Maryl slid the chicken ca.s.serole into the oven. The salad was already made and chilling in the refrigerator next to a nice bottle of white wine. She had a fresh loaf of french bread that she would prepare later and dessert was a store bought apple pie she would heat after dinner and serve with vanilla ice cream. With the ca.s.serole in the oven she now had nearly an hour to take a shower and get dressed before Robin would arrive.

"Thank G.o.d I took the afternoon off," she murmured to herself. Maryl was not a messy person, but she had spent most of the afternoon cleaning her house. She wanted everything to be perfect.

Robin knew that Maryl wasn't perfect, of course, but Maryl wanted to impress her. In a way, it was like they were just starting to date. Maybe they were doing everything backwards (and Maryl was by no means ready to really move forward), but this was an important step. Inviting a woman home for dinner carried a certain intimacy with it. Robin would see how Maryl lived. The way a person decorated their living s.p.a.ce said a lot about who a person was. Maryl was inviting Robin to see that part of herself and she was a little nervous about it. She wanted Robin to like what she saw and feel at home in her s.p.a.ce. Maryl knew from experience that you could be comfortable with a person and feel completely out of place in their home. If she and Robin had any chance at all of someday being together, they had to be comfortable in a home together. Not being comfortable in each others homes would not be a good sign.

Maryl still wasn't sure what she was going to wear and she went straight to her closet to figure it out. Rupert padded into the room behind her and jumped up onto the bed to watch. Settling down with his chin resting on his paws at the edge of the bed, he watched as Maryl rifled through her clothes.

It took a while, but Maryl finally settled on a casual pair of tan slacks and a cream colored sweater. It was nice, but not too dressy; casual, but not a slouch-around-the-house outfit. She would wear a comfortable pair of sandals with it.

With that decided, Maryl headed for the shower. She was rinsing the conditioner out of her hair when the smoke alarm went off and Rupert began to bark.

Robin had gone home early to change clothes. Her work clothes were comfortable for the most part, but Maryl had suggested that she wear something casual. Exchanging her slacks and blazer for blue jeans and a white T-s.h.i.+rt, she had stopped at a florist's and picked up a handful of poppies. Except for Maryl's statement that she didn't like roses, she was still trying to figure out what the younger blond did like. So far, all of her gifts of flowers had elicited the same enthusiastic response. Maybe she could ask Janelle which flowers were Maryl's favorites. They were best friends, after all. Janelle should know something like that.

Turning onto Maryl's street, she saw right away that Maryl's front door was open and some grey smoke was wafting out. There was no way she could prevent the panic she felt. Throwing her car into park and yanking out the keys, she ran up the walk, the sound of a smoke alarm getting louder.

Running through the open door, she almost yelled out, but then she saw Maryl across the room hitting the smoke alarm with a broom. The woman she loved had a towel wrapped around herself, but with her arms up in the air, it rode up and showed just enough of that perfect a.s.s that Robin had to smile. Maryl had obviously been in the shower. Her hair was still sopping wet and she had soap down one leg. It was the most adorable thing she'd ever seen.

From the smell and the lack of the dense smoke that usually accompanied a serious threat, Robin deduced that dinner was toasted. There wasn't much she could do about that, but she could help with that piercing noise. Walking up behind Maryl, she placed a hand on a naked shoulder. "Can I help with that?"

Maryl jerked around in surprise, one hand going to stop her towel from falling off. "Oh, s.h.i.+t."

Robin smiled at the shocked look and reached up to pull the cover off of the alarm. She pulled the battery out and the sound stopped. "That's better. Are you all right?"

Maryl's face crumpled and big, fat tears rolled down her cheeks. "I can't believe this. I just can't." She turned and walked into the kitchen.

It was funny, but at the same time, Robin understood how Maryl must feel. She followed and found Maryl standing over an open oven still smoking and burned food on the floor.

"I set the oven to preheat," Maryl said with a dull voice. "I must have forgotten to turn it down."

Robin put an arm around Maryl's shoulders for comfort. "What was it?"

"Chicken ca.s.serole with asparagus tips and mushrooms on rice."

"It sounds really good. I'm not starving, you know. I can wait to eat for a while. Can we make more?"

Maryl wiped at her face with the back of one hand. "That's not the point. I wanted everything to be perfect and now it's ruined. I burned dinner and the house smells like smoke. I'm not even dressed."

"I don't mind that part at all."

Maryl sighed and moved out from under Robin's arm. "You can't make me feel better. Maybe we should do this another night."

The despondency of Maryl's voice and demeanor made Robin frown. "We can if you want to, but I really want to stay. I'll help you clean up and we'll make more. Or we'll eat something else. This is not a big deal to me. Why don't you go ahead and get dressed and I'll do something with this. Okay?"

"You don't have to clean this up, Robin. I can do it."

She watched as Maryl turned to pick up a roll of paper towels. If she didn't do something right now, she was afraid that Maryl would make her leave and things would never be made right. Robin stepped around the mess and took Maryl's face in her hands. She saw the tear tracks and that Maryl was trying not to look at her. "Hey. Come on, baby. Look at me."

Blue eyes filled with more tears slowly s.h.i.+fted.

"I don't care about dinner," Robin said to the sad eyes. "I didn't really come here for dinner. I only came to see you. I missed you all day." She placed a kiss on Maryl's forehead, her nose, and finally on her lips. "All I care about is being with you. I don't care what we do or what we eat. I just want to see you and talk to you."

Robin began placing gentle kisses all over Maryl's face, relieved when she felt the smaller woman start to relax. "I missed you. I love you, baby."

Maryl's arms went around Robin's slender waist and they held each other tightly, their bodies starting to sway. "I just wanted everything to be perfect," Maryl said softly.

"Everything is perfect, baby." Robin s.h.i.+fted slightly and they fit together even better. "It's not what you do, or what you say, or what you look like, Maryl. It's just you. All I need or want is for you just to be. That's what makes me happy. Please, let me stay?"

Maryl sighed. "I really am a good cook."

"I know."

"I spent all afternoon cleaning house."

"I like your house. It feels really comfortable."

Maryl pulled back, hopeful eyes searching Robin's face. "Does it really? You're not just saying that?"

"No. I wouldn't do that." Robin caressed the side of Maryl's face. "I caught a glimpse that once when I came to pick you up. I really like the colors. Maybe you could help me with my place? It just doesn't have any warmth at all and I can't figure out how to fix it."

Maryl beamed a smile at her.

Robin smiled back. "Why don't you finish getting dressed and I'll see what I can do about this. Then we can talk about what we want to do for dinner."

"You don't mind cleaning up?"

"Nope. Go on. Get dressed and let's get this date on the move."

Maryl reached up and pulled Robin down for a kiss. "Thank you."

"No problem," Robin shrugged. She watched Maryl walk away with an ache of longing, then squared her shoulders and looked at the mess on the floor. Paper towels weren't going to cut it. This was a job for..."Rupert!"

Maryl had a good week. Janelle finally opened up about Jerry and admitted that she was afraid to talk about him for fear that it would all go away. Maryl understood the feeling completely and was glad she had not teased her about it. She was glad to see Janelle excited about him because it seemed different than any other man she had dated. Maryl kept her sincere hopes close to her chest and took her cues on how to act from Janelle's efforts to be casual about it. They did, however, begin car-pooling to the store on their lunches. Maryl refrained from mentioning that she could see the two of them from Robin's office. Not that she was watching. She was usually too busy cuddling with Robin to notice anything.

Late Friday morning, a flower delivery service brought Maryl a corsage size box and she signed for it excitedly.

"What is it?" Janelle asked.

"I don't know yet." She opened the card first. It read: I promised myself I wouldn't do anything this overt, but I just couldn't resist. R.

With a feeling of eager dread, Maryl turned so no one could see and gingerly opened the box. She closed it immediately and blushed. "Oh, my G.o.d."

"What is it?" Janelle asked again.

Maryl peeked back into the box and studied the orchid a second time. It looked exactly like genitalia. Different colors, of course, but the c.l.i.toris, v.a.g.i.n.a and v.u.l.v.a were obvious. She had not known there even was a flower that so closely resembled a woman's s.e.xual organs. "Oh my G.o.d," she repeated. Closing the box she hugged it to her chest protectively.

"I want to see," Janelle demanded.

Maryl shook her head tightly and tried to keep the grin from her face. "No."

"Come on, Maryl. You know how devious I am when I want something. You might as well just show it to me and get it over with."

Maryl knew she was right, but it felt almost like she would be showing Janelle her own genitalia. "I'm too embarra.s.sed."

"What is it?"

"A flower."

Janelle frowned. "You're embarra.s.sed to show me a flower?"

Maryl laughed nervously. "I don't think you've ever seen a flower like this one. I've never seen one before."

Janelle held her hands out and waited.

Maryl considered. "You have to promise to take it to the bathroom to look at it and you can't tease me about it. Okay?"

"Deal." Janelle s.n.a.t.c.hed the box from her hand and left the office. Maryl sat down and tried to find a piece of work that made sense to her. She heard a m.u.f.fled "Yikes!" from down the hall and blushed even harder. She was on the phone when Janelle came back and set the flower on the edge of her desk so they couldn't immediately talk.

A little later, Janelle rolled her chair over and whispered, "Is that really what it looks like?"

Maryl was surprised that Janelle wasn't sure. "Yeah."

Janelle looked stunned. "It's so pretty."

"Are you telling me that you've never seen yours?" Janelle's look of embarra.s.sed horror sent Maryl into a whispering rage. "Do you have any idea how messed up that is? This is your body. It belongs to you and no one else. You control who sees it and who touches it. This is the one thing that truly is yours to command. But you can't look at it? Have you ever seen your back? It's harder to see and doesn't give you a tenth the pleasure, but you don't have any problem twisting yourself up to see that. Somewhere along the line someone convinced you that your genitals don't belong to you. That you should keep it clean but only so it would be available for someone else to control. Real women control every aspect of their lives and their bodies, Janelle. You get a mirror and start spending time with your v.a.g.i.n.a. I can't believe you bought into that line of c.r.a.p."

"Hear, hear."

Maryl spun to the woman in the reception window and her mouth dropped open in shock. "Robin's mom," she said with a gulp.

"It's Olivia, dear." She looked past Maryl to Janelle. "I recommend a makeup mirror on a stand; preferably one with lights and magnification. And don't just look at it-wors.h.i.+p it and write poetry to it. You have a lifetime of neglect to make up for."

Maryl appreciated the unexpected support, but her mind was whirling. "I didn't know you were coming this weekend."

Olivia smiled. "Neither does Robin."

Maryl got to her feet and reached out to take her hand. "It's so good to see you!"

"I was hoping we could have lunch. I know it's last minute, but I've come all this way and..."

"No! This is great!" She recognized the guilt trip for what it was, but this was Robin's mother and she really was glad to see her. "I've got about 20 minutes before I can leave for lunch though."

"I'll wait."

"Do you want coffee or tea or anything?"

"No, dear. I'm just fine."

Robin's mother sat down in a chair and picked up a Newsweek. Maryl turned to Janelle in stupefaction. "It's Robin's mom."

"I heard. She seems nice," Janelle's voice dropped to a whisper, "but I think I could have done without a total stranger telling me to write poetry to my crotch."

"Somebody had to do it," Maryl said absently. She was wondering if she should call Robin and if she did, should she tell her that her mother was in town or just say that she was going to run errands and wouldn't see her over lunch. She didn't want to lie, but she also didn't want to blow Olivia's cover. It was a good bet that Robin would come running if she had time to intercept them and Maryl was curious about why Olivia was here. "Janelle, I need a favor. When you get to the store, you've got to tell Robin why I'm not there. Please?"

"Sure."

Maryl dove into her work and the 20 minutes flew by. She locked the orchid in her desk drawer with a last look and let Janelle close the office for lunch.

"Where would you suggest we eat?" Olivia asked.

Maryl thought about it. "To be honest, the hospital cafeteria next door is very good. It's also cheap and close."

"Perfect." Olivia looped her arm through Maryl's and fell into step with her. "This may be the last time we get to talk."

Maryl was instantly fearful. "Why?"

"Robin is going to kill me when she finds out that I looked you up." Maryl laughed in relief. "She expressly forbade me from seeking you out," Olivia continued. "She is very concerned with giving you the time and s.p.a.ce you need to work this all out. When she finds out that I'm here, I'm afraid that she's going to be furious with me."

"You should know that my friend, Janelle, is going to see her shortly and tell her why I'm not meeting her for lunch."

"You cancelled a date with Robin for me?"

"It's not a date exactly. More like a few minutes alone in the middle of the day."

"I see."

Maryl glanced over and saw the glint of understanding in Olivia's eyes. "I hope she's not too hard on you."

Olivia huffed. "She's not too big to spank."

Maryl laughed and filed the information away for future reference. They didn't speak again until they had their food and were sitting in a corner of the cafeteria. "I a.s.sume you wanted to talk to me about something?"

Olivia spread her napkin on her lap and looked up with an open expression. "Do you love my daughter?"

It didn't even occur to Maryl to hedge. "Yes."

"Then what's the problem?"

Maryl looked down at her tray and suddenly wasn't hungry anymore. She set her fork down and put her hands in her lap. She could feel Olivia watching her. "I'm afraid."

"Of Robin?"

"Maybe. Probably more of myself."

"Why?"

Maryl looked away uncomfortably.

"This is just between us, dear. Perhaps it will help if I tell you what Robin told me." Maryl glanced at her and nodded. "She thinks that you don't believe it's possible for someone to really love you. I guess your other relations.h.i.+ps ended badly, though she wasn't clear about what happened. She did tell me that you expect your lovers to hurt you and that you're afraid she'll hurt you, too. She also mentioned that you might feel as if it's something about you that causes them to hurt you. Is that right?"