Shall not a thousand virtues, then, atone us In thy strict censure for the breach of one?

If Bubo keeps a catamite or wh.o.r.e, His bounty feeds the beggar at his door: And though no mortal credits Curio's word, A score of lacqueys fatten at his board: 120 To Christian meekness sacrifice thy spleen, And strive thy neighbour's weaknesses to screen.

POET.

Scorn'd be the bard, and wither'd all his fame, Who wounds a brother weeping o'er his shame!

But if an impious wretch, with frantic pride, Throws honour, truth, and decency aside; If not by reason awed, nor check'd by fears, He counts his glories from the stains he bears, The indignant Muse to Virtue's aid shall rise, And fix the brand of infamy on vice. 130 What if, aroused at his imperious call, An hundred footsteps echo through his hall, And, on high columns rear'd, his lofty dome Proclaims the united art of Greece and Rome.

What though whole hecatombs his crew regale, And each dependant slumbers o'er his ale, While the remains, through mouths unnumber'd pa.s.s'd, Indulge the beggar and the dogs at last: Say, friend, is it benevolence of soul, Or pompous vanity, that prompts the whole? 140 These sons of sloth, who by profusion thrive, His pride inveigled from the public hive: And numbers pine in solitary woe, Who furnish'd out this phantasy of show.

When silent misery a.s.sail'd his eyes, Did e'er his throbbing bosom sympathise?

Or his extensive charity pervade To those who languish in the barren shade, Where oft, by want and modesty suppress'd, The bootless talent warms the lonely breast? 150 No! petrified by dulness and disdain, Beyond the feeling of another's pain, The tear of pity ne'er bedew d his eye, Nor his lewd bosom felt the social sigh!

FRIEND.

Alike to thee his virtue or his vice, If his hand liberal owns thy merit's price.

POET.

Sooner in hopeless anguish would I mourn, Than owe my fortune to the man I scorn!

What new resource?

FRIEND.

A thousand yet remain, That bloom with honours, or that teem with gain: 160 These arts--are they beneath--beyond thy care?

Devote thy studies to the auspicious fair: Of truth divested, let thy tongue supply The hinted slander, and the whisper'd lie; All merit mock, all qualities depress, Save those that grace the excelling patroness; Trophies to her on others' follies raise, And, heard with joy, by defamation praise; To this collect each faculty of face, And every feat perform of sly grimace; 170 Let the grave sneer sarcastic speak thee shrewd; The s.m.u.tty joke ridiculously lewd; And the loud laugh, through all its changes rung, Applaud the abortive sallies of her tongue; Enroll'd a member in the sacred list, Soon shalt thou sharp in company at whist; Her midnight rites and revels regulate, Priest of her love, and demon of her hate.

POET.

But say, what recompense for all this waste Of honour, truth, attention, time, and taste? 180 To shine, confess'd, her zany and her tool, And fall by what I rose--low ridicule?

Again shall Handel raise his laurell'd brow, Again shall harmony with rapture glow; The spells dissolve, the combination breaks, And Punch no longer Frasi's rival squeaks: Lo! Russell[10] falls a sacrifice to whim, And starts amazed, in Newgate, from his dream: With trembling hands implores their promised aid, And sees their favour like a vision fade! 190 Is this, ye faithless Syrens!--this the joy To which your smiles the unwary wretch decoy?

Naked and shackled, on the pavement p.r.o.ne, His mangled flesh devouring from the bone; Rage in his heart, distraction in his eye, Behold, inhuman hags! your minion lie!

Behold his gay career to ruin run, By you seduced, abandon'd, and undone!

Rather in garret pent, secure from harm, My Muse with murders shall the town alarm; 200 Or plunge in politics with patriot zeal, And snarl like Guthrie[11] for the public weal, Than crawl an insect in a beldame's power, And dread the crush of caprice every hour!

FRIEND.

'Tis well; enjoy that petulance of style, And, like the envious adder, lick the file: What, though success will not attend on all?

Who bravely dares must sometimes risk a fall.

Behold the bounteous board of Fortune spread; Each weakness, vice, and folly yields thee bread, 210 Would'st thou with prudent condescension strive On the long settled terms of life to thrive.

POET.

What! join the crew that pilfer one another, Betray my friend, and persecute my brother; Turn usurer, o'er cent. per cent. to brood, Or quack, to feed like fleas on human blood?

FRIEND.

Or if thy soul can brook the gilded curse, Some changeling heiress steal--

POET.

Why not a purse?

Two things I dread--my conscience and the law.

FRIEND.

How? dread a mumbling bear without a claw? 220 Nor this, nor that, is standard right or wrong, Till minted by the mercenary tongue; And what is conscience but a fiend of strife, That chills the joys, and damps the scenes of life, The wayward child of Vanity and Fear, The peevish dam of Poverty and Care?

Unnumber'd woes engender in the breast That entertains the rude, ungrateful guest.

POET.

Hail, sacred power! my glory and my guide!

Fair source of mental peace, whate'er betide! 230 Safe in thy shelter, let disaster roll Eternal hurricanes around my soul: My soul serene amidst the storms shall reign, And smile to see their fury burst in vain!

FRIEND.

Too coy to flatter, and too proud to serve, Thine be the joyless dignity to starve.

POET.

No;--thanks to discord, war shall be my friend; And mortal rage heroic courage lend To pierce the gleaming squadron of the foe, And win renown by some distinguish'd blow. 240

FRIEND.

Renown! ay, do--unkennel the whole pack Of military cowards on thy back.

What difference, say, 'twixt him who bravely stood, And him who sought the bosom of the wood?[12]

Envenom'd calumny the first shall brand; The last enjoy a ribbon and command.

POET.

If such be life, its wretches I deplore, And long to quit the inhospitable sh.o.r.e.

[Footnote 1: 'Cope': a general famous for an expeditious retreat, though not quite so deliberate as that of the ten thousand Greeks from Persia; having unfortunately forgot to bring his army along with him.]

[Footnote 2: 'Newcastle:' alluding to the philosophical contempt which this great personage manifested for the sensual delights of the stomach.]

[Footnote 3: 'Grafton': this n.o.ble peer, remarkable for sublimity of parts, by virtue of his office (Lord Chamberlain) conferred the laureate on Colley Cibber, Esq., a delectable bard, whose character has already employed, together with his own, the greatest pens of the age.]

[Footnote 4: 'Granville and Bath': two n.o.blemen famous in their day for nothing more than their fort.i.tude in bearing the scorn and reproach of their country.]

[Footnote 5: 'Prolific hum': this alludes to a phenomenon, not more strange than true,--the person here meant having actually laid upwards of forty eggs, as several physicians and fellows of the Royal Society can attest: one of whom, we hear, has undertaken the incubation, and will no doubt favour the world with an account of his success.]

[Footnote 6: 'Drum': this is a riotous a.s.sembly of fashionable people, of both s.e.xes, at a private house, consisting of some hundreds: not unaptly styled a drum, from the noise and emptiness of the entertainment. There are also drum-major, rout, tempest, and hurricane, differing only in degrees of mult.i.tude and uproar, as the significant name of each declares.]

[Footnote 7: 'Lockman's fate': to be little read, and less approved.]

[Footnote 8: 'Chardin': this genial knight wore at his own banquet a garland of flowers, in imitation of the ancients; and kept two rosy boys robed in white, for the entertainment of his guests.]

[Footnote 9: 'Isis': in allusion to the unnatural orgies said to be solemnised on the banks of this river; particularly at one place, where a much greater sanct.i.ty of morals and taste might be expected.]