I was a little hurt by Jade's abruptness. I'd only wanted to make sure she was safe and had enough money for the bus fare home. I would also have liked to confirm a coming-home time, as it was dark by 4.30 p.m. in winter. However, I was aware that teenagers don't like to be questioned, so I just a.s.sumed she'd be home in plenty of time for dinner, which she knew was at about six o'clock. I got on with some housework and also took the bag containing the maternity clothes I'd bought for Jade that morning up to her room, where I found her bed still unmade and the cases unpacked. She was supposed to have been unpacking them while I'd been making lunch. I left them where they were for Jade to do later when she came home.

An hour pa.s.sed and then Rachel phoned to ask how Jade was settling in. I told her Jade was fine; that we'd collected her belongings from home and I'd had a chance to talk to Jackie. I said that Jade and her mother were now on better terms, and that after we'd left we'd been into town to go shopping and I'd also had had a key cut for her.

'So Jade's out now?' Rachel said.

'Yes, she's gone to see a friend.'

'Did she say who?'

'No.'

'OK. I'll phone later. What time is she due back?' It's usual for the child's social worker to speak to the child within a day or so of the child being placed with a foster carer.

'I'm a.s.suming she'll be home by dinnertime, which is six o'clock.'

'All right, I'll phone later or tomorrow.'

We said goodbye and I replaced the phone, feeling I should have been able to give Rachel more positive answers as to where Jade was and what time she'd be back. I knew that the next time Jade went out I needed to make sure I knew exactly where she was going and what time she'd be back, although that would be difficult if she just slipped out as she had done today. There wasn't the same problem with younger children, as you always knew where they were and what they were doing. I knew I was on a sharp learning curve when it came to fostering a teenager.

When I collected Paula from school, the first thing she said was that she was looking forward to playing with Jade. I had to tell her that Jade wasn't in right now but I was sure she would be back very soon.

'Good,' Paula said. 'I want her to play with my dolls' house with me.'

I smiled and thought that Jade might even be home by the time Paula and I arrived, but she wasn't. And when Adrian came home half an hour later there was still no sign of her. Although it wasn't late it was soon dark and I began making dinner, while listening for the sound of Jade's key in the front door. I should have asked her for her mobile number before she'd gone out so that I could have at least phoned her and confirmed a coming-home time and that she was safe.

It was then I had a sudden flash of inspiration a 'light-bulb' moment: I realized that Jade's mobile number might have been included on the essential information forms. Leaving the preparation of dinner, I went into the sitting room and checked the forms in my fostering folder, but Jade's mobile number wasn't included, only those of her mother and the social worker. I wondered if Rachel had Jade's mobile number; I would ask her when she phoned back later, but given she'd been trying to contact Jade on my landline I thought it wasn't likely.

But Rachel didn't phone back that evening, and as we sat down to dinner, without Jade, I was starting to feel really worried and also a little angry: with myself for not asking Jade for a coming-home time or her mobile number, and with Jade for just going out without telling me. I hid my anxiety from Adrian and Paula and said simply that Jade was at a friend's and would be home later.

'But she's missing dinner,' Paula said, worried.

'I'll save her some,' I said.

Halfway through dinner the doorbell rang. Clearly it wasn't Jade, as she had a key, so I thought it was probably a salesperson on another ill-timed visit. But as with any unexpected caller it crossed my mind it might be the police with bad news, so I left my dinner and answered the door.

'Oh, Meryl,' I said, surprised. 'h.e.l.lo.'

'I hope it's not inconvenient,' she said. 'I just wanted to say hi to Jade and see how she's doing.'

'She's not here at present,' I said. 'Although she's fine. She's at a friend's house.' I didn't ask Meryl in, as there didn't seem any point. Jade wasn't here and we were in the middle of dinner.

'But she's doing all right?' Meryl asked.

'Yes. We've been home and collected some of her belongings, and I met her mother. Perhaps you'd like to call round another evening?'

'Yes please. Some of the staff and Jade's friends at school have been asking after her. I don't want Jade to think we've forgotten her. I'll call round later in the week, if that's OK?'

'Yes. Sure.' Then I had another light-bulb moment. 'I don't suppose you have Jade's mobile number? It should have been included in the paperwork but it wasn't.'

Meryl nodded. 'Yes, I do,' she said, taking her mobile from her coat pocket.

'Great.' I wrote the number she read out on the notepad I kept by the phone in the hall. 'Thanks very much,' I said, relieved. 'I hope you don't mind if I don't ask you in tonight but we're just having dinner.'

Meryl smiled. 'I'm sorry. I seem to making a habit of that. Shall I call round a little later next time?'

'Yes please. After six thirty is usually good for us.'

'See you soon, then,' she said, and we said goodbye.

As soon as I'd closed the front door I keyed Jade's number into the phone. Disappointingly the call went straight through to her voicemail, so I left a message: 'Hi Jade, it's Cathy. I hope you're having a nice time with your friend. Could you give me a ring and let me know what time you'll be home? My number is ' For it occurred to me that she might not know my number; she hadn't asked for it and I hadn't thought to tell her.

I'd purposely kept my message short and light, as I didn't want to sound the heavy parent/carer. But an hour later when Jade still hadn't returned my call I was really worried and phoned her mobile again. It went straight through to her voicemail and this time my message was firmer: 'Jade, it's Cathy again. It's seven o'clock and I need to know where you are, and what time you'll be home. I thought you'd be back by now. Please phone straightaway. I'm worried.'

I returned to the sitting room, where Adrian and Paula were, and hid my anxiety. But they too were becoming worried. 'It's very dark,' Paula said. 'Where is Jade?' They both looked at me.

'She's a big girl,' I rea.s.sured them. 'She'll be home soon.'

When it was Paula's bedtime I helped her with her bath and then saw her into bed, but as I read her bedtime story my heart wasn't in it. It was now 7.30 and there'd been no word from Jade; I knew I needed to take further action. Although I would feel a complete fool and an incompetent foster carer reporting Jade missing when she had only been with me two days, I knew that's what I had to do. As soon as I'd finished reading and had kissed Paula goodnight I went downstairs and to the phone in the sitting room. Adrian was at the kitchen table finishing some homework. I dialled Homefinders' number and it was answered almost immediately by Michael, one of the agency's social workers, who was on duty and taking emergency calls. I quickly explained the situation.

'It's not your fault,' he said. 'Try not to worry. I'm sure Jade's OK. It's typical teenager behaviour. This is what you do: phone Jade's mobile one last time and if she doesn't answer, which I don't think she will, leave a message saying that if she doesn't phone you within five minutes you'll have to report her missing to the police. Say that you're worried and she's behaving irresponsibly, especially as she is pregnant and hoping for positive parenting a.s.sessment. She should get the message.'

It seemed harsh but I knew that Michael, like Jill, was a highly experienced social worker whose advice I should follow.

'And if Jade does answer her phone I'll tell her to come home straightaway?' I confirmed.

'Yes, but put a time limit on it. Teenagers work on a different time scale to adults. Tell her she has to be back in half an hour or else you will have no alternative but to call the police and start a missing person.'

'Thanks for your help, Michael,' I said. 'I'm sorry to have troubled you.'

'No worries. That's what we're here for. Give me a ring back either way.'

Having ended the call to Homefinders I keyed in the number to Jade's mobile, but as before the call went straight through to her voicemail. I left the message Michael had suggested and then replaced the receiver, hoping that contacting the police wouldn't be necessary. I had just enough time to go through to the kitchen and check if Adrian needed any help with his homework when the phone rang. I returned to the sitting room, picked up the phone, and was relieved to hear Jade's voice.

'Hi, got your message,' she said casually. 'I'll be back soon.'

'Jade, I've been really worried about you,' I said. 'I phoned three times. Why didn't you return my calls?'

'I had me phone off. I've only just checked it.' Which may have been true, although it was a bit of a coincidence that she'd thought to check her phone a minute after I'd left my last message. But I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

'OK. Where are you, love?' I asked. 'It's dark now and getting late.'

I heard her sigh. 'I'm at Ty's,' she said, irritated by being questioned.

'How are you getting home?'

'Bus. Same as always.'

I didn't like the idea of a young girl riding a bus alone in the dark, but there wasn't much I could do I couldn't collect her in the car, as Paula was asleep and from what Jade had said she was used to using the buses alone at night. However, following Michael's advice, I said: 'Jade, I want you here in half an hour, love. No later. Do you understand? Otherwise I'll have no choice but to start a missing person.'

'Fine!' she snapped. And cut the call.

I replaced the receiver and sat for a moment, feeling a little hurt, but aware I was going to have to become 'thick-skinned' and be firm with Jade. Her mother had made the mistake of being a chum to her rather than a parent and I thought Jade now resented me stepping into the role of parent and telling her what to do, even if it was for her own good and ultimately for the good of her baby too.

Forty minutes later, as I sat in the sitting room with the television on low and when Adrian was in bed, I heard the key go in the front door. Relieved, I went into the hall as Jade let herself in and closed the door behind her.

'I'm pleased you're back, love,' I said. 'Isn't it cold out?'

Jade shrugged and was about to go straight up to her room. 'Jade, before you go to bed can we have a little chat, please?'

'Can't it wait?' she sighed, irritated. 'I'm tired.'

'It will only take five minutes. Have you eaten?'

'Yeah.'

'Let's go and sit down and have a chat,' I said, and I went down the hall.

With another sigh Jade reluctantly followed me into the sitting room and then sat in the chair furthest away from me. I knew I must make sure my approach was not threatening or accusatory. I smiled and in a calm even voice I explained that I'd been worried about her, not knowing where she was, as I would any young person I was looking after. I said that in future, for her own safety, I needed to know where she was going, how she was getting home and what time she would be back, which seemed reasonable to me.

'I'm not a kid,' Jade said huffily.

'I know you're not, love, but at seventeen you're still a minor and while you're with me I'm responsible for you. Apart from which I need to know you're safe or I'll worry about you. It's what parents and carers do.'

'Mum didn't worry,' she said moodily.

'I'm sure she did,' I said. 'In her own way.' Although of course boundaries are a sign of caring and Jackie had admitted she hadn't put in place enough boundaries with Jade.

I looked at Jade, perched on the edge of the chair and eager to be away. I wasn't convinced she was receptive to what I was saying, so I upped it a little. 'Jade, when you didn't come home or return my calls I phoned my fostering agency for some advice. The social worker there said that soon the social services will be starting an a.s.sessment of you, to see if you are responsible enough to keep your baby. You need to make sure you behave responsibly or it won't look good.'

'Are you threatening me?' she said, her eyes blazing. 'I told you me phone was off.'

'I understand that and no, I'm not threatening you. I'm just trying to help you.'

'Well, don't,' she snapped. 'I don't need your help.' And hauling herself off the chair she stomped upstairs and to her bedroom.

Well done, Cathy, I thought, that was a successful chat, although in truth I wasn't sure how else I could have handled it. Jade clearly resented being asked to conform to boundaries and perhaps she resented me.

I gave her time to cool off and fifteen minutes later I went up to her room and knocked lightly on her bedroom door. There was no reply, so I knocked again and then slowly opened the door and went in.

She was changed and in bed, on her side and apparently fast asleep.

'Jade?' I whispered. But there was no reply, so I came out, and hoped that in the morning we could start afresh.

Before going to bed I remembered to phone Michael at Homefinders to tell him Jade had returned. He was pleased Jade had made the right decision and said she was just testing the boundaries. I told him I didn't think I'd handled the situation or our chat well and he said that I shouldn't worry, as he was sure it would all be forgotten in the morning.

I didn't sleep well; I tormented myself with what I should have said to Jade and what I could have said differently. I was realizing that dealing with teenagers is like walking on eggsh.e.l.ls; I hoped I would do better and our relationship would improve.

The following day Jade stayed in bed, apparently asleep, until lunchtime. I checked on her a couple of times and then eventually I heard her get up and go straight to the bathroom, where she ran a bath. I was in the front room on the computer. Once she was washed and dressed, she came downstairs and on her way to the kitchen called a cheerful 'Hi, Cathy,' the previous evening apparently forgiven or forgotten. I heard her start cooking a fry-up, so I went in and checked she had everything she needed, and then I left her to it. She made me a cup of tea as she had the day before and we sat either side of the table and chatted amicably. She even washed up her breakfast things, so I didn't really mind clearing up the bathroom after her.

However, that afternoon while I was collecting Paula from school, without saying anything to me in advance, Jade went out. I returned home to find a hastily scribbled note: Out with Ty. Back about 10 Jade. While I was pleased Jade had taken notice of some of what I'd said the evening before and had acted responsibly by leaving the note, I was concerned that I didn't know where she was or how she would be getting home. Ten o'clock seemed far too late for her to be out alone, especially in her condition. It crossed my mind to phone her but I thought that might antagonize her, so I decided I'd talk to her face to face when she returned.

But when Jade arrived home, not at ten o'clock but at 10.45 and drunk, I was horrified. I knew I had to say something and I knew there would be a scene.

Chapter Eight.

Silly, Silly Girl

'Jade, have you been drinking?' I asked, closing the front door behind her.

'Yeah, why not?' she said confrontationally. 'It was me friend's birthday.'

'What friend? I thought you were at Tyler's.'

'Na. I was at me friend's birthday party,' Jade said, clearly having forgotten what she'd written on her note.

I looked at Jade, flushed from alcohol, with a stupid grin on her face and struggling to get out of her coat. Normally I would have asked a young person returning from a party if they'd had a nice time, but that wasn't appropriate here. Jade was pregnant and had clearly had a lot to drink; she smelt strongly of alcohol and was unsteady on her feet.

'Jade, don't you know the harm alcohol can do to an unborn baby?' I asked, deeply concerned. 'Do you know the damage it can cause?'

'Don't start!' Jade snapped, finally releasing one arm from her coat and swaying slightly. 'You sound like my mum!'

'But think about your baby,' I said. 'Alcohol can do permanent damage to an unborn baby, both physically and mentally. Surely you've seen all the warnings on television and in magazines about drinking while pregnant?' Jade shrugged as though she didn't care, but it was my duty to make her care and understand the harm she was doing. 'Meryl stopped by again this evening,' I said, hoping to shame her. 'I dread to think what she would say if she knew you'd been drinking, after all she's done to help you.' But of course you can't rationalize with someone who is under the influence of alcohol, especially a teenager who thinks she knows best.

'Don't know and don't care,' Jade said, finally getting out of her coat and throwing it on the hall stand. 'I'm going to bed.'

She went to the foot of the stairs and, grabbing the handrail with both hands, hauled herself on to the first step and then began unsteadily up the stairs. I followed just behind her to make sure she didn't fall. She was very unsteady, so I guessed she'd had a lot to drink, not 'a' drink as she'd claimed.

At the top of the stairs she hesitated, as though she'd forgotten where she was going, and then turned right and, trailing her hand along the wall to steady herself, arrived outside her bedroom door. She pushed it open, went in, and then shut the door in my face. My first reaction was to go in after her and tell her not to be so rude, but I knew that wouldn't be the best course of action in her present state and would very likely lead to an argument. Sad and very worried, I walked away and checked on Adrian and Paula, who were both still asleep; then I returned to wait on the landing outside Jade's room. I could hear her clumsy movements as she staggered around her bedroom, presumably trying to get changed and ready for bed. Then it went quiet and I waited some more, half expecting her to come out to use the bathroom. When she didn't appear I knocked gently on the door. There was no reply, so I knocked again and went in.

Jade was on her side on the bed, fully clothed and fast asleep. The half-unpacked suitcases were open on the floor; also on the floor were a heap of clothes, her nightwear and the duvet. It was a real mess but that was the least of my concerns. I went to the bed, where I carefully eased off Jade's shoes so that she would be more comfortable; she didn't stir. Then I picked up the duvet and put it over her. She hadn't washed or cleaned her teeth but she was in no state to do that now; so she'd have to do it in the morning. I fetched a bucket from downstairs and, returning, placed it beside her bed; then I came out, leaving the door open so that I could hear her if she woke in the night or was sick.

For the second night in a row I didn't sleep well, as I was listening out for Jade and I was also very worried about her behaviour. Jade didn't wake in the night and the following morning as soon as I got up I checked on her. She was still asleep. I closed her bedroom door so that Adrian, Paula and I wouldn't disturb her, and we got ready and left for school.

When I returned shortly after 9.00 a.m. Jade was still asleep, so again I left her to sleep off the drink from the night before. Rachel phoned fifteen minutes later, expecting to speak to Jade. I explained what had happened and finished by telling her that Jade was sleeping off the effects of her friend's birthday party.

'It was no one's birthday,' Rachel said bluntly. 'There's a group of them who drink together regularly. They've been friends since infant school and they all live close to each other on the same estate. It's a cheap evening: they put in a couple of pounds each and that buys them plenty of alcohol from the supermarket. It's a regular thing.'