"I wanted to go after you-at the very least I was going to call Aaron and see if you were all right-but Mick kept me distracted, and by the next day, I started questioning if it had even happened at all, if you had really been there or if I'd imagined it."

Looking down at the floor, she nodded. "I don't even know what I was thinking, going there like that."

Closing the distance between them, he tucked a finger under her chin and gently guided her to look up at him. "I was glad you did. Seeing you...kissing you-it was amazing."

She let out a mirthless laugh. "Right. That's why you remembered it so well."

He immediately dropped his hand. "You have to know I was pretty much at my lowest when you saw me-with my partying and drinking. I started counseling a week later and other than an occasional beer or glass of wine, I don't drink anymore. I know it's not an excuse, and it doesn't make me look good, but there it is."

"I'm glad you got help, Matt. I really am. It's just..." She paused and sighed loudly. "It's really kind of humiliating to know I did that-which is so completely out of character for me-and then you didn't even remember it. I thought I was okay with it, that I was over it, and then you showed up here, and it brought it all back. Only...I couldn't say anything. First, because of Aaron, and second because...well...what was the point?" She shrugged.

"I am so sorry, Vivienne. Believe me, if I could, I would change everything about that night. I would have...locked the door. Or stood up to Mick and taken you with me. Hell, there are probably a dozen things I'd do differently, but I can't. The only thing I can do is apologize and hope we can move on from it." Frustration had his voice rising and with a sound of disgust, he stepped away and raked a hand through his hair. "I honestly don't know what else to say."

Vivienne studied him for a long time before letting out a loud, shaky breath of her own. "When you go back to Aaron's, can you see if he has any mayo? I'm running a little low." And then she turned and walked out of the room and Matt heard her footsteps going up the stairs. He stood rooted to the spot until he heard her bedroom door close.

With a muttered curse, he did the only thing he could do-went back across the yard into Aaron's house, and waited.

Standing under the hot spray, Vivienne had to keep reminding herself to breathe. Not only had Matt finally acknowledged their kiss, but he'd even gone so far as to apologize. For everything. She had sworn all along that it was what she was waiting for, what she needed so she could have some form of closure, but now that she did, it didn't feel nearly as satisfying.

What would have happened if Matt had locked the door and his manager hadn't gotten in? What if they hadn't been interrupted? What if she hadn't been physically escorted out of the building?

She shook her head-it was too late for all of those what-ifs. What was the point anyway? There was no way to go back and change anything, no matter how badly she wanted to. But oh...if she could. A long sigh came out before she could stop it, and she let her head fall back as the hot water cascaded over her. There wasn't a doubt in her mind she would have let Matt do whatever he wanted to with her that night.

Hell, she was just about ready to let him do whatever it was he wanted with her now.

"This is crazy," she murmured, forcing herself to focus on the shower. Grabbing her shampoo, she quickly washed her hair and applied conditioner. Taking another look around her large shower, she grabbed the bottle of body wash and lathered up from head to toe before rinsing and shutting off the water.

This bathroom was like her own mini-retreat, and she had done a ton of upgrades to make it that way-heated floors, heated towel racks-and at times like this, she appreciated those upgrades all the more. Wrapping herself in a towel, she made fast work of drying off and applying moisturizer everywhere before stepping into her bedroom to get dressed.

Jeans and a soft, jade-colored sweater were what she had already been planning on wearing. With or without having lunch with Matt, she was going out to go shopping and she felt it was important to put in at least a small effort to look put together. Not that she was one of those women who obsessed about her hair and makeup or wardrobe, but it was still important to Vivienne that she look nice.

Once dressed, she applied minimal makeup and pulled out the blow-dryer to get the bulk of the dampness out of her hair. With it being so long, it was a lengthy task. But today she was just going to let it go with as little fuss as possible and was thankful for its natural curl.

Looking at the clock, Vivienne knew Matt would be back any minute and she wanted to be downstairs when he arrived. She needed to be busy, to at least give the appearance of being busy, so she didn't do anything stupid like reaching out and touching him again. God, it had felt so good to have his hand caressing her cheek earlier. He had great hands.

"Oh sure, there's a way to stay focused on not touching him," she mumbled as she walked down the stairs. "Keep imagining his hands on you. Perfect."

Walking with purpose, she immediately went into the kitchen and sprang into action. Grabbing the tuna from the pantry, she quickly opened the cans and emptied them out into a strainer to drain. Next she grabbed some celery from the crisper and began chopping it. Normally she enjoyed a little onion in her tuna salad but opted against it this once. There was a fresh loaf of multigrain bread in her bread box she knew would be perfect for their sandwiches once it was toasted, and she grabbed it and cut several thick slices from it.

Right on time, Matt knocked on the door and walked in. Honestly, she wasn't even sure why he bothered knocking-he never waited for her to ask him in or even open the door herself.

"Aaron did have mayo, and I also brought over some chips. I know it's probably not something you'd pair with one of your sandwiches, but it's a personal favorite of mine."

She laughed and felt some of the tension leave her body. "I think it's perfect. It's been a long time since I had chips on the side." Glancing toward her refrigerator, she added, "Do me a favor and look in there and see if I have any pickles. We'll make these plates up like you would find in a traditional deli or diner."

"Yes!" Matt walked over and claimed victory as he lifted the glass jar over his head. "Although, if you didn't have any, I know Aaron does. I just saw them over there."

"Yes, but mine are going to be better," she teased.

Matt laughed with her and put the jar down on the counter. "Why? Because you buy better quality foods than your non-cooking bachelor brother?"

She smiled and winked. "Exactly."

"Maybe you should take pity on him and teach him how to do all of this."

"Are you kidding? And give away all my secrets?" she cried, feigning offense. "It's bad enough that you're getting to peek behind the curtain. I can't let everyone know how it's done."

Reaching over, Matt grabbed one of the unchopped celery stalks and took a bite out of it. "Don't worry. Your secrets are safe with me."

"Thank you."

They worked together to finish putting the sandwiches together, Matt toasting the bread while Vivienne seasoned and mixed the tuna. Within minutes, they were seated at the table and eating. Vivienne carefully considered her next words.

"So...would you like to come food shopping with me?"

Matt immediately choked on his food and began to cough. Vivienne reached over, patting his back until he was okay.

"You said you were free to go back to your regular life," she said nervously, even though she was going for light and breezy. "I know food shopping isn't something you would do in your normal life-you know, pre-Broadway-but it might be a nice way to ease yourself back out into the public eye."

He shook his head. "No."

"Why not?" She was seriously perplexed. To her, it was the perfect plan. He'd be able to get out for a little bit without it being a major media event.

"I...I'm just not ready."

Vivienne put her sandwich down and stared at him. "Matt, I'm asking you to go to the grocery store, not a red-carpet event."

Meanwhile, he continued to eat as if she hadn't spoken a word.

"You can put on a baseball hat and glasses. If you try, I'm sure no one will even recognize you."

"Not gonna happen, Viv," he said around a mouthful of chips.

It was beyond frustrating, but she just wasn't sure what she could say to convince him to go. Rather than argue, she decided to let it go and change the subject. "Did you talk to Mick?"

Matt looked over at her with surprise, no doubt wondering why she let the argument go so quickly. Slowly, he nodded. "I did."

"And?"

He took a long drink from the can of soda he had brought over with him before responding. "Well, for starters, Dylan's in rehab."

"I thought that was a given."

Matt shook his head. "It was what was going to happen eventually, but there was a possibility of it taking some time to get him there."

"What changed?"

"I figured it was just Mick putting his foot down like he normally does, but he said Dylan didn't put up a fight at all. They found him a facility that is known to cater to celebrities-"

"That's just wrong," Vivienne muttered with disgust.

"I agree, but...that's the way it is. This place is secluded, has high security, and will guard Dylan's privacy while he's there."

"Sounds to me like it's probably a glorified spa." She threw down the chip she was about to eat. "So the guys in the car he hit are in the hospital and dealing with their injuries, and the big rock star gets to go and get coddled and massaged. Nice."

Matt rested his elbows on the table and glared at her. "Okay, first of all, that's a pretty big assumption you're making." His tone was firm and just a little bit hostile. "You have no idea what it's like to go through rehab for an addiction. Just because the place is upscale doesn't mean it's a damn cakewalk."

Shame filled her. He was right. She had no idea what it was like and it was wrong to pretend like she did. "You're right. I'm sorry. It was insensitive of me."

"Damn right it was," he snapped as he pushed away from the table and stood. "I was too damn scared to go into one of those facilities. Just the thought of being isolated and not having any control was enough to freak me out. I am so relieved Dylan is doing this and no one had to strong-arm him into it."

"Well-"

"Okay, I realize the accident and DUI charges were technically the same thing, but he still could have fought it."

"So what happens now? How long is he there for?"

With a shrug, he paced beside the table. "Not sure. It could be thirty days, it could be more. I think it all depends on how his recovery goes."

"And what about the charges? I'm sure there's going to be a civil suit brought against him by each of the guys in the other car. Will he have to go to court?"

"It's doubtful. He's not going to argue that he caused the accident. It would be pointless. There will be settlements and then..." He paused and shrugged again. "Then Dylan's going to have to stay on the straight and narrow."

"Any word on how badly injured the guys were?"

"Nothing life-threatening, thank God." Seemingly tired of pacing, Matt sat back down. "Broken bones, concussions. Luckily it was a fairly new car and had airbags on all sides. I think it could have been much worse."

"Still. It had to be very scary. And completely pointless-all because of alcohol."

Matt studied her for a long moment. "I know it sounds like an excuse, but it's part of the lifestyle. I know I partied way too much. At the time, I didn't even realize how much. Eventually, it finally registered, and I knew it wasn't how I wanted to live my life. I've seen what it can do to people, what it was doing to me, and that was enough to make me want to quit. But while you're on the road, it's everywhere. Not everyone can resist it. I went on the wagon completely and it was hard to keep saying no when it was being offered all around me. Eventually I learned to drink in moderation, and it's working for me."

"What about Dylan?"

"Dylan drank. It's what he was known for-he was always the partier in the band, and he sort of liked the reputation that went with it." He sighed. "I knew that eventually it was going to come to something like this."

"So it's a good thing he's getting the help," she said because she didn't know what else to say. It was true she'd never had any unhealthy vices, and for the life of her, she'd never understood how people allowed themselves to become addicted to anything, but she could hear the pain in Matt's voice and knew his concern was real. "Maybe at some point you can talk to Dylan. You can encourage him."

"Maybe," he said and picked up his sandwich. After taking a bite, he threw it back down and looked over at Vivienne again. "I lied."

"Excuse me?" Her stomach clenched at his words, the somber tone.

Shifting around in his chair, Matt rested his arms on the edge of the table. "I really did quit drinking because I didn't like who I had become."

"O-kay..."

"But...it's not the only reason."

Her heart began to hammer in her chest. Vivienne knew that nothing as drastic as what Dylan was dealing with had happened to Matt. She would have heard about it-if not through the media, then at least from Aaron.

His green eyes darkened as he continued to look at her. "I thought I had hallucinated," he said, his voice low and gruff. "After the night you showed up, I thought I had imagined it. Mick wouldn't talk about it and it just seemed like...it never happened. It was there, like on the edge of my consciousness and yet...I couldn't fully remember." He took a moment to take another sip of his drink. "I'd never blacked out from drinking. I'd never forgotten anything-until that night. That's when I knew I'd had enough."

"So you just...stopped?"

He shook his head. "I'm oversimplifying it, but the bottom line is the same. That night was a turning point for me. I stumbled and I screwed up a few times, but in the end I knew I was heading in the right direction."

Wow. Again, what could she possibly say to that? Part of Vivienne was relieved she played some small part in Matt getting sober, but...it did little to make her feel better about the whole thing. She shook her head. It was enough. She had to let it go. They could talk about it and rehash it until they were blue in the face and it wasn't going to do a thing for her. So she did the only thing she could do.

"I forgive you, Matt," she said quietly.

He looked at her in stunned silence and continued to do so until Vivienne started to squirm in her seat.

"The way things happened that night doesn't make me feel particularly proud-of either of us. But there's no point in continuing to hash it out. I think I can say with certainty that I have a better understanding of it all and I'd like to put it behind us." She took a deep breath before saying, "And start over."

Matt continued to silently stare at her.

"Please say something," she prompted nervously, chewing on her bottom lip.

"I...I don't know if I can do that."

A nervous chuckle came out before she could stop it. "What, you mean you don't know if you can say anything?"

He shook his head. "I don't know if I can start over."

Vivienne was completely confused. "Why not? I think it would be a good thing. For both of us."

"I disagree," he said, resting his elbows on the table so he could lean his cheek in the palm of his hand.

"I don't understand why-"

"I kind of like where we are right now. I don't want to pretend the past didn't happen. I'm enjoying the banter we have and the way I find it so easy to talk to you. I think if we ignore that night, that kiss, then we're both denying a part of who we are."

Well, damn. That was a pretty powerful declaration, she thought. "But...it wasn't me that night," she argued. "I honestly don't know why I did any of it. This is who I am," she said, patting herself on the chest. "I'm an introvert who likes things neat and orderly. I hate chaos, and I plan out everything. I hate leaving anything to chance, and I rarely take risks. I like my world to be predictable and organized. I make lists, and I like to check things off. The person you're remembering doesn't really exist."

"Again, I disagree."

"Ugh," she groaned and stood to clear the table. "Do you deliberately go out of your way to make things difficult all the damn time?"

Matt stood and helped her with the dishes. "Viv, I'm not trying to make anything difficult. If anything, I'm simplifying things. You came to see me. We kissed. We didn't see each other for a while. Now we're both here and we kissed again." He placed the dishes in the dishwasher before turning and looking at her again. "And, if we're completely honest for the sake of keeping things simple, we're both still attracted to one another."

Great. She wanted to stamp her foot and tell him to leave, but she would only be proving his point. So now what?

"I...I don't know what it is you want me to say to that," she admitted. And if she wasn't mistaken, he almost looked pleased.

"What I want is for you to tell me I'm not wrong, that this isn't all completely one-sided." Before she could answer, however, he started speaking again. "But I'll understand if you're not ready to yet. I can be patient, Vivienne, and I believe you're worth waiting for."

And then, in a move that took her totally by surprise, Matt leaned down and placed a whisper-soft kiss on her cheek before stepping back. "I know you have some shopping to do and errands to run. I'm going to go back over to Aaron's and relax and maybe watch a little TV. When you're ready to start working on dinner, let me know, and I'll come over and help."