What I want to say is...why? Why are you being so nice to me?

Maybe I'll ask her brother at lunch tomorrow. I mean, if he knows. After I warn him about my cold. And to stay far away from me.

Anyway.

It feels so weird to be wandering around the halls of this place while everyone else is in cla.s.s. Princ.i.p.al Gupta totally saw me, too, but she didn't say anything like, "Why aren't you in cla.s.s, Mia? Do you have a pa.s.s?" She was just like, "Oh, h.e.l.lo, Mia," and kept walking by, all distracted. Clearly, she was worrying about graduation (So am I-WHAT COLLEGE AM I GOING TO CHOOSE???) or whatever, and had more pressing matters on her mind than why a princess was roaming around in the halls of her school.

Either that, or I didn't look like much of a threat. I guess that's what happens when you're a graduating senior.

With a bodyguard in tow.

Maybe someday I'll write a book about this. A senior girl, experiencing conflicting emotions as she cleans out her locker, saying good-bye to the place of higher education she's known so long...her love/hate relationship with it...She wants to leave it, and yet...she's afraid to leave it, to spread her wings and start anew somewhere else. She hates the long, gray, smelly hallways, and yet...she loves them, too. I mean, in a way.

Einstein Lions, we're for you Come on, be bold, come on, be bold, come on, be bold Einstein Lions, we're for you Blue and gold, blue and gold, blue and gold Einstein Lions, we're for you We've got a team no one else can ever tame Einstein Lions, we're for you Let's win this game!

Good-bye, AEHS. You suck. I hate you.

And yet...somehow I'll miss you, too.

Thursday, May 4, 6 p.m., the loft Dear Ms. Delacroix, Enclosed please find your ma.n.u.script, which we are sorry to say we do not believe is the right fit for us at this time. We wish you the best of luck placing it elsewhere.

Sincerely,

Heartland Romance Publications

I had to hide the above from J.P., who's here right now. He came over after school today. It's the first time in months he didn't have play rehearsal or I didn't have princess lessons or one of us didn't have therapy.

So. He came over.

He's out in the living room right now, talking to Mom and Mr. G about his movie deal. I'm "changing for Boris's concert."

But, obviously I'm not. I'm writing about what happened when he came over instead. Which is that I totally tried VERY VERY HARD to get my MHCs to respond to his. I did this by doing what Tina did, when she saw Boris in his swimsuit.

Yes. I jumped his bones.

Or I tried to, anyway. I just figured, if I could get J.P. to kiss me-really kiss me, the way Michael used to, when we were having a heavy-duty make-out session in his dorm room-maybe everything would be all right. Maybe I wouldn't have to worry about pretending I have a cold tomorrow when I have lunch with Michael. Maybe I won't be so super attracted to him anymore.

But it didn't work.

Not that J.P. pushed me away, or anything. He kissed me back, and stuff. He tried. He really did try.

But he kept stopping every thirty seconds or so to talk about his movie deal.

I'm not even joking.

Like about how "Sean" had asked him to write the screenplay. (I guess a screenplay isn't the same as writing a play. J.P. has to rewrite the whole thing from scratch now, in a different computer program.) And how J.P. is seriously considering moving out "to the Coast" so he can be there for the filming.

He's even debating putting school off for a year so he can work on the movie. Because you can go to school any time.

But you can only be one of the hottest young screenwriters in Hollywood once.

Anyway, he asked me to come with him. Out to Hollywood.

This completely killed the mood. The making out mood, I mean.

I guess some girls would love it if their boyfriend, who'd written a play about them that was soon to become a major motion picture directed by Sean Penn, asked them to defer college for a year and move out to Hollywood with them.

But I, being the ultimate loser that I am, just blurted out, "Why would I do that?" before I could really stop myself. Mostly because I didn't really have my mind in the conversation. I was thinking about...well, not Hollywood film deals.

Also because I'm a horrible person, for the most part.

"Well, because you love me," J.P. was forced to remind me. We were lying on my bed, with Fat Louie glaring balefully at us from the windowsill. Fat Louie hates it when anyone but me lies on my bed. "And you want to support me."

I flushed, feeling guilty for my outburst.

"No," I said. "I mean, what would I do out in Hollywood?"

"Write," J.P. said. "Maybe not romance novels, because frankly, I think you're capable of much more important work-"

"You haven't even read my book," I reminded him, feeling hurt. We'd still never gotten to have our Stephen and Tabitha King editorial talk. And important work? Romance novels are important! To the people who like to read them, anyway.

"I know," J.P. said, laughing. But not in a mean way. "And I'm going to, I swear, I've just been so swamped with the play and then finals and everything. You know how it is. And I'm sure it's the best romance novel there is. I'm just saying, I think you could write something much weightier if you really put your mind to it. Something that could change the world."

Weightier? What is he talking about? And haven't I done enough for the world? I mean, I made Genovia a democracy. Well, not me personally, but I helped. And if you write something that cheers someone up when they're feeling down, doesn't that change the world?

And let me tell you something: I have seen A Prince Among Men now, and it is not going to change the world OR cheer anybody up. I don't mean to sound like I've got sour grapes, but it's the truth. It doesn't even make you think except to make you think that the guy who wrote it must think pretty highly of himself.

Sorry. I didn't mean that. That was uncalled for.

Anyway, I was like, "J.P., I don't know. Moving to Hollywood with you isn't something my mom or my dad is going to approve of. They both expect me to go to college."

"Right," J.P. said. "But taking a year off might not be such a bad idea. It's not like you got in anywhere that great anyway."

Ouch. See, that would have been a great opportunity for me to say, "Actually, J.P., I was kind of exaggerating when I said I didn't get in anywhere...."

Only, of course, I didn't. Instead, I just suggested we go into the living room and watch True Life: I'm Hooked on OxyContin, because I didn't want to get in an argument.

Anyway, after watching True Life, I learned something. Not just that I am never going to do drugs (obviously). But that writing is my drug. It's the only thing I ever do that I really like.

I mean, besides kiss Michael. But I can't do that anymore, obviously.

Thursday, May 4, 8 p.m., ladies' room, Carnegie Hall OH MY G.o.d!.

I thought this concert was going to be really boring, but I was wrong.

Oh, not the music. That's totally boring. I've heard it a million times coming out of the G&T supply closet (although I'll admit, it's kind of different to hear it coming from the center of the Carnegie Hall stage, especially seeing all these fancy people turned out in their best clothes, clutching CDs with Boris-BORIS-on the cover, all saying his name in excited voices. I mean, it's just Boris Pelkowski. But these people seem to think he's some kind of celebrity. Which, h.e.l.lo, HIGHlarious).

But the fact that everyone I know from AEHS is here, including both Moscovitz siblings-that's exciting. I wasn't expecting that.

And I know it's wrong to be excited to see my ex-boyfriend when I'm out on a date with my current boyfriend.

However, that is not my fault. It's MHC.

Our seats are rows and rows apart so there's no chance of my being overpowered by eau de Michael. Unless somehow we b.u.mp into him later. Which I highly doubt is going to happen.

Anyway, Michael's alone. He didn't come with a date! Which may be because Micromini Midori is in Genovia.

Except that I can't help wondering if he came solo because I said in my e-mail to him that I'd be coming.

But then I remembered what Boris said-about how the two of them are going to be living together this year. So I guess that's why he's here, actually. To support his friend.

Stupid me, getting my hopes up. AGAIN.

Anyway. I guess I should be getting back to my seat. I didn't want to be rude and write while I was supposed to be looking like I was paying attention, but- WAIT.

Oh, G.o.d.

I recognize those shoes.

Thursday, May 4, 8:30 p.m., ladies' room, Carnegie Hall I was right: They were her shoes.

I totally confronted her when she came out of her stall.

Well, confronted isn't the right word. I asked her about the commercial she made for my dad. Why she did it, I mean.

At first she tried to get out of it by saying it had been a birthday gift for me.

And it's true, she had said, back in the Atom office when I turned in my story about Michael, that there was something she'd been going to give me for my birthday. And she'd said to give it to me, she'd need to come to my party. She just hadn't said she was going to give it to me at my party. I'd a.s.sumed that part.

But...why now? Why a present this year? And such a great present?

At first she looked really annoyed that I wouldn't just let it go. Like she couldn't believe she'd walked into the bathroom and there I was.

I guess it probably does seem like every single time she goes for a pee, there I am.

Well, it's basically true. It's like I have some kind of Lilly Moscovitz bladder radar.

And this time Kenneth wasn't around to ask weird questions about whether or not I was still going out with J.P., and keep her from answering. For a second I thought she wouldn't anyway.

But then she seemed to make a decision within herself. She sort of sighed and, looking a bit annoyed, went, "Fine. If you must know, Mia...my brother said I had to be nice to you."

I just stared at her. It took a few seconds for her words to register. "Your brother said?..."

"That I had to be nice to you," Lilly finished for me, sounding exasperated, as if I should have been aware of this. "He found out about the website, okay?"

I moved from staring to blinking. I was making progress. "Ihatemiathermopolis.com?"

"Right," Lilly said. She did look a little ashamed of herself, actually. "He was really mad. I'll admit...it was pretty childish."

Michael found out about ihatemiathermopolis.com? You mean...he hadn't known? I thought everyone in the whole world had known about that stupid website.

And he'd told Lilly she had to be nice to me?

"But." I was having trouble processing so much information at once. It was like I was a desert that was finally getting rain...only there was too much of it, and I couldn't soak it all in. Soon I'd be experiencing mud slides. And flash floods. "But...why were you so mad at me in the first place? I'll admit, I acted like a total jerk to your brother. But I regretted it, and I tried to get back together with him. He's the one who said no. So why were you so mad about it?" This was the part I could never figure out. "Was it...was it just because of J.P.?"

Lilly's face darkened. "You don't know?" she asked, sounding incredulous. "You honestly don't know?"

I was definitely experiencing sensory overload. "No." I shook my head. She hadn't actually answered the question. "What am I supposed to know?"

"I have never," Lilly said flatly, "met anyone so dense as you in my life, Mia."

"What?" I still have no idea what she was talking about. I know I'm dense. I do! I'm a geek. She didn't have to rub it in. She could have helped me a little. "Dense about what?"

But at that point an old lady came into the bathroom, and I guess Lilly decided she'd said enough. She just shook her head, and walked out.

Which just leaves me here to wonder, as I have a million times before: What is it I'm supposed to know? What is it that Lilly thinks I'm so dense about?

It's true I started dating J.P. right after the two of them broke up. But she was already not speaking to me by the time that happened. So that can't be it.

Why can't Lilly just tell me what it was I was so dense about? She's the genius, not me. I hate it when geniuses expect the rest of us to be as smart as they are. It's not fair. I'm of average intelligence, and I always have been. I'm creative, and stuff, but I'm romance-novel-writing creative! I don't perform well on IQ tests, and certainly not SATs (obviously).

And I've NEVER been able to figure out Lilly.

And I can't figure out her brother, either. For instance, why does Michael care whether she starts being nice to me or not?

Oh, great. I hear clapping! I'd better get back to my seat....

Friday, May 5, midnight, the loft I was wrong about being able to stay away from my MHC match.

Everyone went up onto the stage after Boris's fantastically successful concert (standing ovations all around) to congratulate him.

That's how I found myself standing next to J.P., talking to Tina and Boris, when Michael and Lilly came up to congratulate Boris as well.

Which wasn't a bit awkward.

Considering Lilly was Boris's ex (remember when he dropped the globe on his head over her?) and J.P. was Lilly's, and Michael was mine. Oh, and Kenny's my ex, too!

Ah, good times.

Not.