HERMES Ah! my good friend, did you have a good journey?

TRYGAEUS Glutton, be off! I no longer seem a triple scoundrel to you.

Come, call Zeus.

HERMES Ah! ah! you are a long way yet from reaching the G.o.ds, for they moved yesterday.

TRYGAEUS To what part of the earth?

HERMES Eh! of the earth, did you say?

TRYGAEUS In short, where are they then?

HERMES Very far, very far, right at the furthest end of the dome of heaven.

TRYGAEUS But why have they left you all alone here?

HERMES I am watching what remains of the furniture, the little pots and pans, the bits of chairs and tables, and odd wine-jars.

TRYGAEUS And why have the G.o.ds moved away?

HERMES Because of their wrath against the Greeks. They have located War in the house they occupied themselves and have given him full power to do with you exactly as he pleases; then they went as high up as ever they could, so as to see no more of your fights and to hear no more of your prayers.

TRYGAEUS What reason have they for treating us so?

HERMES Because they have afforded you an opportunity for peace more than once, but you have always preferred war. If the Laconians got the very slightest advantage, they would exclaim, "By the Twin Brethren! the Athenians shall smart for this." If, on the contrary, the latter triumphed and the Laconians came with peace proposals, you would say, "By Demeter, they want to deceive us. No, by Zeus, we will not hear a word; they will always be coming as long as we hold Pylos."(1)

f(1) Masters of Pylos and Sphacteria, the Athenians had brought home the three hundred prisoners taken in the latter place in 425 B.C.; the Spartans had several times sent envoys to offer peace and to demand back both Pylos and the prisoners, but the Athenian pride had caused these proposals to be long refused. Finally the prisoners had been given up in 423 B.C., but the War was continued nevertheless.

TRYGAEUS Yes, that is quite the style our folk do talk in.

HERMES So that I don't know whether you will ever see Peace again.

TRYGAEUS Why, where has she gone to then?

HERMES War has cast her into a deep pit.

TRYGAEUS Where?

HERMES Down there, at the very bottom. And you see what heaps of stones he has piled over the top, so that you should never pull her out again.

TRYGAEUS Tell me, what is War preparing against us?

HERMES All I know is that last evening he brought along a huge mortar.

TRYGAEUS And what is he going to do with his mortar?

HERMES He wants to pound up all the cities of Greece in it.... But I must say good-bye, for I think he is coming out; what an uproar he is making!

TRYGAEUS Ah! great G.o.ds! let us seek safety; meseems I already hear the noise of this fearful war mortar.

WAR (ENTERS, CARRYING A HUGE MORTAR) Oh! mortals, mortals, wretched mortals, how your jaws will snap!

TRYGAEUS Oh! divine Apollo! what a prodigious big mortar! Oh, what misery the very sight of War causes me! This then is the foe from whom I fly, who is so cruel, so formidable, so stalwart, so solid on his legs!

WAR Oh! Prasiae!(1) thrice wretched, five times, aye, a thousand times wretched! for thou shalt be destroyed this day.

f(1) An important town in Eastern Laconia on the Argolic gulf, celebrated for a temple where a festival was held annually in honour of Achilles. It had been taken and pillaged by the Athenians in the second year of the Peloponnesian War, 430 B.C. As he utters this imprecation, War throws some leeks, the root-word of the name Praisae, into his mortar.

TRYGAEUS This does not concern us over much; 'tis only so much the worse for the Laconians.

WAR Oh! Megara! Megara! how utterly are you going to be ground up! what fine mincemeat(1) are you to be made into!

f(1) War throws some garlic into his mortar as emblematical of the city of Megara, where it was grown in abundance.

TRYGAEUS Alas! alas! what bitter tears there will be among the Megarians!(1)

f(1) Because the smell of bruised garlic causes the eyes to water.

WAR Oh, Sicily! you too must perish! Your wretched towns shall be grated like this cheese.(1) Now let us pour some Attic honey(2) into the mortar.

f(1) He throws cheese into the mortar as emblematical of Sicily, on account of its rich pastures.

f(2) Emblematical of Athens. They honey of Mount Hymettus was famous.

TRYGAEUS Oh! I beseech you! use some other honey; this kind is worth four obols; be careful, oh! be careful of our Attic honey.

WAR Hi! Tumult, you slave there!

TUMULT What do you want?

WAR Out upon you! Standing there with folded arms! Take this cuff o' the head for your pains.

TUMULT Oh! how it stings! Master, have you got garlic in your fist, I wonder?

WAR Run and fetch me a pestle.

TUMULT But we haven't got one; 'twas only yesterday we moved.

WAR Go and fetch me one from Athens, and hurry, hurry!

TUMULT Aye, I hasten there; if I return without one, I shall have no cause for laughing. (EXIT.)

TRYGAEUS Ah! what is to become of us, wretched mortals that we are? See the danger that threatens if he returns with the pestle, for War will quietly amuse himself with pounding all the towns of h.e.l.las to pieces.

Ah! Bacchus! cause this herald of evil to perish on his road!

WAR Well?

TUMULT (WHO HAS RETURNED) Well, what?