NOT.

GUILTY.

PATRICIA MACDONALD.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS.

Many people have helped me. None more so than.

My husband, Art Bourgeau, who never fails me.

Jane Berkey and Meg Ruley, agents and old friends.

All at Albin Michel, especially Tony Cartano.

My readers in France-mille fois merci.

Maggie Crawford, for her insights, and Otto-thanks for the picture.

PROLOGUE.

It's beginning to get dark so early now,Keely Bennett thought, pining for daylight as she drove along the quiet streets of Ann Arbor. The November sky had been gray since morning but now had deepened to a leaden hue as twilight came on. The sidewalks of the university town were almost empty as people hurried to reach the well-lit shelter of home before nightfall.

Keely had stayed late at the junior high school where she taught American literature. Monday afternoons, the yearbook club met after school, and she was the advisor. She thought about the pile of essays in her briefcase that she had to grade tonight, and she would also have to help her son, Dylan, with his fourth-grade homework. Somewhere in there, she had to get dinner together too.

If Richard is feeling better,she thought,he can help Dylan.Then, she dismissed the idea as improbable. Keely's husband, a science writer for the university press, suffered from migraine headaches, and when one took hold of him, the episode tended to last for at least the rest of the day. Usually, the combination of medication and a night's sleep alleviated the pain, but lately, to their growing concern, he would often find himself stricken again the next day. This morning, when she got up for work, she found Richard already lying on the couch in his home office, all the curtains drawn and his eyes covered with a wet towel. He had not come down for breakfast-even the smell of food nauseated him. Keely and Dylan had eaten breakfast in silence, then closed the door softly behind them when they left the house.

Keely squinted at the street signs in the dark and made a left turn onto Jefferson Street, where Bobby McKenna, Dylan's best friend, lived. Dylan and Bobby had soccer practice after school, so Bobby'smother had agreed to bring them back to her house until Keely was finished with her duties at Northern Junior High. She pulled the car up in front of the McKennas' house, parked, and walked up to the door. Allison McKenna answered her knock, wiping her hands on a dish towel and stepping out to hold the storm door open with her hip. "Hey, Keely," she said.

Keely could see Bobby at the desk in the living room, his head bent over a notebook, the gooseneck lamp making a halo on his dark, curly hair. He looked up and gave Keely a listless wave and then, seeing his mother's raised eyebrows, went back to his work.

"Homework already?" Keely asked.

"He's got a pile of it," said Allison.

"Where's Dylan?"

"He had a lot of it to do, too. He wanted to get started, so I left him off at your house after practice. Richard's home. His car was in the driveway and all the lights were on."

"Oh, all right," said Keely, turning to step down to the flagstone walkway. "I love the way they're so conscientious right now. Dylan's trying hard to get good grades this year."

"Speak for yourself," said Allison. "It's like pulling teeth to get this one to do his homework."

Keely smiled wryly. "Well, I'm sure it won't last." Then she lowered her voice to a whisper. "I think Dylan's got a little crush on his teacher."

"Whatever works," said Allison.

"I'd better get home," said Keely. "Thanks for picking him up."

"No problem," said Allison, closing the door after her, as Keely's low-heeled shoes crunched on some dry leaves on the way back to her car. The darkness seemed to close around her as she started the car and headed toward home.

So Dylan's already home. No problem,Keely rea.s.sured herself as she navigated the back-street shortcuts to her house.Maybe Richard is feeling better. Maybe Dylan will even have his homework done by the time I get there,she told herself. But she could not seem to banish an uneasy feeling that plagued her. More likely, Richard was still lying there in that dark office. On his bad days, he never left the house.Fortunately, his job was freelance, so there was no one to complain if he didn't show up at the office. And Dylan knew, from experience, not to make a noise or turn on the television when his father was "sick."

She hated the idea of her son coming home to find his father that way again. Home was supposed to be a cheerful place, a place where you could relax and feel welcome. These days, when Richard had a headache, there was a feeling of tension in the house that was oppressive. Keely knew Richard didn't mean for it to be that way. If he was able to get up, he would, and she knew he would make an effort, if she wasn't there, to talk to Dylan, maybe pour him a gla.s.s of juice or something. But it was always obvious from his pale, sweaty complexion, and the contorted expression of his features, how much such an effort cost him.

It was hard for her to remember now what it was like before things got so bad. He'd always had headaches. Even when she met him in college, he would occasionally disappear for a day here and there, not even answering his phone. She remembered how relieved she had been to find out that it was headaches-not lack of interest-that prevented him from calling her on those days. When she thought back on it now, she realized how naive she had been. The headaches had become a presence in their lives that gave no quarter. Dylan accepted it, because he had never known life any other way. He understood that any plan they made was tentative-it depended on Daddy's feeling well that day.

At Keely's insistence, Richard had seen a number of doctors. None of the medications they'd prescribed had cured him. When one of the doctors at the university suggested that Richard try some psychotherapy, he had refused point-blank.It's a medical problem,he had insisted,and it requires a medical solution.Keely thought anything would be worth trying if it might help. But Richard was more knowledgeable than she in all fields relating to science, and he regarded psychology with contempt, as a pseudoscience. Try as she might to convince him, Keely could not persuade her husband to seek psychological counseling.

Doyouthink I'm crazy?he would ask her.Of course not,she would say. And it was true. When he was free of the pain, he was the mostreasonable and caring man in the world. Even when he was suffering, he tried not to take it out on them, tried not to lose his temper though his nerves were flayed by his condition.Every marriage has its problems,she reminded herself. She never regretted marrying him, despite these problems. He was still the man she had fallen so in love with when she was nineteen. But she felt helpless, seeing him suffer this way. And it was scary to her, how much his suffering seemed to be increasing with the pa.s.sage of time.

With a worried sigh, she saw their corner house just ahead. She turned the car into the driveway and switched off the ignition. A few of the lights were on inside, and on the doorstep was a seasonal arrangement she and Dylan had made of cornstalks, pumpkins, and Indian corn. But no one had turned on the porch light. No one came to the door at the sound of her car in the drive. She knew then, with a familiar, sinking feeling, that her husband was not better.

Keely walked up to the front door and opened it, expecting Dylan to pop up in the foyer and give her a silent hug of greeting. She knew better than to call out; any loud noise bothered Richard. But there was no sign of her son. Or her husband. Maybe Dylan hadn't heard her drive in. She had gotten him a Walkman so he could at least listen to his favorite tapes when he was forced to be quiet. Maybe he was in his room, listening to his Walkman. She went into the kitchen and put her briefcase down on the chair. A teacup with milky fluid in it, and the tea bag squashed in the saucer, stood on the drainboard. Probably all that Richard had consumed today. There was no sign of Dylan's having eaten a snack despite the fact that he was always ravenous after soccer. Keely frowned. The house was too quiet.

She went to the bottom of the stairs, hesitated, and then began to ascend. As she reached the landing, she heard something strange-a very faint whimpering sound. "Dylan?" she called out softly.

There was no reply.The Walkman,she told herself.He's just listening to the Walkman. Maybe it's Richard.Immediately she called out, "Honey, it's me. Richard?"

She was greeted only by silence. The churning in her stomach was unmistakable now. Her breath was coming in little gasps. And there wasan unfamiliar smell in the air, too. Unfamiliar-and unpleasant. Her stomach turned over again. She reached the top of the stairs and looked down the hall. There was a faint light spilling across the hall, coming from Richard's office. The door was ajar.

"Richard," she demanded. The sound of the whimpering was a little more distinct now as she walked woodenly down the hall toward the office. "Richard, are you all right? Answer me." Her voice sounded irritable. But her heart was flooded with fear. Something was terribly wrong. She knew it now. A terrible possibility leaped to her mind, but she banished it, refusing to consider it. No. He wouldn't do that. Not Richard. She walked closer to the door of the office, then she stopped.

At first glance, everything looked as it always did. The little desk lamp was on, and Richard's computer hummed, as always. Bright planets hung in the blackness of the screen saver as a s.p.a.ceship orbited slowly across the monitor. His desk was neat and organized, as it always was. But there was something on the rug. A pattern of tiny, dark spots. It was sprayed on the wall as well.Please, G.o.d,she whispered.Please, G.o.d. Please, G.o.d. Please, G.o.d.She didn't know what it was she was asking for. But she knew she needed help. The whimpering was louder. It was broken by the sound of a sob.

She stepped across the threshold and entered the room so she could see the entire s.p.a.ce. In the instant before her gaze took it in, she knew what she was going to find. But there was no going back. In front of the desk, Richard was sprawled on the carpet, one arm bent crazily beneath him, the other flung out to the side. Beneath Richard's head, a burgundy stain formed a deadly wreath. Not far from his hand was a dark shape on the rug-it looked like a small, dark animal. Her eyes were playing tricks on her. Even before she bent down, she could see what it was-even though she had never seen one this close before. It was a gun. Keely stared at it. A gun. They didn't have a gun.How can there be a gun here?But even as she wondered, she knew. Sometimes, in the worst of his sieges, he would speculate on where a person could buy a gun. A look of desperation would cloud his eyes. And then, when she begged him not to say that, he would insist he was joking.

Keely reached down and touched her husband's hair. It was sticky.When she jerked her hand away, there was blood on her fingers. Behind the closet door came the whimpering sound that had summoned her.

Numbly, as if hypnotized, she stood up, stepped over to the door, and pulled it open.

Inside the closet, Dylan crouched, his arms clutching his knees, his face pressed against his bony kneecaps. He looked up at her, and his eyes were filled with the horror that she felt blooming in the pit of her own stomach.

She crouched down beside him, and he buried his face in the soft green sweater she was wearing. His whole body was shaking. "Mom," he wailed. She could feel tears in her own eyes, but they were not ready to fall just yet. Clutching Dylan tightly to her, she turned her gaze to her husband's corpse lying p.r.o.ne on the floor. In a minute, she would get up and call someone. Someone who could help. But for now, all she could do was stare at the gun and the man on the floor. "It's all right, baby. I'm here now. It's all right," she crooned in a whisper, from long habit. And then she reminded herself it wasn't necessary to whisper anymore. There was only so much pain a person could tolerate. She always knew that. For Richard, there would be no more suffering.

For her, for Dylan, it would be a different story.

1.

Abby Weaver relinquished her secure hold on the leg of the pine farmhouse table and lurched across the black-and-white checkerboard floor. Reaching her destination, she grasped her mother's leg and gazed back in amazement at the distance she had traveled.

"Well, look at you!" Keely Weaver turned away from the kitchen sink, dried her soapy hands, and bent down to pick up her year-old baby, nuzzling the warm, springy flesh of her cheek. Abby laughed, delighted with herself and with her mother's response.

"What a big girl you're getting to be," said Keely, burying her face in the soft, cotton T-shirt that Abby wore and rubbing her nose against the baby's tummy in a way guaranteed to make Abby squeal with giggles. "Yes, you are. Yes, you are."

"What are my favorite girls up to?" asked Mark Weaver, coming into the kitchen and lifting the baby from her mother's arms. He held his daughter against his chest, the sleeves of his pin-striped business shirt now rolled up, and kissed her over and over again on her spa.r.s.e, silky hair. "Are you making your mommy laugh?" he asked, looking the baby intently in the eye, and cupping his large, tanned hand around her little head. The gold of his wedding ring glinted in the last rays of the sunset coming in through the wall of windows in their kitchen.

"She's been practicing her freestyle," Keely observed, smiling at the sight of the two of them. Mark was an attorney-sleek, handsome, and renowned for the intractability of his arguments. But around his baby daughter, he was about as ruthless as a bowl of pudding. Mark was driven about his work, but he changed gears instantly the moment his gaze landed on the fuzzy head and shining eyes of his baby girl. At hisoffice and in the courthouse, people joked about the way he would whip out her picture and insist that they admire the most beautiful baby ever born.

"How could you be walking already?" he asked Abby in wonderment as she poked one of her stubby fingers between his lips. He pretended to chew on it for a moment, then gently enveloped her tiny hand in his. "Next thing you know, you'll be wanting a dress for the prom."

Keely sighed and nodded. "It's true. It'll be here before you know it." Even as she said it, a thought about Dylan dimmed her spirits like a cloud dims the light of the moon.

Seeming to sense the change in her, Mark reached out his free arm and included his wife in the embrace. "That was a great dinner," he said. "I know this is a terribly old-fashioned thing to say, but I love having my family here waiting for me at the end of the day, and a wonderful dinner on the table."

"Meet the Flintstones," Keely said, pretending to be annoyed with him. But Mark was not fooled. He drew her closer and kissed her, to their baby's delight.

"You know I don't mean it like that," he said.

"You did, and you know it," she teased him.

"No. Really. If you want to go back to work, I'm for it. Although I admit I'll be a little jealous to have all those teenage boys wanting to be teacher's pet."

"Oh, stop it," she said, but she smiled. "Teenage boys are not interested in the likes of me."

"Any man would be interested in a woman like you," he said.

She blushed, amazed as always by his frank adoration. She hadn't given much thought to her appearance lately. Luckily, she had regained her trim figure soon after Abby's birth, and her skin still glowed with the remains of a summer tan. But she wore no makeup, and her silvery blond hair was twisted into a formless knot. She was wearing jeans and a T-shirt.Not every man's idea of a siren,she thought. "Well, I'm glad you think so," she said. "But really, I'm not ready to go back to teaching yet. There's still so much to do around here. And it's important for me to be with Abby in these early years." Then she reached out and ran afinger pensively down Abby's cheek. "A mom is like a mirror at this age. I'd forgotten-it's been so long since Dylan was small. Every tiny accomplishment, they look to you for approval. I feel like she's programming that little computer in there for life. And every day brings changes, a thousand little decisions about how to negotiate in the world. She needs that constant attention. And of course, Dylan needs the extra time right now, too . . ."

"Well, in this day and age, I think it's the greatest luxury you can give a kid-a mother to be there whenever you need her. And even when you don't. I can speak with authority on this subject."

She knew what he meant. His parents had died in a boating accident when he was only four years old, and he hadn't been adopted by Lucas and Betsy Weaver until he was sixteen. His stories of the years in between reminded her of something out of d.i.c.kens.

"I just worry that it gets lonesome for you here sometimes," he continued. "You don't know anyone. You're kind of isolated out here . . ."

"It's true," she said, thinking wistfully of the easy camaraderie she'd had with her fellow teachers when she taught school back in Michigan. "Sometimes I feel a little bit . . . cut off from people. But it's only temporary. And this is a gilded cage, I must admit." She would not have believed, in those dark days after Richard's death, that she would ever end up living in a house like this one, with a new husband and a baby. She had been steeped in guilt, blaming herself for failing Richard, for not preventing him from taking that ultimate, drastic step. She shuddered at the memory and then banished it, looking around with satisfaction at the beautiful old kitchen, discreetly renovated to suit the most demanding chef, and then glanced out the bank of windows at the rolling lawn, still green in the September twilight, at the elegant patio and the pool. Through the locked gate that surrounded the pool, she saw the familiar shape of Dylan's skateboard, resting near the edge. Her frown returned.How many times do I have to tell him?she thought, exasperated.

"What's the matter?" Mark asked.

Keely shook her head and extricated himself from his embrace. "Oh, it's Dylan. He left his skateboard out by the pool again. I've toldhim time and again that it's dangerous to leave it out there. It goes in the garage when he's not using it."

Mark refrained, as ever, from criticizing his stepson. He never tried to make her feel that she was somehow remiss in the raising of her son. It was something Keely appreciated, although she often felt a sense of helpless frustration at the changes that had come over her boy these last few years. "He's got a lot on his mind. Where are you going?" Mark asked as she walked away from him.

"I'm going to call him to come down. He's still got to do his homework." School had started only a few weeks ago, and they were all adjusting to the new schedule and the constant a.s.signments that had to be finished.

"I'll help him with it," Mark said.

Keely regarded him fondly. "You are a patient soul," she said.

"Hey, I was fourteen once. I still remember what it was like to be at the mercy of all those raging hormones. I got into all kinds of trouble in those days. It's a wonder I didn't drop out of high school."

"Especially since you didn't have anyone to help you," Keely observed sympathetically. Keely was constantly amazed at how Mark had managed to become such a success in life, considering his childhood. If anything, it only seemed to make him more compa.s.sionate when it came to Dylan.

"I wasn't completely on my own. A couple of people helped me," he insisted. "I had a couple of teachers who tried to make things better for me. And all my foster parents weren't bad. And, of course, there was Lucas."

Keely nodded. Lucas Weaver was Mark's hero-a self-made man from a rugged background who had seen something worth saving in Mark, a known juvenile delinquent whom he'd representedpro bonoin a vandalism case. Lucas and his wife, Betsy, ended up adopting the troubled boy. Lucas shepherded Mark through college and law school and finally, when he pa.s.sed the bar, invited Mark to join his law firm. Mark was ever mindful of his enormous debt to Lucas, who had perhaps seen a reflection of himself in Mark and discerned that there was something worth saving in the rebellious teenager.

Mark kissed Abby's head again and gazed out the windows at the deep turquoise of the pool, the manicured lawn of his property. "Without Lucas, I probably would have ended up in prison or dead somewhere by the side of the road. When I think about what he put up with from me . . . it seems little enough to be patient with Dylan. Besides, all these changes haven't been easy for him. I know that."

"Not every man would be so forgiving," she said. "I really appreciate it, Mark." The fact was that ever since Dylan had realized that the lawyer who was helping his mother was also courting her, he had been difficult to live with. "I know it's not easy living with those moods of his-especially when he's not even your kid," said Keely apologetically.

"Don't say that," said Mark. "Heismy kid. I think of him as mine. And I wouldn't trade places with any man in the world. I have exactly what I want in life."

"What is truly strange," she said wryly, "is that I know you mean it."

"More every day," he said seriously.

He had pursued her with the single-mindedness that he brought to his legal cases. The moment he'd set eyes on her, he'd seemed to know exactly what he wanted. Looking back on it, she wondered how he could have been so sure, so quickly. She'd been a wreck when she'd met him. She had brought Richard's body back here, to his home town of St. Vincent's Harbor, Maryland, for burial. Richard's widowed mother had been too distraught to travel all alone to Michigan, and besides, it had seemed the right thing to do. Mark, who had been friends with Richard in high school, had attended the funeral. He was one of many people who had turned out on that sad occasion. Keely didn't even remember meeting him that nightmarish weekend. But he remembered it all perfectly. He often said that he'd made up his mind before the funeral service was over that she would be his wife. What made his determination even more surprising was that he'd been engaged to another woman at the time.

"I feel the same way," Keely said, and it was true. In the early days of their relationship, she sometimes thought, secretly, that she was turning to him out of weariness and a fear of being alone. But each day that pa.s.sed only made her more sure that she'd made the right decisionin marrying him and had done so for the right reasons. "Well, let me go get Dylan," she said.

Keely walked out of the kitchen and through the dining room toward the foot of the stairs. The French doors at the end of the dining room were open out onto the patio. Keely automatically walked over to them and closed them. It wasn't safe, with Abby mobile now, to leave them open. Even with the pool gate locked, it made her uneasy.

This old stone house was elegant and beautiful, and she had fallen in love with it the minute she saw it. But Keely had been willing to forgo it when she saw that it had a pool. Mark didn't know much about children. He didn't realize how fast a toddler could get around. And what was worse, he didn't know how to swim. The boating accident that took his parents' lives had traumatized him so much that he never went into water any deeper than rain puddles. But once Mark saw how enchanted she was by the house, he'd insisted that they buy it, and nothing could dissuade him.We'll be careful,he'd a.s.sured her.We'll keep the gate locked.She'd tried to pretend that she didn't like the house all that much, but he was not fooled. He saw that she loved it, and that was enough. He would have given her the world if he could. He made no secret of it.

The renovation of the house had taken most of the last year, and they'd finally moved in during the month of June. The project had been costly. They'd be paying off the contractor's bills for quite a while. And it had been exhausting and time consuming as well. Loads of decisions, most of which Mark had left to Keely. But now that they had lived in the house for several months, it all seemed worthwhile.I'm a lucky woman,she thought.I thought my life was over and now . . .She sighed as she reached the bottom of the stairs. She put one hand on the walnut banister and called up the stairs. "Dylan . . ."

There was no answer for a few moments. Then his voice drifted down to her, the tone slightly irritable, as usual. "What?"

"Come on down here, sweetie. You haven't done your homework yet."

He muttered something she couldn't decipher.

"Right now," she said. "Come on."

Mark walked slowly by on his way to the living room, with Abby tottering in the lead. Keely smiled and followed them in, leaning against the archway. The living room also had French doors at the end, leading to the patio. "We'd better close those doors, honey. I don't want Abby getting out there."

"Don't worry," he said. "I've got my eye on her." Mark sat down on the floor in his suit pants and let Abby clamber on top of him, pretending she knocked him over onto the oriental rug. "Oh, you're strong," he told her. So she did it again.

"Your pants will be ruined," Keely chided him gently.