I said. "We went as friends."

"That's not how the press saw it," Lilly said, shaking her head.

"The press?" I inhaled, a single, horrified breath as the truth finally sunk in...after twenty-one long months. "Oh, G.o.d. He called them that night. The night we went to see Beauty and the Beast. That's why the paparazzi showed up. J.P. called them himself."

"Oh, NOW you finally realize it." Lilly shook her head. Now that the blindfold had been lifted from my eyes at last, she'd stopped looking so disgusted. "He played us both. He only went out with me because it was a way to be closer to you...although I'm not entirely sure what sleeping with me had to do with you-"

"Oh my G.o.d!" That's when all the bones in my body turned into jelly and I had to sit down before I fell down. I collapsed onto one of the velvet couches the Waldorf-Astoria hotel staff had helpfully supplied for this purpose, and sunk my head into my hands.

Also, I would just like to add, I knew it! I knew they Did It! Way back in the beginning of eleventh grade, I knew it.

"Lilly!" I cried. "You told me you never slept with him! I specifically asked you, and you said he could have taken advantage, and he never did!"

"Yeah," Lilly said, sinking down beside me and slumping against the wall. Her face was devoid of expression. "Well, I lied. I still had some pride, I guess. And anyway, it's not like I didn't get something out of it, too. I was totally warm for the guy's form. I just would have appreciated it if, in the end, he wouldn't have turned out to be l.u.s.ting for my best friend the whole time."

"Oh my G.o.d," I said, again. I was having a whole lot of trouble picturing J.P. and my best friend-Lilly-doing...well. That.

Also, what about all those times J.P. said he was a virgin, just like me? About how he was so glad he'd waited for the right girl, and how that girl was me? J.P. Reynolds-Abernathy IV's Big Fat Lie Number Four. Or was it Five, now? Wow, he was going to start beating my lying record soon.

"Lilly," I said. My heart felt like it was twisting in my chest, I felt so bad. Not for myself. For Lilly. I understood now. Everything...even about ihatemiathermopolis.com. This didn't make it right.

But it made it more understandable.

"I'm so, so sorry," I said, reaching out to take her hand, with its black-painted nails. "I had no idea. And...well, about the other thing. Him dumping you for me. I had no idea about that, either. Honestly, though...why didn't you just tell me?"

"Mia, come on." Lilly shook her head. "Why should I have had to? As my best friend, shouldn't my ex have been off-limits? You should have known better. And what were you doing, breaking up with my brother over that dumb Judith Gershner thing in the first place? That was just so...psychotic. Most of the beginning of last year, you were psychotic."

I bit my lower lip. "Yeah," I said. "I know. But the things you did didn't help, you know."

"I know," Lilly said. When I glanced at her, I saw there were tears in her eyes. "I guess I was pretty psychotic, too. I...well, I loved him, you know. And he dumped me for you. And I...I was just so angry with you. And you were being so stupidly blind about who he really was. But...you seemed happy. And by then I had Kenny, and I was happy...and well, I figured maybe now that he had you, J.P. would be better...how do you apologize for something like that...what I did?"

She looked at me and shrugged helplessly. I looked back at her, my own eyes filled with tears, as well.

"But, Lilly," I said, sniffling a little. "I missed you. I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too," Lilly said back. "Even though I kind of hated your guts for a while."

This made me sniffle harder.

"I hated your guts, too," I said.

"Well," Lilly said, the tears sparkling like jewels in the corners of her eyes. "We both acted like idiots."

"Because we let a boy come between our friendship?"

"Two boys," Lilly said. "J.P. and my brother."

"Yeah," I said. "Maybe we should agree never to do that again."

"Agreed," Lilly said, and snagged my pinky with hers. We pinky swore. Then, sobbing a little, we hugged.

And it's weird. She doesn't smell like her brother.

But she smells really good, just the same. She smells like something that reminds me of...well, of home.

"Now," Lilly said, wiping tears from her eyes with the backs of her hands, when she let go of me. "I have to get back to the party, before Kenny blows something up."

"Okay," I said, with a shaky laugh. "I'll be right out. I just need...I just need a minute."

"See you later, POG," Lilly said.

I can't even tell you how good it felt to hear her call me that. Even though I used to hate it. I couldn't help laughing as I wiped away my own tears.

And she got up and left, just as two girls who looked only kind of familiar to me came in and went, "Oh my G.o.d, aren't you, like, Mia Thermopolis?"

And I was like, "Yeah." What now? Seriously. I don't know how much more I can take.

And they went, "You better get back out there. People are looking for you. Everyone is saying they're going to name you prom queen. They're just, like, waiting for you to come back out so they can start the ceremony."

So. Yeah. Looks like I'm prom queen.

Sadly, if J.P. is prom king, he's in for a big surprise.

Sunday, May 7, midnight, limo on the way downtown I walked out of the ladies' room and sure enough, they were calling out the names of the Albert Einstein High School prom king and queen: J.P. Reynolds-Abernathy IV and Mia Thermopolis.

I'm not even kidding.

How did I go from the geekiest girl in the whole school my freshman year to prom queen my senior year? I don't get it.

I guess turning out to be a princess might have helped.

But I don't think that had all that much to do with it, really.

J.P. came through the crowd and found me and smilingly took my hand and steered me up to the stage where the lights were shining so brightly down on us. Everyone was screaming. Princ.i.p.al Gupta handed him a plastic scepter and put a rhinestone tiara on my head. Then she made a speech about positive moral values and how we exemplified them, and how everyone should look up to us.

Which was a pretty big joke, if you consider what we'd both planned on doing after the prom. Oh, and what I'd been doing in an old-timey horse carriage yesterday with my ex.

Then J.P. grabbed me and dipped my body back and kissed me, and everyone cheered.

And I let him because I didn't want to embarra.s.s him by having Lars taser him right there in front of the entire senior cla.s.s.

Although that's really what I felt like doing.

Except if you think about it, it's not like I'm all that morally superior to him. I mean, I'm wearing his ring, and I'm not a bit in love with him. At least, anymore. And I lie all the time, too.

Except that my lies were to make people feel better.

His lies? Not so much.

But at least I intend to do something about it.

Anyway, right after our kiss, a lot of balloons came down from the ceiling and the DJ put on a super fast punk version of The Cars' "Let the Good Times Roll," and everyone started dancing like mad.

Except for me and J.P.

That's because I pulled him off the stage and said, "We need to talk."

Only I had to shout it to be heard above the music.

I don't know what J.P. thought I said, but he went, "Great, yeah, okay, let's go."

I guess he was in a really good mood on account of being made prom king. Our whole way out of the ballroom, we kept getting congratulated by all the girls, and J.P. kept getting high-fived by all the guys-when he wasn't getting chest-b.u.mped, like by Lana's Westpointer date-for his mad prom king skills. That made our progress out the doors to the lobby, where it was quieter, very slow.

But we finally made it.

"Look, J.P.," I said, dragging the plastic tiara off my head. It was really uncomfortable and I'm sure had ruined my pretty hairdo. But I didn't care. I checked to make sure Lars was nearby. He was, sticking his fingers in his ears to check his hearing, which he apparently feared had been damaged by the din inside the ballroom. "I'm really sorry about this."

The thing is, Dad had only said I had to go to the prom with J.P. And as far as I was concerned, the prom was over now. I mean, they'd crowned the king and queen. So, I felt like that meant the evening was complete.

Which meant, as far as J.P. was concerned, I was done.

"Sorry about what?" J.P. had walked me over toward a bank of elevators. I had no idea why at the time, because the hotel exit was on the ground floor, and so was the ballroom. But later, I figured it out. "This is actually the perfect time to leave. That music was driving me crazy. I don't know what's wrong with a little Josh Groban. And there's no better time to go than with everybody wanting more, right? How's your foot? Does it still hurt? Look-" He dropped his voice. "Shouldn't you tell Lars he can go now? I can take it from here." He smiled knowingly, then stabbed the elevator b.u.t.ton UP.

I had no idea what he was doing. Or what he was talking about. At least, not then. I was completely focused on what I had to do.

"It's just," I said. I didn't want to hurt him. Grandmere had given me a speech to use for letting down suitors gently.

But honestly. What he'd done to Lilly? That was unforgivable. And I didn't see any reason to let him down gently.

"I think it's time we were honest with each other," I said. "Really honest. I know it's you who's been calling the paparazzi every time we go out. I can't prove it, but it's pretty obvious. I don't know why you do it. Maybe you think it's good publicity for your future career as a writer or something. I don't know. But I don't like it. And I'm not going to put up with it anymore."

J.P. looked down at me with a shocked expression on his face. He said, "Mia. What are you talking about?"

"And the thing with the play?" I shook my head. "J.P., you wrote an entire play about me. How could you do that-drag my personal life, like the thing with the s.e.xy dancing, out into the public like that-and let Sean Penn make a movie out of it? If you really loved me, you'd never do something like that. I once wrote a short story about you, but that was before I got to know you, and once I did get to know you, I had all the copies of it destroyed, because it's not fair to take advantage of people that way."

J.P.'s jaw dropped a little lower. He started shaking his head. "Mia. I wrote that play for us. To let the world know how happy we are-how much I love you-"

"And that's another thing," I said. "If you love me so much, how come you've never read my book? I'm not saying it's the greatest book in the world, but you've had it a week, and you still haven't read it. You couldn't have skimmed it, and told me what you thought? I appreciate your trying to get me this fantastic book deal, which I don't need because I already got one on my own, but you couldn't have glanced at it?"

"Mia." Now J.P. was starting to look defensive. "This again? You know I've been busy. We had finals. And I was in rehearsal-"

"Yeah." I folded my arms across my chest. "I know. You've told me. You have a lot of excuses. But I'm curious to know what your excuse is for why you lied about the hotel room."

He took his hands out of his pockets and spread his palms, face out, toward me, in the age-old gesture of innocence. "Mia, I don't know what you're talking about!"

"The rooms in this hotel were sold out weeks ago. Seriously, J.P." I shook my head. "There's no way you called this week and got a room. Be honest. You made the reservation months ago, didn't you? You just a.s.sumed you and I would be hooking up tonight."

J.P. dropped his hands. He also dropped the pretense.

"What's so wrong with that?" he wanted to know. "Mia, I know how you and your friends talk about prom night-and everything that entails. I wanted to make it special for you. So that makes me a bad guy all of a sudden?"

"Yeah," I said. "Because you weren't honest with me about it. And, okay, J.P., I wasn't honest with you about a lot of stuff either, like about the colleges I got into and my feelings and...well, a lot of stuff. But this was big. I mean, you lied to me about why you broke up with Lilly. You told her you loved me! That's the whole reason she was so mad at me for so long, and you knew it, and you never told me!"

J.P. just shook his head. Shook it a lot.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said. "If you've been talking to Lilly-"

"J.P.," I said. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe what he was saying. I couldn't believe he was lying. To my face! I'm a liar. I'm the princess of liars. And he was trying to lie to me? About something that mattered this much? How dare he! "Stop lying. Lilly and I are friends again. She told me everything. She told me you slept with her! J.P., you aren't a virgin at all. You were never saving yourself for me. You slept with her! And you never thought that was something you ought to mention to me? How many girls have you slept with, J.P.? I mean, really?"

J.P.'s face was turning so red it was almost purple. Still, he kept trying to salvage the situation. As if there were anything left to salvage.

"Why would you believe her?" J.P. cried, shaking his head some more. "After what she did to you? That website she made up? And you believe her? Mia-are you crazy?"

"No," I said. "One thing I absolutely am not, J.P., is crazy. Lilly made up that website because she was angry. Angry at me, for not being a better friend to her. And yes...I believe her. You're the one I can't believe, J.P. Just how many lies have you told me since we started going out?"

He stopped shaking his head. Then he said, "Mia-"

And he looked...well, terrified is the only word I can think of to describe it.

Just then, the elevator doors opened in front of us. And Lars came over to check to make sure the car was empty. Then he asked dryly, "You two aren't going anywhere, correct?"