Translator: Ranka

Editor/TLC: Barb

Picked Up In Winter <23>

Next day.

As soon as my consciousness returned, I opened my eyes. For a while, I could hardly move. Lying in bed, I slowly recalled yesterday's events. The dark gleam filled in Jun Hyung's eyes, his stare, and after that ……

Hwak─.

My face flushed. The moment I recalled the following act, I couldn't think for a while.

I shook my head hard and sat up on the bed. It was quite bright and n.o.body was in the room. After coming to this house, it had become a habit to sleep in, so it was probably late in the morning. The surprisingly diligent Jun Hyung must be sitting in the living room and watching TV with his characteristically expressionless face while I stood still, lost in thoughts. Even if no one saw me, I still felt like I had committed a great crime. I was frozen.

Usually, after I wake up, I go to the living room like a habit. The already awake Jun Hyung would welcome me with a smile on his face as if he had been waiting for me. Min Hyung who would be lying down on the floor would also get up to greet me. And although they're not always there, Dae Hyung and Seon Hyung-nuna also welcome me when they are there. Seon Hyung-nuna would sweetly ask, 'Did you sleep well?' while Dae Hyung would simply look at me without saying anything, but I liked his casual manner because I knew it was his own way of greeting me.

However…….

Today, I was afraid of receiving such morning greetings. And above all, I didn't have the courage to face Jun Hyung.

I slowly leaned against the wall and let out a sigh. I couldn't muster the nerve to leave the room. The more I tried to reason yesterday's events, the more complicated my thoughts became.

What the h.e.l.l was he thinking?

During the vacation, I stayed with Jun Hyung for almost every minute. He refused to meet all his friends and didn't go out. And since I hadn't any reason to go out, I also stayed at home. Though due to Min Hyung's presence it has never been just the two of us, I still lived in the same s.p.a.ce with Jun Hyung.

However, by living with him, I realized one thing.

─I really had no idea what he truly thought.

Even if Jun Hyung sits next to me, even if I was always with him, he was a guy whose mind I couldn't figure out. Well, when even his own family doesn't seem to have an accurate understanding of him, it may be a bit too much for me to know about him…… Even so, I felt frustrated. I felt unbearable anxiety due to his mysterious character.

As a guy who treats me as a 'pet', why would he do something like that? Why would he look at me with such eyes?

When I think about it, of course, there were also wishful thoughts. Like… Maybe he's also thinking of me in that way.

But, I wasn't brave enough to ask. After asking such a thing, it was hard to imagine what kind of answer would Jun Hyung give me.

Right at that time, the doors opened with a creak─sound. I stared in surprise. It was Jun Hyung who opened the door and stepped inside.

It seemed like my all my blood went into my face recalling last night's incident, but I faced him as calmly as I could. Upon entering, he immediately swept his eyes over to find me and smiled when he did.

"Happy, you woke up!"

"Why aren't you going out? Did you just wake up?"

…… His behaviour hadn't changed at all.

I thought that slowly in my head and nodded. My feelings were still in chaos since he wasn't acting any differently, I can't be the only one to act in a different manner. I got out of bed and tried to walk past him to go outside. He suddenly grabbed me by the shoulder hurriedly.

I looked away in embarra.s.sment. What, why suddenly……?

"Happy."

He spoke in an awkward voice.

"Clothes, you'd better change before going out."

Why……?

I was puzzled. Why should I change my clothes out of nowhere? Was there something on my clothes? I wondered as I looked down at the new clothes I was wearing, but they were clean.

I didn't get it, but I went to the closet first to change my clothes like he said. Just when I was taking out the clothes, he suddenly came and pulled out a thick sweater with a turtleneck.

"Put this on." He blurted

Was it cold… I thought absentmindedly. Suddenly I remembered his actions from last night.

"Ah……."

And I found out why he asked me to change.

I was greatly fl.u.s.tered. Hmm, it was too embarra.s.sing to accept it indifferently.  I awkwardly took the clothes he handed me. When I grabbed the bottom of the T-s.h.i.+rt to take it off, I couldn't help but falter. Jun Hyung was looking over here.

Somehow, I felt so embarra.s.sed. The weight of my clothes seemed to increase by a thousand times. I slowly lifted the hem of the s.h.i.+rt awkwardly. My hands weren't moving with ease. While I slowly took off my top, he was looking at me without saying anything.

"Hm."

Suddenly, he made a small noise, surprising me. Looking sideways, Jun Hyung patted his mouth a few times with his fingers. He sighed a little then left. Thanks to that, I had no choice but to pause while taking off my clothes.

WhWhat…… Why did he suddenly sigh…….

After standing there in a daze, I suddenly came to my senses with a 'phat'. Quickly taking off my top, I stood in front of the mirror in Jun Hyung's room.

On the base of my neck, there was an embarra.s.sing big red mark.

I held my breath and examined it.

Of course, apart from my neck, there were many other small and big marks in different places, but the one on my neck was especially noticeable. I raised my hand and touched the mark.

That mark was exceptionally red…… Showing intense self-restraint, as if they were representing an unknown part of his inner thoughts……

My heart was beating oddly.

Daily life had once again become calm. Nothing much had changed between me and Jun Hyung after that incident, and we spent our time sitting around in the living room watching TV, as ever. There was still a little conversation, nothing had changed at all.

Ah…. No.

One thing was different. It's that he didn't call me to his bed anymore. Of course, it might be that he slept well. It might be that he just isn't calling me without giving it much thought. However, now he doesn't look at me with those eyes full of desire. The red marks on my neck had also faded away, fully disappearing.

It felt strange somewhat. Should I say I was disappointed……. I don't know what I was expecting, but the very peaceful life seemed to be draining.

He treated me the same as before. So as to say- treating me like a pet.

In a tender voice, he called me 'Happy…' and pet my head, sometimes he watched me with endearing eyes. At first, I was attracted to that affection but now it was heartbreaking to see.

What do I want? What do I expect from him?  

I silently asked myself. It wasn't that difficult to arrive at a conclusion. To show the same emotions as me but not as the pet called 'Happy'. That was what I wanted.

Well, looks like it was time to go back.

I closed my eyes and quietly thought.

I had arrived in this house because I wanted to escape reality.(just for curiosity sake, why is it “arrive in”? Is it just another way to say “arrive at”?) But when I realized my feelings for Jun Hyung, and after hearing about his past, everything went downhill. I wanted, to stand by his side, to be happy next to him. Never helping out, I didn't even have money, yet I had such arrogant thoughts.

I particularly thought that. I also wondered about the shock he would receive, so I wanted to stay by his side for as long as possible. The confusion he would feel when he realizes that I wasn't 'Happy' but an ordinary person hence I should just stay as Happy by his side.

But…… But not anymore. I can't grant him that now. I can't conceal it.

From the beginning, I was a selfish person. When it got too difficult to endure and reason, I ran out to the unknown as I pleased, even leaving my mother. It was nothing unexpected.

I love him. And so, I can't stay by his side. I thought that since I liked him, I wanted to lend him some strength, but now I'm struggling and can't. The more I stayed with him, the more I desired. I longed for him to see the 'me', and not Happy. After such feelings started to form, whenever he called me 'Happy', it pained me. I was becoming less confident in being able to endure it.

Since way before, I was a coward. It was my speciality to run away from things I hated and couldn't bear. It had always been like that.

─But till when…?

The thought about getting the opportunity to return, it was a vague thought. If I can't stand it, I just run away without hesitation. I still can bear it. It's just that my limit was gradually approaching. I can still endure. Him, calling me 'Happy', in that affectionate voice, and the endearing way he looked at me, I still liked it.

Even if it was just as hard to endure.

When I woke up, I could feel that the humidity was quite high. The blanket was damp and there was tranquillity in the air. Was it raining……. While thinking blankly about the humidity in the air I had ended up in the living room. No one was sitting on the sofa.

I t.i.tled my head and stood for a while, then sat down on the sofa and switched on the TV. The noiseless living room felt somewhat unfamiliar. 

I stared at the TV screen. Yet I still couldn't get rid of that thought. Suddenly, I realized it. That it felt─ lonely. Sitting alone, the feeling of loneliness was stifling.  

This was bad. It hadn't even been over a month, yet to think that I who was used to being alone would feel this empty in my chest. To think my habit changed this much.

Just when I was feeling embarra.s.sed and frowning, someone turned up in the living room.

"Oh, Happy. You woke up?"

It was Seon Hyung-nuna. I looked at her and nodded, a bit disappointed. When I turned to look at the TV screen, she sat next to me on the sofa.

"Looks like it's raining. When I thought the weather was starting to get better……."

She mumbled to herself. She turned her eyes to me who was watching the TV unenthusiastically.

"It must have surprised you that Jun Hyung isn't here."

"Jun Hyung went to school today. It's the orientation day."

Orientation day.…… Don't you have to take something? I was surprised somewhat.

"Regarding it as Orientation day, he must have gone to meet all the friends he had refused till now. That's probably why he went. It must have been hard to refuse anymore."

As if she knew I was surprised, she smiled and added.

"But it's a big problem. Jun Hyung definitely did not take his umbrella. It must be pouring.……"

"I have to go out soon. There isn't anyone else in the house."

"………… Should…… I go?"

"Huh?"

It was purely said by impulse. But now it needed to be somehow done. I seemed to be in the stage of thinking that it'll work out somehow.

"If it's Daeil, I know where it is."

Because it is the school I attend.

"I'll take the umbrella with me. It's not particularly troublesome."

I thought I wouldn't come across any of the people I knew. Since vacation was going on and there wouldn't be any freshmen who'd know me, so even if I went to school to look for him there shouldn't be anyone who would recognize me.

"Oh…… Really? Would you?"

Seeing her surprised by my answer, I silently nodded.

 ⬅  ➡