Of course, n.o.body answered; but, the crack, crack, cracking continued, and in another minute, with a bang, off went Dr h.e.l.lyer's hat!

Nor was that all. Putting up his hand, with a frantic clutch, to save his headgear from falling into the mire, it being a drizzling, mizzling, dirty November day, our worthy preceptor pulled away what we had always imagined to be a magnificent head of hair, but what turned out now, alas for human fallibility, only to be a wig!

This was a discovery with a vengeance; and, as might have been expected, all the boys, as if with one accord, shouted with laughter.

Dr h.e.l.lyer was speechless with indignation. He was mad with pain as well, for in clutching at his hat he had got one of my fish-hooks deeply imbedded in the palm of his hand--a sort of just retaliation, I thought it, for all he had made me suffer from his cruel "pandies."

He guessed who was the offender at once, as he caught me laughing when he turned round, with the end of the smouldering match still held between my fingers.

"Oh--ah! It is you, is it?" he gasped out, giving me a ponderous slap on one side of my face with the big broad hand that was uninjured, which made me reel and tumble down; but a second blow, a backhander on the opposite side of my head, brought me up again, "all standing." Still, although I felt these gentle taps, I could not help grinning, which, of course, increased his rage, if that were possible.

He certainly presented a most comical spectacle, dancing there before us, first on one leg and then on the other, his bulky frame swaying to and fro, like that of an elephant performing a jig, with the crackers exploding every instant, and his bald head surrounded apparently with a halo of smoke like a "nimbus." The boys fairly shrieked with laughter, and even Smiley and the Cobbler had to turn their heads aside, to hide their irrepressible grins. As for myself, I confess that at the moment of perpetrating the cruel joke, I felt that I wouldn't have missed the sight for anything. I was really extremely proud of my achievement, although conscious that I should have to pay dearly bye-and-bye for my freak in the way of "pandies" and forced abstention from food; but I little thought of the stern Nemesis at a later period of my life Providence had in store for me.

In a little time the crackers had all expended their force; when the Doctor, jamming down the wig and his somewhat crushed and dirty hat over his fuming brows, with a defiant glare at the lot of us, resumed his march homeward--taking the precaution of clutching hold of my arm with a policeman-like grip, as if he were afraid of my giving him the slip before he had pandied the satisfaction he clearly intended to have out of my unhappy body. But he need not have been thus alarmed on the score of any attempted flight on my part, at least then; for I was quite as anxious to reach the school as he was to get me there. Much as I had enjoyed this cracker scene, which I had brought about on my own account, I was longing to see the denouement of the deeply-planned plot, the details of which Tom and I had so carefully arranged before starting for church. My little venture was nothing in comparison with what this would be, I thought.

My ambition was soon gratified.

Our little contretemps on the way had somewhat delayed dinner, which was already on the table on out arrival; so, without wasting any more time, Dr h.e.l.lyer marched us all in before him, still holding on to me until he had reached the top of the refectory, where, ordering me to stand up in front of his armchair, he proceeded as usual to poke the fire and then shovel on coals.

Bang!

In a second, there was a great glare, and then an explosion, which brought down a quant.i.ty of soot from the old-fashioned open chimney, covering me all over and making me look like a young sweep, as I was standing right in front of the fireplace, and came in for the full benefit of it. I was not at all frightened, however, as, of course, I had expected a somewhat similar result as soon as the coals went on.

Not so the Doctor, though. With a deep objurgation, he sank back into his armchair, as if completely overcome.

This was Tom's opportunity, and he quickly took advantage of it.

Glancing slily down under the table, I could see him in the distance stoop beneath it and apply a match to the end of the fuse, which being a dry one at once ignited, the spluttering flame running along like a streak of lightning along the floor and up the leg of the chair on which Dr h.e.l.lyer was sitting--too instantaneously to be detected by any one not specially looking out for it, like myself.

Poof--crack--bang, went off another explosion; and up bounced Old h.e.l.lyer, as if a catapult had been applied below his seat.

You never saw such a commotion as now ensued. Tom and I were the only ones who preserved their composure out of the whole lot in the room, although Dr h.e.l.lyer soon showed that, if startled at first, he had not quite lost his senses.

He rushed at me at once, quite certain that as I had perpetrated the former attack on his sacred person while on the way from church, I must likewise be guilty of this second attempt to make a Guy Fawkes of him; and, striking out savagely, he felled me with a weighty blow from his great fist, sending me rolling along under the table, and causing me to see many more stars than an active astronomer could count in the same s.p.a.ce of time--but I'm sure he had sufficient justification to have treated me even worse!

"You young ruffian!" he exclaimed as he knocked me down, his pa.s.sion getting the better both of his scholastic judgment and academical dignity, and he would probably have proceeded to further extremities had not Tom Larkyns started up.

"Oh, please don't punish Leigh, sir," I heard him cry out as I lay on the floor, just within reach of the Doctor's thick club-soled boots, with which I believe he was just going to operate on me in "Lancashire fashion," as fighting men say. "Please, sir, don't hurt Leigh--it was I who did it!"

At this interruption, which seemed to recall him to himself, the master regained his composure in an instant.

"Get up, boy!" he said to me, gruffly, spurning me away with his foot, and then, as soon as I was once more in a perpendicular position, he ordered me, sooty as I was, to go and stand up alongside of Tom.

"Brothers in arms, hey?" chuckled our incensed pedagogue, pondering over the most aggravating form of torture which he could administer to us in retaliation for what we had made his person and dignity suffer. "I'll make you sick of each other's companionship before I've done with you!

Stand up there together now, you pair of young desperadoes, while the rest of the boys have dinner, which your diabolical conduct has so long delayed. Mr Smallpage, say grace, please."

"Smiley" thereupon performed the Doctor's usual function; then the fellows were helped round to roast mutton and Yorkshire pudding--Tom and I, both hungry as usual, you may be sure--having the gratification of smelling without being allowed to taste.

This was Dr h.e.l.lyer's very practical first stage of punishment; he always commenced with starving us for any offence against his laws and ordinances, and then wound up his trilogy of penance with a proportionate number of "pandies" and solitary confinement.

After dinner the other boys were dismissed, but Tom and I remained still standing there; Dr h.e.l.lyer the while seated in his armchair watching us grimly as if taking pleasure in our sufferings, and without uttering a word to either of us.

The afternoon progressed, and the fellows came trooping in to tea at six, the old woman first arriving; to lay the cloth and put on the china teapot and tin mugs. We, however, had to pa.s.s through the same ordeal as at dinner; there was none for us, for still the Doctor sat there in the armchair by the fire, looking in the dancing gleams of light like some old wizard or magician weaving a charm of spells which was to turn us into stone where we stood, if that process should not be rendered unnecessary by our being frozen beforehand from cramp through remaining so long in the one position.

When the bed gong sounded, we heard the boys trooping up-stairs; and then Dr h.e.l.lyer rose at last.

"Martin Leigh and Thomas Larkyns," he rolled out in his very deepest voice, making the ceiling of the refectory ring as usual. "I intend to expel you from my school. I shall write to your friends in the morning; and, in the meantime, you will be confined here until they come to remove you!"

He then left the room, locking the door behind him, when the single jet of light from one burner went out suddenly with a jump, showing that he had turned the gas off at the main, and that we should not have a cheering beam to illumine our solitary vigil throughout the weary night.

A little bit of fire was still flickering in the grate, however, and, by this feeble light Tom and I looked at each other in desperation.

We were in a hobble, and no mistake!

What was to be done?

CHAPTER SEVEN.

CATCHING A TARTAR.

"Well, this is a nice mess we're in!" said Tom, after a moment's pause, during which we stared blankly at each other in front of the fire, which we had approached as soon as our janitor had departed. My chum seated himself comfortably in the Doctor's armchair, which he drew near the hearth, putting his feet on the fender so as to warm his chilled toes; but I remained standing beside him, leaning against the chimney-piece.

"Yes," I replied, disconsolately. "It's too bad though; I say, old fellow, I'm awfully hungry!"

"So am I," said Tom, "but I don't suppose we'll be able to get anything whatever to eat before morning--if the Doctor lets us have breakfast then!"

"Oh, bother him!" I exclaimed; "I'm not going to starve."

"Why, what can we do, Martin? I don't think you'll find any grub here.

The old woman swept away every crumb, even from the floor, after tea; I was watching her like a dog after a bone."

"What are we to do, eh?" I repeated, cheerfully, my spirits rising to the occasion; "why, get away from this as soon as we can!"

"Run away?" e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed Tom in astonishment.

I nodded my head in the affirmative.

"But how can we get out?"

"I'll soon show you," I said, complacently. "I thought we'd be placed in a fix after our lark, and I made my preparations accordingly."

"By Jove, Martin, you're a wonderful fellow!" cried Tom, as I then proceeded to peel off my jacket and waistcoat, unwinding some twenty feet of thick cord, which I had procured from my sailor friends in the harbour and had been carrying about me all day, rolled round my body over my shirt, so as not to lacerate my skin--fearing all the while that the podgy appearance which its bulk gave to me would be noticed, although fortunately it had escaped comment.

"We'll get down from the balcony outside the window by the aid of this,"

I explained, as soon as I had got rid of the rope from about my person, coiling it up handily, first knotting it at intervals, so that we could descend gradually, without hurting our hands, already sore from "pandies."

"And, once outside the house, why, we'll make off for the harbour, where I've no doubt my friends on board the coal brig, which was lying alongside the quay last Wednesday, when I was down there, will take us in, and make us comfortable."