You know, being single isn't all what's it's cracked up to be. For some reason, the past couple of months were harder to deal with than usual. I would find myself short-tempered and stressing out more and more. I frequently felt a void in my life, especially when I thought of Jordan. I wanted and needed the comforts of a man in my life, and I didn't have that. And I didn't have Jordan. In fact, I couldn't find a single man that interested me. So in order to keep myself together, I frequently took trips. This time I had decided on the Cayman Islands. My three days in Albany zipped by without a hitch, and I was back on Long Island and heading home to pack my bags. I was two blocks from my house and on the phone with Sean when my call waiting kicked in on my cell phone. We ended our conversation and without looking, I clicked over to the call. That's when I heard that familiar s.e.xy, deep, sensual voice whisper in my ear. It was Jordan. "Hi, baby, how are you, how have you been?" he asked. I almost stopped the car in the middle of the street.

"Did I catch you at a bad time? Are you busy?" he asked. "Well, I'm on my way home from work and I have to finish packing, I'm leaving tomorrow on vacation, but I have time to talk with you I said. "d.a.m.n, baby, I almost forgot that you go as much as I do," Jordan replied and laughed. "You've been on my mind, and I hope you don't mind me calling you, but I just wanted to hear your voice," he said softly. He caught me off guard, and I stumbled over my words. "I'm okay and I miss you too, Jordan," I said. "So, what's up with you?" "Well, we just finished up in Europe. As you know, we toured Portugal, Spain, and Italy."

"Right now, we're at the Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris." "Paris!" I yelled. "Yeah, we're leaving for New York within the hour. When we arrive in New York, we have a short layover for a week and then we're off again for Australia. Look, I just wanted or should I say needed to hear your voice," Jordan said. "I miss you too, Jordan," I said as I choked back the tears. "Is everything okay with you?" he asked. "Are you all right? Do you need anything?" Jordan asked. I I just just need need you you to to love love me; me; that's that's all, all, I thought to myself. "No, no, I'm okay," I answered. We talked another ten minutes then hung up. I didn't want our relationship to be just about convenient great s.e.x. I didn't want our relationship to be over. I wanted it just like it was before, I wanted to be in love with Jordan and he in love with me, unconditionally. I thought to myself. "No, no, I'm okay," I answered. We talked another ten minutes then hung up. I didn't want our relationship to be just about convenient great s.e.x. I didn't want our relationship to be over. I wanted it just like it was before, I wanted to be in love with Jordan and he in love with me, unconditionally.

I couldn't contain my feelings and emotions any longer; and the tears exploded down my face as I walked into the house. I sat down on the living room floor with my head in my hands and had a good long cry. Then I wiped the tears from my eyes and began reminiscing about the wonderful times we shared as I walked upstairs and finished packing.

He says that he still loves me, and I really think he does. s.h.i.t, s.h.i.t, the the way way we we made made love love I I wanted wanted to to believe believe we we still still had had a a chance, chance, but but do do we? we? I thought to myself as I climbed into bed and dozed off. I woke up to the clash of thunder and looked around the room at the clock. It was pouring outside and it was also time for me to get up, so I took a quick shower, dressed then brought my bags downstairs, and placed them at the front door. Monica arrived at my house within the hour and drove me to the airport. I thought to myself as I climbed into bed and dozed off. I woke up to the clash of thunder and looked around the room at the clock. It was pouring outside and it was also time for me to get up, so I took a quick shower, dressed then brought my bags downstairs, and placed them at the front door. Monica arrived at my house within the hour and drove me to the airport.

I spent the entire week lounging around in the Cayman Islands. In the morning, I'd order breakfast in my room and sat on the balcony taking in the view. Then around 10AM I would set out to explore the island and do some soul searching. Most of the time I would find myself deep in thought as I either shopped or relaxed on the beach. I hated the fact that I wasn't comfortable in my love life and finances. I knew that I was still in love with Jordan and hoping that I wasn't an afterthought when his baby's mama wasn't in town. In addition to those woes and worries, I was starting to struggle with my mortgage. I just wanted to pack a bag and run away and start over, but I knew that was impossible. I had worked so hard on my house and it was almost finished besides I had Hobbs to think about too. I couldn't run away. I had to go back to the rat race in New York and get my s.h.i.t in order.

Sean picked me up from the airport around two-thirty the following week and dropped me off at my front door. When I walked in, Hobbs was all over me. I could see that he missed me and I missed him. It was good to be back home, but not so good to have to go back to work in a couple of days. I dropped my things in the hallway and decided to check my messages. Much to my surprise, there was a message from Ha.s.san. He said that he had called Ann for my number and apologized that he had not called sooner. I looked at the phone in puzzlement. Wasn't Wasn't he he the the guy guy from from the the club club who who said said I I wasn't wasn't his his type? type? I asked myself. I picked up the phone and called Ann, but the call went straight to her voice mail. I reluctantly dialed Ha.s.san's number to see what the deal was. He answered on the second ring and took me by surprise. "Hey Ha.s.san, this is Haley; I received your message, what's up?" I asked. "I'm sorry that I didn't have a chance to talk with you privately the other week when I saw you and your friend Ann at the club. I've been meaning to get your number and give you a call. I know your girl Ann must have told you what I said about you not being your type. But I didn't want her in my business like that," he stated. "Listen, I haven't seen you out in the club in a couple of weeks, and I decided to ask her for your number anyway, so I hope you don't mind me calling. Ann told me that you were on vacation; and I hope you had fun for all of us. Say, are you busy tonight? If your not busy, are you free for dinner?" he asked. "Uh, I just walked in the house and don't want to drive anywhere." "That's okay; I'll pick you up if you're interested in having dinner with me," he replied. I laughed to myself and agreed to have dinner with him. Ha.s.san arrived at my house around 6 PM dressed in a nice pair of jeans and a pull over shirt. We went to a restaurant nearby and talked over a quiet dinner. When we got back from dinner, I invited him in for a night cap. Ha.s.san opened a bottle of red wine as we made small talk in the kitchen. First, he told me that he was a supervisor for a public utility in Jersey in addition to his side gig as a DJ. Ha.s.san then told me that he recently moved back home with his mother because of her poor health. I asked myself. I picked up the phone and called Ann, but the call went straight to her voice mail. I reluctantly dialed Ha.s.san's number to see what the deal was. He answered on the second ring and took me by surprise. "Hey Ha.s.san, this is Haley; I received your message, what's up?" I asked. "I'm sorry that I didn't have a chance to talk with you privately the other week when I saw you and your friend Ann at the club. I've been meaning to get your number and give you a call. I know your girl Ann must have told you what I said about you not being your type. But I didn't want her in my business like that," he stated. "Listen, I haven't seen you out in the club in a couple of weeks, and I decided to ask her for your number anyway, so I hope you don't mind me calling. Ann told me that you were on vacation; and I hope you had fun for all of us. Say, are you busy tonight? If your not busy, are you free for dinner?" he asked. "Uh, I just walked in the house and don't want to drive anywhere." "That's okay; I'll pick you up if you're interested in having dinner with me," he replied. I laughed to myself and agreed to have dinner with him. Ha.s.san arrived at my house around 6 PM dressed in a nice pair of jeans and a pull over shirt. We went to a restaurant nearby and talked over a quiet dinner. When we got back from dinner, I invited him in for a night cap. Ha.s.san opened a bottle of red wine as we made small talk in the kitchen. First, he told me that he was a supervisor for a public utility in Jersey in addition to his side gig as a DJ. Ha.s.san then told me that he recently moved back home with his mother because of her poor health.

She's been sick on and off for a number of years and I'm more at ease being close by just in case she need me. Ha.s.san stated. Then he opened up a little more and revealed more of his personal information. He stated that he was thirty-nine years old, single, never married and has a six-year-old son. He and his baby's mother dated for a while, she ended up pregnant, and then they broke up! What's What's with with people people these these days? days? Is Is sticking sticking to to a a committed committed relationship relationship or or a a commitment commitment too too hard? hard? What What ever ever happened happened to to sticking sticking it it out out or or is is that that just just a a thing thing of of the the past. past. Why Why do do they they all all run run for for the the hill hill when when it it gets gets a a little little tough? tough? I asked myself. It's like the same story over and over. I asked myself. It's like the same story over and over. To To tell tell you you the the truth, truth, it's it's down down right right scary, scary, if if you you think think about about it, it, I thought to myself. I thought to myself.

I guess I must have been day dreaming because when he mentioned that he dates occasionally and was interested in dating me. I looked at him with a puzzled look on my face. "Well, what do you say, would you go out with me?" he asked. I reluctantly asked. Date you? What does that mean to you? Date me and see other women as well or just me? He laughed and replied No I just want to see you and see how it works out if that's ok. I agreed and then we sealed it with a kiss. This was election year, and I was working a crazy schedule. Over the next three months, we spoke everyday sometimes three to four times a day and only went out when I had days off. Dating Ha.s.san was a pleasant change from doing the single thing. I thought we were moving in the right direction by taking it nice and slow. You know, getting to know one another before we got into the s.e.x thing.

Well, this one particular weekend Ha.s.san had car trouble and asked me if I could pick him up from the train station. I had no problem with that and agreed to pick him up around 9 AM. We made a day of shopping for DJ equipment and records in the city, and by late afternoon, we were exhausted and went back to my house. Around 5 PM, we ate dinner and fell asleep on the couch while watching TV. When we woke up and realized how late it was, I did something that I had not done before. I suggested that he spend the night and that I would drive him home in the morning. Ha.s.san seemed a little uncomfortable at first with my suggestion but later agreed. Finally, after three months of dating, we had an opportunity to have s.e.x! I couldn't wait to feel his naked body next to mine and was immediately aroused. I imagined all kinds of nasty and s.e.xual thoughts of us having hot sweaty s.e.x. I figured that we would take advantage of the opportunity and have a memorable evening. Instead, Ha.s.san shocked the s.h.i.t out of me when he asked if he could sleep on the couch. I turned around and looked at him as if he were crazy, but decided to hold my tongue instead. To tell you the truth, I was stunned. "Well," I said, "instead of sleeping on the couch, I have a guest bedroom you can sleep in, if that will make you feel at ease and comfortable." Wow, it's the first time he's spending the night, and he wants to sleep on the couch! Oh h.e.l.l no! I couldn't hold it any longer and asked, "Ha.s.san, are you celibate?" He turned around, smiled, and answered no, no I'm not. He never offered an explanation, and I refused to say another word.

I showed Ha.s.san to the guest room on the second floor, turned on the TV, and placed clean towels on the dresser. "Ha.s.san, do you want to shower first?" I asked. "No, no, go ahead, I'm gonna watch some TV first," he replied. With a puzzled look on my face, I walked out of the guest room and into my bedroom, closed my door and stripped down. I grabbed my bathrobe, put it on and then headed for the bathroom for a cooling shower. I cooled my loins and prepared myself to sleep alone.

As I walked from the bathroom to my room, I noticed Ha.s.san sitting on the side of the bed watching TV holding his towel in his hand. "Shower's all yours" I yelled and walked into my room and closed the door. I threw my robe on the chair, slipped on my pajamas and turned on my TV, then climbed into bed. A few minutes later, I heard the bathroom door close and the water running in the shower. I was drifting off to sleep when I felt Ha.s.san's body slide into bed with me. For a minute, I thought I was dreaming and rolled over. But much to my surprise, I was awakened by Ha.s.san as he started nibbling on my breast. d.a.m.n, I must have been exhausted because I was too tired to respond to his s.e.xual advances. The foreplay was over before it started, and s.e.x was in the air. I heard Ha.s.san fumble around with a condom wrapper and roll it over his p.e.n.i.s. He grabbed me by my arm and rolled me on top of him. Then he spread my legs open and pulled me by the waist to sit on top. He grabbed his p.e.n.i.s then guided it between my legs and pushed his hips upward. "Ohh," I moaned. I was awake now! He pushed and prodded until he was all the way in. Then I took over and rode him. He flipped me over on the bed and I a.s.sumed the missionary position. Wow, Wow, what what a a pleasant pleasant surprise surprise to to wake wake up up to. to. s.h.i.t, s.h.i.t, I I can't can't imagine imagine why why he he was was acting acting so so funny funny earlier. earlier. Ha.s.san Ha.s.san is is a a gifted gifted and and talented talented black black man, man, I thought to myself and laughed. Before I could reach my o.r.g.a.s.m, he turned me over and sat me on his lap. We f.u.c.ked all over my bedroom, on the bed, the floor, and the chair. When he finally came, almost 45 minutes later, Ha.s.san mimicked the roar of a lion. I thought to myself and laughed. Before I could reach my o.r.g.a.s.m, he turned me over and sat me on his lap. We f.u.c.ked all over my bedroom, on the bed, the floor, and the chair. When he finally came, almost 45 minutes later, Ha.s.san mimicked the roar of a lion.

We fell onto the bed, and he grabbed me up into his arms like a child grabbing hold of their favorite doll and drifted off to sleep. About an hour later, he woke me up in a panic. "Haley, get up, get up! You have to take me home right now; I got to go home immediately! I forgot that I had something very important that I have to do in the morning, and I can't be late!" he yelled. "Okay, okay, okay," I answered. I was groggy and disorientated for a few minutes while I sat on the side of the bed holding my head. I got up and stumbled my way to the bathroom and almost fell back asleep while sitting on the toilet. When I finally got it together, I washed my face and between my legs and walked back to my room. Ha.s.san was already dressed and pacing the floor. "Can you please hurry," Ha.s.san asked. "Ha.s.san, is everything all right?" "Yeah, yeah, I've just got to go now, I'm sorry. Maybe I'll be able to stay longer next time, but right now, I've got to get back home." Then he turned to me and asked, "Will it take you long to dress?" "Uh no, I'll throw on a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt then we can go."

I walked down the steps while putting on my shirt and walked toward the kitchen to let Hobbs out. Ha.s.san followed and paced the kitchen floor. I decided not to rush Hobbs and left him outside. I grabbed my keys, and we walked to the car. I turned on the ignition and looked at the clock and thought to myself, s.h.i.t, its its 4:45 4:45 AM AM, what what the the f.u.c.k! f.u.c.k!

I got my bearings and headed for the parkway. Thirty minutes later, I was making my way onto the Staten Island Expressway. Another twenty minutes, I was turning onto Ha.s.san's block. I slowed down and came to a crawl. I was still half-asleep and trying to remember how to retrace my steps since I left my GPS home. This was only the second time I had driven to Ha.s.san's house, and still wasn't familiar with the area. All of a sudden Ha.s.san yelled at the top of his lungs. "Drive! Drive as fast as you can! Keep going!" Not knowing what was going on or why I should keep going and being startled, I hit the gas. When I turned around to look at Ha.s.san, and he was gone! What the f.u.c.k was going on? As I took my foot off the gas, he yelled again. "No! No! Don't slow down go faster! Don't turn here, go straight! Faster! Faster!" I took a quick look around and saw Ha.s.san scrunched and crunched down on the floor of the front pa.s.senger seat. It was like he and I were in a drive-by shooting, and he was ducking for cover! If you ask me, it looked as if he was trying to get underneath the carpet.

Here I am, half-asleep. My so-called boyfriend is yelling at me to drive, don't stop, go faster as if his life depended on it, and I don't have a clue as to why. I didn't hear gun shots, there wasn't anyone on the street, and the only other car on the street besides mine turned off on the last block. I turned around and looked at Ha.s.san again. He was on the floor, scratching at the carpet as if there was a magic trap door! What the f.u.c.k! All I could do was sit there in the middle of the street looking at him as if he was delusional?

Well, all of a sudden from out of nowhere, a blue car appeared out of no where and was flying down the street behind us. The car fishtailed up to us as the driver hit the breaks and stopped. The smell of the rubber and smoke quickly filled the air, and I began to choke. Again, I turned to Ha.s.san for an explanation. But as I turned to him for some kind of explanation, all I could see was fear in his eyes as he sat on the floor. I turned around in the direction of the car that had pulled along side of mine and observed a female sitting in the driver's seat. She literally looked as if she was a cartoon character. She had a long cigarette hanging from the right side of her lip with smoke streaming out of her nostrils. The front of her head was covered with pink sponge rollers and the other half was sticking straight up. Her lipstick was smeared on her face, and her gla.s.ses were lopsided on her face. "What the f.u.c.k!" I yelled out loud. I turned back to Ha.s.san and saw that he now had his hands over his eyes and mumbling to himself. I turned again to my left and heard her yell. "Ha.s.san, is that you? Ha.s.san, what the f.u.c.k are you doing in that car! Ha.s.san, get your monkey mother f.u.c.king a.s.s the f.u.c.k out of that car, now!" she demanded. I slowly turned around and watch Ha.s.san unfold his body like one of the performers of Cirque Du soleil and emerge from the floor and reposition himself on the seat next to me.

"What the f.u.c.k do you think you're doing? You lying mother f.u.c.ker!" she yelled again at the top of her lungs while exiting her car. "Uh... uh... hi, Robyn. Look it's not what you're thinking," he said. "I was just getting a ride home from the party I told you about. You see, the guys that went with me to the party wanted to stay longer, so I got a ride home with her," Ha.s.san said while pointing at me. "What are you doing here?" he asked in a scared tone. I turned back to look at the girl and watched her slam the car into park then bolt out of the door with her fist balled up. At the same time, Ha.s.san jumped out of my car and stood in the street. I was getting dizzy. Ha.s.san and the girl stood in front of my car and began to argue. I sat behind the wheel of my car stunned and unable to move. Then without warning, the girl punched Ha.s.san right in the mouth! She swung again and hit him in his eye. Then she hit him in the stomach all the while Ha.s.san was yelling. "It's not what you think. I was at a party!"

All I could do was to sit behind the wheel of my vehicle and say "Oh s.h.i.t!" I didn't know if I should laugh or put my car in reverse and back down the street where it was safe! All of a sudden Ha.s.san started running around my car with the girl hot on his a.s.s. Mind you, the light was still red, and now cars were coming up behind us. They moved up behind us, keeping a safe distance, and watched the show. Out of breath, Ha.s.san stops and the girl runs up to him, rips off his shirt, and goes into the windmill fight mode. She bloodies his nose and scratches his arms and chest. When she begins to get tired she starts kicking him in the legs. Robyn turns to me and yells, "Girl, I don't know what he told you, but this is my man!" She turns back to Ha.s.san who's limping away and jumps on his back and starts punching him in the back of the head like someone playing a conga drum. He reaches up and pulls her off and spins her around. She gets an arm loose and smacks him across the face again. "Wait till I get your f.u.c.king a.s.s home! I'm gonna f.u.c.k your a.s.s up! Get your d.a.m.n a.s.s in the car and let's go!" she yells again.

Ha.s.san walked over to his shirt, and picked it up off the ground then walked over to her car. Robyn looked at me while patting her hair down, and orders Ha.s.san to get in the car then speed off down the street. I pulled my car over to the side of the road and sat laughing at what I had just witnessed. Oh my G.o.d! What the f.u.c.k just happened? I laughed out loud! I was glad as h.e.l.l that she went after him instead of me. But I'm sure she saw from the look on my face, I didn't have a clue what was going on. I thought out loud. I have to call somebody and tell them what happened!

n.o.body's ever going to believe me, I laughed to myself! I wanted to call Sean and Monica, but they were on vacation. Nia was at her boyfriend's for the weekend. And it was a little early to call Ann. After I regained my composure, I realized that I had no idea where in the h.e.l.l I was. So I sought out the nearest gas station for directions back to the Jersey Turnpike.

s.h.i.t! I was excited and pumped up! I laughed all the way home and waited impatiently to tell my story to somebody. It was 7:45 in the morning and I was on the phone. I called Ann's number and prayed that she'd answered the phone. She answered the phone half asleep with a raspy deep voice. "h.e.l.lo. Who's this calling so early?" "Girl, it's me," I said. "I'm sorry to call you so early, but it's real important!" "Is everything okay? What's wrong?" "Look, make some coffee; this can't wait! I'll be over in a few minutes." I hung up the phone, and made my way across town. Within minutes, I was standing on Ann's front porch ringing her bell. She opened the door and invited me in. "Okay, so what's so d.a.m.n important that you have me up and making coffee at 8AM?" I smiled and walked through the door holding up the pastries. "Girl, Ha.s.san got his a.s.s kicked in front of his house this morning by his GIRLFRIEND." Ahhhh, s.h.i.t. Ann yelled. As I began to tell the story, Ann cut the coffee cake while I poured the coffee. She screamed, choked, laughed and cried till her stomach hurt. "I can't breathe, I can't breathe. Stop! Ahhh... Don't say another word," she yelled. "Let me catch my breath." A few minutes later, she asked me to repeat the story again and we laughed all over again.

Even though the situation was frightening and scary to be in, I was thankful that she took her frustrations out on Ha.s.san instead of me. Not too many times women go straight to the source, which is usually the man or her man. He knows that he has a girlfriend. He knows he's wrong and most time he knows he wouldn't be in that situation if he he hadn't hadn't lied lied and and f.u.c.ked f.u.c.ked around! around! Oh well, I guess it was better to find out this way than to be embarra.s.sed in front of my family and friends. I began thinking about my life and started to cry. I'd meet a guy, date a few months, and he'd either go back to his ex-girlfriend (for the sake of the kids) or I'd find out that he's sneaking around with another woman. What the f.u.c.k! Oh well, I guess it was better to find out this way than to be embarra.s.sed in front of my family and friends. I began thinking about my life and started to cry. I'd meet a guy, date a few months, and he'd either go back to his ex-girlfriend (for the sake of the kids) or I'd find out that he's sneaking around with another woman. What the f.u.c.k!

Men talk about finding a good woman. Well, where in the h.e.l.l are they looking? I'm I'm right right here! here! I thought to myself. I thought to myself. Was Was I I wrong wrong to to want want a a relationship? relationship? And And why why was was I I the the only only one one without without someone someone to to love? love? It It was was as as if if every every relationship relationship soured soured before before it it got got started, started, and and I I didn't didn't know know why why, I thought to myself. None of my friends knew how I truly felt and no one was the wiser. I guess because I showed confidence and displayed a "Don't-give-a-s.h.i.t att.i.tude," they all thought I was strong and invincible. But on the inside I was soft and pink all over. Yes under that tough exterior I was miserable, lonely, and felt empty and incomplete inside. It became difficult for me to attend functions with my friends and family and I became withdrawn. I would make excuses and started taking more and more solo vacations just so I wouldn't be around my friends who were now all coupled off. I hated my life, and I hated the fact that I was alone. Most of all, I hated that no one wanted to love me back.

One cold afternoon in January while I was in my mind clearing therapy mode (painting my dining room) Nia called and said that she had a surprise for me. "Nia, I'm up on a ladder in the dining room, with a paint brush in my hand, can't it wait?" I asked. "No," she replied. "I'll be over soon." "Well, I'm just finishing up the final touches to the room and I'm not going to stop and clean up until I'm done so, take me as I am," I responded back, and then hung up the phone. About fifteen minutes later, as I was climbing down the ladder. Phew I'm finally finished. I said to myself. All of a sudden I heard the roar of a motorcycle pull up in front of my house and stop, and then I heard Nia's familiar voice. Then the door bell rang. I closed the top of the paint can and placed the paint brush on the paint tray and walked slowly to the front door. I peeked through the curtains to see Nia and a guy with a motorcycle helmet in his hands "Hey, girl, open up, you can stop your self inflicted therapy session for 5 minutes. I want you to meet someone," She yelled. I opened the door, and she sashayed through the porch and into the living room followed by the guy with the motorcycle helmet. "Haley, this is my friend that I grew up with. This is Max. Max, this is Haley. As you can see, he has a motorcycle, in fact he has two. Nia said braggingly. I told him about you and your desire to buy your own motorcycle and decided to pay you a quick visit while we were out riding around. I know you don't know a lot about them so maybe; Max can help you out a little and give you some pointers. When you're ready to shop for your motorcycle silly, uh what do you say? Nia said all of that without taking a breath. Then she looked at me with a smile then broke out into laughter. I wiped my hands on my shorts, extended my hand to Max and then invited them in as we all laughed at Nia's silliness.

I was a mess. I had on cut-off jeans with a million holes and a raggedy tee shirt on that barely covered my breast. My hair was under an old faded bandana, and I had on my old a.s.s run down sneakers. h.e.l.l, I was in my house, and I was finishing up the final touches to the dining room. They followed me through the living room and into the kitchen. I offered them to take a seat and walked to the sink. As I washed my hands, I could see Nia's and Max's reflection in the window. Max was looking me up and down while giving Nia a nod of approval. I turned around and said. I'm glad that the two of you stopped by. I've been working for the past couple of hours and just finished and thirsty as h.e.l.l. Then I offered them something cool and refreshing to drink. In unison the both said yea! I turned around and quickly whipped up a pitcher of my famous lemonade. Nia excused herself from the kitchen table and checked out my paintjob in the dining room as she pretended to make an important call. As I pulled the lemons from the refrigerator, Max sat quietly and watched me squeeze the lemons. Say, Haley. You're going to make lemonade from scratch? He asked. I certainly am. I bragged. d.a.m.n. I didn't think anyone made stuff like that from scratch anymore. Everything now is concentrate, or some other s.h.i.t like that, that's interesting Max commented.

Max was attractive but not really my type. But there was some sort of attraction. Max is about six feet -two, thin, no I take that back, he's skinny as h.e.l.l, bald, light skinned with round eyes and had one h.e.l.l of a knock out smile. After I finished adding all the ingredients, I poured him a gla.s.s. He took a long sip and smiled. d.a.m.n, that's good. In fact that's great! We were both a little more relaxed and I sat down and started talking. Max was interesting, I must admit, the more we talked, the more I liked the guy. I dismissed the thought of Max being anything but a mere acquaintance, he's not my type, I thought to myself. Then it came to me, like a light bulb going off in my brain. Maybe I'd have better luck with men if I changed up my standards from the normal mold. I thought. Yea, maybe that's it! I'm always attracted to those tall, dark, muscular, well built, handsome, deep voiced men. So maybe if I change the blueprint I might get favorable results. "So, Nia tells me, you're interested in buying a motorcycle," Max asked. I looked at Max with a devilish grin. Yeah, I replied. I plan on buying one before the end of spring. The only thing is, I don't know much about them," I replied. Max reeled back in his chair and sat up then replied. "Well, if you don't mind I might be of some help to you. In fact, there's a bike show in Manhattan at the Javits Center this weekend, if you're not busy maybe we can go together. There will be all types of bikes to choose from, sport bikes, cruisers, sport touring bikes, you name it," he said in a s.e.xy voice. So you have any idea as to what type you're interested in? Max asked. No I don't I replied. Well, how about it? Is it a date? Max inquired. "Yes, I'd like that, thanks. I have the weekend off so you have to let me know what day is good for you, and it's a date," I responded. Just then Nia walked back into the kitchen and joined us at the table. "So what have the two of you been talking about?" she asked with a sly grin.

Max filled her in on our conversation, and our plans for the bike show in the city. After knocking off the rest of the lemonade, Nia insisted that I put away the paint cans and to take a ride with Max. Max agreed and was thrilled when I said yes. "But you have to give me about an hour. I have to wash and put away the paint, plus I have to take a shower," I stated. "It's a deal," Max replied. By the time I dropped Nia off, fill up my tank and stop off at the bike shop for a quick second, that should give you enough time to get yourself ready.

"Okay, it's a deal. I said. Nia, let's get out of here so Haley can get herself ready," Max replied. Nia stood up, and we all walked to the door. I watched Nia put on her helmet as Max started the bike. He pushed down the rear pegs for Nia's feet then climbed on the bike first and held out his hand for Nia, to hop on the back. As they pulled away, he tooted the horn, and Nia raised her arm to wave good-bye. An hour later, Max was back and ready to take a ride. I walked outside and stood patiently as Max checked the strap on my helmet as I zipped up my jacket.

He zipped up his jacket threw his leg over the seat and maneuvered his body around until he was comfortable then motioned for me to step on the rear peg and hop on. I leaned my breast on his back and placed my arms around his waist. He stood the bike up and kicked up the side stand, knocked the bike in gear then slowly pulled off down the street. We jumped on the parkway and headed toward Manhattan. We flew down the Grand Central Parkway then looped onto the Long Island Expressway and rode through Midtown Tunnel with the greatest of ease. Max was an excellent rider. In fact, he was better than anyone else I had ever ridden with. We rode through the west village and decided to stop and grab a bite to eat at a diner. He pulled up to the curb and backed it in. Max pulled off his helmet and turned off the bike. When we got off the bike, he turned to me and unsnapped my helmet. He stood close to me and caressed my face and gave me a warm smile. I thought that he was going to kiss me and was relieved when he didn't. "Are you ready, beautiful?" he asked. "Yes, I am, are you?" I said, laughing.

After eating a couple of burgers, we decided to go window shopping and walk around for a while. Two hours later, we decided to head back to the bike and go home. We grabbed the helmets off the back of the bike, zipped up our jackets mounted the bike and took off. As we drove down Houston Street, I rested my head on his back and squeezed my arms tightly around his waist. I was so comfortable and confident in his driving skills; I decided to close my eyes, bask in the moment and held on tight. The next time I opened my eyes, Max was pulling into my driveway. He turned off the bike and got off first, then he held his hand out and helped me down. He waited for me to untie my helmet then secured it on the rear seat of his bike. "Uh, Haley, if you're free tomorrow, would you like to have dinner with me?" Max asked. I turned to Max smiled and replied with a yes. He kissed my hand and said good night. Then he mounted his bike and rode off into the night. Hobbs greeted me as soon as I opened the door. He motioned for me to let him out and ran to the back door. No sooner than I kicked off my shoes and fixed myself a bowl of ice cream, Hobbs was at the door and ready to come back in. I turned off the lights and turned on the alarm then raced him up the stairs.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, d.a.m.n, d.a.m.n, this this traffic traffic has has got got to to go go, I thought to myself. I had one more exit on the NYS Thruway to go, and I'd be at the state capitol. My boss and I were on our way to the state capitol for the next few days, and I was exhausted from the long drive. Our first series of meetings was scheduled for ten-thirty, and we had arrived in plenty of time to unwind before they started. The senator insisted on going to his office first to catch up on a few calls. That gave me time to check-in at the Marriott Hotel and get myself settled before my day started. We were scheduled for two meetings that afternoon followed by a dinner engagement at 8 PM.

Just before the meeting, I received a call from Max. He wanted to know if I had arrived in Albany safely and to say h.e.l.lo. "Listen, Max, I'm staying at the Marriott in room 2912, and here's the number. I don't know about you, but my cell phone bill is outrageous, so call me from a land line after 11 PM. Okay." "That's a plan. How was your ride up? Did you hit a lot of traffic?" He asked. "h.e.l.l, yeah," I said. I looked at my watch and realized that it was time to meet up with the senator. "Look, I've got to run, sorry I can't talk longer, but I've got to run." "Okay," he said then hung up.

My second meeting of the day took up most of the afternoon, and I was exhausted by the time it came to a close. I asked my boss if he'd mind if I headed for my room and pa.s.sed up the dinner reception. "No, Haley, go ahead. If I go myself, I won't be long either," he replied and waved me off. I left the Capitol building and headed for my hotel. I walked straight through the lobby and up to my suite without stopping. As I opened the door to my room and turned on the lights, I could smell the sweet aroma of jasmine. I looked around and saw the largest bouquet of mixed flowers sitting on my coffee table. I walked over to them and grabbed the card.

Haley,Thank you for the wonderful evening the other night, I enjoyed your company. The sadness in your eyes touched my soul. I would love to be the one to make them sparkle and come alive. I've been thinking about you since. I'm looking forward to our next date, till then,Max d.a.m.n, nice impression and great taste in flowers. I thought to myself. Maybe it was a good idea to change my man blueprints. Let me call this man right now and thank him for the wonderful and sweet gesture. I walked over to the phone and called him. "h.e.l.lo, Max. I'm sorry to be calling you so late, but I just got back to my room. Thank you so much for the lovely bouquet of flowers," I whispered in my s.e.xiest voice. "Hmmmm, that's okay that you woke me up. I was sure I could make those pretty eyes of yours sparkle and to make you smile, and did I accomplish that? He asked? Wait, before you answer that, could you tell me why there's so much sadness in your eyes?" Max asked. I began to choke up. "Max, I think that's a conversation we'll have another time. Okay?" I replied. "Okay, no pressure. I just think you're too beautiful to have such sadness in those eyes. I'm not going to keep you; I know you had a long day. I'll see you Sunday. Good night," then, and hung up. Tears started to fill my eyes as I pulled a flower from the vase. I lay across the bed and wondered what kind of guy this Max was. I thought to myself. Is Is he he really really a a nice nice guy? guy? Does Does he he also also have have bad bad luck luck with with women women cheating cheating on on him him and and fooling fooling around around like like I I have have with with men? men? Or Or is is he he a a sc.u.mbag sc.u.mbag and and uses uses women women until until he he breaks breaks their their spirit? spirit? Is Is he he another another lying lying a.s.shole that f.u.c.ks up every relationship he's in a.s.shole that f.u.c.ks up every relationship he's in and and blames blames everyone everyone else else when when he he get get caught caught in in his his lies? lies? Or is he a self indulging motherf.u.c.ker who's only out for himself? Or is he a self indulging motherf.u.c.ker who's only out for himself? Oh, Oh, well, let me stop second guessing the guy and give him the benefit of doubt. I thought to myself, well, let me stop second guessing the guy and give him the benefit of doubt. I thought to myself, I I was was getting getting myself myself sick sick and and decided decided to to see see what what happens. happens. I turned off the light and fell asleep. I turned off the light and fell asleep.

I woke up around 9 AM and started repacking my overnight bag. The senator's flight for Washington DC was scheduled for 1 PM, and I had plenty of time to go over last-minute details with him. I called Washington DC to find out that our two-day conference was rescheduled for the following month. So we could head home ahead of schedule. The senator decided that he wanted to get back to New York faster than we arrived so we took a flight back instead of making that four-hour drive. We landed at JFK International Airport just before midnight and were met by another staff member to bring us back to the office. While I stayed at the office to look over my next week's appointments, the senator was driven to his residence.

I left the office somewhere around 3 AM and headed home for much-needed rest. I walked in the door and headed straight for the refrigerator. I heated up some leftovers and made myself a cup of coffee while I sorted through my mail. Then I dragged myself up the stairs and got ready for bed. Sometime that next afternoon I called Max and let him know that I was home. We made plans for that evening and decided on dinner and a movie. Max picked me up around 6 PM and took me to a quaint little restaurant in Manhattan.

During dinner, he did something unexpected that touched me. Max took the cork from the bottle of wine that we had ordered, pulled out a pen, and wrote the date and our names on it. Then he placed the cork in my hands and smiled. Then he said, "There will be more of these to come." Then he smiled. When we got back to my house, he kissed me ever so gently and held me tight. "Would you mind if I spend the night with you?" Max asked. It had been awhile since I was with a man and decided to go for it even though it was against my better judgment. So I showed Max up to my bedroom, turned on the stereo, and put on soft music. I walked over to my dresser, lit two scented candles, and then walked over to Max. He kissed my lips then moved to my neck then my breast, nibbling, sucking, and tickling me with his tongue. He carefully undressed me until I stood before him naked. He walked me into the bathroom, and we showered together.

After we showered, he stepped out of the tub and reached for a towel and began to towel me off. He knelt down on his knees in front of me and placed my leg over his shoulder and began to lick my inner thighs. I placed my hands on top of his head to steady my balance and leaned back. He flicked his tongue across my c.l.i.toris and darted his tongue in and out between my lips till I began to shake. After a few moments, Max gently lifted my leg from his shoulders then stood up. He took me by the hand then led me into the bedroom. Then he picked me up and ever so gently placed me on the bed and began to kiss me as he climbed on top. He fumbled around a few minutes as he ripped open the condom then placed it around his swollen p.e.n.i.s.

He tried to enter my v.a.g.i.n.a with a thrust that would have torn my delicate walls. "Oh..." I moaned as I grabbed his arm. "Gently," I yelled. He slowed down and repositioned himself and tried it again. His initial entry was a little rough but then he relaxed, and I was able to open my legs wider. I can't tell you how many o.r.g.a.s.ms I had that night, I lost count. All know is, I was exhausted when we finished some two hours later. The following day, we went to the bike party somewhere in Brooklyn and had a ball.

Eight weeks later, Max and I went to a bike shop in Queens, and I purchased my first bike. It was beautiful; I picked out a sixteen valve, 599cc, inline four, twin ram air induction, six speed gear box monster! The color was burnt orange, with a hint of gray with chromed out wheels. I was so proud! Since Max was so knowledgeable about bikes and had ridden most of his life, I let Max do all the talking with the salesmen. The salesmen agreed on a few modifications and changed the pipes, brakes, and brake-lines for a modest price. When the modifications were completed, the owner of the shop called and asked me if I would like to pick it up or have it delivered. You deliver? I asked. Yes we do. He replied. Well. Then, please deliver my precious bike to me please. I replied. We agreed on a time and date then hung up. I immediately called Max. Max! My bike will be delivered this Friday after 3PM, please come by and celebrate with me. I asked. Sure I will. He replied. Max knew that I had not ridden a bike in a long time and was glad that I was having the bike delivered. When it arrived that Friday afternoon he looked over the bike to make sure everything was changed to his instructions and gave the deliveryman a tip. He became my lover and mentor all rolled into one and patiently taught me how to be a safe rider.

It took me a little time to get the hang of riding my motorcycle. Looking back, I was a mess! The first week I had my bike I rode it up and down my driveway, because I was afraid to ride it in the street. The second week, I graduated from my driveway to driving it up and down my block, wobbling every step of the way. Then one day, I grew b.a.l.l.s and turned the corner and around the block I went! I practiced with Max every day that the sun shined, and he was available. When the traffic died down at night he would take me to vacant parking lots and make me practice taking off, stopping, and turning until I was road worthy. He was patient with me from the first time I wobbled onto the Southern State Parkway till the time the cops stopped him because I was speeding. I was happy, very happy! I had a man in my life. I was happy to be dating a guy who was into me and we enjoyed the same things I did. I felt as if my life had turned around, and I was headed in the right direction. Max unofficially moved in with me that summer. What I mean by unofficially is, I didn't give him keys to my house right away. He would patiently wait for me outside till I got home from work and after five months I made it official, I gave him the keys. After that, we became inseparable.

Previous to meeting Max, I had planned on attending a six-day family reunion cruise and was unable to include him on the vacation after we met. I would be leaving in a few days and suggested that he join me after the ship disembarked in Louisiana. He agreed and promised to take care of Hobbs while I was gone. That following Sat.u.r.day, I was off for the reunion. The separation anxiety I was having was awful. I almost couldn't enjoy myself. Late at night, while everyone else was having fun either gambling in the casino or watching a show, I was in the internet room writing to Max. I wanted to enjoy my vacation, but I also wanted to be with my man. I wanted to make love to Max and fall asleep in his arms. The reunion turned out better than I ever expected it to be. I had so much fun with my family. We sailed the Caribbean in style.

As fast as it started was as fast as it ended, and I was headed home. I was excited and couldn't wait to see Max. After we docked and I searched the endless rows of luggage for my bags, I rushed out of the terminal searching for his face. As soon as I spotted him, I called his name out loud, dropped my bags, and ran into his arms. As we kissed, I told him that I miss him so much and to get me home in a hurry. When we walked in the house, I gave Hobbs a big hug and two of his favorite treats then put him outside while Max brought my luggage in. No sooner than he dropped my bags on the floor, I was all over him. I undress Max in the living room, and we made love on the couch. Phew!

Things were going good for us. Every now and then we'd have a little tiff, but don't all couples have their good and bad days? From my perspective, I wanted this to last, I wanted to go to the wire with this man and make it work. Here, it was the end of the fall, and we were going stronger than ever. I learned so much from Max, and I felt honored to be his girlfriend.

Even though I knew that I loved him, I wasn't in love and I was afraid to tell him that. Anyway, as far as he was concerned he was my knight in leather armor. Yes, he was my bike instructor, my mechanic, my friend, he was witty and a fun loving man, and he was all mine or so I thought! One night while we were shopping, we got into an ugly argument inside a store, and it blew out of proportion. I was mad at him, and he was mad at me. When he drove me home, he refused to come in and decided that he'd go back to his father's house for the night. Being stubborn as I sometimes can be, I refused to take any of his calls the next couple of days. After realizing how silly I was and missing him, I made the first move and called him. "Max, we have to talk," I said quietly. "Please come over tonight, I want to talk to you." "Okay, I'll be there in an hour," he said, and then hung up. When he arrived, I met him at the door with a big hug and kiss. "Honey, it doesn't matter anymore what happened and who was right or who was wrong. All I want right now is to be together, besides, I miss you," he said.

Max held me close, and I had my man back in my arms again. Things went back to normal, and we were once again playing house.

The Christmas holidays were fast approaching, and I wanted to plan something special. But the plans were changed due to an unexpected emergency. Money was tight for both of us, and I didn't want Christmas to become a financial burden. So I postponed my surprise for another time. At the last minute, I came up with some unexpected coins and was able to purchase Max that motorcycle jacket he'd been eyeing all summer. It wasn't what I originally planned, but it was a nice gift. And as far as Max goes, even if he could or could not afford to buy me an expensive gift, his love for me was enough. Even though I knew that I wasn't in love with him things between us were slowly headed in that direction.

I can't begin to tell you how many times, he told me that he loved me. I was tongue tied and couldn't get the words out. Sometimes while we were in bed, I would watch him sleep, and whisper ever so softly in his ear. "I love you, Max, but I'm not in love." I wanted to open up to him but afraid my fears would come alive, and Max and I would fall apart. But I was determined to be strong, and maybe one day my heart would feel that way, "Good morning, honey, wake up," I said. "I wish we could stay in bed longer, but I have to get up," I said while giving him a big hug. Max rolled over and said that he wanted to catch a few more hours of sleep. So I showered, dressed, and kissed him on the forehead as I headed out the door. Around noon I called Max. "Hey, honey, please do me a favor on your way home?" I asked. "Would you please stop at the liquor store and pick up a bottle of champagne for tonight. I think we're running low, and I want to bring in the New Year in style."

That's when my world came crashing down again. "Uh, Haley, I have plans for tonight. I've been invited to a party, and I wasn't planning on going with you," he said. Stunned by what I had just heard. I asked Max to repeat what he had just said. "I can't talk to you about it now. I'll call you later," and then hung up the phone. I became flushed and my fears almost knocked me over. "Oh, no, not again, it can't be," I said out loud. I began to cry, and I couldn't breathe. I reached for my keys and asthma pump and walked out of the office without being noticed. I called my boss from my car and told him that I had an emergency and that I was going home.

I drove straight to Max's father's house and found him just in time. He was in his car and backing out the driveway when I pulled up behind him and blocked him in. "Max, what's going on?" I asked as I walked up to his car. "Uh... would you like to come inside the house?" he asked. I agreed and walked slowly into the house and sat on the couch as Max sat next to me with his head down. "Well, I thought you and your friends were going out this evening together, and I decided to make other plans and to go out with my friends," he answered. "I'm not going out with my friends," I said sharply. "Besides, this is New Year's Eve. I'm supposed to be with you, and you're the only one I want to spend New Year's Eve with," I said. "Well, if you're invited to a party, they know about me, right?" Max looked at me and replied, "Yes." "So, why don't we go to the party together?" I replied. As soon as I said that, I could see the blood drain from his face and decided to wait for his reply before I hit the ceiling. Max held his breath then brought me to tears. "Haley, my daughter's mother invited me to a party, and I don't think you'd be comfortable there." "Oh, h.e.l.l no, I'm not going down like that again," I said to myself. I looked Max eye to eye and realized that there was more to the story. "Are you sleeping with her again? Have you f.u.c.ked her?" I asked as my voice started getting louder!

Just then the house phone rang, and when he didn't answer it, his cell phone started ringing. Then, they started ringing at the same time. "What's up with the phone?" I asked. "Aren't you going to answer it?" He looked at me and began telling me how they had gone out a couple of times while he was seeing and sleeping with me. "The ringing phones are getting on my nerves," I yelled. "I don't give a f.u.c.k what you tell that b.i.t.c.h on the phone, but you better tell her that your girlfriend said "That "That you're you're not not going going to to no no f.u.c.king f.u.c.king party party tonight!" tonight!"

"Tell her," I yelled. "Tell her that since she's the other woman on the down low, she doesn't get holidays! And you're staying with me tonight!" Tears welled up in my eyes, and I sat on the couch with my head in my hands while Max answered the phone. I heard him tell the girl on the phone that his plans had changed, and he wasn't going to make it to the party, then he hung up. I was so enraged with anger; I wanted to forfeit my freedom and cause bodily harm to his arrogant a.s.s. Max tried to lie about the affair but didn't do a good job. My head was spinning, and my heart felt as if it were about to explode. "Max, I have to get out of here," I said. Then I stood up and walked to the door. "Baby, it's not like that, I'll prove it to you," he said. "We'll be together tonight. Let me run inside and pack some clothes, and I'll order something to eat, and we'll have New Year together." I looked at Max, and then walked out the door. I knew my mind wasn't into driving, and I prayed that I got home safely. No sooner did I pull up in my driveway, Max was pulling up behind my car. We walked into the house together and sat quietly in the kitchen. In the meantime, his phone was still ringing, nonstop. He got smart and realized that this chick wasn't going to stop calling and turned his phone off. Max knew that he f.u.c.ked up and now had to redeem himself. He told me that he had run into her a couple of times. "When was that? I shouted. When did you run into her and where were you?" I asked. Max looked at me then turned away. "I ran into her while you were on your family reunion vacation," Max replied. "I didn't know where we were going with our relationship so when I ran into her, I asked her out a couple of times," he said. "Oh, So you need a spare tire while I was away with my family?" I asked. "No, I don't know, it just happened," Max said.

I was so p.i.s.sed off that I couldn't think straight. As I got up from the table, I accidentally knocked over the ashtray and turned over the sugar bowl, spilling everything on the floor. "s.h.i.t!" I yelled. "I'll clean it up," Max said. "No, that's okay. I'll do it," and walked to the closet and pulled out the vacuum. I rolled it into the kitchen and turned it on while Max cleaned off the table. It took me about three minutes to get the floor clean of sugar and cigarette b.u.t.ts. As I rolled the vacuum back into the hall closet, I smelled smoke. I looked around and didn't notice anything burning, then all of a sudden. Poof, the bag inside my vacuum cleaner was a blaze and the vacuum cleaner was on fire. I screamed and pushed it back through the dining room and into the kitchen. Max turned around just in time to see a streak of fire run up my sleeve. I quickly ripped off my shirt, and threw it to the floor, then I grabbed for the spray hose and turned on the water. Max pushed me out the way then picked up the vacuum cleaner by the handle and threw it out the back door. My whole house was now filled with smoke, and my smoke detectors were ringing to beat the band.

We opened the windows and doors and aired the house out then ended up laughing about the whole vacuum cleaner ordeal. Max opened up to me and asked me to forgive him. "Baby, I'm sorry that I hurt you, but you never seemed to be into me, and I want to be loved. Every tine I told you that I loved you, you'd look at me and smile, but you never told me how you felt. So I a.s.sumed you didn't. I love you, can we please work it out," Max asked. I didn't want to go into the New Year with hurt and hatred in my heart, and agreed to work it out with Max. We decided to start the year off on a clean slate and become a stronger and happier couple. So the rest of the night, we played music and watched TV until the ball dropped. Then we went upstairs to bed. I guess he thought we'd have make-up s.e.x but boy was he wrong.

The next morning, New Year's Day was part two from h.e.l.l, and it came crashing down like a ton of bricks. We woke up sometime around 9 AM and wished each other a Happy New Year. Max was anxious to call his dad and the rest of his family and to also wish them a Happy New Year. As soon as he turned his phone on, it rang. I turned over and looked at him and sat up in the bed. "Is that her?" I asked. Max looked at me with his mouth wide open and then looked at the phone. "Answer it, and make sure the speaker phone is on. I want to hear this b.i.t.c.h, and I want her to hear me!" I said with venom spewing from my lips. Max looked horrified and complied.

"h.e.l.lo," he answered. All I could hear was a female screaming and cursing at the top of her lungs. When she came up for air and stopped screaming, Max told her that she was on the speaker phone and that I was listening to their conversation. Confidently, Max said "Haley and I are together, and what happened between us was a mistake. I didn't mean to mislead you or give you the impression that we were going to work things out between us. I told Haley that we went on a few dates, so please leave us alone."

I sat up in the bed and propped up my pillows behind me. Max was trying hard to convince me that he was innocent, and I started to believe his story. It was a strong and direct statement that he just spewed out to her, and if she wasn't a stalker, she'd leave him alone. "What! What? What? Can she hear me? Is she on the phone right now?" the girl asked. "Yeah, she can hear you, you're on the speaker phone, and Haley is right beside me," Max again stated. "Oh, yeah mother f.u.c.ker. She yelled back. Well, Haley, did Max tell you that we were sleeping together again? Did he tell you that we f.u.c.k all the time now? Did he tell you that we drive around in your new fancy car while you were away on business trips or when you're on vacation? Did he tell you that I was pregnant?" she yelled.

I froze. I couldn't move, and I couldn't talk. My body began to sweat, and I saw red. I became flush, and I started feeling pains in my chest. Rage filled my eyes and I was on the verge of snapping. Max yelled, "Pregnant! How are you pregnant?" He started to argue with her then looked over at me. I had gotten out of bed and headed for the window. I opened the window as wide as I could then I grabbed as much of his s.h.i.t as I could hold in my arms and in one swoop tossed everything out. I began grabbing everything and anything that was his and out it went. He hung up the phone in a hurry and ran over to the window to close it. "Baby, she lying," he said. I had to struggle to get the words out, and when I finally did all I could do was to say why. "Why, Max? Get the rest of your things, and get the f.u.c.k out." I wanted to slap, punch, kick, bite, shoot and stab him. I wanted to set his body on fire while he was tied to a chair. I wanted to slice his body a thousand times and watch him slowly bleed to death. I wanted Max to feel pain, and I wanted him to hurt.

But instead, I remembered my demons and cried aloud. "Why is it so hard for me to find a man I can trust? Why didn't you just leave me alone, when you really wanted to be with her? What did I ever do to you, for you to treat me like this? If you just wanted to f.u.c.k me and not have a relationship, you should have said that from the beginning. I might have f.u.c.ked you, and I might not have! But be honest, for goodness sake! Unfortunately and sad to say, there are a million women out there who'd f.u.c.k someone's man because the man says he's not happy! Is that it? You're not happy? I yelled. I just don't understand why lie about your intentions! Max, maybe someday you'll realize that the word 'love' it's not just a word you say or use casually. The word means that you have or share an intense affection with someone. How dare you say that you love me and treat me like this! I said annoyingly. Maybe one day you'll be honest and stop telling those senseless lies and that you'll think about someone else's feelings before you hurt them. Maybe your life will be nothing more than a lie!" I yelled.

"I was warned by more people than you can imagine about you being a compulsive liar, but I didn't want to believe them, and I'm sorry I didn't listen, it would have saved me time and heartache." Max lowered his head, picked up his things and then walked to the door. He turned around and said, "I'm sorry that you found out this way. I tried to end it with her, but I didn't know how." He said, "Your motorcycle is at my house. You can come and get it or if you want to leave it at my dads until you make room in your garage that will be fine too." "Just get the f.u.c.k out!" I yelled. "I'll pick up my bike as soon as I can, you can leave it outside, and I'll pick it up within the hour!" I screamed. As soon as Max walked out the door, I walked out to the garage and made room for it in the garage...Then I called a cab and went to his father's house to bring my bike home. When I pulled up to the house Max was opening the garage door. Haley, are you sure that you want to take you bike home? It's ok if you want to leave it here. Max stated. Thanks, but all I want to do now is to steer clear of you and I'll take my bike right now. Max rolled my bike out of the garage as I placed my helmet and gloves on. I turned the key to let it warm up a little, and then I took off. Usually there's snow on the ground in January in New York. Thank goodness that the roads were clean and clear of debris.

When I got home I pulled into my garage, chained and covered it up. Then I called my boss and burst into tears when he answered the phone. When I regained my composure, I told him an abbreviated version of the story and asked for sometime off. "Haley, if there's anything I can do, just let me know. Go ahead and take sometime off, the office will be okay," he replied.

The next day, I got rid of all my sheets and comforters, and purchased new ones. I didn't want anything on my bed that we had slept on. I threw out everything on his side of the medicine cabinet and restocked it with my toiletries. I checked my bank account and paid my bills for the next three months in advance. Then I called Nia and asked if she could stay at my house and take care of Hobbs for a while and she agreed. I checked the Internet for last minute vacation packages, packed a bag, and then headed for the airport. I needed to clear my head. I had to stop thinking about the demons that were controlling my life. I had to slay them all and take control of my happiness.

I managed to get a flight on standby and flew to Barbados that evening. I stayed in an upscale resort on Maxwell Coast Road and kept to myself during my stay. I decided to take one day at a time and to relax and to clear my head. I meditated everyday and thanked G.o.d for the things I accomplished in my life. During the day I ran on the beach and, took long walks. At night I dined and went dancing. I got my thoughts together and was able to shed my demons that had haunted my life. I felt revived and ready to take on the world. I wasn't going to let Max or any other man take away my sunshine. I began to walk with my head up high, and I promised myself never to stress over a man again.

When I returned home a week later, I decided to give my home a thorough cleaning and came across some of Max's belongings that I had missed. I packed them in a box and decided that I would drop it off before the days end. After I finished cleaning I noticed that I was running low on one of my favorite perfumes and decided to treat myself to a new bottle. So I showered and put on a nice pair a jeans and top then hit the mall. While I was at the counter sampling new fragrances, two of Max's friends spotted me and walked over. "Hey, aren't you Haley, Max's girlfriend?" they asked. I looked up and acknowledged my acquaintance with Max. "Yes, but were no longer together." "Oh," one man said in surprise. "d.a.m.n, Max is always f.u.c.king up. We've known him a long time, and he's always doing stupid s.h.i.t. Well, it was nice to see you," and then the