"My name is Alfred--But never mind my name; announce me as a Gentleman from England."

"Who has lectured before the Queen and Napoleon Bonaparte."

"Nay, that I have never done."

"Well, but you might, you know; and if you didn't, the greater loss theirs."

"Perhaps so; but I can't consent--"

"Just leave them things to me. And now, one hint for yourself: when you 're a-windin' up, dash it all with a little soft sawder, sayin' as how you 'd rather be addressin' _them_ than the Emperor of Roosia; that the sight of men as loves liberty, and knows how to keep it, is as good as Peat's vegetable balsam, that warms the heart without feverin' the blood; and that wherever you go the 'membrance of the city and its enlightened citizens will be the same as photographed on your heart; that there's men here ought to be in Congress, and women fit for queens!

And if you throw in a bit of the star-spangled--you know what--it 'll do no harm."

Layton only smiled at these counsels, offered, however, in a spirit far from jesting; and after a little further discussion of the plan, Heron said, "Oh, if we only could get old Poll bright enough to write the placards,--that's what he excels in; there ain't his equal for capitals anywhere."

Though Layton felt very little desire to have the individual referred to associated with him or his scheme, he trusted to the impossibility of the alliance, and gave himself no trouble to repudiate it; and after a while they parted, with a good-night and hope for the morrow.

CHAPTER XLIII. BUNKUMVILLE

"You would n't believe it,--no one would believe it," said Mr. Heron, as he hastily broke in upon Layton the next morning, deep in preparations for the coming event "There 's old Poll all spry and right again; he asked for water to shave himself, an invariable sign with him that he was a-goin' to try a new course."

Layton, not caring to open again what might bear upon this history, merely asked some casual question upon the arrangements for the evening; but Heron rejoined: "I told Poll to do it all. The news seemed to revive him; and far from, as I half dreaded, any jealousy about another taking his place, he said, 'This looks like a promise of better things down here. If our Bunkumville folk will only encourage lecturers to come amongst them, their tone of thinking and speaking will improve. They 'll do their daily work in a better spirit, and enjoy their leisure with a higher zest.'"

"Strange sentiments from one such as you pictured to me last night."

"Lord love ye, that's his way. He beats all the Temperance 'Postles about condemning drink. He can tell more anecdotes of the mischief it works, explain better its evil on the health, and the injury it works in a man's natur', than all the talkers ever came out of the May ne Convention."

"Which scarcely says much for the force of his convictions," said Layton, smiling.

"I only wish he heard you say so, Britisher; if he would n't chase you up a pretty high tree, call _me_ a land crab! I remember well, one night, how he lectured on that very point and showed that what was vulgarly called hypocrisy was jest neither more nor less than a diseased and exaggerated love of approbation,--them's his words; I took 'em down and showed 'em to him next morning, and all he said was, 'I suppose I said it arter dinner.'"

"Am I to see your friend and make his acquaintance?" asked Layton.

"Well," said the other, with some hesitation, "I rayther suspect not; he said as much that he did n't like meeting any one from the old country.

It's my idea that he warn't over well treated there, somehow, though he won't say it."

"But as one who has never seen him before, and in all likelihood is never to see him again--"

"No use; whenever he makes up his mind in that quiet way he never changes, and he said, 'I 'll do all you want, only don't bring me forward. I have my senses now, and shame is one of 'em!'"

"You increase my desire to see and know this poor fellow."

"Mayhap you're a-thinkin', Britisher, whether, if you could wile him away from me, you could n't do a good stroke of work with him down South,--eh? wasn't that it?"

"No, on my word; nothing of the kind. My desire was simply to know if I could n't serve him where he was, and where he is probably to remain."

"Where he is sartainly to remain, I 'd say, sir,--sar-tainly to remain!

I 'd rayther give up the Temple, ay, and all the fixin's, than I 'd give up that man. There ain't one spot in creation he ain't fit for. Take him North, and he 'll beat all the Abolitionists ever talked; bring him down to the old South State, and hear him how he 'll make out that the Bible stands by slavery, and that Blacks are to Whites what children are to their elders,--a sort of folk to be fed, and nourished, and looked arter, and, maybe, cor-rected a little betimes. Fetch him up to Lowell, and he 'll teach the factory folk in their own mills; and as to the art of stump-raisin', rotation of crops in a new soil, fattenin' hogs, and curin' salmon, jest show me one to compare with him!"

"How sad that such a man should be lost!" said Layton, half to himself.

But the other overheard him, and rejoined: "It's always with some sentiment of that kind you Britishers work out something for your own benefit. You never conquer a new territory except to propagate trial by jury and habeas corpus. Now look out here, for I won't stand you 're steppin' in 'tween _me_ and old Poll."

It was not enough for Layton to protest that he harbored no such intentions. Mr. Heron's experiences of mankind had inspired very different lessons than those of trust and confidence, and he secretly determined that no opportunity should be given to carry out the treason he dreaded.

"When the lecturin'-room is a-clean swept out and dusted, the table placed, and the blackboard with a piece of chalk ahind it, and the bills a-posted, setting forth what you 're a-goin' to stump out, there ain't no need for more. If _you_ 've got the stuff in you to amuse our folk, you 'll see the quarter dollars a-rollin' in, in no time! If they think, however, that you 're only come here to sell 'em grit for buckwheat, darm me considerable, but there's lads here would treat you to a cowhide!"

Layton did not hear this alternative with all the conscious security of success, not to say that it was a penalty on failure far more severe and practical than any his fears had ever anticipated. Coldness he was prepared for, disapprobation he might endure, but he was not ready to be treated as a cheat and impostor because he had not satisfied the expectancies of an audience.

"I half regret," said he, "that I should not have learned something more of your public before making my appearance to them. It may not be, perhaps, too late."

"Well, I suspect it _is_ too late," said the other, dryly. "They won't stand folks a-postin' up bills, and then sayin' 'There ain't no performance.' You 're not in the Hay-market, sir, where you can come out with a flam about sudden indisposition, and a lie signed by a 'pottecary."

"But if I leave the town?"

"I wouldn't say you mightn't, if you had a bal-loon," said the other, laughing; "but as to any other way, I defy you!"

Layton was not altogether without the suspicion that Mr. Heron was trying to play upon his fears, and this was exactly the sort of outrage that a mind like his would least tolerate. It was, to be sure, a wild, out-of-the-world kind of place; the people were a rough, semi-civilized-looking set; public opinion in such a spot _might_ take a rude form; what they deemed unequal to their expectations, they _might_ construe as a fraud upon their pockets; and if so, and that their judgment should take the form he hinted at--Still, he was reluctant to accept this version of the case, and stood deeply pondering what line to adopt.

"You don't like it, stranger; now that's a fact," said Heron, as he scanned his features. "You 've been a-think-in', 'Oh, any rubbish I like will be good enough for these bark-cutters. What should such fellows know, except about their corn crops and their saw-mills? _I_ needn't trouble my head about what I talk to 'em.' But now, you see, it ain't so; you begin to perceive that Jonathan, with his sleeves rolled up for work, is a smart man, who keeps his brains oiled and his thoughts polished, like one of Platt's engines, and it won't do to ask him to make French rolls out of sawdust!"

Layton was still silent, partly employed in reviewing the difficulty of his position, but even more, perhaps, from chagrin at the tone of impertinence addressed to him.

"Yes, sir," said Heron, continuing an imaginary dialogue with himself,--"yes, sir; that's a mistake more than one of your countrymen has fallen into. As Mr. Clay said, it 's so hard for an Englishman not to think of us as colonists."

"I 've made up my mind," said Layton, at last "I 'll not lecture."

"Won't you? Then all I can say is, Britisher, look out for a busy arternoon. I told you what our people was. I warned you that if they struck work an hour earlier to listen to a preacher, it would fare ill with him if he wanted the mill to turn without water."

"I repeat, I 'll not lecture, come what may of it," said Layton, firmly.

"Well, it ain't so very hard to guess what _will_ come of it," replied the other.

"This is all nonsense and folly, sir," said Layton, angrily. "I have taken no man's money; I have deceived no one. Your people, when I shall have left this place, will be no worse than when I entered it."

"If that 's your platform, stranger, come out and defend it; we 'll have a meetin' called, and I promise you a fair hearin'."

"I have no account to render to any. I am not responsible for my conduct to one of you!" said Layton, angrily. "You're a-beggin' the whole question, stranger; so jest keep these arguments for the meetin'."

"Meeting! I will attend no meeting! Whatever be your local ways and habits, you have no right to impose them upon a stranger. I am not one of you; I will not be one of you."

"That's more of the same sort of reasonin'; but you 'll be chastised, Britisher, see if you ain't!"

"Let me have some sort of conveyance, or, if need be, a horse. I will leave this at once. Any expenses I have incurred I am ready to pay. You hear me?"

"Yes, I hear you, but that ain't enough. You 're bound by them bills, as you 'll see stickin' up all through the town, to appear this evening and deliver a lecture before the people of this city--"