Ca.s.s, I feel so close to you. I don't know if it's love. h.e.l.l, I'm not sure I even know what love is any more. I thought I loved Chris, but I realize now that what I felt was dependence and fear. Do I love you? I really don't know. I DO trust you, Ca.s.s. I trust that you won't hurt me, and I know you would turn and walk away if I asked you to ... but I don't know if I want that. Christ, Ca.s.s ... why is this decision so hard? Ca.s.s, please give me some time to think about this.... I don't want to hurt you.

I will wait forever for you, Rox. I know how scary this is. Just know that I love you, and I will never hurt you.

Thank you so much for your love and patience, Ca.s.s. You don't know what it means to me. I know that you will never hurt me, and I will do my best never to hurt you. Please be patient with me ... I will give you an answer soon - I promise.

You are in my thoughts, Rox"

After sending the note, Rox sat back in her chair, dropped her chin to her chest and sighed deeply. Ca.s.s, why do you enchant me so? She thought. Why am I so clear in how I feel about other things, but when it comes to you, I'm indecisive and weak?

Yawning, she reached for the mouse to shut down the computer, then slowly made her way down the stairs to her bedroom. Moments later, dressed in her oversized Epcot T-shirt, she climbed between the sheets and lay on her back staring at the ceiling. Visions of azure eyes and flowing black hair filled her mind. Closing her eyes, she thought back to when she allowed Ca.s.s to hold her in her arms. Suddenly, her body came alive as a wave of heated desire rushed through her. Arching her chest upward, her breath caught in her throat as her core throbbed with need.

"Oh my G.o.d, Ca.s.s!" she said out loud.

Breathing deeply, she tried very hard to bring herself under control. Involuntarily, her hands started to roam over her own body, each touch heightening her body's awareness of the carnal pleasure she was sure to experience at the hands of her tall, dark warrior.

Reaching under the hem of her shirt, she slipped her good hand inside the waistband of her panties and moved it downward to the center of her being, while her injured hand caressed the swollen nipples of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Eyes closed, lips moist from her tongue snaking across them, she tilted her head back as a moan of desire escaped her throat at the exact moment her fingers slipped between slick folds.

"Oh G.o.d!" she said again in a shaky voice as she plunged her fingers deep inside herself. "Ca.s.s, I need you," she shuddered desperately, arching her hips skyward with each trust. Within moments, she was writhing beyond control, her mind having taken over, nearly convincing her that Ca.s.s was right there with her, pleasuring her with every stroke of her own hand.

Finally her eyes closed, as the muscles of her neck strained ... her head thrown back as far as it would go ... knees bent and wide apart as her fingers worked furiously across her swollen bud. The fingers of her injured hand brutally pinched her nipples as her hips worked their way up and down in time with her self-pleasuring hand. Then, in a heartbeat, her hips stilled, suspended high above the bed as the first wave of o.r.g.a.s.mic relief ripped through Rox's body. "Ca.s.s! Oh my G.o.d! Ca.s.s! I need you!" Rox screamed as her body plunged down onto the bed, then up again, only to suspend once more for the briefest of moments before plunging downward for the second time.

For several minutes, ripples of desire spread through her as she lay on her side, hand still embedded firmly between her legs, eyes closed, and sweat drenching her body beneath her shirt. Somewhere along the way, Rox drifted off to sleep while thoughts of a dark haired angel flitted across her subconscious mind.

Ca.s.s glanced at the clock. 9:00 p.m. flashed in bright red digits across the face. "Wow, I didn't realize it was getting so late ... time sure does fly when you're having fun!" she said sarcastically as she lowered herself into the chair in front of her computer thinking about her evening as she waited for the machine to boot up..

After sending the note to Rox earlier in the day, Ca.s.s decided to work off her nervous energy at the gym, then spend a few hours at the diner with Angie as she ate her dinner. While at the gym, she ran into Jason as she was packing her bag to leave.

"Hey Ca.s.s!" he had said cheerfully. "Looks like I'm about to put my life in your hands."

Ca.s.s looked at him with furrowed brow.

Kick him in the b.a.l.l.s! Enforcer encouraged, causing Ca.s.s to smile slightly.

Before she could compose a reply, he continued.

"Yeah, I'm booked on your flight to Durango on Monday. I've got some business in Mexico ... a little schmoozing with my investors, if you know what I mean. Gotta keep the customers happy, you know," he said, full of self importance.

Ca.s.s gave him a wry smile and nodded her head. "That's nice, Jason. Look ... I've got a dinner date," she lied, "gotta run!" Giving him a disinterested wave, she left him standing there as she quickly jumped into her car and drove away.

After a leisurely dinner and warm conversation with Angie, she drove home and went straight to her computer where she was presently waiting, a bit impatiently, for the boot-up cycle to complete.

"Come on, Rox, be there!" she commanded hopefully as the server searched for new mail. Finally, the mail was delivered. "Yes!" she said, quickly grabbing the mouse as she saw Rox's note appear.

Ca.s.s read the note carefully, intense feelings of familiarity and longing clenching her stomach. Rox, why do I feel like I know you ... like I have known you forever? she thought.

Selecting 'reply' at the top of her screen, she composed a response.

"My Heart,

As I read your note, I experienced familiar pangs of desire, of longing, of need. Rox, I don't know how to say this, except that I think we are destined to be together. I feel this driving need to know you ... to be with you ... to love you. I feel like we have been together over many lifetimes. I know this sounds all 'new age' and stuff, but I really mean it. I have had dreams of you Rox. In my dreams, we are together in a field of flowers, each one representing a lifetime we've spent together, past and future. The dreams end abruptly as I lean in to kiss you. There have been other dreams too. Rox, I have never felt this type of connection with another human being in my entire life.

Rox, you once said that you believed in Kismet, and that our souls were bonded in some way. How else could the circ.u.mstances of our meeting have been arranged? We were 3,000 miles apart Rox, and yet somehow, we found each other. That is too incredible to be coincidental. Would we be defying the Fates by denying our attraction?

I don't know what to tell you about your family, Rox, considering I did not have a very good experience with my own. All I can say is that if they love you, they'll want you to be happy. I believe I can bring you the happiness you so desperately deserve, my love. Please let me try. I will be patient with you ... I will not hurt you. I long to show you the wonders and beauty that a relationship such as ours can experience. Please don't let fear close your mind to the possibility. I will treat you fairly, lovingly ... as an equal. There would be no room for abuse in our lives, that I promise you.

I know you are afraid, Rox. Afraid of the unknown ... afraid of hurting me if this is not where your heart truly lies. Rox, please take the chance ... allow yourself to explore ... allow yourself to really feel - probably for the first time in your adult life. I will show you what love is. I will show you how good our love can feel. Please don't be afraid of hurting me, Rox ... I know the risk I am taking. You are worth all the risks and hardships I could face in a lifetime. I am willing to gamble on us, Rox. This feels so right. How can something that feels this right be wrong?

Rox, I know you need time to think about this. I will wait patiently. I will be here when you are ready to seek your true heart. Let me guide you on this journey, Rox. I know the tunnel is long and dark, but I know the way ... let me hold my light high ... let it be a beacon to guide you straight into my heart, where I will envelope your love with my own. Take all the time you need, lovely lady. I will be here when you are ready to make the journey home.

I love you with everything that I am, Rox. Come home to me.

Ca.s.s"

Ca.s.s read her note over carefully before clicking on send. Sitting there in front of the monitor, her eyes glazed over as she stared unseeingly at the screen. I love you, Baby. Please accept my heart ... it is my most valuable possession, and it wants to belong to you. Good night, my love, she finished as she shut down the computer for the night and headed to bed.

CHAPTER x.x.xI.

EARLY THE NEXT morning, Rox rose and decided to take a brisk walk along the beach before starting to work on her novel. She dressed in spandex shorts, a sports bra, ankle socks and running shoes. Grabbing a hand towel, she tucked it into the waistband of her shorts, then filled her water bottle before heading out. An hour later, drenched in sweat but feeling remarkably good, she ran up the steps of the back deck and stopped on her way to the bathroom to set up the coffee pot. That ch.o.r.e completed, she jumped into the shower and stood for long moments under the ma.s.saging spray, allowing the needle-like darts of water to pummel her tender skin until it was a healthy pink.

Grabbing the soap and washcloth, she began to bathe, spreading a thick blanket of fragrant lather across her arms, chest, back, thighs and shins until finally slipping the cloth between her legs.

"Ohhh!" she said, noting the tenderness. "I wonder...," her mind began until she suddenly recalled her bout of self pleasuring from the night before. A deep flush rose into her face from her neck as she once again remembered the thoughts of one dark haired pilot that had sent her into the depths of desire, and ultimately to self fulfillment.

"G.o.d, Ca.s.s. If you can do this to me from 3,000 miles away.... ," she mumbled under her breath as her knees weakened. She held onto the shower wall for support until the strength returned to her legs.

Finally, managing to get through the rest of her shower uneventfully, she stepped out of the tub and towel dried her body and hair. Dragging a comb quickly through her moppish red-blonde hair, she slipped an oversized T-shirt over her head, then headed into the kitchen for a cup of coffee before heading up stairs to write.

Rox settled down into the oversized office chair and sipped her coffee as she waited for the computer to boot up. Staring at the screen, her eyes glazed over as her mind was occupied by thoughts of the dark haired pilot. Ca.s.s ... Ca.s.sidy ... Ca.s.sidy Marie Conway. I really like that name. s.e.xy name - s.e.xy woman. Wow! I can't believe I'm actually sitting here having these kinds of thoughts about a woman! She IS gorgeous ... no denying that! And those eyes ... Aarrgghh! G.o.ds this is so frustrating! I don't know how to process these feelings... I've never felt this way before, she finished as the system finally completed the power up. Moments later, she was on-line selecting her e-mail.

Rox double clicked on Ca.s.s' note and began to read. After the first paragraph, her heart was in her throat. "My G.o.d, Ca.s.s... the dream! I've had it too!" she exclaimed out loud.

Continuing to scan the contents of the note, Rox became more and more emotional. My G.o.d, Ca.s.s. This is the most beautiful declaration of love I have ever heard. I'm supposed to be the writer here, yet you have voiced your feelings so eloquently, so beautifully. Thank you for this glimpse into your heart, she thought as she finished the note, barely able to see through the thick veil of tears that filled them.

Reaching for the mouse, she clicked on 'reply' then sat back and thought about what to write. Suddenly, words escaped her. Here she was, a writer, well skilled in prose, able to churn out a love story in record time, yet when it came to her own love life, she was speechless. She became more and more agitated with every pa.s.sing minute that she sat there, literally unable to think of what to write. She had already written it all in her previous notes ... what more was there to put in print? She personally felt that the age of e-mail was severely damaging interpersonal communication skills. Finally, after staring at the screen long enough for the screen saver to appear, she gave up and turned off the computer.

Rising from her chair, she paced back and forth across the office until she came to a decision ... she was going to call Ca.s.s.

Ca.s.s suddenly jumped out of bed and stood in the middle of the floor, very disoriented. Looking directly at the illuminated 7:00 a.m. displayed on the clock, she started to panic.

"Oh my G.o.d! Oh my G.o.d! I'll never make my 8:00 a.m. flight! d.a.m.n alarm clock didn't go off!" she reasoned as she raced around, trying to find a clean uniform to wear. Suddenly the phone rang.

Agitated at the interruption, she picked it up and spoke gruffly into the receiver, "Yeah?"

"Well, a happy Sunday morning to you too, grump!" came the voice from the other end.

Ca.s.s pulled the receiver away from her ear and looked at it for a moment, a question mark on her face. Sunday? ... It's Sunday? she thought. Returning the receiver to her ear she spoke. "Who is this, and why are you calling so early?"

Early? Rox asked herself, looking at the clock, then suddenly realizing her error. "Oh G.o.d! Ca.s.s, I'm so sorry. This three hour time difference is so easy to forget. Please forgive me for waking you up ... go back to bed," she said, "I'll call back later."

"Whoa.... whoa... wait a minute! Rox?" Ca.s.s asked incredulously. "Rox, Is that you?"

"Yes, it is ... but I've awakened you. Ca.s.s, I'll call back later," she said apologetically.

"No! No ... I mean, I'm usually up by this time anyway. Please don't hang up," she pleaded frantically.

"Ca.s.s, are you sure?" the red head asked.

"Positive! So, to what do I owe this pleasure?" she asked as cheerfully as the morning hour would allow.

"Your e-mail," Rox replied. "Ca.s.s ... I have never read anything so beautifully touching in my life. I'm a writer, and I have never produced anything that could bring me to tears like your note did," she explained.

Ca.s.s sat down on the edge of her bed and frowned. "It wasn't supposed to make you cry," she remarked.

"You touched my heart, Ca.s.s ... in a good way. It was beautiful, and I had to tell you directly ... e-mail sometimes feels so out of touch," Rox explained.

"I know what you mean. Sometimes the written word just can't replace the sound of someone's voice," Ca.s.s agreed.

Rox was becoming a little impatient with the small talk. "Ah ... look, Ca.s.s, I really meant it when I said it brought me to tears. Do you really think we were destined to be together? I mean, could there really be something or someone out there controlling all of this?" she asked.

Ca.s.s thought about that for a moment before answering. "Rox, I don't really know what brought us together, but I don't think it was coincidental. I mean, we live 3,000 miles apart! How on earth could we have possibly met by accident? No, something is behind this ... something familiar ... I can feel it," she explained.

"You mentioned a dream, Ca.s.s," Rox began. "I have had the dream too. It sounds like the same one. I am in a field of flowers... millions of them, picking a large bouquet, when I see a figure approach in the distance. It turns out to be you. You explain to me that all the flowers in the field are our lifetimes together and that the ones in my arms are ..."

"The lives we have already lived," finished Ca.s.s. "Rox, don't you see? We've had the same dream. We are connected on some type of spiritual plane. We belong together," Ca.s.s concluded.

"Ca.s.s, this is scaring me. If that's true, then it means we don't have the control over our lives that we think we do. I don't like the sound of that," Rox confessed. "If it's true then someone or something out there planned for me to be with Chris ... planned for me to be abused for six years ... planned for you to be abused by Patti. For what purpose?"

"Rox, I'm not saying that this is the answer ... all I'm saying is that I don't think it is purely coincidental that we met. I think there is some other force behind it. Call it Fate, call it Kismet ... I don't know - but I don't think it's coincidental. I think it was meant to be," Ca.s.s explained.

Several moments of silence pa.s.sed.

"Rox ... are you still there?" Ca.s.s asked.

"Yeah, I'm here," Rox replied.

"You got quiet on me. Rox, honey, talk to me. What are you thinking?" Ca.s.s prompted.

"I don't know, Ca.s.s. It's just that ... well, it's so hard to comprehend. I mean, the dream suggests that we knew each other in a past lifetime ... several of them in fact!" Rox exclaimed.

"Well, Rox, I don't know how you feel about me, but there is something very familiar about you -- as if I have known you for a very, very long time. I felt that in the dream, and I felt it when we met in Maine. I can't explain it, but it's true," Ca.s.s explained.

"I know it's true, Ca.s.s. I have felt it too," Rox said. "d.a.m.n! I wish I had the answers. This is very confusing and not a little intimidating!" Rox complained.

"I intimidate you?" Ca.s.s asked, surprise coloring her voice.

"No .... I didn't mean you intimidate me Ca.s.s ... I meant the situation does," Rox replied.

"Well then, how do you feel about me?" came the question from the dark haired woman.

After a long pause, Rox replied. "Ca.s.s, part of me is terrified ... part of me is intrigued ... and part of me wants to explore this further. My mind is a jumble of thoughts, my heart a menagerie of emotions. I am having a very hard time sorting everything out. You have awakened feelings in me that I wasn't even aware existed, Ca.s.s. You have sparked an interest and a desire that scares the s.h.i.t out of me," Rox explained.

Ca.s.s sat patiently listening to Rox's explanation. When she was through, she very gently asked the question again. "Rox ... you have just explained in detail how you feel inside ... but how to you feel about me?"

More silence.

Moments later, Ca.s.s heard a sniffling from the other end of the line. "Rox ... are you all right?" she asked softly.

"I'm sorry, Ca.s.s," Rox said, sniffling once more. "I'm such a baby sometimes."

"Rox, sweetheart ... why are you crying?" Ca.s.s asked tenderly, wanting desperately to be in Maine, holding the red head in her arms.

"I don't know, Ca.s.s. Maybe because I don't want to hurt you ... maybe because I'm so confused. Ca.s.s - I don't have an answer to your question. I don't know how I feel about you. I know I care deeply for you, but my heart is in such a confused state right now that I just don't know!" she finished, the tears evident in her voice.

"G.o.d, Rox. I wish I could be there right now, holding you in my arms, and chasing away your tears. I'm so sorry for pushing you. You need time to realize your true heart. I'm sorry, Rox," Ca.s.s apologized. "Please forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive, Ca.s.s ... really," Rox replied before continuing. "Ah ... look, Ca.s.s, I need to get back to my book. I just wanted to hear your voice. Again, I'm sorry I woke you up."

"All right. I'm so glad you called Rox. Do you think you can give me your phone number so I can call you later? I'd really like to speak to you again," Ca.s.s asked.

"Sure ... it's 207-555-7231. There's an answering machine on the line, so if I'm not home, or too tied up to answer, leave a message - okay?" Rox replied.

"Great ... thanks for trusting me with the number, Rox. I can't tell you how much it means to me," Ca.s.s said.