A woman was pleasing me as my identical sins watched.

This was unreal.

Lightning flashed, illuminated our naked bodies.

It was too much, I didn't want to come again, and I wiggled away.

Mark came to me, held me, rubbed my breasts, kissed my neck.

He whispered, "You okay?"

I nodded. Held his girth, his length, and nodded.

Karl remained as one with Kiki Sunshine, kept his rhythm, his hips rolling, wining, as if he was dancing inside her womb. Her eyes closed, her hands reaching for his ass, her legs rising to Karl's waist, her knees moving up and down against the rotation of his hips. She jerked like he was massaging her spot. Her head began rising, lips reaching for lips, her tongue entertaining his mouth. She kissed him like she was in love with him. Soft kisses and lengthy moans as he continued dancing, refusing to be distracted by thunder, by lightning, by the presence of two voyeurs. Kiki Sunshine was emotional, vulnerable, a tender lover.

This was like watching a passionate love story.

Mark and I crawled back over, rejoined the party. Mark took me from behind while I held Kiki Sunshine's hand. We held hands while we were being stroked. Her grip tightened. Her moan spiraled. She trembled. Kiki Sunshine came. Karl and Mark stopped moving. I was so far gone, I couldn't hear what they were saying. Karl went to the bathroom, washed up. When he came back, he had wet towels. Karl cleaned me, cleaned me good, cleaned my vagina first, soaped the towel, then cleaned my ass, cleaned my chocolate starfish real good. After that Karl went to Kiki Sunshine, cleaned her just as good.

While Karl wiped us down, Mark was in the bathroom, heard him washing up. Karl took me to a chair. A devilish look painted his face. Karl sat down, had me mount him, face to face, heated breath to heated breath, eased his erect lingam inside my yoni, filled me up, pulled me, made me lean forward.

Across the room, Kiki Sunshine sat, watching.

It was about to happen.

Again I was nervous.

Aroused and nervous.

Mark came back, was behind me, his erection touching my skin. Mark touched my ass, separated my cheeks. I jerked when I felt a warm lubricant going down my butt into my orifice.

My chocolate starfish was being lubricated.

Fear and excitement danced inside me.

Karl moved in and out of my yoni. Kept me stimulated while Mark played with my chocolate starfish, put his fingers inside me, oiled my opening, prepared me for plea sure yet to come.

His fingers felt so good. The way he was sliding inside me. That anal play felt good.

I'd let him do anything he wanted to do to me right now.

I did these things with them because I felt at ease with them. Something about them made me want to take action on my fantasies. Maybe because the intimacy was astonishing. Made me want to try things with them. See how far this could go. But this made me tremble. That moment of truth had arrived. I was scared. Like Betty Wright should walk in the room and start singing "To night Is the Night."

Mark whispered, "Relax."

I nodded. "Go slow, Mark. Just go slow."

I said that like I was at the mercy of his imagination. Do with me what you must.

I should pump my breaks. I should stop right now. So many thoughts invaded me.

Voice in rapture, I whispered, "Be gentle...don't be aggressive...you hear me?"

I was in a submissive position, trying to be in charge, trying top from the bottom.

Karl kissed my skin. "Just relax, sweetie."

Mark's lingam, the head, touched me there, slid across the lubricant, found the opening, began working its way inside me. A thousand nerves came alive. My breathing became a series of stutters. I nodded that it was okay, eyes tight, mouth and mind ready to moan Shakespeare, knowing I wouldn't. I wanted to know what this was like. I had done so many sexual things. But it wasn't out of being whorish. A lot of it was out of seeking plea sure. Wanting to feel it. Desire it. Crave it. Experience it. Face it. Challenge it.

What I felt was the opposite of whorish. What I felt was the opposite of weak and submissive. I felt entitled. I felt empowered. I felt as if fears were being taken away.

I didn't think it was the people who were being sexual who were the misfits in the world. The other people were the misfits, the cowards. The paranoid ones were spending their days going against the grain of what felt good, of what was natural, denying plea sure, yet desiring it all the same.

They were the ones who had me, even now, defending myself.

I moaned. Karl moaned. Mark moaned. Twelve limbs intertwined. The air conditioner hummed as sweat dampened all we touched, the room as tropical as Trinidad, Barbados, and Brazil combined.

I told Mark, "That's enough...that's enough...no more."

We didn't move for a while. Curt breathing. Rapid heartbeat. I held Karl while Mark held me. I wanted to stay like this forever. We owned each other.

Kiki Sunshine called my name, whispered my name as she came over to us, to me.

Her mouth was close to my ear. "Just relax, sweetie."

"You've done this before."

"Uh-huh. Just relax. You're too tense."

She kissed me on my lips, a friendly, supportive kiss as she ran her hand over my hair, pulled stray strands of hair away from my face, from my eyes, then kissed me on my cheek again.

She asked, "You okay?"

I took in a deep breath, let it out slowly, put on my brave face and nodded.

Kiki Sunshine dragged her fingernails up and down my skin, made me coo, made me so calm.

I whispered, "I'm okay."

Kiki Sunshine kissed my lips again, then went back to her spot, went back to watch. I wanted her to stay next to me. I didn't want her to go away and leave me alone. One of the twins asked me if I was okay, wasn't sure who asked, everything a dreamy blur. I nodded, told my identical sins that I was fine, that I wanted more, to move some.

Karl moved in and out of me, his level of penetration not that deep, his angle not the best. Mark had the best angle, eased inside some, moaned like the tightness of my chocolate starfish was driving him crazy. While one moved in the other moved out, while one moved out, the other moved in.

They were so smooth, so tender, both whispering to me, making sure I was okay.

I panted, swallowed, told Mark, "Little more...just a little more."

"How does it feel?"

"Hurts but it feels good." Again I panted and swallowed. "Feels real good."

"Can you come like this?"

I swallowed again. "Just go slow. Like that...yeah...keep it slow."

One moving in while the other moved out, then one moving out as the other moved in.

The physical sensations were unique, different from anything else I had ever felt. My brain was enjoying the new sensation as much as my body. It was beyond pleasurable. I moaned and bit my lip, panted, sucked in air, then leaned deeper into Karl, bit him, eyes tight, my sounds trapped in my throat. Mark's sounds were so intense, like he was losing his virginity, like he was on the road to his first true orgasm. I was well-lubricated, but still so tight back there, much tighter than my yoni, his plea sure more tactile than Karl's. So many nerve endings came alive. Then Mark was inside me. Karl was inside me.

They were inside me. At the same time. Like I was Frankie. Like I was in Cancn.

I stared toward Kiki Sunshine, my body moving in slow motion, easing toward a new plea sure.

Oh God oh God oh God.

Kiki Sunshine came over. She kissed Karl. Sucked his neck. She moved and kissed Mark. Mark sucked her breasts while I moved back into him, our connection better now, all the pain gone.

Kiki Sunshine rubbed my breasts, pinched my nipples while I was filled with lingam.

Mark grabbed my hair, led my mouth to Kiki Sunshine. Karl grabbed Kiki Sunshine by her hair, became rough with her, made her bring her tongue inside my mouth. She moaned like that toughness turned her on. I moaned my singsong moan. They made us kiss like lovers madly in love.

Every orifice was filled. So much stimulation at once. A celestial energy flowed through me, made everything kaleidoscopic. It was transcendent. It was a spiritual experience. I was gone to a wonderful place.

My body was here, but my spirit, my essence had sojourned away from North Carolina.

My soul had alighted in a land filled with white sand beaches, crystal indigo seas, a world filled with warm, romantic Ca rib be an nights. I was in Tobago. I was back home. Could smell the doubles. Could taste bake and shark. Heard the waves crashing into the white sand. Saw coconut trees. I was moaning and moving toward a paradise most of the world didn't know existed. I was back in heaven.

My identical sins cleansed me before cleaning themselves.

Kiki Sunshine smiled at me. Her smile dreamy, filled with unforeseen intoxication.

I smiled in return.

She whispered, "Thank you for punishing me."

I smiled, knowing what she meant.

She said, "I thought you were going to kill me."

"Did you?"

"You looked so mad. I was so scared."

Not long ago I had gone downstairs, jealous and angered, went to talk to her. She had told me that Karl had showed up about thirty minutes after I had left, had brought her a disc of her photos. She fed him. Gave him wine.

Her and Karl. Alone. Inside her apartment.

I had asked Kiki Sunshine, "How far did it go?"

"We messed around."

"Define messed around."

"Kissed a couple of times."

"He touch you?"

"He touched me."

"What did he do?"

"You know. Tried to feel me up."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"He started it."

"It feel good?"

"I made him stop."

"You're being transpicuous."

"What does that mean?"

"Means you're lying. And it's obvious."

"Damn...Nia..."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"I'm sorry."

"No reason to be sorry, Kiki Sunshine."

"I wasn't trying to disrespect you."

"He made you wet?"

"Don't do this to me."

I said, "I'm going to punish you."

"Punish me?"

"You heard me, bitch."

I had paused and stared at her. She looked nervous. As if she never would do anything to harm me. She looked at me as if she was in love with me. As if she was mine. That made me smile. She hadn't been pleased, not like I had been pleased. In that moment, I didn't want to be selfish.